Savaged Dreams: Savaged Illusions Trilogy Book 1

by Jennifer Lyon

  For years and years, she’d stayed quiet, done what she was told, never had friends and didn’t go out. Her only escapes were gardening, eating candy and writing her books. And it wasn’t enough. She fought a wave of choking anger. “What does that mean?”

  “Quit the show, and end this thing with that musician. Your quarter is almost over, and you can come home for the summer.”

  “And if I don’t? If I keep seeing him?”

  “I’m not going to watch you destroy yourself. You can come home when you end it.”

  She squeezed the phone, desperate. “I care about him. He’s different. I’ve never felt this way for anyone.”

  “You’ve only known him a few weeks. You’ve known us for years.”

  That was true. But they made her feel like she had to hide, had to pay a penance for the rest of her life. While Justice made her feel like it was okay to talk about the rape and be herself. He made her feel sexy, safe and strong enough to live with the truth instead of hiding a secret.

  “You’re making me choose? My family or my boyfriend? All these years, I did everything you asked, tried to be good…” She’d found something amazing. Who else would hold her in the middle of the night and sing to her?

  “I’m not going to debate this. He’s not good for you. Look what’s happened already. There are crazies out there. Don’t forget the threats we got when you testified.”

  “What am I supposed to do, Mari? Live in fear forever? Hide?” She swallowed, struggling to find a way to make her aunt understand.

  “Be responsible, quit that job and the guy, or don’t come home.”

  Liza yanked the phone from her ear and saw the call had ended. Her aunt had hung up on her.

  Silencing her again.

  Liza threw the phone on the bed.

  * * *

  Justice stood on the side of the living room, flipping channels on the TV. Ben and Emily sat on the couch, equally tense. All the morning news and gossip shows were covering the story.

  “I remember when all this happened,” Em said. “I didn’t know her then. It was all about Hayes. Did he or didn’t he? Was this girl trying to ruin him? What kind of family let a girl go to a rock star’s house at that age?” She tossed her uneaten donut on the napkin on the table. “Then I met Liza, and she told me who she was.” She looked at Ben next to her. “I was one of them. Talking about her like she wasn’t a real person.”

  “I didn’t know that our Liza was that girl. Not until last night.” Ben rubbed his hand over his chin. “It’s still hard to believe. Liza’s just Liza.”

  Justice paused his channel-surfing to study Emily. “You never told him?”

  She shook her head. “Not that, no. It was too hard for her. She told me who she was, but not much more. She can’t talk about it. That’s how I knew you were different. She told you.”

  The weight of Liza’s trust settled on him. She’d given him a real part of herself almost from the start. But hadn’t he done the same by telling her about his screwed-up family, and why he was keeping this house?

  “I want to hear this.” Emily leaned forward, her eyes on the TV.

  Justice shifted his attention to a national morning news show. The show’s anchor asked, “What reason could Gene Hayes have for releasing that video? Is he trying to get a new trial?”

  The camera swung to a well-dressed woman. “It’s possible. Hayes was tried in absentia. That’s a fairly rare occurrence with strict legal standards.”

  “You’re a criminal attorney who’s tried many high-profile cases. Can you explain what trial in absentia means?”

  “Of course. It means that the trial was held without the defendant in the courtroom. In the case of Hayes, he was there the first couple weeks. At that point, there was a general feeling that he’d get off, or a slap on the wrist. Then the victim—”

  The anchor cut in. “Gene Hayes revealed her identity, but our practice is to protect the names of sexual abuse victims. The media outlets usually called her Girl X.”

  The expert nodded. “Girl X testified, and she was powerful. I was in the courtroom those two days they had her on the stand.”

  “The media was blocked from the courtroom, correct?”

  “Yes. No cameras or audio at all. Sketch artists were strictly instructed to not show her. The judge protected her identity, and she was very serious about it.” The legal expert added, “Her testimony ended Friday. Monday morning the defendant, Gene Hayes, didn’t show up. After that, it was quickly discovered he’d fled the country. The judge continued the trial without Mr. Hayes, thereby trying him in absentia. The jury handed down several convictions, and he was sentenced to twenty-five years.”

  “Do you really think it’s possible to get it overturned?”

  “If lawyers file it, it’s possible he could get that conviction vacated and a new trial ordered. Gene Hayes was extremely famous, his trial as big and divisive as O.J. Simpson’s murder trial. Many people believe Hayes was innocent, that the real culprits, the victim’s father and mother, were punished. Her father’s dead, her mother in prison for his murder. Hayes’s defenders believe it was a blackmail plot gone bad and Girl X was in on it.”

  “What would be different this time if he had a new trial?”

  The lawyer looked into the camera. “They have the same physical evidence from the first trial, but it was Girl X herself, I think she was fifteen at the time of the trial, who made it all real to the jury. If Mr. Hayes were to be retried now, I’m not sure the adult version of that girl would have the same impact. Especially if they ruin her image in the media beforehand, thereby swaying potential jurors’ opinions. She may not even want to testify again.”

  “So essentially, Hayes’s strategy is blaming the victim?”

  The professional-lawyer demeanor cracked, and the woman leaned forward. “That would be my guess, and it’s disgusting. But unfortunately, it works. Once juries dehumanize or objectify the victim, see her as less than a good girl, some—not all—but some are willing to believe they brought it on themselves.” She compressed her mouth then added, “Blaming the victim and smearing her reputation is an effective strategy, especially now that she’s an adult.”

  “That’s what that picture was about.”

  Justice jerked his gaze to Liza. She stood in the hallway, her hair waving madly around her, wearing a T-shirt and yoga pants.

  She stared at him. “They’re trying to prove I’m a groupie whore and was part of some blackmail scheme.”

  Emily jumped up, but Liza ignored her, storming into the kitchen.

  Justice spun around and followed her.

  “Em, stay here,” Ben said.

  Justice paused in the doorway.

  Beth grabbed a cup, clunked it down on the counter and poured in coffee. Anger vibrated off her.

  “What happened?” He had an idea, but he wanted to hear it from her.

  She thunked the coffeepot back on the warmer. “When is it going to end, Justice? How long do I have to pay for one mistake? One.” She opened a drawer and grabbed a spoon. Dumping sugar in her coffee, she stirred hard enough to slosh out some liquid. “The DA, lawyers and the counselors all promised it would be over once I testified. But it wasn’t. He ran, and I’m left here facing the judgment.”

  He’d seen her pissed but this… Her tight, jerky movements indicated she was fighting hard not to completely explode. Last night she’d needed comfort from him, but today? His girl was ready to fight. What had she told him in the shower the night the beer had been spilled on her? I don’t lose my temper. I readjust my expectations. That was about to change. She’d been holding this in too long.

  “Beth, did you argue with your aunt?” Justice asked. Emily said she was talking to her aunt on the phone.

  She spun, the spoon flying out of her hand and hitting the floor to dance across the linoleum. “It’s never enough. I tried. I did everything they wanted. I got caught up in school, then I excelled and got straight A’s. I won a sc
holarship, a full ride.” She slapped her hand on the counter. “I didn’t date, didn’t drink, I didn’t go out. I didn’t even have friends. I was good so they wouldn’t send me away. I cut, but I stopped to protect them from social services.”

  Her rage collided with the pain in her eyes, and it fucking killed him.

  “Beth.” He started toward her.

  “No. It’s not enough. Mari told me not to come home.”

  Justice froze, his chest going hollow. “Your aunt told you that?”

  “If I don’t quit Court of Rock and drop you, they won’t let me come home.” She turned away, staring down at the counter. “I don’t have a home.”

  Jesus Christ. He heard Ben and Emily talking, Em’s voice rising and Ben trying to calm her, but he didn’t give a shit about them right now. What the hell should he say to Beth?

  “I have to be out of my apartment soon,” Beth added, worry heavy in her tone. “If I don’t get that internship…”

  He didn’t know what to do. “Do you want to go home?”

  She twisted her head, her long hair flying around her. “No. I don’t. I’m so damned tired of the judgment. The silence.” Her back expanded beneath the shirt, and she added, “I just want them to love me. Is that so hard? I told them I really like you, but that’s not enough.”

  He started toward her.

  “They want me to hate my mother and to blame her. But I don’t.” Her green eyes darkened. “I hate my dad and Gene Hayes. They cooked up that sick scheme. I saw my dad maybe a couple times a year, and for whatever reason, he showed up on my fourteenth birthday. Starts this story about how he’s going to be in Gene Hayes’s band. My mother laughed in his face.”

  Justice wanted her to be able to talk and let her anger out with him, but— “Uh, Beth, do you know Emily and Ben are still here?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “So? Am I supposed to keep it all quiet, Justice? Not talk about it? Will it embarrass you that your girlfriend was so stupid? Slutty?”

  Oh he was so done. The gloves were off. He closed the distance between them and glared down at her. “You want to scream at me, go right ahead. But don’t call yourself names, Liza.”

  Fire lit in her eyes, and color stamped a blaze across her cheeks. “Or what? You’ll throw me out of the house? Out of your life? Talk about me in the media? What will you do, Justice? Huh?”

  Somewhere in his brain, it registered that she wasn’t afraid of him physically. Amazing. For having been hurt by a man, that was incredible and showed him just how strong this girl was. A survivor. “I’ll get right back in your face and tell you that my girlfriend can be as pissed off as she wants, but she can’t call herself names. It makes me mad, baby. Seriously fucking mad.”

  “I’m mad too.”

  “I’m not blind or deaf. I’m right here, witnessing you getting real, telling the truth. You have every right to be mad. You don’t deserve this, Beth. Not that rapist asshole spreading lies, not the media shitstorm, and you sure as hell don’t deserve your family giving you an ultimatum. If you don’t care that Ben and Emily hear, then I don’t. Tell me.”

  Beth had lived in fear of losing the only family she had left, so she’d bottled up everything to become the perfect good girl. Now that bottle was cracking, the real Beth coming out, spreading her wings to show the world her true colors.

  She didn’t even glance toward the living room. Nope, Beth’s eyes were on him, her chest rising and falling. “My dad always had this story, this scheme to be in some great band or something. But when my dad asked me if I wanted to meet Hayes, maybe be in a music video, my mom lost it. Screaming no way, not a chance. Later, my dad told me she was jealous, that she’d always tried to keep me from him, and that I was growing up into a beautiful girl while she was growing old. I wanted to believe him and to be in that music video. Then I’d be somebody. Anyway, he told me he’d come pick me up when my mom was at work and introduce me to Hayes. Told me to wear something sexy and impress the man.”

  It took everything Justice had to stay still and quiet. Beth needed to tell this her own way, and his job was to listen.

  She waited a beat, but when he didn’t say anything, she went on. “I told you my mom and I fought. She told me no way in hell was I going. Hayes was a known pervert—her words. She wasn’t letting her daughter near him. I yelled back all kinds of things I regret.”

  He winced, unable to contain it. He knew what that felt like. The things that flew out of your mouth at that age.

  She leaned back, gripping the counter behind her, and looked up at the ceiling. “She went to work, and I dressed exactly like Hayes described. Short shorts, a crop top. My dad picked me up. We arrived, music played, a few people mingled, drugs were everywhere, and guests were already getting stoned. The place was huge, like that penthouse we went to the other night. We walked around, and finally we were told to meet Hayes in his bedroom.”

  She met his gaze. “I got nervous. I told my dad, but he said to grow up. Hayes wanted to talk to me about his music video, and he couldn’t do that in front of other people. So we both went in there, and Hayes was in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else. The room was massive, bigger than the whole trailer my mom and I lived in. We sat on these couches, and Hayes asked me if I wanted to be in his video. I said sure, while being secretly pleased that my mom was wrong. He went to the bar in his room, turned on the blender, then poured pink, slushy stuff in a glass. He held it out and told me it was a strawberry margarita.” Liza shivered. “I hesitated, growing more uneasy.

  “My dad leaned over and said, ‘Elizabeth, don’t be rude. Do you want to ruin this for both of us?’ So I took the drink and sipped it. They kept encouraging me to drink more. Soon I felt strange and really scared. That’s when I told my dad that I wanted to go home. He said he’d take me home as soon as I finished the drink. So I did.

  “But I realized my dad was gone. When had he walked out of the room? I was confused and really frightened. Hayes smiled, said we were all alone…and all I thought then was my mom had been right after all. I remember thinking I needed to call her, but…that’s when I went blank. I don’t remember anything after that.

  “The tape of me calling my mom—my voice is slurred and I’m crying. She asked where Hayes was, and I said bathroom. I must have managed to use my phone to call her, but I don’t remember it. I don’t remember anything until later in the hospital.”

  Rage beat a harsh thump inside his head. Justice tried to breathe past it, but his muscles twitched and burned. Unable to contain himself, he swung around and slapped his hands on the cool refrigerator.

  It didn’t help. He had to hit something. Doubling up his fist, he pulled it back, aiming for the fridge—

  “Justice, no!” Beth grabbed his arm. “You’ll break your hand. It’s already bruised from the fight with Jagged Sin. What are you doing?”

  Her frantic voice pierced some of his fury. He dragged in air, trying to calm the violence thundering in his blood with the drive to find Hayes and kill him. “He got away with it. He raped you and got away with it. Did your aunt and uncle try to find where that bastard is hiding? Did they do anything? Maybe try to getting a civil judgment against his remaining assets for you?”

  Her fingers dug into his forearm. “They couldn’t bear another trial.”

  “They couldn’t. Jesus Christ, Beth, you’re the victim. Not them.” He was so furious, it actually hurt as if a probe were shocking his nerve endings. “They didn’t protect you, they protected themselves.” Twisting around, he pulled her against him, desperate to feel her safe and warm in his arms.

  She tilted her head back. “You’re shaking.”

  Her sweet concern softened his temper. “Part of it is that I want to kill Hayes. Then I want to go meet your mom and high-five her for shooting your dad.”

  “And the other part?”

  He hated himself for it, but she deserved to know the truth. “In a way, I’m as bad as your aunt and uncle. It’s my fault Hayes found
you. You warned me that something like this could happen, but in the IRB interview, I didn’t think about what it might cost you to join in. It was an unforgivably stupid and selfish action. And now you’re paying the price. Not only dealing with that pervert coward showing up on video and stirring up the worst nightmare of your life, but now you’re forced to choose between dating me or your family.”

  Which choice would she make?

  Chapter 16

  The boiling fury inside Liza deflated. Once the adrenaline rush settled, her chest ached with sadness and fear.

  Her aunt was really forcing her to choose. Did her family even want her around at all? Or would they be relieved to be rid of her? What about her cousins, Kristen and Rafe? They were more like her siblings than cousins. How could she bear not seeing them?

  Her eyes stung, and Liza dropped her forehead against Justice’s chest. “What do I do?” She squeezed her eyes shut. “You were right when we fought in my apartment. I’m a coward and desperately tried to hold on to something safe.” But it wasn’t safe, it was tearing her up that she meant so little to her aunt. And that her cousins would be hurt in this too.

  He settled his hand over the back of her head. “I should never have said that. You stood up to that bastard in the courtroom and told the truth at fifteen years old. I can’t think of anything more courageous than that. But you didn’t stop there. You kept surviving, and now you’re this amazing woman in my kitchen forced into an unbearable decision. One that I could have prevented if I’d taken more care with your privacy during the interview. I regret that so much. And not just because it might cost me you, but because you don’t deserve any of this.”

  His chest vibrated against her face, his hand on her head warm and sweet. It tore her up to feel his caring and comfort. He always offered it freely and never made her feel like a burden.