Permanent Passenger: My Life on a Cruise Ship

by Micha Berman

  My biggest catch of all and one that would eventually land me a job came from a Miami friend named Lisa who I had met several years ago traveling through Europe. Early in my job search I called Lisa to let her know the exciting news that I was probably heading down to Miami to work on a cruise ship. "Oh really, my mother went to high school with the Vice President of one of the large cruise lines down here," she said casually. I could have screamed. Was I hearing this right? I gently prodded not wanting to reveal my excitement about this amazing contact. It turned out her mother was still chummy with the Vice President of Carnival Cruise Lines and went on cruises all the time. A couple of calls later and an interview was set up.

  I knew my search was taking off when I received a call from the head of Human Resources at Royal Caribbean begging me to stop doing whatever I was doing. "I don't know what you're doing but I have received seven of your resumés in the past week," he moaned."That's great," I replied. "No, I don't think you understand, you must stop sending them." He was actually pleading for me to stop! He promised an interview and I promised I would call off the barrage of resumés filling his "in" basket.

  After two months of hard work I had gotten commitments from almost all of the major cruise lines for interviews including Costa Cruise Lines, Carnival, Royal Caribbean, Premier Cruise Lines. I started visualizing my trip to Miami. But my frustration had ballooned with Celebrity Cruise Lines where I had been unable to reach the Entertainment Director. Days before I was to leave for Miami I decided to call Jack, my original contact from Merrill Lynch, and asked him to make a few phone calls. He told me he would work on it for me and in less than thirty minutes I received a call in my room from the Entertainment Director herself asking me when I would be available for a meeting. I was in heaven. Miami seemed closer than ever. I bought the ticket, packed my bags, and boarded a plane for the land of beaches and palm trees.

  I viewed my trip to Miami as a military operation. Eight interviews in a matter of six days. My plan of attack was quick and precise. I would enter the Entertainment Director's office and in a matter of fifteen minutes convince them I had been preparing for a cruise staff position my whole life. I decided to leave the tanks at home and instead my main source of transport became a Hertz Rent-a-Car. I was fortunate to have a free place to stay thanks to the hospitality of a fraternity alumni. Barry contacted me several weeks before I left for Miami and explained he was a chiropractor who worked close to 70 hours a week. Never at home, he invited me to stay for as long as I desired. When I met him for the first time I have to admit I was a bit worried. After all he was a single man in his fifties. Was he expecting anything from me? Still recovering from Dr. Crown I wondered whether I would end up hanging upside down like a sausage in his closet. After a day or two I couldn't express my appreciation enough for the way he treated me.

  I landed in Miami with a secret weapon--preparation. After all I had been studying the cruise line industry for close to a year. As the interviews drew closer I was surprised to feel little nervousness; instead my body was at its bursting point with explosive anticipation. Before my trip I sat for hours thinking of any possible questions I could be asked, scouring every possible job interview book I could get my hands on. I accumulated pages and pages of possible questions and proceeded to answer all of them, covering the spectrum from the simplest, "Why do you want this job," to the more complex, "Tell me a story."

  I was to control each interview and if anyone was going to ask questions it should certainly be me. In many ways I was interviewing the cruise lines. I knew I was the right person for the job, but the question remained, was the cruise line right for me? I would come into each office with a prepared speech, always beginning the meeting with a laugh. "It is no accident I am sitting here today," I stated with confidence at the beginning of each interview. I explained the measures I had gone to in researching the job and the industry. I went on"This job is nothing new for me. I have been doing it my whole life." I often compared my dorm to a cruise ship without the water.

  I created a folder for each cruise line with articles and facts so I could brief myself before each interview. This allowed me to ask educated questions. I made a point to read a cruise line magazine up to the moment of my interview. I concluded my interviews by presenting the entertainment director with a short pamphlet I had written called "Cruise Creations" which was filled with my ideas for new cruise ship activities. One of my favorites was a movie night in the pool where passengers would lie on rafts and watch "Jaws" on a big screen. I also suggested peanut butter sculpture competitions and honeymoon body painting workshops. I always slyly added," I'd love to show you more some other time."

  Arriving fifteen minutes early at my first interview, I slipped into the bathroom. From my pocket I pulled out my toothbrush and toothpaste. Call it a fixation or obsession but I always liked to know my breath was fresh before I walked into these interviews; it became my little ritual. Sitting in the waiting room I marveled at the showcases with miniature cruise ships. I had finally made it to the offices and in a matter of minutes I would be talking to a real live entertainment director. A young woman stepped out of the hall. "Micha Berman, Miss Young is ready to see you." I slowly followed the secretary down a sunny corridor of offices, every so often peeking in the rooms I was passing to see the palm trees of Miami through the windows. Finally I arrived at a large office and took a step into the room. I was caught off guard by the sight of a stunningly beautiful tanned woman in her forties who greeted me with a firm handshake and offered me a seat. Judging by the absence of any minuscule ounce of body fat on her body, I was sure Miss Young had already lifted weights, swam in the ocean, and sipped her five glasses of orange juice before our meeting. "So you're the one I had to call, huh?" Her voice did not seem pleasant, in fact she seemed angry and resentful. Who was I fooling, she was pissed.

  My first interview was getting off to a rocky start.This Entertainment Director, now just a foot away from me, had been forced to call me and set up an interview after I had used my contacts to the Vice President of the company. Unhappy about having to meet me under duress, she bluntly stated her displeasure, which quickly sent me into a panic. "Calm down," I reminded myself as I wiped the cold sweat, which had begun its slow and painful trip down my forehead. My body temperature was on the rise, but my preparation paid off and I was able to eventually slip into my rehearsed routine. I apologized for my aggressive behavior but explained it was the only way to get in the door."Surely you understand how tough this business is and I did not see any other way of getting a meeting," I pleaded. After a couple more minutes of groveling she began to lighten up and the interview actually began to go quite well. We were getting along and by the time it came to leaving she was smiling and seemed very enthusiastic about my chances. I shook her hand and walked briskly down the corridor and into the elevators. It was done and although it looked shaky at first, I could consider my first interview a success. Except for Royal Caribbean, where my interview was delayed so many times, I ended up sleeping in my car for four hours before I could meet with the Entertainment Director, the interviews went quite well.

  My round of interviews were over. I had left a piece of my heart in each office and all that was left was an exhausted soldier. Graduation was approaching and still no word. I kept hearing the question, "Have you got a job yet?" Despite all the complexities of my search, my only answer was "no." I was the superhero of job searches, but what it really came down to was that I had not landed anything yet and it was beginning to look like I might have to turn in my cape. I doggedly tried to follow up with the Entertainment Directors, but no one answered my calls. At times I felt too tired or frustrated to even pick up the phone. To spice up this monotonous task I often made the requisite calls in my underwear while standing on my kitchen table.

  Graduation came and went and still no job offer. I began thinking about that machine gun again. I had become a job search zombie hypnotized by rejection. In moments of desperation I though
t about actually taking a cruise and cornering the cruise director for a job. Entering my tiny apartment seemed no different that Friday than it had been all year, but as I walked towards my bed the red blinking light of the answering machine caught my attention. I pushed the play button and collapsed on the sofa expecting to hear the usual frustrating hang-ups that so many of my friends had tortured me with over the years. All of a sudden a voice I did not recognize was speaking to me. I listened as the Entertainment Director of Carnival, one of the largest cruise lines in the world, offered me a position."Please call back as soon as you can," said this stranger who was soon to become my boss. I had landed a dream job. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" I screamed to an empty room as I pounded on the walls. Months and months of frustration washed away as I laughed, yelled, and jumped up and down in my little dorm room. In less than seven days I would board a plane out of Washington D.C. and fly to Miami to join the crew of a 70,000 ton Carnival cruise ship as one of only two Assistant Cruise Directors.

  Within days I received offers from Celebrity Cruise Lines and Costa Cruise Lines.As a young single male with an abnormally high hormone level I made an educated decision and went with the "party" cruise line, Carnival. After making my mind up, I had a strange sensation; I was becoming nervous. It was as if I had never accepted the reality of working on a cruise ship. Where would I do my laundry? Would I have my own room? Where would I keep my money? Could I actually live on the ship without puking my brains out? It all seemed too much to handle and the whole affair was beginning to depress me. Would I really be able to handle the pressure of living on a ship? Most of my anxiety came from the simple fact that I had no real idea what a cruise ship looked like and what awaited me. I had prepared as well as I could but unless one has cruised it is impossible to predict what cruise life will be like. The Entertainment Director provided me with few details except my basic salary and to bring white dress pants, a blue blazer and black dress shoes. I imagined arriving at the dock and a man emerging from a compartment of the ship, climbing up a ladder, peeking his head out and motioning me to come in. I later realized I was envisioning a submarine, but this gives an idea of how muddled my state of mind really was during this time.

  Finally it was just me, a good friend, Jeff and my family sitting together at the airport terminal waiting for the plane bound for Miami. I was like a little kid going to summer camp, tears streaming down my face. So many emotions and uncertainties overwhelmed me."Flight 749 to Miami, Florida now boarding," echoed across the airport. There was no turning back. I waved good-bye and walked briskly down the corridor trying to escape the pain of the moment. Wiping the final tears from my eyes, I sat in my seat and looked out the window. Sitting across from me I noticed a young woman who seemed to be experiencing many of my same emotions. Our eyes met and as if I had entered the Twilight Zone, she whispered my name. Tall and slender with dark skin, this woman was a Filipino version of Betty Boop. It turned out she was the new production singer on the same cruise ship I was to work on and had been tipped off by the Entertainment Director that I would be aboard her flight. Lost in conversation, the city of Miami approached quickly. We stepped out to the street, hailed a cab and headed to the hotel the cruise line had set us up with. That evening both of us shared a similar restlessness as we anticipated the excitement of the morning. We stayed up late looking at pictures of our friends and family and ordering room service. I had met my first friend on the cruise ship, Charla. In the morning we were to take our first cruise. Little did I know by the time my cruise adventure would end I would have taken over fifty cruises covering the entire Caribbean, swam with hundreds of stingrays, and kissed passionately under the moonlight.

  Crazy Cruise Trivia

  Did you know?

  Typical food intake on the Explorer of the Seas,

  one of Royal Caribbean's largest cruise ships, includes:

  Ribs: 1,600 pounds

  Chicken: 3,000 pounds

  Striploin 2,500 pounds

  Shrimp 1,500 pounds

  Eggs 40,000

  Beer 20,000 cans

  Soda 9,000 cans

  Liquor 1,000 bottles

  Fresh Vegetables 5,000 pounds

  Wine 5,000 bottles

  Chapter 2 Love at First Sight

  I was off to meet the cruise ship. This was a blind date I would never forget and one I could never really prepare for. Driving through the port that morning I fixated on the fleet of cruise ships, each shining in the sun with their unique multicolored logo. My heartbeat quickened with the sighting of each new vessel, each one signaling that my destiny was drawing closer. The ships were beasts, larger than anything I had seen before, draped by collections of bright colors exploding off their hulls like a trapeze artist. Before long I would be able to identify all of these ships merely by their signature contours from as far as a half mile away, but for now they were strangers, new and unfamiliar. The parking area in front of the fleet of cruise liners was a colony of bustling humanity, passengers moving in patterns of ants, some going up escalators with their baggage, others running after personnel, and many hugging and driving off in a puff. Some travelers had already starting gathering on the decks of the ships preparing for the famous "bon voyage," waving to the unfortunate who would remain on land. It was a cornucopia of noise, commotion and emotion. This was the front yard of my new home. Arriving at the proper gate I blinked in disbelief for this ship was even bigger than the others. I had finally arrived at my destination, Carnival Cruise Line's M.S. Ecstasy. I stood frozen, my eyes exploring every inch of this mammoth, my neck straining as I gazed straight up as I would to see the top of a skyscraper. The other ships in the harbor were sail boats compared to this cruise ship, which stood 13 stories high and looked more like an office building than a sea vessel. I looked back at the cab driver and in elated shock whispered to no one in particular"this thing is a whale, a big white whale." Its employees alone numbered over 800 and including passengers, this ship was a small floating city housing over 2900 people.

  I sneaked myself into the busy passenger terminal, up an elevator, down a narrow walkway and found myself standing at the center called the Atrium on the Empress Level of the bustling cruise ship. And again I was held in its mesmerizing grip. All I could see were walls of glass and bright neon lights enveloping me. My body was brimming with anticipation as I kept thinking, "this place is amazing." Long lines had already begun to form at the information desk where I could see young people in crisp white uniforms handing out keys to the anxious and excited vacationers. I could have been in the middle of a suburban shopping mall, luxury was not a prevailing mood, but rather a subdued tackiness. Several drab sofas filled the corners of the atrium with blaring television sets placed symmetrically between them, perched up high like in a hospital room. Glass elevators whizzed up and down transporting passengers to the pool area on the Lido deck. To describe the scene as futuristic would be an injustice to aliens of another species, rather it was mini-Vegas at sea with a dash of Willie Wonka thrown in.

  I was shown to the cruise director's office and greeted there by a man younger than I expected, who shook my hand and welcomed me in his clipped British accent. "We've been waiting for you," Gary said with a friendly smile. On the floor sat a pretty young woman in her early 20s named Sam, the other assistant cruise director. The cabin, spacious in design, appeared no different than a one-bedroom apartment, its shelves overflowed with liquor and bootleg videos. Gary had been on the ship for a while and had set up for himself a very cozy home with none of the glitter in the façade of the boat. Having begun as a bartender, Gary had worked his way up to one of the most desirable positions on the ship. He appeared friendly, charming, witty, supremely confident and a bit on the round side. His belly was hard to ignore, it had a life of its own sitting there, bouncing, and entertaining me with its somersaults and awkward motions. I could tell it was an old friend by the way Gary carried himself.

  All first timers on a cruise ship, or sea virgins as Gary li
ked to joke, go through an initiation phase, replete with good natured hazing and harmless ribbing about life on the ship. "Don't worry mate, you'll know this ship like the back of your hand," Gary assured me in a tone of devilish delight. I received a schedule of activities for the week and was told to be backstage for an introduction show at 10:30 p.m.. I quickly glanced at the schedule but was too fired up to actually focus on the information.

  I hurriedly left his cabin, eager to discover my new home.Wandering aimlessly around the ship, I was amazed at the sheer number of rooms and corridors. There seemed to be endless hallways with tacky blue carpeting as far as I could see as I traveled the length of the ship. Each turn greeted me with another sign and an arrow pointing to the disco or the swimming pool, the jacuzzi, or the day care center, the library, or the skeet shooting gallery. This ship had everything! Abruptly, the horn blew, signifying the ship was about to leave. It was a sound I had heard so many times on the Love Boat, and now it meant one thing--life was about to change and anyone you saw around you now was aboard for the adventure.