by Emma Hart
More laughter escapes him. “Yet here you are, talking to me. Hugging me.”
I jerk back, dropping my hands from his waist. “No I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” He pulls me right back. This time, he releases my neck and reaches out to push my hair from my face and tuck it behind my ear. “B, listen. If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine, but I’m going to. All right?”
I clear my throat. “Um, okay.”
“I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’ve had feelings for you for years,” he says quietly. “But I’ve had them long enough to know that doing something about them is a bad idea. Kissing you the other day was a horrible decision because I knew it would be awkward after. You’re my best friend, Brooke. The last thing I want to do is lose that relationship with you because I decided to do something stupid and act on things I shouldn’t have.”
I blink up at him and bite my tongue before I say, “Then let me go home. Tomorrow it’ll have never happened and everything will go back to normal.”
“But it won’t, will it?” He searches my gaze. “Because even if you pretend it didn’t happen, I won’t be able to. I won’t be able to forget how it feels to kiss you.”
“Cain—”
“I don’t want to forget what kissing you feels like.” He strokes his thumb over my cheek. “I’m not going to stop wanting to kiss you again. Hell, I’m probably going to do it again.”
“It’s a bad idea,” I say softly. “A very bad idea, Cain. We can forget it.”
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
He stares at me so intently my stomach flips.
“Okay, we can’t forget it.” I slump. “But we can move past it. It’s just kisses, right? No big deal. People kiss all the time.”
“True, but they don’t usually semi-admit to having feelings for their best friend for years.”
Ah…Shit.
I step back, forcing him to drop his arm from my waist. “I didn’t admit anything like that.”
“Yes, you did.”
He’s right. I did. Ugh.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say quickly. “The point is, it’s never mattered until now. Why does it have to matter now?”
“Because you’re avoiding me.”
“I’m not avoiding you.”
“Brooke, you’re avoiding me.” He scratches the back of his neck. “So we have to deal with this and we’re going to do it right now.”
“But I don’t want to.”
“I don’t care.”
“You’re mean.”
“Yep.”
“Ugh.” I walk back into the front room and perch on the back of the sofa.
Cain follows me silently, stretching his arms out in front of him.
I need to do this. This is the best chance I’ve ever had and ever will have. And…hey, he’s been honest. He’s right too. There’s obviously an issue here the size of a herd of woolly mammoths, so being honest is the best thing to do.
“Okay,” I say on an exhale. I look at my feet. If I’m being honest, I’m not looking at him. “I’m going to say this really fast.”
“Good. I’m bored of waiting for you now.”
I glare at him quickly, ignoring his smile, and turn my attention back to my feet. “I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. Carly knows. Actually, I think everyone but you knows and has for a while now. I never said anything because I couldn’t. That’s what Car meant when she said I’ve been screwed by my feelings. I’ve watched you date woman after woman and done nothing.”
“Why?”
“Because,” I say sadly, finally looking up. “I didn’t want to tell you and lose you. It was easier to ignore it and hurt than it would be to not have you around. But now you know and it’s awkward and we’re never going to be the same again.”
“Hot Mess…” He sighs and steps forward. He frames my face with his hands, looking down at me. “Maybe I don’t want it to be the same as it has been. Maybe I want a new normal.”
“And when it goes wrong?”
“Who says it’ll go wrong?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Cain, it’s me. Of course it’s going to go wrong. I’m a disaster of epic proportions. Hell, you actually call me Hot Mess. That’s pretty damning.”
“Yeah, but if we try a new normal, you won’t be just a hot mess. You’d be my hot mess.”
My heart flip-flops at that. “I don’t want to lose you.” A lump forms in my throat, and I blink hard. “Don’t you get that? There’s no way out of this that means I get to keep you in my life.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He steps closer to me, nudging his way between my knees. “Don’t you get that? You’ll always be my best friend. Nothing will ever change that.”
“But it will. If we run with this and it doesn’t work, there’s no going back.”
“There’s already no going back.” He dips his face close to mine. “Our friendship is never going to be the same again, B. You have to accept that. Pretending that we never kissed or had this conversation tomorrow isn’t going to make me stop suddenly wanting you.”
“I don’t even understand why you do.” I sniff. “You’ve seen me do some really stupid stuff.”
He raises his eyebrows and half-smiles. “Yeah, and I want you anyway. That either makes me a saint or crazy.”
“Both. Definitely both.” I smile back. “I just…I’m scared.”
“I am too.” He drops his hands down to my neck, his thumbs brushing against my jaw. “Shit, B. I’m scared of this. But I think I want you more.”
“I want you to do it properly.”
“Do what?”
“Date me,” I say slowly. “What, you think that just because you’re my best friend you don’t have to do that? Um, no. If you want to do this, you have to do it right.”
“Right…”
“I mean it. Proper dates. I want dinners and dancing and movies and gentlemanly…stuff.”
“Gentlemanly stuff.” His lips pull up the the side. “What is that exactly?”
“Um.” I pause. “I’m not entirely sure right now.”
He looks at me for a second before he bursts out laughing. He steps back, dropping his head, laughing all the time. “I don’t even know how to respond to that.”
I shrug a shoulder. “You should know I’m hard to please. Step up your game, Cain Elliott.”
“You really are crazy, aren’t you?”
For the first time in hours, I grin.
“So, gentlemanly stuff. Does that mean I can’t kiss you again until I’ve bought you dinner?”
“Bought me dinner? You mean ordered it to my apartment, right? Don’t try that fancy-schmancy shit where I have to shave my legs and wear real clothes.”
“Noted.” He steps back into me, a playful smile on his lips. “If I promise to order dinner to your apartment for our first date, can I kiss you again?”
I smile, and before he can do anything, I do. I stand up, grab his shirt, and press my lips to his.
He smiles against my mouth and wraps his arms around me.
“Um, guys?” Carly’s muffled voice comes through the door, and she knocks lightly three times. “Cain, your mom wants to do the fireworks now. Marcus wants to take the kids home because they’re getting tired, but they don’t want to miss them.”
“No worries. Tell her to go ahead. We won’t miss them.”
“Uh, okay. Are you…is everything okay?”
“Yes,” I answer. “Quick, go, because Danny is a little shit when he’s tired and is probably driving everyone crazy.”
“Gotcha.”
The sound of her footprints leading away from the door slowly peter out.
“Come with me.” Cain stops. “Wait, put some shoes on first.”
“Good thinking.” I tap his chest and run into the spare bedroom where my shoes are. I slip the ballet flats on and come back out.
Cain’s standing in the kitchen with a wine bottle in his hand. “Is it ungentlemanl
y if I don’t drink this shit?” he asks, turning around to face me.
“Given that’s my favorite wine, I’m going to go with letting me have it all is the ultimate gentleman move.” I grin, take it from him, and pull down a wine glass.
“So your idea of gentlemanly is different to every other woman I’ve dated in my entire life.”
“I should think that by now, you’d know I’m nothing like most other women.” I put the bottle down and pick up my glass. “Now let’s go see fireworks before your mom loses her mind. And my sister loses hers.”
Cain picks up a beer bottle and walks toward the front door. There’s a mischievous glint in his eye, and the curl of his lips reflects that. “Follow me.”
“Uh…okay.”
I do as he says. He doesn’t lock the apartment door behind him, but he does step in front of me and turn toward the door to the house instead of the one to the outside. I frown, but I follow him through it and toward the attic.
“Oh my god. Are we watching from the roof?”
Cain, halfway up the stairs, looks at me over his shoulder with a big smile on his face. “We are.”
“You said to Carly—” That we wouldn’t miss them. Oh my. “But why the roof?”
He turns the key in the door. Then he opens it and holds it for me.
“Very gentlemanly,” I quip, stepping out past him onto the roof.
“Ha.” He snorts and shuts the door. “And the roof because I know Dad has all the fireworks set up right at the end of the yard. We’ll have the best view up here.”
“But…why?”
“Shit, you’re full of questions, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” I sit down and cross my legs. I hold my wine glass in my lap as he sits next to me. “So why?”
He shrugs a shoulder and puts the beer down. His leg brushes mine. “Because you like fireworks and I’m calling this an impromptu first date?”
“This can’t be a first date. There’s no pizza.”
“Is that a requirement for a first date?”
I raise my eyebrows. “For me it is.”
“Of course.” He smirks. “Pre-first date, then.”
I nod. “That wor—oh holy fuck!” I jump as a loud bang slices through the air followed by an ear-splitting crackle right above our heads. I fall sideways into Cain as the sparks from the firework fall down and disappear into thin air.
He laughs, wrapping one arm around me. “You really are a hot mess, aren’t you?”
I sigh, plastered against his side. “It scared me.”
“Easy to do.”
“For a pre-first date, you’re not being very nice to me.”
“Have you ever dated anyone longer than a month who has been nice to you on a first date?”
“I’m not sure I’ve dated anyone longer than a month for three years regardless of the first date, actually.” I pause, frowning slightly. “Nope, definitely not.” I pause for the second time. “I now realize that makes me kind of a slut for putting out so quickly.”
Cain opens his mouth to—hopefully—argue that point, then stops himself. His expression says he agrees with me. I’d hate him if I didn’t know it to be true. Or, you know. Love him.
“Or that makes you really, really fun to date,” he offers.
“You think I’m a slut, don’t you?”
“That depends. Do I have to wait longer than a month for you to be naked in my bed?”
“You know,” I say slowly, only jumping a teeny bit at the next firework. “I’ve actually thought about having sex with you a lot—”
He grins and interrupts, “Keep talking.”
“—But talking about it is kinda weird. Can we not? I’d rather an impromptu fuckfest.”
“An impromptu fuckfest.” He looks at me, desperately attempting to keep a straight face if the way his mouth is twitching is any indication. “Can I quote you on that when said fuckfest happens?”
My cheeks burn red hot. “Um, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
“I know. That’s what makes it great.”
“Cain? Shut up, or I’m going to demand fancy shit for the first date.”
“Hey, you can demand fancy shit if you want fancy shit. Most women do. They want to be wined and dined.”
“Is that dining courtesy of Dominos by any chance?”
“Never once have I ever been on a date consisting of Dominos.”
I turn into him and slap him on the chest. “Get ready, Elliott. Tomorrow night I’m going to show you the best first date ever.”
“Why? Will the fuckfest happen after that?”
“You’re obsessed with that comment, aren’t you?”
Slowly, he nods, looking me dead in the eye. “I’m male, B. And you’re hot. You mention fuckfest and I start thinking with this.” He points to his dick.
Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look.
I look.
I cough and look away. Lord, he’s hard. “Um, okay.”
His laugh tickles across my skin and he pulls me right into him. “Get used to it,” he says into my ear in a low voice.
“But it’s awkward,” I hiss back.
“B, we’re gonna be awkward no matter what we decide. But this awkward ends in an orgasm at some point and that’s better than the alternative.”
I hesitate. Well… “Still awkward.”
“Good thing that’s your middle name. Now sit down and shut up because Dad’s finished with his test runs.”
“I’m already sitting down.”
“Then just shut up.” He tugs me into his side, leaning us both back against the sloping roof behind us on the little balcony.
I do as I’m told, leaning into him. No sooner have I rested my glass on my thigh and my head on his shoulder than the first whee of a rocket screams through the air. It explodes in a burst of scarlet red and vivid blue, a stark contrast against the dark night sky.
For the second time tonight, I relax completely. And while we watch the fireworks, there’s no awkwardness. It’s all disappeared. Probably just for now, but I’ll take it.
Because oh my god, he wants me.
My focus shifts away from the fireworks and toward the man sitting next to me with his arm around me. Cain. My best friend. Who wants me. Who wouldn’t let me say no.
Cain wants me.
Cain. Wants. Me.
My stomach does a flip that’s a strange mix of nervousness and excitement. Can we make this work? Really? Is there any possible way to fix this situation so that it does work?
Why am I dissecting this right now? He’s here with me and he wants me. He said so. Unless…
“Cain?” I ask quietly, my voice almost entirely drowned out by the fireworks cracking and banging and booming in the sky.
“Yeah?”
“Is this…am I…is this just because you broke up with Nina? Is this a rebound thing?”
“What?” He shifts, relinquishing his grip on me a little as he does so. “You think that’s what this is?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, looking down.
“No.” He puts one finger beneath my chin and brings me back up so I’m eye-level with him. “I wanted you before I ever met her. You trust me, don’t you?”
I nod, beating down the uncertainty.
“Then trust me.” Now, he’s the one whispering. “Trust me that I mean it when I do this.”
He dips his face and presses his lips against mine before I can respond at all, kissing me for the fourth time today.
Not that I’m counting.
I rest my hand against his chest, gripping my glass tightly, my eyes shut, my heart thumping against my ribs.
And I feel that his is doing the same. Beating crazy fast, thundering against his chest, right beneath my palm.
He means it.
This is no rebound.
This is…real.
We manage to escape having to go back down to the party with a well-timed text to Carly that I’d had too much to drink and nee
ded to go to bed immediately.
So…perhaps it wasn’t a total lie, but I do hold a little resentment to the fact I was the excuse. Then again, we’d also made one other decision on the roof.
Tell no one but Carly.
Taking our friendship to the next level will be easier without the gossip train chugging along behind us. In such a small town it’s going to be nearly impossible, but the fact we’re so close will make it easier.
Apparently.
I don’t think so, but hey. I get a first date tomorrow with pizza in my sweatpants, so I’m not going to complain.
I slip into Cain’s spare room after one more gentle kiss and shut the bedroom door. Staying here at his place tonight might not be the greatest idea I’ve ever had, but it beats having to get a cab home.
I change quickly into my pajamas and pull a hair tie from my make-up bag. Perching on the edge of my bed, I braid my hair into one long plait before flicking it over my shoulder.
Tonight has been the craziest, most insane night of perhaps my entire life—except the one I was born. I imagine that’s insane, coming out of a vagina and all that.
I sigh heavily and climb into bed. The cold sheets are a welcome reprieve from the horribly humid air we’ve been in all night.
I click off the light from where I’m lying in bed and pull the sheets right up over me to beneath my chin. They clump in my hands, but I unwind my fingers from it and roll to the side.
My phone vibrates from its place on the nightstand.
I reach out and grab it. I wince at the brightness before quickly turning it down and unlocking it with my fingerprint. The new message is from Cain.
Cain: I can’t sleep.
Me: Why is that my problem?
Cain: Because you’re the reason.
Me: Just call me insomnia. I’m here all week.
Cain: Ugh…
Me: What? What did I do?
Cain: I don’t want it to be awkward. I feel bad that you feel bad. Fucking hell, B.
Me: It’s not my fault it’s awkward. You started this.
Cain: If you don’t shut up, I’m going to come in there and finish it.
Me: Please don’t kill me.
Cain: I don’t know how to reply to that.
I stare at my phone. Shall I? Can I? Um…
