The Bracelet (Everlasting Love)

by Karen Rose Smith

She would have to put it into words. Because of what had happened earlier, he wouldn’t push her.

  “I want you to make love to me. I want you to be with me all night and wake up with me in the morning. I want to make you breakfast. Can we do that?”

  He studied her face. “Are you sure?”

  “I love you so much, Brady. I want us both to have memories we’ll never forget.”

  Their next kiss changed everything. It was a man’s kiss that held nothing back. Where once the possessiveness of it might have frightened her, now it didn’t. It filled her with excitement and anticipation and joy. Returning his kiss, meeting each brush of his tongue with one of her own, she began unbuttoning his shirt. She slid her fingers into his chest hair.

  Brady’s groan was primal. As they undressed each other, Laura felt no embarrassment. She’d never seen a man naked before. Her eyes grew wide as he dropped his trousers and stepped out of his boxers.

  “I don’t want you to be scared, Laura. It’s just part of me that’s going to become part of you. The first time might hurt a little—”

  “The first time?”

  He smiled. “I hope you like it enough to do it again.”

  She wished she didn’t feel so innocent, so naive, so unsophisticated. She’d read books about having sex, but she had a feeling the real thing was going to be very different.

  With them both undressed, Brady wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her with him a few feet to the bed. They lay face-to-face and she noticed he was hard with arousal.

  He dragged his thumb over her cheek. “I want to touch you everywhere, but if anything I do makes you feel uncomfortable, or if you don’t like it, tell me.”

  She suspected nothing Brady did would make her feel uncomfortable. She was right.

  That night became the epitome of her dreams. That night she became a woman. That night she fell so deeply in love she knew it would never end. Brady touched her in so many ways. He caressed her. He inflamed her desperately. He awakened desire, chased away her loneliness and truly became the center of her world. She never imagined hands could express so much feeling. She never guessed kisses could become so soul deep that she’d burn with a passion that could consume her. Brady cherished her body as she curiously explored his. His mouth on her breast quickened the sensations in her womb. Expressing her pleasure, she murmured his name, surrounded his hot arousal with her hand and felt his pulse beat for her.

  After he slipped on a condom, she welcomed him, not sure what to expect. He said she’d feel pain and she did, but just a slice of it and then sensations so wonderful she wanted them to last forever. Brady thrust slowly at first, then faster. Joy rippled down her spine as she urged him deeper. Pleasure suddenly overtook her whole body and she shook from the aftermath of it. When Brady’s orgasm hit, she held him through his shudders and knew she could never let him go.

  That night, she knew if he didn’t come back from the war, she’d be destroyed.

  A nurse rushing into the lounge where Laura sat broke the movie of memories. The R.N. was obviously looking for someone. She nodded at Laura, then hustled away.

  With the remnants of her reminiscence still vaguely nudging her, Laura realized that in a way she had lost Brady to the Vietnam conflict. Because at his return, he was a changed man.

  Chapter 6

  The sun cast long shadows the following day as Laura drove into the garage and pressed the remote button to close the garage door behind her and Brady. There was still a news van parked at the curb. She didn’t know how they ferreted out their information. She just wished privacy could be what it used to be.

  “I wish we could make them leave, but we can’t. Not when they aren’t on our property.”

  “They’ll leave eventually,” Brady predicted. “Don’t pay any attention to them.”

  Glancing over at her husband, she thought he looked pale, as if each bump in the road while they’d driven home had cost him.

  “Are you okay?” It really was a stupid question. He’d had his chest pried in two, his heart stopped and now he had to figure out what his life meant again. What their life together meant. There were too many silences between them. Too many times they glanced away from each other instead of looking into each other’s hearts. Were they afraid of what they’d see?

  When he turned to her, his face was lined with fatigue. He still had dark circles under his eyes. She so wanted to do everything she could to help him get well. Not out of guilt, but because she loved him.

  “I’m fine,” Brady’s voice was strong with determination, as if willpower could make him well. He opened the car door.

  “I’ll come around and help you—”

  “Don’t,” he said tersely. “I’ll do this on my own steam.”

  She shouldn’t feel hurt by his attitude, but she did. He was acting as if he did blame her for his heart attack, no matter what he said.

  The door from the house into the garage flew open and Kat practically danced in. She embraced Brady carefully, but her voice was full of enthusiasm. “Welcome home, Dad.”

  Laura watched Brady hug their daughter, heard him say something that made the girl laugh. Laura wondered where Sean was and what kind of welcome he’d have.

  Snatching the bag of instructions and meds she’d received from the hospital, she followed behind Brady as he went up the two steps, halted, then walked down the hall past the mudroom. Even up until yesterday, he would grab for the oxygen after exertion. He was short of breath and had to use his spirometer to get the fluid out of his lungs. This walk through the kitchen and into the living room would tire him.

  To her surprise, when they reached the living room, a wide banner capped the doorway. It read Welcome Home, while helium balloons bobbed where they were taped around the door frame.

  Laura felt the past squeeze her heart. The banner, the balloons and Kat’s happy expectant face sent her back to the day Brady had returned home from his stint in the army. The day she’d thought their lives together were going to begin.

  Instead they’d almost ended.

  She’d been so excited. She’d helped Brady’s mother prepare the banner, tape up the streamers, attach the balloons. His parents had rented canopies for the backyard and invited family and friends for a welcome-home party. They expected Brady early in the afternoon and Laura had hoped that after the initial greeting with his family, they’d have a bit of time alone.

  There was so much to catch up on, so many kisses to give, so many hugs to take. She’d been afraid to admit she didn’t know Brady anymore. Two years could have made a huge difference in their lives. After basic training, they’d spent two idyllic nights together with his three-day pass. It had been like a honeymoon. She’d felt torn when he’d left again for the base, as well as when he’d called her before he’d left for Hawaii.

  Then he’d been sent to Vietnam.

  At first, his letters had been messages of how much he missed her, what conditions were like at their base camp, stories about how some of the soldiers had gotten to know a few South Vietnamese children. Then she’d received the letter about his first firefight, another letter relating how a buddy had been killed. The emotions behind his words had been heart-wrenching. She’d so wanted to put her arms around him and hold him tight, and did it in her dreams, praying he’d feel her love until he’d received her next letter.

  In the weeks that followed, his letters came frequently, telling her how much he missed her, how much their time together before he left seemed unreal and that he was holding on to it through the tough stretches. Then she hadn’t heard from him for six whole weeks and neither had his parents. They’d all been afraid he’d been injured or worse, but had received no information to verify that.

  Finally both she and his mother had gotten letters. Hers was different from previous ones—almost remote, short and to the point. He’d merely stated he’d been out on an operation and was sorry if she’d worried, but he couldn’t get a letter to her or his parents. Seven
more months in Nam to make up his year, then he’d be stationed elsewhere.

  He’d been sent to Fort Lewis in Washington State, but now, after two long years, he was coming home. He’d received a Bronze Star for valor and she was so proud of him. Yet deep in her soul, she knew they weren’t as close as they’d once been. Although she kept filling her letters with news of everything from work to the flower shop to how much she loved him, his had remained short and sporadic and different. She’d gotten a few phone calls from Fort Lewis, but those had been awkward and brief. He’d dissuaded both her and his parents from flying to Washington.

  Unable to help herself the day of Brady’s return, Laura had stood at the front picture window for much of the afternoon, watching for him. The party had been in full swing, in anticipation of the guest of honor’s homecoming, when a truck had parked in front of Brady’s childhood home and she’d caught sight of his profile in the passenger seat. She’d been scared that everything had changed between them and nothing would ever be the same.

  She’d been right.

  When Brady stepped out of the pickup, rounded it and stood looking at the house where he’d grown up, all the feelings Laura had ever had for him rushed through her. She ran out the front door, barely registering the fact that he wasn’t in his uniform but a casual chambray shirt, jeans and boots. He’d sent her a few pictures, so that his weight loss and the gauntness of his features didn’t throw her. But when she flung her arms around his neck, the expression on his face did.

  He dropped his duffel, and his arms went around her loosely, not in the tight embrace she desired. When she gazed into his eyes, they were the same blue but so very different. His lips were unsmiling, and she had the feeling he might push her away.

  “Brady?”

  He closed his eyes and the nerve in his jaw worked. He held her a little tighter. Looking at her again, he said, “You’re more beautiful than I remembered.”

  “I’ve missed you so much,” she responded, wanting to get them further than this, needing to connect with him as she once had.

  They didn’t have a chance to connect because at that moment his family and friends poured out the door and they were surrounded. He was being clapped on the back and his hand shaken. Although she was beside him, she felt so separate from him.

  That evening, Brady’s gaze didn’t leave her, whether they were across a crowded room, on opposite sides of the yard or nearby each other talking to his parents. Yet there was a wall between them so tangible that she could almost reach out and touch it. A remoteness surrounded him that didn’t invite a kiss or an embrace. Still, she saw longing in his eyes, the same longing that had made a home in her the two years he’d been gone.

  Maybe they just needed time together again. Maybe after the party everything would go back to the way it had been. She waited.

  Once the party was over, Laura found Brady outside, looking up at the sky. Coming up beside him, she asked tentatively, “Do you want to go back to my place?”

  His shoulders straightened. “That’s probably not a good idea tonight.”

  “Because you’re tired? We can just hold each other and sleep.” Didn’t he understand how much she loved him? Didn’t he understand how she’d waited for this moment for two long years? They had to get to know each other again.

  His expression was so sad it terrified her. “Give me a couple of days, okay? Coming back from Nam, getting out of the service, hasn’t been easy.”

  “You didn’t want to come home?”

  He rubbed his hand across his forehead and then looked up at the sky again. “Those stars are the same stars that shone on us over there. But, Laura, you were in a different world than I was.”

  An awful thought occurred to her—the reason he might be acting so removed. “Did you find somebody else?”

  His hands were on her shoulders then and holding her hard. “This isn’t about finding someone else. I’m not the same person I was two years ago. You don’t understand, but believe me, you don’t want to be with me right now.”

  Bitterness, anger and regret were evident in his voice. She didn’t comprehend those feelings or know what to do with them. She only knew how she felt.

  “Do you still love me?” she asked softly.

  He still didn’t answer her. Instead he asked her a question. “Remember the weekend before I left for basic? Remember when I kissed you and you pushed away?”

  “I remember.”

  “If I start kissing you, I won’t be able to stop for so many reasons you don’t want to count all of them. I need you, Laura, but that need isn’t based on love right now. It’s based on being without a woman way too long. It’s based on needing to know I’m alive. It’s based on wanting to bury the past, use sex to forget, use you to find a way out of what I’m feeling now. I can’t do that to you.”

  The intensity in Brady practically hummed. His vehemence almost shoved her away. But this was Brady, and she wasn’t going anywhere. She’d heard what the war had done to Luis, and she had to convince Brady she wasn’t the innocent she’d been when he left.

  “Jack said Luis came back pretty messed up,” she told him. “He won’t leave his apartment. He smokes pot. He drinks…and that’s his life.” Luis had been injured in action and received a medical discharge, but from the moment he’d arrived home, he’d isolated himself.

  “Tom is still MIA?”

  She nodded. “I don’t know what you went through, but I want to understand it, and I want to be with you.”

  Releasing her shoulders, he shook his head. “Go home, Laura. Just go home.”

  When she lifted her arm, her bracelet glittered in the moonlight. “Do you want me to forget we ever meant anything to each other?” That thought practically devastated her.

  The haunted look in his eyes tore at her. “Like I said, you don’t want to be with me.”

  “I do.”

  The symbolic words weren’t lost on either of them.

  At last Brady blew out a long breath. “Give me a few days. Maybe finally being home, things will be different.”

  She wanted desperately to know what those things were, but he obviously wasn’t going to tell her. If she gave him the space, she could lose him. If she didn’t, she could lose him.

  “What happens after a few days?” she couldn’t help asking.

  “After a few days, we’ll figure out what we do next.”

  There was an unassailable aura of control around Brady. She could imagine what decisions he’d had to make on a daily basis—life-and-death decisions. She could only imagine how much had been out of his control.

  Pictures she’d seen on TV flashed through her mind. Would Brady ever tell her what had happened to him?

  If he didn’t, she wasn’t sure they could find each other again.

  One of the balloons in the doorway bobbed against Laura’s arm, tugging her back to a homecoming she hoped would be very different from the last.

  Suddenly beside her, Sean asked worriedly, “How’s he doing?”

  “Coming home tired him out. After I fix lunch, we’ll have to give him peace for a while. Why don’t you tell him you’re glad he’s home.”

  They both noticed Kat fetch a pillow to help Brady settle in the recliner.

  “Kat already did that,” Sean remarked in a monotone.

  “I’m sure he’d like to hear it from you.”

  “Right.” Moving away from her, Sean warily approached his dad.

  She wanted to shout, Don’t be afraid to talk to him, Sean. Yet she couldn’t do that. She had to let them find their own way and that was so painful for her to watch.

  One hand in his pocket, Sean stood to the side of the recliner. “Mom said you’re thinking about turning one of the rooms in the basement into a gym.”

  Brady glanced at Laura. “I don’t start rehab for about five weeks. After that, I could use at least a treadmill here.”

  “I’ve been checking out machines on the Internet. There are good ones av
ailable for home use now.”

  To Laura’s relief, Brady responded with some enthusiasm. “Thanks for doing that. If you print out a list, in a few weeks we’ll check into it.”

  Sean shifted on his feet. “My graduation will be May twenty-fifth. About four and a half weeks. Think you’ll be able to come?”

  “I’ll make sure I’m there. I know how important that day is to you.” Brady’s answer sounded heartfelt.

  Sean ducked his head for a moment, then said in a low voice, “I’m glad you’re home.”

  Laura hadn’t realized she was holding her breath, but she had been. Maybe Sean’s almost losing Brady, Brady’s almost losing his life, would make a difference to them both. The next step would be for Brady and Sean to have a heart-to-heart about that article. But Brady had to get his strength back before he could do it.

  The doorbell rang. Two dings rather than a chime meant someone was at the back door. A neighbor? She doubted it. She thought about not answering the summons.

  But the doorbell dinged again.

  Sean crossed to her. “Do you want me to get it?”

  If it was a reporter, she was afraid Sean would be no match for him. “I’ll take care of it.”

  After hurrying to the kitchen, Laura opened the back door, hoping beyond hope she’d glimpse a friendly face.

  Two men were standing there, neither of them happy at the other’s presence. The man on the left looked to be in his early thirties. Dressed in a blue oxford shirt, tie and khaki pants, he wore a press badge. “I’m Kev Norris from the York Spectator. I’m here to find out exactly how Brady Malone is doing. Is he your husband?”

  Her gaze fell on the second man, who wasn’t wearing a press badge. He was wearing a suit that was rumpled. He appeared to be in his late fifties, with receding hair and hazel eyes that seemed more interested than predatory, though that could be her imagination.

  He produced an ID from his pocket and opened it so she could see it. “Bob Westcott. I freelance.”

  Laura gripped the door. “I don’t have anything to say to either of you.”