Coming Up for Air

by Karen Foley

  Beneath her ear, she could hear the heavy, swift beat of his heart. He was still hard inside her, and she experienced a moment of panic when she wished—just for a second—that they could remain like this forever. She didn’t want to return to reality, where romance was nothing more than an illusion—a few stolen moments inside a military helicopter. She wanted to pretend, at least for a little bit, that this meant something to both of them.

  “Hey,” Chance murmured against her hair. “You okay?”

  She nodded, wanting to curl closer, but he was already disengaging himself from her arms. Reluctantly, Jenna stood, allowing him to withdraw from her. He searched the floor until he found her discarded handkerchief and gave it a couple of hard shakes before he silently handed it to her. Turning away from him, she quickly cleaned herself up while he found his shorts and began pulling them on.

  Jenna didn’t know what to say to him. The sex had been incredible, as she’d known it would be. But the man who had brought her such pleasure with so little effort was gone, and she hardly recognized the hard-eyed soldier who stood watching her moodily. She could almost guess what was coming, and she dressed swiftly, as if her clothing could offer her some kind of protection.

  “We need to talk,” he said bluntly, and Jenna knew there wasn’t anything that could protect her from the truth.

  8

  CHANCE SCRUBBED A HAND over his face and lowered himself into one of the troop seats. Jenna watched him warily, and her gaze flicked once to the locked sliding doors. Given the right provocation, he realized she’d bolt again. He chose his words carefully.

  “Look, I want you to know that I didn’t plan for that to happen.”

  She nodded. “I do.”

  “But I’m not going to say I’m sorry, because it wouldn’t be true.”

  Jenna looked away, silent. He knew she wasn’t sorry, either. Hell, she’d all but initiated the encounter, but he was beginning to know enough about her to realize that she wouldn’t welcome a reminder. Despite the fact the sex had been great, she probably considered it a huge mistake. He couldn’t help wondering if she’d have felt differently had it been his brother who had come after her, and not him.

  “I know you have this thing against pilots,” he began, and put up a hand to forestall her when she would have protested. “I get it, I really do. But we’re in completely separate units, and I think that if you’d just give it a chance, we could make this work.”

  Her gaze snapped back to his, and he could see the dismay in their hazel depths. “Make what work? A booty call every time I pass through Kabul?”

  Chance kept his voice patient. “This doesn’t have to be about sex, Jenna. Could we at least try to get to know each other before you completely scrap any chance at a relationship?”

  She hesitated, her inner conflict written on her face so clearly that he almost took pity on her. Almost.

  “You think you know all there is to know about me because I’m a pilot, and therefore I must be like all the other pilots you’ve met,” Chance replied tightly, struggling to control his patience. “But the truth is, you don’t know me at all.” Stepping toward her, he cupped her cheek in one hand, gratified when she didn’t pull away. “I know what it’s like to have something to prove, darlin’.”

  She half turned her face into his hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I think you do,” he said. He could almost feel her softening. “Why didn’t you tell me your father is Erik Larson?”

  “That has nothing to do with anything.”

  Chance wasn’t convinced. “Doesn’t it? Your dad happens to be one of the most heroic helicopter pilots of all time, and you end up following in his footsteps. It’s natural that people are going to compare you, and that you’re going to feel you need to live up to his expectations. Or his reputation.”

  She gave a soft laugh. “And what would you know about it? Look at you. You’re practically perfect.”

  “Plenty,” he assured her. “Did you happen to notice my bigger-than-life brother? He’s always been the best at whatever he puts his mind to, and I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s easy to be his twin. People have always compared us, and no matter how much I tried to be like him, I always came up short. Even now, you should see how people react when they hear he’s a special ops commando, while I’m a helicopter pilot. It’s like I’m fifteen years old all over again.”

  Chance recalled those competitive years in high school, when he’d struggled to best his brother in everything. But Chase had been a superlative athlete and student, and it had seemed, no matter how well Chance did, he inevitably ended up in his brother’s shadow. So he’d chosen a different path. He’d become an adrenaline junkie, and where Chase had garnered attention for the way he tackled and overcame every challenge with deliberate precision, Chance had become notorious as a risk taker. He’d liked fast cars and easy girls, and if his family had disapproved of his choices, at least they were taking notice of him.

  But the need to compete with Chase had become so ingrained in him that when his brother had announced his plans to join the military, Chance was right there beside him. It had been the best choice he’d ever made, and had enabled him to finally step out of his brother’s shadow and excel at something in his own right.

  Was the need to compete with Chase still there? Oh, yeah. But now the rivalry was friendly, and Chance no longer worried about living up to his family’s expectations. He was living up to his own, and that’s what mattered.

  Jenna looked at him, speculation gleaming in her eyes. “I would have thought just the opposite was true—that your brother would have come up short when compared to you.”

  Chance grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to be perfect. Your father was an exception, and it would be unrealistic to expect to be just like him.”

  Jenna gave a derisive snort. “Trust me, I do not aspire to be like my father.”

  There was an underlying issue there, but Chance knew better than to pursue it. He recalled something she’d said during their first night together; that her negative opinion of pilots was based on a lifetime of observation. Had she been referring to her father? He knew plenty of guys in the military who were exceptional soldiers but lousy husbands and fathers. Had Erik Larson fallen into that category? If so, it explained a lot about her attitude.

  “Okay,” he conceded. “Where do we go from here? Because I’m not going to lie to you. I want to see you again. I’m not talking booty calls, either. I know you come through Kabul every couple of weeks and there’s always the chance that I could fly to Kandahar once in a while.” He shrugged. “We could just grab a bite to eat, or maybe catch a movie at the rec center.”

  Jenna studied him for a moment before turning away to stare moodily out the window. Chance wished he knew what was going on in her head. He didn’t miss how she drummed her fingers against her thigh, and he knew she was considering his offer. He realized that he’d told her the truth when he’d said he wanted to get to know her. The sex was amazing, but he wanted more. He wanted to know what made her tick; he wanted to know what she liked. He wanted to know why she’d become a pilot, and why she avoided guys in the military. Most of all, he wanted to know if they could make a go of a real relationship. From what he’d seen so far, he believed they could.

  She turned around to face him, and in the instant before she guarded her expression, he saw the vulnerability in her eyes. “Okay, fine.”

  “What?” He was certain he’d misheard.

  “I agree,” she said smoothly. “Since we’re speaking candidly, then I admit that I want to see you again, too. I’d be crazy not to.”

  Chance felt something shift in his chest. He had looked for an argument at the very least. The last thing he’d expected was for her to agree so quickly. He couldn’t stop the grin that spread over his face.

  “That’s great.”

  “I do have o
ne condition.”

  He only just prevented his shoulders from sagging with defeat. He’d known it couldn’t be so easy. “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “If I agree to see you again, it’s on the condition that this remains casual.”

  “Define casual.”

  “As in, no commitments and we’re both free to see other people.”

  Chance bit back the snarl of denial that sprang to his lips. Just the thought of Jenna with anyone else unleashed something feral inside him. But he knew if he protested and insisted on any kind of exclusive relationship, she’d balk and he’d never see her again.

  “So in other words,” he said, allowing a trace of sarcasm to color his voice, “we’re back to the booty calls.”

  “Call it whatever you like, but those are my conditions.”

  “Why?” he demanded. “Why are you so determined to keep this superficial?”

  He watched as a range of emotions crossed her face, almost too fleeting to identify. Hurt. Indecision. Determination. Despite what she’d said about never having dated a pilot, Chance was convinced that someone had treated her bad.

  “Look,” she said tightly. “It’s not personal. I just prefer to keep it casual, and not have everything else get in the way.”

  “Everything else? What—our careers? Our families? Our feelings?”

  Jenna sighed and pushed her fingers through her hair, sweeping it back from her face. “I just think it would be easier if we kept everything else out of it. I don’t want to compete with you.”

  What the…?

  Chance stared at her in bemusement, but there was a part of him that understood her fear. Not that he believed for one second that he would ever want to compete with her, but he’d seen it happen with other pilots. The fact that she believed he would fall into that category irritated the hell out of him.

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said drily. “Look, I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, but it wouldn’t happen with us.”

  Jenna gave him a doubtful look. “Oh, no? What makes you so sure?”

  He grinned. “Because my job is definitely more dangerous and more important than yours. And even though I’ve never seen you fly, I know I’m the better pilot.” As her mouth fell open, he laughed. “Relax. I’m totally kidding. I don’t believe any of that for a second.”

  Even saying the words aloud sounded arrogant and he hoped that by teasing her a little, she’d realize how ridiculous it was for her to think he’d act that way.

  She shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I don’t, either. But I do believe we’re better off avoiding a committed relationship.”

  “How do you figure?”

  She didn’t meet his eyes. “Speaking from my own experience, pilots have this weird inability to remain monogamous. Even though you think you want a relationship, eventually you’d have the urge to explore other waters. I just think that if we both acknowledge that now, we’ll save ourselves a little bit of heartache down the road.”

  “You really do believe that?” he asked, incredulous. Admittedly, he hadn’t done much in his six years as a pilot to dispel the reputation of being a player, but this was different. He was different. He was finally at a place in his life where he was happy with who he was, and he no longer felt he had anything to prove.

  “I haven’t seen any evidence to the contrary,” she replied stiffly.

  Give me a chance.

  He almost said the words aloud, and just barely bit them back. No way was he going to beg. He wanted to show her how wrong her perceptions were, but he could see by the expression on her face that if he continued to argue with her, she would walk away. He told himself to take whatever she was willing to give, and show her that he was different. Eventually, she’d learn to trust him.

  “What about you?” he asked. “You’re a pilot. Do you fall into that same category? Are you unable to maintain a monogamous relationship?”

  She gave him a faint smile. “I’ve never wanted to, so it’s never been an issue.”

  Chance didn’t like the implications of her words. He didn’t want to think about her with anyone else, doing the things she’d done with him. He was an idiot. Every brain cell that still functioned told him to walk away from this, because to do anything else was just asking for trouble. But then again, he’d never been one to take the easy way out. He’d always been a risk taker, and this was no exception. He could make this work.

  “Okay, fine,” he said, spreading his arms wide. “I agree to your terms. We keep it casual. No strings, no commitments.”

  “Really?” She narrowed her eyes at him, clearly suspicious.

  “I’m getting a distinct feeling of déjà vu here,” he said, smiling. “I’m pretty sure we had this conversation that night at Pope airfield.”

  “Yes, but I didn’t know you were a pilot, and we both thought that was just a one-time hookup. I never expected to see you again.”

  “Which begs another question. Is this a public relationship, or do we keep it under wraps?” He knew from her shuttered expression what her answer would be. “Under wraps. Got it. So we can forget about grabbing a movie or a bite to eat, huh? This is strictly about sex. I think your roommate might have already guessed there’s something going on.”

  “I trust Laura,” Jenna said, “but I really prefer that no one else in my unit—or yours—knows about us.”

  “Shouldn’t be a problem,” he said, hating the conditions she imposed but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. “I have my own housing unit, so as long as we’re discreet…” He glanced at his watch. “I’d suggest we head over to the chow hall and grab some breakfast, but that’s probably out of the question, right?”

  Jenna pressed her lips together. “Not a good idea. I mean, technically there would be no reason for us to even know each other, and I’d rather not give people something to talk about.”

  Chance thought about her precipitous flight from the gym and how he had chased her into the dust storm. He wasn’t stupid enough to remind her that they’d probably stirred up all kinds of gossip, not to mention the fact that the two mechanics in the hangar knew he’d come out here looking for her and hadn’t returned for nearly an hour. Would that generate talk? You bet. But he just nodded.

  “I’ll take off, then. You might want to wait a few minutes before you head out.” He hesitated, not wanting to leave her, although he knew there were other, more practical reasons why they shouldn’t be seen leaving the MH-60 together. They could both find themselves in a lot of trouble if anyone discovered what they had been doing. “You’ll be okay? The visibility is zero out there. It would be easy to get disoriented, lose your way.”

  She drew in a deep breath and smiled, but it was clearly forced. No matter what she might say, he’d bet money on the fact that she wasn’t any happier about this arrangement than he was. She might think she wanted to keep it casual, but he had a feeling she wasn’t a casual type of gal.

  “You go,” she said. “I’ll be fine, really.”

  “Okay, then.” He stepped toward her and caught her face in both hands, covering her mouth with his in a possessive kiss. He knew he’d surprised her, but he didn’t pull away until he felt her body sag against his, and her hands crept to his shoulders. Only when she was returning his kiss did he step back, noting her bereft expression with satisfaction. “I’ll see you around.”

  Before he could change his mind, he swiftly unlocked the door and slid it back, stepping out into the scalding wind and closing the door behind him. Leaving her like this went against his better judgment. But he’d play by her rules.

  For now.

  9

  JENNA SAT ALONE IN THE helicopter after Chance left, trying to collect her thoughts and pull together the shreds of her shaky self-composure. No guy had ever made her respond the way he had, as if he knew her body better than she did. And what was it about him that made her want to peel her clothes off the second he drifted
into her orbit? Sure, he was good-looking and had a body honed to perfection, but so did a lot of other guys, and she’d never found herself spread naked across their laps. And in a military helicopter, no less! She hated to think what might have happened if anyone had discovered them. She prided herself on her self-control, yet it seemed whenever Chance was near, she lost it completely.

  Could she really have a casual relationship with him? She recalled the intensity of his kiss, the confidence and skill he’d shown in handling her body. There was absolutely nothing casual about the guy. He radiated a vibrant energy that was impossible to ignore. She still couldn’t believe she’d had sex with him in a Black Hawk. If her commanding officer ever found out, she’d find herself grounded for a lot longer than just a few days.

  Was this how her mother had felt when she’d first met Jenna’s dad? Jenna had heard the story enough times. Lisa Colbert had just graduated from college and had rented a summer cottage on Cape Cod with her roommates. On a whim, they’d decided to book a one-hour helicopter tour of the Cape and islands, and Erik Larson had been their pilot. But when the tour was over, he’d asked Lisa for a date. At thirty-five, he’d been nearly thirteen years older than her. As handsome and confident as he’d been, he must have seemed bigger than life. He’d flown her to the island of Martha’s Vineyard for dinner, and then back to Cape Cod, where they’d been nearly inseparable for the next two months. And when the summer had drawn to a close, he’d proposed.

  But, according to her mom, Erik Larson was an adrenaline junkie, and when he wasn’t flying, he looked for other ways to get his fix of excitement. She’d said there was an emptiness inside him that neither she nor Jenna could fill. He drank too much, and he liked to gamble. And after Jenna’s mom had become pregnant, he’d begun to have affairs. Jenna recalled the bitter arguments and her mother’s tears. Her father would leave the house and sometimes wouldn’t return for days. Those were the times that scared Jenna the most. When she was older, she’d learned that during those periods, he’d take one of his helicopters and fly to New Jersey, usually to the casinos, where he’d indulge in a spree of drinking, gambling and womanizing.