Awakenings - SF1

by Meagher, Susan X

  Jamie grinned shyly but did as she was told. She crawled over to Ryan and placed her head on that firmly muscled thigh. Ryan gently ruffled her hair for a few moments and within minutes Jamie was sound asleep.

  Caitlin was the first to wake. She began to fuss a little and Ryan carefully lifted Jamie's head and placed it on the blanket. She crawled back to the baby and expertly changed her diaper and fed her a bottle. She had a diaper over her shoulder and was burping her little charge when Jamie awoke. She smiled over at Ryan who returned the grin. After a little stretch she began to get up when she saw Ryan's face freeze in fear. The next sensation was that of a strong hand against her mouth and another arm sliding under her left arm and crossing over her chest to drag her to her feet.

  "Don't say a word; don't fight and don't scream," said the hiss right behind her ear.

  Jamie could see Ryan's face grow unnaturally calm and heard her utter slowly, "Don't you dare hurt her."

  "Oh, I'm not gonna hurt her," the low voice rumbled. "She's gonna like what I do to her, aren't ya, blondie?" Jamie could feel his hot breath on her neck and she felt the all too familiar sensation of total blackness overcome her. The last thing she felt was the heaviness as her legs could no longer support her.

  Minutes later she woke, lying in Ryan's arms. She gathered her wits and finally focused enough to see Caitlin giggling from atop a very tall horse, in the arms of a very tall mounted police woman. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs and saw an unconscious man lying on the ground, bleeding from his nose, with his right arm at a very unnatural angle. Several other people stood around them offering statements to another officer, this one on foot.

  "What happened?" Jamie foggily inquired.

  "Hey, are you all right?" Ryan asked as she looked carefully at her eyes.

  "Yeah, I think so," she admitted. "But what happened?" she repeated.

  "This poor excuse of a human," here Ryan indicated the prone man, "tried to abduct you," she said simply.

  "And I fainted?" she pressed for details.

  "Like a champ," Ryan said proudly.

  "Why is that a good thing?" Jamie asked, clearly confused.

  "It gave me the opportunity to stop him," Ryan said, again skimping on the details.

  "How did you stop him, Ryan?" Now she struggled to sit up. "Will you please tell me everything that happened?"

  "Your girlfriend is being modest, Ma'am," the mounted officer finally said. "After this perp tried to drag you into those bushes," she indicated a deep stand of camellias right behind them, "she laid your baby down and executed the most perfect flying kick I have ever seen." The officer beamed at Ryan, who blushed thoroughly. "He didn't let go of you fast enough for her, though, even though I think he was unconscious already, so she dislocated the arm that he held the weapon with," she shot Ryan another big smile. "We don't encourage citizens to go up against armed attackers, but I must admit that was a thing of beauty."

  "H… h… h… he was armed?" Jamie stuttered out.

  "Yes, Ma'am" said the officer. "He had a knife that he was holding to your neck," she said helpfully over Ryan's scowl and fiercely shaking head.

  When Jamie woke up from her second unplanned nap Ryan was again cradling her in her arms. "Don't you get enough sleep at night?" she teased.

  Jamie just shook her head and stared at her in appreciation. "Once again Ryan, you're a lifesaver." She shuddered a bit, "Although this time I mean it literally." She again struggled to sit up with Ryan's assistance. She threw her arms around her neck and sobbed into her shoulder. Ryan stroked her back as she murmured words of comfort into her ear. The mounted officer still held Caitlin securely and she turned her big horse a bit so the baby did not see Jamie cry. After a long while Jamie composed herself enough to stand on shaking legs. Ryan supported her firmly until she felt confident enough to walk unaided.

  The officer handed Caitlin back to Ryan and said to Jamie, "You're a lucky woman, Ma'am. I have a child at home just a little older than yours. I know how you must feel," she said sympathetically.

  Jamie was too tired to argue about the details. She simply said, "I know how lucky I am," as she grasped Ryan's available hand.

  After assuring the officers that they would return to make their statements they bundled the baby up and returned her to her grandmother. They decided to downplay the incident to avoid upsetting the family so they merely said that there had been a small incident at the park and they needed to return to make a statement. Since everyone seemed fine, Maeve left it at that as she made over the baby and her big adventure at the park.

  Hours later the pair finished up at the police station. The perpetrator had been booked into the hospital ward for treatment of his various injuries, and he would be charged with his crimes when he was released. Jamie was still very shaky as Ryan drove them over to the apartment to exchange cars. She had not asked Ryan for any more details and Ryan was concerned that she was still in shock. After they had retrieved the Boxster Ryan drove them back to her home. Due to her concern for Jamie she decided to tell Da the whole story. He looked at Jamie's still face repeatedly before he called his station. Within minutes a paramedic was at the house. She examined Jamie thoroughly and agreed that she was in a mild state of psychological shock. The woman was a little concerned with Jamie's low blood pressure, but Ryan assured her that this was normal for her friend.

  Jamie assured them that she was all right but neither believed her. Da thought that they should call Jamie's parents or her boyfriend, but Jamie was adamant that they not be involved. Ryan decided to cancel her date with Tracy but Jamie insisted that she keep it. She agreed to keep the date only if Jamie would agree to stay at the house that night and eventually Jamie reluctantly agreed.

  Before Ryan left for her early date she bundled Jamie up in some too large sweatpants and a soft fleece pullover. She put her on the big bed in Da's room and turned on the television for her. Jamie refused her offer to go rent some movies, being content to just channel surf for a while.

  After Ryan was gone Da made dinner for the two of them. Conor was out on a date and to avoid any more stress Da did not tell the boys what had happened. Jamie didn't have much of an appetite, so after he removed her plate Da tried to tempt her with ice cream or cookies. That finally got a laugh out of her. "You're just like Ryan," she grinned. "She's always trying to get me to eat."

  "Someone has to try, darlin," he said affectionately. "A good stiff wind would whip you right into the bay."

  Da sat down in his favorite chair to read the paper and curse the poor light in the room, angling the paper until he could make out the small print. Jamie half heartedly watched a few game shows, shifting from channel to channel. After a while she broke the silence, "I owe her my life, you know," she said solemnly.

  "You don't know that for sure, Jamie. It's best not to allow yourself to speculate on what could have happened. But I thank the good Lord that she was with you," he said sadly as he shook his head. "I've never been so happy that she decided to get involved in martial arts."

  "Has she ever had to use it before?" she asked.

  "Not that I know of, but she could be involved in a lot of things that I don't know about," he laughed wryly. "She's a tough one to keep out of trouble," he said proudly.

  "You know how special she is, don't you?" she finally asked softly.

  "Jamie, there is no man on earth who is more proud of his daughter than I am," he said sincerely. "She has been an extraordinary person since the day she was born."

  "Was it hard for you when she told you she was gay?" she delicately asked.

  "I can't say that it would have been my choice for her, but it certainly doesn't bother me," he said reflectively. "I do wish she would find a nice woman that she could really love, but that will come in time, I suppose."

  "Maybe it'll be Tracy," she commented.

  "Perhaps," he said shortly and without elaboration.

  "How would her mother feel about it?" she ventured to ask.
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  "You know, Fionnuala was a very insightful woman. When Maeve told her about Michael she claimed she had always known the lad was gay. She really made her sister see that it was the same Michael we had always known and loved. We didn't find out about his illness until my poor Fionnuala was just about gone, but she summoned every ounce of strength she had to stick up for that boy." He grew quiet for a while but finally continued. "She couldn't make a dent in old Charlie, though. His rejection of Michael weighed very heavily on her heart. About six months before she died we were just talking one night and she made me promise that if any of the kids turned out to be gay that I would love them just the same. I looked at her and made that promise without hesitation." His eyes filled with tears as he acknowledged, "I think she knew that Siobhan would be the one. There was something about her that was just different from the other little girls," he reflected. "And I don't mean her activity or her athleticism. It's hard to describe but there was something different about her spirit. And she has that same confident spirit today, Jamie." After a long pause he continued with a quavering voice, "When I think of making that promise to my Fionnuala I realize that I've never made a promise that was easier to keep," he said with a small smile.

  "I think she is a very lucky woman to have a father like you," she said as she caught a tear escaping from her eye.

  "We're the lucky ones, Jamie. I think it was our love for her that kept us all so close. She was such a small child when her mother died that we all had to join together to make sure we could do our best for her."

  "You've done a marvelous job, Martin. And I know your wife would be proud of you all."

  Ryan was home early, around 10 o'clock. She found them both in the bedroom, Da asleep in his chair, Jamie in the bed. She quietly went to the bed and slipped her arms under her friend and gingerly carried her down to her own room. I've never met an adult that conked out like this, she thought as she struggled down the stairs with her burden. After wrestling her limp body into the covers she went back upstairs to turn off the TV and wake Da. He gave her a smile when he saw her, pulling her down for a kiss to both cheeks. "I love you, baby," he said as he released her.

  "I love you too, Da. Thanks for watching over Jamie for me tonight."

  "Did you have a good time on your date?" he asked as he neatened up the newspaper.

  "Yeah, I really did. I like Tracy a lot."

  "Do you think she's the one, Darlin'?"

  "I don't know, Da," she said as she sank to the bed. "But I'm doing my best to find out." She shot him a grin and he ruffled her hair in an affectionate gesture.

  "Why don't you bring her around more often?"

  "I think I will, Da," she said happily as she got up to return to her room.

  Back in her room she changed out of her clothes and put on a thin pair of flannel pajama bottoms. Then she removed her bra and slipped on a long sleeved t-shirt. After she brushed her teeth she got on top of the covers, unfurling a blanket over herself. She spent a long time reviewing the day; shuddering each time she saw the terror in Jamie's eyes when those evil hands had grabbed her. Finally she offered up her prayers of thanksgiving finishing with an audible, "Thank you, Mama," as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

  Jamie sat bolt upright as she felt the panic tighten in her chest. Ryan flew up a second later and wrapped her in her arms, holding on tight as Jamie struggled to breathe. "Calm down, it's all right. I've got you. You're all right. I'm here," she repeated in a soothing cadence as she rocked her gently. When she was able to breathe normally Jamie pulled back and asked, "How did you get here?" Looking around in confusion, she added, "How did I get here?"

  "We're in my room," Ryan said soothingly. "I carried you down here about 4 hours ago," she said as she glanced at the bedside clock.

  "You had to carry me again?" she said with a hint of embarrassment.

  "Yep," she replied. "I think I'm gonna train you to sleep walk. It'll be easier on my back," she teased.

  After a while Jamie said slowly, "I'm afraid to go to sleep again. That nightmare really scared me."

  "C'mere," her friend replied as she lay down and opened her arm in invitation. Jamie accepted the offer and cuddled up next to her warm side. Ryan wrapped her arm around Jamie's back as she gently rubbed her side. She brought her other hand around to softly tousle her hair back and forth in a slow rhythm. Within a few minutes she could feel Jamie's breathing even out and felt her relax in sleep. She followed her moments later.

  Just as dawn broke Jamie woke, still nestled in Ryan's powerful embrace. I don't think there is anyplace safer, she thought happily, as she closed her eyes and let her friends steady heartbeat lull her back to sleep.

  Later that morning as they drove back to Berkeley in the Boxster. Ryan hesitantly suggested that Jamie visit the student health service for a few sessions with a counselor.

  "I don't really want to talk about this to anyone, Ryan," she said defiantly. "The sooner I can put this out of my head, the better."

  "I'm afraid that's not how the mind works, Jamie," she said after a moment. "If you don't process this fully it will just stay in the back of your mind. And the chances are that it will come up again and again."

  "But it scares me to think about it," she finally admitted.

  "Of course it does," she soothed. "But your mind will make you think about it either when you're awake or asleep. I'll make you a deal," she offered. "I'm really upset about the whole thing too. I'll go with you and maybe they'll let us talk about it together."

  Jamie finally agreed, and promised to go over that afternoon.

  As promised, Ryan showed up on time for their joint session with the counselor. The young Ph.D. candidate was a bit uncomfortable seeing them together, but she agreed to one session before she made a decision on further treatment.

  As usual, Ryan was right. Jamie felt significantly better after just 45 minutes of facing her fears. She was surprised by how much the incident had affected Ryan, however. Ryan admitted to having had nightmares the night before, and she stated that she felt panic overtake her once or twice during the day. They both agreed to see the counselor for another session or two alone.

  As they walked along the tree lined path outside of the student health center, Jamie looked up at her friend pensively. "What bothers you most about the attack, Ryan?"

  She thought about the question for a long time, "I go over it in my mind, again and again. What really bothers me is that I didn't have a plan for what to do if you had not passed out," she shook her head to clear the image from her brain. "I was holding the baby and he had a knife to your neck. If you had been able to walk I'm afraid you would have been gone by the time I could do anything." She looked at Jamie with the most pain filled eyes that Jamie had ever seen. "I don't think I could have saved you," she choked out as Jamie threw her arms around her and let her sob into her neck.

  "But you did, Ryan, you did save me," she murmured. "You would have thought of something. I know you would have. You would not have let him have me," she whispered fiercely.

  Ryan looked up with those beautiful blue eyes clouded by tears, "You really trust me, don't you?"

  "With my life," Jamie uttered right into her ear as she once again held her close.

  Jamie considered her decision not to tell Jack about the attack. I can try to convince myself that I did it to protect him from worry. But there is a part of me that wanted to see if he noticed that anything was wrong. How could he not have noticed? But Jack had not noticed. The first weekend after the attack she had cried inconsolably when he approached her from behind and put his hands on her. He was clearly puzzled but he did not pursue the issue after she told him not to worry about it.

  As she drove back down to Palo Alto on the first Friday in February, Jamie mused about the upcoming week. She and Ryan were due to meet with an assistant district attorney to go over their testimony regarding her assault and she was quite worried about the meeting since she was afraid that the meeting would rekindle
her nightmares. Ryan reassured her that the dreams might come back, but they would be less severe and stay with her for a shorter time period. She stressed that the best thing they could do was continue to talk about the attack and all of their fears and projections.

  Friday night went pretty well for a change. They had a pleasant if not earth shattering sexual encounter and she was almost successful in convincing herself that it was not harmful to have to picture Ryan sweating in the gym in order to become aroused. They're fantasies because you don't act them out, she patiently explained to her conscience.

  Saturday was moving along as usual. Jack went to school to work with his law review partner while Jamie went on a long ride. He returned in time for lunch and actually helped Jamie clean up the kitchen as part of his new campaign to be more connected.

  After they cleaned up they went out for a walk to the bookstore so he could pick up some notebooks. The day was warm and clear as they walked along holding hands. They decided to stop at Palo Alto Coffee Co. for a latte' and sat outside watching the constant traffic on University Av. for a few minutes.

  "You're not moving around as easily as usual, Honey," Jamie commented as she gently ran her fingers down his back. "Is your neck stiff?"

  "Yeah, you know how it tightens up when I'm concentrating for too long. I wish I could remind myself to get up and move every half hour or so, but I just get too absorbed."

  She moved her chair over behind his and worked on his tense neck and shoulder muscles for a few minutes. His head was hanging loosely by the time she was finished and he let out a deep relaxed sigh as her fingers left his body. He turned his chair around to face her, moving as close as he could. Smiling gently he lifted his hand and tenderly traced the planes of her face. "It makes me feel so good to have you notice when a little something is wrong with me. It really shows me how much you love me," he said softly, gazing steadily into her eyes.