“I’m sorry, Ella. That’s rough.”
“The worst part is that now I don’t really have any desire to be with anyone else. How am I supposed to handle this?”
“I wish I had the answer for you. Love is a mysterious thing.”
“Who said anything about love? We only kissed.”
“Oops, sorry. Okay, chemistry? Connection? Whatever it is that has you in a tizzy. And if he feels that same pull for you as you do for him, then I’m sure things will work out.”
“Right.” Ella closed her eyes. “I’m sure he feels something about me. He hates me.”
“Oh, trust me, many love affairs have sprung out of that love-hate mentality. My theory is, if he’s that angry, it must be because he has some desire for you.”
“I guess—maybe.” Ella winced. “How did I end up here? I never used to worry about any of these things.”
“You couldn’t avoid it forever, Ella. When love is ready for you, it finds you.”
“There you go again with the L word. It’s just a vacation romance. None of this would have found me at all if I’d been locked in my bathroom in a tub full of bubbles.”
“Yes, I suppose that would be difficult.” Nicole laughed. “I’m sorry. I know things seem impossible right now. I’ve been there. Just relax, and see where it leads.”
“Sure, I can do that. Thanks, Nicole.”
“Keep me up-to-date.”
Ella hung up the phone. She stared at the screen for a moment. “Or, I could just knock him right out of my head.”
She jumped up and began sorting through her closet, looking for the most provocative dress she’d brought with her. If Dane didn’t want her, someone else would. She didn’t have much to choose from, but she had brought a tropical-style dress that would do.
Once she had it on, she headed to the salon in the hotel again. She wasn’t going to take the chance of not looking perfect.
She was almost to the door when Jillian walked up to her. “Wow, you look wonderful. Where are you headed?”
“To get my make-up done.”
“So things worked out with Dane?”
“No. Your idea didn’t work at all.” Ella frowned. “He wouldn’t even look at me.”
“That just shows there are still feelings there.”
“That’s fine, but I’m getting rid of mine.”
“How?” Jillian narrowed her eyes. “What are you planning, Ella?”
“I came here to get to know myself. Instead, I met a man who tried to change me. I like my life just the way it is—fun, no commitment, no need to wonder about feelings.”
“Was it Dane that was trying to change you, or was it you trying to allow yourself to truly be you?”
“I don’t care.” Ella pulled open the door to the salon. “It’s what I’m used to, and it’s what is going to get him out of my head.”
“Ella, think about this.” Jillian placed a hand on her wrist. “Some things that are done in the heat of the moment can’t be taken back. Some things are too hurtful to be forgiven.”
“I’m not interested in his forgiveness.” Ella drew her hand away. “See you later, Jillian.”
She could see the concern in the woman’s features but she ignored it. She had a plan, and nothing was going to stop her.
Chapter 27
Spending time with Thomas on the water had been fun. More fun than Dane had had in a long time. He enjoyed racing with him and shouting across the roar of the jet skis. It made him feel younger than he was to have such a playful day. But as soon as they returned to the hotel room to change for the drumming circle, it all hit him hard once more. Ella.
Maybe he should have spoken to her at the restaurant. Maybe he should have tried to connect with her. Then he wouldn’t be going to the drumming circle alone. But how could he do that? He’d told her the truth about how he felt—what he’d wanted—and she’d turned him away. Why would he risk that again?
Maybe because he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
He changed into a loose shirt and shorts for the evening and then he enjoyed watching Thomas fret over getting ready.
“Collar up or collar down?” His son frowned.
“I don’t think she’s going to care.”
“Dad, this is important.”
“Collar down.”
Thomas smoothed down the collar of his shirt and ran his hands back through his hair for the twentieth time.
“Maybe I should add more gel.”
“If you add any more gel you’re going to be wearing the whole bottle. You look fine, Thomas. You like this girl, huh?”
“Maybe.” Thomas grinned.
“Well, be careful, son. You know we leave in a few days.”
“Way to be a downer, Dad.” He shook his head. “Besides it’s not like distance is a real problem these days.”
“It’s not?” Dane raised an eyebrow.
“No. I mean, not with all the technology. We can video chat, text—even watch the same shows on our online subscriptions. I think it would be fine.”
“But what about seeing her?”
“We could just work it out with our schedules—grab a plane ticket here and there—or drive. It’s not a big deal.” He shrugged. “It makes things a little more—I don’t know—special, when you only get to see each other once in a while.”
“I never thought about it like that.”
“In the modern world, there’s no limitations when it comes to dating. Besides, if you’re being realistic, what are the chances of finding that one right person right in your neighborhood?”
“Good point.” Dane nodded. “I guess anything can be overcome if you want it to be.”
“I think so. But tonight is just a date. We’ll see how it goes. Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’m going to be.”
“Alright, let’s go before it gets too dark. I want to make sure we get a spot close to the drums.”
A large crowd of people filled the lobby. It occurred to Dane that Ella might be at the drumming circle, but he pushed the thought out of his mind. Even if he saw her, he was determined not to speak to her. It was the only way to get over the chemistry that seemed to be between them—a clean break.
He and Thomas blended into the crowd and walked with the people toward the beach. Several of the drums were already set up and a few drummers were trying out some beats.
Dane looked forward to the relaxing evening. The jet skis had worn him out.
“Oh, there’s my date. You find a spot, Dad. I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Okay. Have fun. Don’t worry about me.” Dane smiled. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be seeing much more of Thomas that night.
He found a spot in the sand not far from the makeshift dance floor and settled in. He looked up at the sky to see an ample amount of stars. The moon was bright. It was the perfect night for a drumming circle.
Within a few minutes the drumming began. The moonlight played across the shoulders of the men who sat behind their drums. The repetitive rhythm of their palms hitting the drums inspired several of the people in attendance to stand up and dance.
Dane sat back in the sand and watched as Thomas joined a few young adults and then disappeared into the crowd. He hoped that his son would have a good time. It was a perfect moment. The temperature was just right, the music was amazing, and he was surrounded by happy people. But he found himself lost in the desire to share it with Ella.
He could imagine them dancing together in the light of the torches that surrounded the dance floor. Even after the anger he’d felt the day before, he longed for her.
Maybe if he hadn’t kissed her, maybe if he hadn’t lost control, maybe she’d be there beside him now. He’d pushed her too hard, too fast, without even meaning to. What was he thinking? He kissed her before they’d even gone on an official first date.
It was probably for the best. His vacation would be over soon, and they’d each return to their own individual lives. Where c
ould the relationship go?
He reached up and rubbed at his eyes. When he opened them again, he thought his imagination had become reality. Ella was a few feet away, illuminated by the torches and the moonlight.
He opened his mouth to speak, then watched as she was pulled to her feet by another man. From the dress she wore to the laugh that escaped her lips, she was beautiful. His breath caught in his throat as the man drew Ella toward the other dancers.
A heat built in Dane’s chest that threatened to boil over when the man put his hand low on her hip and pulled her body close to his. His button-down shirt swung wide open as he held her against his chest. He moved his body like a snake along hers.
Dane’s hands curled into fists. He knew he should look away, but he couldn’t. He saw the way she moved with the man, encouraging his touch. It made Dane sick to his stomach, not because of the provocative dancing—there was plenty of that happening on the dance floor—but because it was with another man. If he ever wondered if he’d missed his chance, he could see now that he had.
Ella hadn’t hesitated to take the opportunity to move on. Why would she? Perhaps she had just stumbled upon Dane and Thomas earlier at the restaurant. Maybe the idea that they’d had some intense romance brewing between them was only in his head.
The drums slowed, as did the accompanying instruments. Dane watched as Ella rested her head against the man’s shoulder. He clenched his jaw.
Yes, he was very out of touch with modern dating.
Chapter 28
It felt good to dance again. That seemed to be when Ella did most of her communicating with men—out on the dance floor—although it was usually in a club, not the middle of the beach under the stars.
The man she danced with had the scent of alcohol on his breath. That was something else that was fairly familiar to her. His hands roamed her body as he moved with her. She expected to enjoy it as she usually did, but for some reason it felt different.
When he touched her waist, she thought of Dane’s hand there. When his cheek brushed against hers, memories of Dane flashed through her mind. They hadn’t even officially been on a date, and yet dancing with this stranger felt like a betrayal.
It’s just dancing. She closed her eyes.
He pulled her closer so that there was no space between their bodies. She rested her head against his chest and willed herself to lose her anxiety in the beat of the drums. It wasn’t like her not to be able to enjoy herself.
The more she tried to forget Dane, the more she longed for his presence. Had he ruined her for other men? The thought struck her as a little absurd, but she had yet to even look into the eyes of the man she was dancing with.
When the music slowed his hands roamed even more. Her skin crawled at the sensation of his touch. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He avoided trespassing in areas that would be considered x-rated, but his body language communicated that he wanted a lot more from her.
For an instant she considered it. What better way to get Dane out of her mind than to take this man back to her cottage and practice forgetting him?
His lips brushed across her cheek again, then down along the curve of her neck. The subtle kisses he left along her skin aroused something within her, but it was not what she expected. She tried to push him away. Maybe he was caught up in the music, maybe he was a little drunk, but he didn’t respond to her pushes. Instead he only held on to her tighter.
“Let me go. I don’t want to dance.” Ella squirmed in an attempt to get out of his grasp.
“Just feel the drums, baby.” He slurred his words and ran his hands along the length of her sides.
She grabbed his hands and shoved them off of her.
“I’m done dancing.” She started to turn away, but he grabbed her arm hard and spun her back toward him. She winced at the power of his grip. Just as she was about to strike out at him, she heard a familiar voice.
“Let her go. She’s done dancing with you.”
“What do you care?” Her dance partner scowled at Dane.
Ella looked into Dane’s eyes as he stepped closer. “I care. Trust me, you don’t want me to show you how much. Now let her go.”
“Whatever, man. It was just a dance.” He released Ella’s arm. A moment later he blended in with the crowd.
Ella stared at Dane as the music played around them. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Dane reached out and ran his hand across her arm—the one that the man had grabbed. “Did he hurt you?”
“I’m okay. I could have handled it.”
“Okay.” Dane held his hands up and started to turn away.
“Wait. I’m sorry.” Ella sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Thank you for helping me.”
He turned back and met her eyes. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m sorry about earlier. I never should have sat down with you and your son. It was intrusive, I know.”
“Don’t, please.” Dane shook his head. “Let’s just forget it. Have a good night.” He turned away again.
Ella held her breath. She could let him walk away or she could reach for him. She wasn’t sure which was the right move.
“Dane.”
He paused but didn’t turn back.
“Dane, will you dance with me?”
He glanced over his shoulder at her. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“Why not?” Ella stepped closer to him. “What harm could it do?”
“I don’t know what you want.” He studied her for a moment. “But I know it isn’t me.”
“You’re wrong.” She caught his hand and pulled him toward her.
“Ella, don’t do this.” Dane held her gaze.
She saw the ripple in his jaw, the tension in his lashes.
“I know what I want.” She squeezed his hand. “Dance with me.” She didn’t care that she was practically begging him to dance. She didn’t care that a few people around them watched the strange couple that was not dancing on the dance floor. All that mattered was that his hand was still in hers. Maybe she had one more chance to get to know Dane—to see what happened next.
He licked his lips. He dipped his chin as if he might turn around. But he didn’t pull away.
“I don’t want to just dance with you, Ella.” His voice was quiet, but she still heard it over the drums. “I don’t want to apologize for wanting more than that. I know it might not make much sense to you, but I can’t change how I feel. I won’t. If you can’t handle that, then don’t ask me to dance.” He glanced back up at her. “It may not be modern of me, but I don’t want it to be just this—just tonight. I can’t let myself feel for you the way I do, if you’re not going to take it seriously. If that’s not okay with you, I understand. I’m pushing for too much too fast. I get that. There are plenty of other men here who would love to dance with you.”
“I don’t want to dance with anyone else.” She grasped his other hand and pulled him closer. “Only you.”
“Are you asking me to stay?” He searched her eyes.
Chapter 29
Dane wanted to draw back. He wanted to close his eyes and make Ella disappear. But in the same moment, the very thought of her hand not being in his made his heart lurch. He tightened his grasp as he awaited her answer. He tried to be detached, but he knew if she denied him, he’d be crushed. It might not have been logical but he had no real control over his feelings.
He watched her expression. He waited for her to tell him to go. Her lips parted. His body tensed.
“I want you to stay, Dane. I want to see what happens next. But I can’t guarantee that I won’t hurt you.”
He shook his head, then stared into her eyes. “I’m not asking for guarantees, Ella. I don’t need you to protect me. I’m just asking for a chance.” He held her gaze and stepped closer to her. “I can’t tell you what will happen. But I can tell you that right now—in this moment—there’s nothing I would rather do than dance with you.”
“Then let�
�s dance.” She smiled, and she looked relieved to him as she wrapped her arm around his waist.
He still held her hand in his as he embraced her in return. The sensation of her body close to his reminded him that whatever was between them didn’t have to make sense. It just was. Every moment that he held her close to him, it grew stronger. Did she feel it too?
He stole glances at her, but she refused to let him meet her eyes. He released her hand and curved his palm along her cheek so that she couldn’t turn away. “What is it, Ella? Tell me? Why are you hiding?”
She narrowed her eyes and ducked her head away from his touch.
Dane felt a sharp tension in his muscles. Was she going to push him away again? “You asked me to stay. What’s going on with you? Just tell me.”
She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t think you’d forgive me—after what I said to you. How can you forgive me?”
He reached up and brushed his hand back through her hair in a slow soothing stroke. “I know what it’s like to be afraid, Ella. I know you didn’t mean what you said. I hope you know I didn’t mean what I said.” He looked into her eyes. “I don’t think of you that way at all. Life gets a little more complicated every year you live it, and you and I—well, we have more than our share of baggage.”
Ella nodded. Then she rested her head against his shoulder.
He closed his eyes when she did. It felt as if it was exactly where she was supposed to be. The music washed over him. His body moved naturally to it, in time with hers. He held her close as the dance floor grew more crowded.
“Ella, why were we fighting this?”
“Because when the music stops, everything gets complicated again.”
“Let’s try not to let it. Hm?” He tilted his head so that he could look into her eyes. “Let’s try to make this work.”
“Come back to my cottage with me?”
“I don’t know.” Dane narrowed his eyes.
“Just to talk. That’s all.” She smiled. “I promise. Maybe if we get to know each other a little better, we’ll feel more comfortable with what is happening here.”
To Trust Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 2) Page 10
