To Trust Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 2)

by Lillianna Blake

  He stepped into the garage and walked over to the bicycle that leaned up against the wall. He hadn’t taken it out for a ride in some time. There were a lot of things that had been put on pause as he’d arranged his future with his wife. Nothing had pleased her.

  He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Sometimes the anger was strong enough that he thought he might explode. He pushed away the avalanche of thoughts about what might have been and drew in a deep breath in an attempt to control the fury that threatened to surface. He had to remain in control.

  He pulled the bicycle out of the garage. “I’m going for a ride. If you finish up before I’m back, just lock up.”

  “Will do.” One of the movers nodded.

  It crossed his mind that they could take anything they pleased, but he didn’t have much for them to steal.

  He hopped onto his bicycle and began to ride.

  Another thing he liked about the area was the multitude of well-marked bicycle paths. There were no cars competing with him for a slice of pavement. This allowed him to pump his legs as hard and fast as he could. The more wind that hit his face, the more his frustration subsided. If only he could keep going until everything that burdened him was nothing more then a blip in the distance, maybe then he could be the person he’d once been.

  Memories tangled together in his mind—sharp words, slammed doors, broken dishes. Somehow between the time he’d met her and the time everything had ended, he’d turned into a monster—a man that he didn’t even recognize with emotions that he couldn’t seem to control. He didn’t even recognize himself anymore.

  Maybe she’d been right. Maybe he had become the terrible person she’d accused him of being. Despite the hurt he felt that she’d left him, it went deeper than that. He wondered if everything she said about him was true, and he was just too blind to see it.

  One thing he was sure of—he’d never allow anyone to dictate his life and choices again. He had no intention of ever allowing another person into his heart.

  End of the preview.

  Get “To Hope Again” (Forty and Free, Book 3) here:

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  Book 1 of Single Wide Female: The Bucket List

  #1 Learn Pole Dancing

  (currently Free at Amazon)

  Chapter 1

  I ran my fingertips over the well-worn piece of notebook paper. It had ridges from the amount of times I’d folded it up and tucked it away. I had written the list at a time when I didn’t really believe I would ever actually accomplish anything on it. But I had, and now it was time to look at the next item.

  I rolled over on my bed and stared down at it. When I had added it to my list, it was just a fun little whim, not something I thought I would actually do. But then again, I never would have thought I’d be able to lose so much weight either.

  “What was I thinking?” I said out loud as I gnawed on the pencil between my teeth. I was tempted to just erase the item and replace it with something else. No one would have to know. But I would know. I cringed at the idea of actually following through with it. But I had to do it. I had to. It was on the list. I groaned and rolled over on my bed. I stared up at the cracks in my ceiling for a moment. Then I sat up with a new determination.

  “Yes, I will do this,” I said, looking down at the item on the list. “Pole dancing class, here I come.” I was attempting to sound brave for myself, when I caught sight of the time on my alarm clock.

  I grabbed my jeans out of the laundry basket beside my bed, and slid the pants up over my hips with my eyes squeezed shut. With a sigh of relief, I let out the belly I had been struggling to hold in. I didn’t think the zipper would slide up so easily, but it did with one smooth zip. I smiled at my reflection in the tall mirror as I studied the way that my jeans hugged my hips and rear. All of my hard work, all of the passed-up snacks, had really paid off. My body looked different and I felt different.

  “Hey, you sexy lady,” I said to the shapely woman in the mirror, twisting my hips first one way and then the other. “Do you come here often?” I asked in the deepest voice I could muster and batted my long lashes at my own reflection.

  “Uh, Sam?” a voice said from the doorway of my bedroom.

  I froze and held my breath for another reason. It was Max. Max, my best friend. Max, with the deep green eyes and a body that would make any woman glance in his direction. I turned around slowly to face him, not wanting him to see what I knew would be sheer embarrassment on my face.

  “What?” I asked as innocently as I could.

  He stared at me with one quirked eyebrow, looking as sexy as ever. Max was not conventionally handsome, but a quirky kind of cute, like the kind of guy that got the lead in romantic movies. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but just goofy enough to grow on you and make you think he was adorable by the end of the movie.

  “I’ve heard of bisexual, but what would you call it if you try to pick yourself up?” He smiled and leaned against the doorway.

  God, but that smile made me want to snuggle right up to him.

  Friend, I reminded myself. Max, my friend. No matter what my fantasies wanted to believe, we had never been anything more than that. Of course, when my eyes were closed late at night he played a very active role in my life.

  “I don’t discriminate, Max. If I see something as hot and lovely as the lady in the mirror happens to be, I’ve got to give it a shot.” I grinned, hoping he would not notice that I was mortified.

  “Well, I’d have to agree with you there,” he said with a laugh, and shook his head as he walked into my room.

  We had spent hours snuggled up on this very bed on several occasions. Him thinking we were just watching a movie, me praying he would lean over and kiss me. He never did. At least, not in reality. The things that he had done in my mind…

  “What are you up to today?” he asked, perched on the end of my bed.

  “I’m going out,” I said, fluffing my newly bleached blonde hair with my fingers.

  He was smiling as he watched me.

  “Are you going out to break some man’s heart?” he asked, brushing his thick dark hair away from his eyes.

  He was studying me intently. It always unnerved me when he looked at me so closely. I could never tell if it was with approval, desire, or confusion.

  “Sure, of course,” I said and stuck my tongue out at him.

  He tilted his head to the side. “So you don’t have a date?”

  “Stop it, Max.” I sighed and shook my head as I turned away from him. Only then did I spot the black leotard and tights still lying on the bed. I felt a rush of horror flood me. If Max saw them, he’d be full of questions that I didn’t want to answer.

  “Stop what?” he asked as he leaned back on the bed. His hand came to rest just beside the tights. “I’m just curious. You haven’t had a date in a while.”

  “Thanks for pointing that out.” I reached past him to nudge the leotard away from where he was sitting. Sometimes having a man for a best friend was not ideal. “I’ve had plenty of dates. You don’t know everything there is to know about me.”

  Of course I hadn’t had any dates lately, but Max didn’t need to know that. As confident as I was in my beauty, it would appear that being big and beautiful hadn’t translated to a man tripping head-over-heels in love with me—not yet anyways—a fact that was beginning to make me slightly nervous. At thirty-two, my clock wasn’t quite ticking just yet, but I did feel that I was ready to fall in love.

  “Then tell me,” Max said, jolting me out of my thoughts. “Are you keeping secrets from me?”

  “Secrets?” I laughed a little at the idea. In the fourteen years that Max and I had been friends I had never been able to keep a secret from him. But this time I was determined to do it. My dignity depended on it.

  I sat down on the bed next to him and slid my hand casually back across the bedspread toward the tights and leotard, now behind him on the bed
.

  “So are you saving yourself for me, is that it?” he asked and met my eyes.

  Chapter 2

  With Max sitting so close I could feel the heat of the outside of his thigh pressed against my jeans. I tried to keep my breathing steady as I looked into his eyes. I knew that he was joking. I’d seen the women he dated, and they did not look like me. But he was always lavishing me with praise, as if I was just as beautiful. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure if he was teasing me or being serious, but he never put me down.

  “I’m going to a class,” I said quietly, snatching up my black leotard and tights.

  “What kind of class?” He leaned back on my bed, placing his hands behind him.

  “Sort of a dance class,” I said, thankful that I’d gotten the leotard out of the way before he could spot it.

  “What’s this?” Max sat up with a piece of paper in his hand.

  I thought nothing of it at first, until I realized what it was.

  “Max, give me that!”

  My heart was pounding. I so did not want to deal with telling him about this right now. But he was already reading it.

  “Pole dancing,” he read out loud. “Why is this highlighted and surrounded by stars?” He glanced up at me as I lunged across the bed, grabbing the list out of his hand.

  “Mine!” I said just a little too loudly, and he laughed.

  “Is that the dance class? Pole dancing?” He narrowed his eyes as he looked at me.

  “Maybe,” I said, tucking the list into my pocket.

  “So that’s what the leotard is for.” He had a mischievous grin on his face, and I was annoyed that he’d seen the outfit despite my best efforts to get it out of his eyesight. “Put it on. Let me see you in it.”

  “No way, Max.” And he was not going to convince me otherwise. “Some things are private.”

  He was quiet for a few seconds as he looked at me intently. “Even from me?”

  Oh, definitely from you, I thought.

  “This has nothing to do with you, Max, so wipe that pout off your face. It’s not happening.” I got up from the bed, leotard in hand. “The only people that are going to see me in this are the teacher and the other students in the class.”

  “Well, where can I sign up?”

  I laughed and threw my leotard at him. “Only if you try this on first.”

  He grinned and shook his head. “Not my style, Sam. But I think you’ll look fantastic in it. I dare you to wear just that to class. Don’t cover yourself up so much.”

  “I know, I know, I’ve lost so much weight, I should be proud, blah, blah, blah,” I said, walking across the room towards the mirror. I had lost about seventy pounds over the past year, leaving me at my new svelte size of one hundred and eighty pounds.

  “No, Sammy,” he said and sat forward a bit on the bed. “You should be proud no matter what you weigh, because you’re gorgeous. Nothing can change that.”

  I smiled at him in the mirror and he smiled back. He always knew just what to say to make me feel better.

  “So are you going to do it?” he asked, his smile turning devilish. “Just the tights and the leotard, nothing else.”

  “Maybe. But you won’t find out because you’re not going!”

  “Fine.” He threw himself backwards on my bed, silent for several seconds.

  I wondered what he was thinking, as there was nothing particularly interesting about the ceiling that he seemed to be studying so intently.

  “So what’s the paper for?” he asked. “I noticed it’s like a list.”

  “None of your business,” I said, turning back to the mirror, trying to look as casual as possible.

  “So many secrets.” He frowned and stared at my reflection. “I thought I was your best friend.”

  Max was very good at laying on the guilt trip, but I didn’t have time for any of it at the moment.

  “Best guy friend.” I smiled at him. “That means you don’t get to be in on some secrets. You should be grateful for that,” I added with a laugh.

  “I’m not grateful at all. That’s just discrimination,” he said, and I couldn’t help but notice that he seemed genuinely upset. “I thought you were more evolved than that.”

  “Nope, I’m not more evolved than that,” I said and turned to face him. “Now get off my bed, get out of my apartment, and go fix some computers.”

  He wiped his hand over his eyes and mouth and shook his head. “That is not what I do.”

  I knew what was coming next and I really didn’t have time for it.

  “Would you like me to explain it again?” he asked.

  “No, please don’t.” I laughed and shook my head.

  Max had tried several times to explain his high-tech job to me, but I still didn’t quite get it.

  “I think you should quit your tinkering and come back to the Fluff and Stuff.”

  “Ah, the good old Fluff and Stuff,” Max said with a slight shake of his head. “The only laundromat where I can wash my boxers and buy a box of junk.”

  “Like you wear boxers.” I winked at him.

  It was Max’s turn to blush a little.

  “And it’s not junk, it’s unique one-of-a-kind items,” I said, always quick to defend the job that had come to mean a lot to me over the years. “I love the Fluff and Stuff. You used to love it too.”

  “Right, while I was still in college, studying for my real job.”

  His words stung a little and took me by surprise. I frowned as I turned away from him.

  “It’s real enough to me,” I said quietly.

  “I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean it that way,” he said quickly. “I just meant—you know—when we started working there, we were both just out of high school. It was a college gig for both of us.”

  “But you finished college and I couldn’t pick a major,” I said and shook my head, annoyed at where the conversation was headed. I started to push Max towards the door. “I have to get to class.”

  Max turned to face me. “Sam, please. You know I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  I looked back at him and couldn’t help but smile. His obvious concern for my feelings was touching.

  “I know you didn’t, Max. Besides, I’m the manager now, and that’s much more important than fixing computers,” I said with a shrug.

  “Sam, that is not what I do.”

  “Well, whatever you do”—I waved my hand towards the door of my apartment—“go do it, so I can get ready for class.”

  “Remember, just the leotard!” he hollered over his shoulder, and I could hear him laughing as he walked away.

  End of the preview. This book is currently FREE at Amazon.

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  Lifeguards and Liars (Summer in Diamond Bay, Book 1)

  Chapter 1

  The rumble of the waves that crashed into the sand was punctuated by the laughter of children. Blu Parker took a deep breath of the salty air. She loved getting away from the busy city life to spend the summer at the beach house in Diamond Bay. It was one of the best perks of her current nanny job.

  She watched Marley’s damp blonde curls bounce as she ran back and forth across the sand in front of her. Joey threatened her with a fist full of wet sand.

  “Joey! No throwing sand!” Blu’s sharp voice shattered the otherwise peaceful beach.

  Joey stuck out his tongue and puffed out his chest.

  “Joey, put it down right this second!” Blu unwound herself from the comfortable position she’d settled into moments before and sprang to her feet.

  Joey seemed to sense how thin her patience was as he dropped the mud. “She keeps trying to step on my castle! Make her stop!”

  “I am not!” Marley stuck her hands
on her hips.

  “Here.” Blu used her big toe to draw a wide circle around Joey’s castle. “Marley, you’re not allowed to go inside of this circle. Understand?” She met the four-year-old’s bright blue eyes with her own.

  “Okay.” Marley stuck the tips of her toes at the edge of the line.

  “Stop it!” Joey stomped his foot.

  “I’m not in the circle!” Marley stuck out her tongue.

  Blu took another deep breath of the salty air. “Look at that, Marley—a little crab.” She pointed to the small creature that scuttled across the sand.

  Marley chased after it, forgetting all about her brother’s castle.

  Joey was seven, lanky, and on the verge of being a teenager—according to him. He didn’t have much patience for his little sister’s antics. Blu looked forward to the two spending a little time apart when Joey would be going back to school at the end of summer. But summer had just begun, and Blu had to find creative ways to keep the siblings from torturing one another.

  She settled back down on the beach blanket and glanced over at the lifeguard tower. She always tried to arrive early at the beach to get a spot near the lifeguard. She chose to be close, because she felt it was safer for the kids. Other nannies fought to be near the tower because of the bronzed god that perched atop it.

  The pristine sand was dotted with other young nannies all in perfect shape and unafraid to wear string bikinis, no matter how ridiculous they looked when they bounded after the toddlers they looked after. Blu, on the other hand, had never been able to wear anything other than a one-piece—she felt naked otherwise.

  She dug her toenails into the sand to hide the paint job that Marley had done on her nails that morning. There was more polish on her toes than on her nails.

  Marley ran by and whacked Blu’s brown ponytail. Blu laughed and caught the little girl around the waist. She pulled her close and tickled her belly. As Marley squealed and broke free Blu was reminded of what a good life she lived. Most of the time she was surrounded by luxury and she got to spend her summers at the beach.