A Matter of Time 01 - 02 (Volume 1) (MM)

by Mary Calmes

  "Yeah," I said quickly. "Excuse me, ladies."

  When I was within reach, he grabbed a handful of my sweater and pulled me close. "I wanna go now, okay?"

  "Sure. Why?"

  "Why?"

  "Yeah. Why?"

  "'Cause I just realized something."

  "What's that?"

  His jaw clenched. "I'm better at home."

  "You are home."

  "No, our home."

  Our home? God, the things that came out of the man's mouth. "Okay."

  He put his hand on the side of my neck and leaned his forehead against mine. "Thanks for keeping me grounded today. I have trouble when I'm here. My family expects me to be one way, and so I am."

  I had no idea what that meant. His family wanted him to be a hothead? That made no sense.

  "It's hard to be here sometimes."

  I just took a deep breath, my eyes closing, enjoying his closeness and how he didn't seem to want to move away from me.

  He bumped my jaw with his nose, tilting my head as he buried his face in the side of my neck, inhaling me. "You're definitely good for me."

  I trembled because I couldn't help it As he pulled back, he rubbed his cheek along mine. "I'll get your coat, all right?"

  "Yessir."

  "Say good-bye to my mom."

  "Yessir."

  "Knock it off. What time do I need to drop you off at work in the morning?"

  I shook my head. "I can take the train, no worries."

  "No, idiot. I will drive you so nobody kills you on your way to work. What time does your boss get in?"

  "Eight."

  He grunted.

  "And tomorrow night he's got an event, so you're gonna hafta fend for yourself at dinner."

  "Maybe I'll bring ya some food and eat with ya."

  I scoffed. "Yeah, right."

  His fingers threaded fast through my hair and he yanked me back to him, hard, his breath warm across my face. "You doubt me?"

  I smiled wide, laughing softly. "No sir, Detective."

  Another grunt before he shoved me away and left the room. I looked back at the two women and found them both staring openmouthed at me.

  "What?"

  "Jory," Regina breathed out. "Sam... he... oh... how long are you staying with Sam?"

  "Just until the end of the court case, like I told you. Why?"

  She nodded slowly and her mouth made a slow O as she dragged in a breath.

  "What case?" Rachel asked her mother.

  "I'll tell you later."

  "Jory, honey, we all just love you," Regina said quickly and I smiled at her.

  "Thank you."

  Her eyes were absorbing me.

  "I promise you it's usually not so eventful around here."

  Rachel gave me a big fake smile, lying through her teeth.

  I shrugged. "It's okay. Sometimes families fight, right? No big. But hey, I'm sorry I can't finish up the dishes, but Sam's ready to jet."

  "Honey, you helped enough already," Regina said quietly.

  "I was going to tell you to go sit down and watch some football with the men anyway."

  "Like I didn't enjoy every minute of it." I grinned lazily. "I had a great time."

  "Well, you fit in just perfect," she assured me. "So don't be a stranger."

  I darted across the kitchen and hugged first Regina and then her daughter. "Thanks, guys."

  Sam came back into the room and they both stared at him.

  "What?" he asked irritably.

  His mother just shook her head.

  "Okay then," he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek and then Rachel's. "I'll see ya."

  I took my coat as he held it out for me and reminded him that we needed to stop at the store on the way home because we needed cereal for the morning and Tide so I could finish the laundry.

  "Whatever." He yawned, the exasperation not lost on me.

  I glared at him and the smile I got back was huge.

  "Jesus, you're a pain in the ass," he grumbled, shoving me out the back door in front of him.

  As we walked around the side of the house, he draped an arm around my neck and pulled me tight against him.

  "What're you doing?" I snapped at him, trying to push him off me.

  "You were so jealous."

  "What?"

  "What?" He repeated. "You're so fulla shit. I saw the way you were lookin' at me and Nora."

  "If I was looking at you in any one way, I can assure you it was entirely—"

  His laughter cut me off, rumbling and deep.

  "Screw you," I groused at him, trying to move away.

  He wrapped both arms around my neck and leaned down to talk in my ear, his breath warm and his voice husky before he bit my earlobe gently. "J, it's so hot to see you all worked up. I promise to fuck all this worry right out of you as soon as we get home."

  I shivered hard, leaning back against him, letting his hands run all over me.

  "Yeah, that's what I thought," he said, kissing the side of my neck as I tipped my head to give him better access.

  "Come with me."

  We both heard the call from the front door as we got to the sidewalk.

  "Sam!" his father called from the porch. "Nora needs a ride home. She's close to you."

  "Like hell she is," I said under my breath, which made Sam smile wide. "Let her parents take her."

  "Actually, I've got a lot of stops to make," he yelled back as Nora joined his dad outside.

  "I can go along," Nora smiled at him. "Come on, Sammy!"

  "You know what—" I began, but Sam suddenly grabbed me as he had the night before, throwing me over his shoulder and slapping my ass hard. The indignant gasp came out before I could stop it. "Put me down. You're gonna freak out your dad."

  "Sorry," he yelled back. "Gotta go!"

  When he turned I saw his dad laughing and the wave of relief nearly undid me. The man was clueless and that was good for me. Nora's expression was dark.

  We were both silent in the car until I reached over and put my hand on his thigh. I felt the muscles tense under my hand and looked at his profile.

  "It was harder than I thought, being there."

  "Why?"

  "I don't wanna go places where I can't touch ya if I want."

  "You can do whatever you want, Sam, you just gotta tell people first so they expect it."

  "Tell my folks I'm gonna be all over you. Yeah, that'll be the day."

  "It might not be as bad as you think."

  "No, it'll be worse."

  "You'll hafta do it someday."

  "Do what someday?"

  "Tell your family you're gay."

  "Why would I do that?"

  The warning light went off in my head but I ignored it and ploughed on. "Because when I'm still around in like two, three years, they're gonna start to get suspicious."

  He chuckled. "Who says you will be?"

  I went to move my hand but he covered it with his, holding it in place, his fingers sliding between mine. "Don't get all defensive, just hear me out. I'm a cop, for starters. If I'm gay, I might as well quit right now. It's not even possible for any of the guys I know to ever get past it. And my folks, my family—are you kidding? There's no way. Did you see how excited my mom got when Nora came over? She wants me married with kids, not screwing around with you."

  "So that's it. Just like I said before." I yanked free of his grip and plastered myself against my door. "Once the case is over, I'm outta your house and your life."

  "Well, yeah... what'd you think?"

  I had thought all kinds of ridiculous things. I had been thinking forever because I had fallen for him so fast. I was ready to wrap my life around his.

  "J?"

  I could stick around and try to win him over, try to make him love me so much that he could never let me go. He would get a new and better job, his parents would completely change their perspective and want me for their son, and all his friends would be crazy about me. We would live
happily ever after. And as soon as I thought it I realized how insane it was. I was the one who was an idiot, not him. He couldn't change; I was the only one who could.

  "Hey," he said softly and I looked at him. "You weren't thinking I was gonna—"

  "No." I cleared my throat, looking at the dashboard through swimming eyes. "I was just being stupid."

  "'Cause I never told you this was gonna be a forever thing, J."

  "No, you didn't."

  "I want to have kids. I want exactly what my folks have. I just gotta find the right girl."

  A girl with a dick, I thought but didn't say it. "Sure."

  He laughed at me. "But you don't care. You're not serious here either. I've seen your phone—there are more guys calling than my sisters ever had all put together."

  "Right."

  "You just wanna have fun."

  "Sure."

  "Just like I said, though—while you're in my house, I'm the only one, you understand?"

  I heard it loud and clear. When the experiment was over I would go on my way and he would go back to sleeping with girls, auditioning the mother of his children. I was an interlude, intermission—all the I words applied here. Even if I made myself seemingly indispensable, even if I thought he could not live without me—in the end he would live without me because it was not what he wanted. His heart was not connected to his dick. He could sleep with me from now until he died and still not love me because he was not hardwired that way. Men loved women, not other men. This was a truth like any other for him. Rain fell, the sun shone, men loved women. Period. I was wasting my time thinking it could ever be anything more....

  When his phone rang and he was on it all the way to the grocery store, he let me go in alone. I didn't even care, but I got what we needed and came out. He told me how sorry he was but he had to go to work. There were some things he had to do, no way out of it. He'd drop me at home and be back as soon as he could.

  "I'll put you up against the wall when I get home, J." He smiled at me, his hand on my throat.

  And I shivered because it was suddenly just sex with nothing attached. I felt hollow inside, and as he drove away, I watched the SUV for as long as I could, letting it get smaller and smaller until he turned the corner and disappeared. When I was ready, I took a deep breath and went upstairs to pack. I called my boss on the way up.

  Chapter Thirteen

  A year ago when my boss had to drop me at my place one night, I had invited him in. He walked around my apartment and in the minute and a half that it took him he had nodded several times. When he was done, he faced me and asked when I wanted to move out. I had frowned at him as he explained that he owned a place downtown near Rush Street, very small at five hundred square feet, in an old brick building with all original molding.

  It was a tiny apartment, but clean and very tastefully furnished. The windows could be opened wide and without screens you could lean out into the sky and listen to the music from the jazz piano bar across the street. In the summer there was only the moist breeze through the windows and in the winter just one radiator in the whole place. He told me to wear socks and I'd be fine.

  The building had an outer door that a resident needed a key for or a visitor could be buzzed through. The inner door locked automatically, and you either stepped instantly to the apartment door to the right or went up the five stairs to the second floor. I would be on the fourth, and when I called my boss from the cab after gathering all my possessions from Sam's place, I asked him if he still owned it. He did. I then asked if anyone was living in it. No one was. I asked if I could and he said yes, very fast. He told me that he would send movers to my old place in Oak Park first thing the following morning to get my mattress and box spring. I would have to sleep on the couch the first night. He would meet me there in a half an hour to give me the keys.

  "Don't you even want to know why I'm finally taking you up on your offer?"

  "I don't care. I just want you out of the hovel you currently live in."

  "You never said how much you hated it."

  "It wasn't my place to let my sentiments be known... until now."

  I sighed. "Listen, I don't want charity, boss. I can hire my own movers."

  "No, you can't," he assured me. "My movers will clean up your place so you can get your deposit back after they bring over your bed. Do you have anything else left over there at all?"

  "Some cottage cheese that used to be milk in the fridge and a few granola bars."

  "That's not what I meant."

  "I have a lava lamp."

  He ignored my comment. "You have your laptop and all your clothes?"

  "Yes."

  "Good. I'll see you in a few minutes. Wait for me on the front stoop."

  He was in his Sunday afternoon clothes, cashmere trench coat and a charcoal suit with a navy polo underneath; his boots clipped the pavement as he walked toward me.

  "Sorry," I called over to him.

  I got just barely a smile, the curl of his lip at the corner.

  "You exhaust me," he said softly, the voice husky and deep.

  "But I seem to enjoy it."

  I smiled as my phone rang and I saw Sam's number flash on my display.

  "Shall I?" he asked me, holding out his hand.

  I traded him my phone for the keys.

  "Detective Kage," he said curtly. "This is Dane Harcourt, Jory's boss. Yes, very well, thank you. Uh-huh, yes... yes, he is. No, I don't think that will be necessary. I have decided that I can't, in good conscience, have Jory stay with you a moment longer. It would be too great a burden for you, as your lifestyles are nothing alike. So I've moved him into an apartment of mine that I can assure you is very secure and quite tucked away. He'll be safe there and safe at work, so you give us a call when you're ready for him to show up at court." He listened a moment. "Sorry? Oh no-no, it's no trouble at all. I mean, let's be blunt, once the trial is over you would have been sending him back home anyway. This way he can move now and get settled into a new life, a new routine. I mean, you didn't really want to be saddled with him anyway, did you?"

  I waited, straining to hear.

  "There, see, I didn't think so," he said nonchalantly.

  "Please do call me, Detective when you need him." One perfectly shaped brow arched elegantly. "Because, unlike you, I have a vested interest in his welfare. I can't get along without him." He finished with a deep rumbling chuckle.

  "Thank you, Detective, you too," he said as he hung up, smiling at me.

  "What?"

  "Nothing," he grunted. "Now listen to me. There's a bodega at the end of the street to your right and a Cuban place across the street from here. To your left is a fairly good Chinese restaurant and an exceptionally good record store that still sells vinyl."

  "Thanks, boss, I'm sure walking around at night in this neighborhood will be fun."

  "Indeed."

  "We haven't even talked about the rent yet."

  "I'm not worried about it, Jory. I know where you work."

  I smiled at him and he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed tight. "Just rest. Watch some TV, go get some Cuban food... relax. Sit in the window and freeze. Whatever you want."

  I nodded and he lifted his hand to put it down on my shoulder.

  "We'll get you all moved in the morning."

  "Yessir."

  "Get some rest. You're going to be up late tomorrow."

  I nodded and he squeezed my shoulder gently before he turned and left the apartment. I locked the door behind him and found I instantly liked the feel of the place. It was immaculately clean, didn't have the cramped oppressiveness of my old apartment simply because of the layout, and when I opened the windows, the cool breeze blew through the room.

  I liked the wooden floors, the overstuffed burlap couch, and the tiny kitchenette. My dishes would arrive the following day, but in the meantime I would use the circa 1972 set that my boss had left me. It sort of went along with everything else.

  Outside there
were the noises of the night, people on the street, cars going by, the jazz trumpet, and my neighbors coming and going. It was all very comforting as I sat there and cried over Sam Kage. My heart was breaking, and the fact that he didn't call back told me that my drama was too much for him, and by leaving I had made a decision final for him. Logically it was for the best, but I would miss the presence of him, his strength and dominance. I went and lay down on the couch. I didn't get back up.

  * * * *

  In college I had to take a fitness class as one of my requirements, and one of the things we learned was that your body doesn't know the difference between physical pain and emotional pain. That's why grief, if left unchecked, can eventually kill you. People who are grieving complain that their whole bodies hurt. I never second-guess them, I take that as the truth and do what I can to get them some food or help clean their house. The way I dragged around for the entire week, Jill and Celia finally told me to have a funeral for my dead love life and move on. I told them we could go out drinking instead. They were game and we took Piper and hit the Pink Cadillac after work on Friday. After that I took everyone back to my new digs and they oohed and aahed over how cute it was inside. We were going to have dinner at the Cuban place and were having more drinks at home before we left. All I had was vodka, so I mixed it with cranberry juice and Sprite.

  "How was Dane's dinner party on Monday?" Piper giggled around the lip of her glass.

  "Oh screw you," I groaned, sitting down between Jill and Celia, both of them instantly touching me, hands on my shoulder, hands on my thighs.

  "I heard it was awesome," Jill chimed in. "But you were there until like two in the morning, weren't you?"

  "Yeah," I said quickly, nodding, which sent them all into peals of laughter.

  My boss had fifteen people for dinner and I had it catered at the very last minute. It went off flawlessly but only because I stood in the kitchen and went in and out, checking, making sure the drinks were served and the appetizers, then the meal, dessert, coffee, and finally nightcaps. I hooked my iPod up to his stereo and played jazz all night and had the tables decorated with roses from my favorite florist, who always came through for me. The e-mails and thank-you notes gushed over an elegant, intimate evening that had been enjoyed by all. I had received my usual "well done" in the manner of a brief nod. He never said thank you, he just hired movers and made sure I had a safe place to live. It was like, I never got a birthday present, but out of the blue, for no reason, he had given me my iPhone, and on another occasion told me to take the company card and buy new clothes. It was how he worked.