The Warlock Weapon

by Pearl Goodfellow

  “If he did overdose, then I’d say it wasn’t on purpose. Probably just got a few nasty bouts of indigestion and quaffed his pills like they were smarties, thinking it was his heart playing up.” I sighed. “Okay, so what now?”

  “Well, I guess we can talk about what needs doing?”

  “Sure, so…” I squinted my eyes and began going through what we needed to do, who we needed to talk to et cetera. “Well, presuming Orville already has it, we need to find out what’s in the core of that gadget,” I began.

  “Yep,” David agreed. “We also have to find out why Zinnie and Ulrich decided to keep the fact that they’re siblings from us.”

  “Plus, why Zinnie didn’t show up for the last two days of Kramp’s stay here.”

  “Right.”

  “What about Typhon Jyldrar?”

  David ran a hand absentmindedly through his white streak of hair. “Yep, Typhon too. We don’t know the first thing about this character, so I guess it’s time we found out some of his history.”

  “Oh, and we’ll need to get to North Illwind at some point,” I said. “To find out more about Kramp’s secret love and love child.”

  “I’ll call Barnabus’ doctor tomorrow too. Find out how many pills should be left in that bottle. Shouldn’t be a problem, the doc’ll have the prescription-fill date, so we can work back from there.”

  “You have the pills in the evidence room?”

  David gave me an affirmative nod.

  “The bell, too,” the chief said. “We haven’t been there to see how Artemus and Carpathia are getting on since they started work.”

  “I know. And, I feel bad, but it’s not exactly like we’ve been lying around watching movies, David,” I said.

  The chief grunted.

  “Plus, you have a Custodian’s meeting coming up,” I offered. David’s eyebrows raised in question. I shrugged and pretended to be indifferent. “Portia said that you guys need to meet .. to talk about the bell and everything.” I was intentionally vague. Childish and jealous, Hattie.

  “Well, it’s getting late now,” David looked at the clock hanging above his desk. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he huffed, reaching up to tap the defunct time piece with an irritated finger.

  I smiled. “I guess you’re just timeless, chief.”

  “Outdated, more like,” he joked. “Okay, well, let’s wrap this up for the evening. I’m exhausted, and I know you’ll be happier than anyone if you know I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep.”

  “True, Trew,” I said, standing. “Start at the bell in the morning? Get the easy ‘housekeeping’ tasks out of the way with first?” I asked.

  “Works for me,” David said. “”I’ll have my men find Jyldrar in the meantime, and I’ll have him brought in for questioning. Hopefully, Typhon will be waiting for us by the time we’ve gotten through the mundane stuff. I’ll text you in the morning and meet you at St. Pen’s,” he said, standing. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I climbed Saint Pendragon’s mount with four of my kitties in tow. The hill up to the church proper was indecently steep, and I didn’t enjoy the way my thigh muscles shook as I ascended.

  “...yeah, so she’s got over two thousand followers already,” Shade chirped from near my ankle. My Romeo cat was moseying up the hill beside me, and regaling me with stories about his girlfriend’s Instagram account, of all things. Miss. Poof’s handle on Instagram was ‘Wild and Poofiful,’ and the pretty seal-point wowed her followers with artistically shot images of her in nature. Shade was obsessed.

  “Is that right?” I said raising an eyebrow, but only half listening.

  “Yeah, Poof’s got, like, a jungle series, a desert series, and my favorite, the cottage garden series.” Shade held a paw to his heart and looked at me. “Seriously, boss, bae among the flowers? Her face framed in pink and white? Every cat’s dream,” he murmured breathily.

  “You’re one lucky guy,” I panted.

  “You know it, boss,” Shade said.

  A beaming Thaddeus Peacefield waited near the open doors of the church at the top of the hill, his arms extended in greeting.

  “Hattie, kitties, how wonderful you could come. I do believe there’s been a little bit of success this morning, already,” he enthused, bending down to give each of the cats a head rub. “Please, go right on up, find out the latest, and I’ll follow you right after with some hot cider, and warm cheddar scones,” he said, his welcoming vibe nearly knocking me down with its powerful first wave. The Reverend Peacefield was a beacon of goodness. I liked him tremendously, and my kitties adored him too. Being in Thaddeus’ company was one of only a handful of places where my timid kitty could relax. Fraidy gave the vicar full body rubs across the man’s shins as if to prove my theory.

  My stomach growled at a ridiculously loud volume. Was it wrong that I was already hoping that the hard workers up in the bell tower wouldn’t be hungry, just so I could have two, maybe three of Thaddeus Peacefield’s fresh baked scones?

  “So indignified,” Gloom sniped. “What kind of animal signals their hunger with a loud and rampant gush of gastric juices? It’s gross.” My grumpy cat slinked off, apparently too disgusted to be within six feet of me and my gurgling tummy.

  “Actually, dear sister, all animals are prone to a gastric eruption,” Onyx opined, trotting after his sibling so he could further elucidate on his statement.

  “I wouldn’t classify it as an ‘eruption,’” I protested under my breath, as we made our way to the bell tower.

  “Don’t worry, boss,” Shade said, ambling beside me. “I think it sounded brave. A sound a big cat would make, and you know how cool our big bro's are,” he said, grinning at me.

  I smiled at my furry ally and played along. “What, you think it sounded like a panther roar?”

  “More like a Tiger belch, or a Lion fart.”

  “What the?...”

  Shade trotted off with a jaunty bounce, pleased he could boost my confidence levels with his flattering observations.

  When I reached the last step at the top of the bell tower, my thighs were no longer shaking. They were liquified.

  I collapsed against the inside wall of the tower and heaved in ragged breath’s until I could finally greet my friends.

  “Artemus, Carpathia,” I huffed, wiping my brow with the sleeve of my jacket. “How’s it going? The Reverend says you’ve made some progress?” I gave each of my good friends a hug.

  “Darling, we have exposed an edge of the artifact, look!” Carpathia grabbed my arm and directed me toward the bell. I could see us both approaching in the polished brass of the bell itself. Carpathia, wrapped in her daytime wear of aloe soaked bandages, wide-brimmed hat, and sunglasses, warped and melted in the glint of the rolling metal.

  “See?” She pointed with a bandaged finger toward what looked like the edge of a piece of paper. I leaned in closer, but my view was blocked by three cat heads, each leaning in close to inspect the anomaly for themselves.

  “Guys, please,” I said, glaring at my detective kitties.

  “Oh, my Goddess,” Gloom said. “It looks like this is going to be lifted out of here soon, yeah?” She asked Artemus. Evidently, she was impressed with the progress.

  “Hopefully, kitty, yes,” Artemus said, crouching to Gloom’s level so he could rub her under the chin.

  “And, hopefully, it’s nothing more threatening than a W-w-warlock shopping list,” Fraidy chimed. I ignored his reverse fearmongering.

  “You guys have been amazing,” I said, rising to full height. “Seriously. I know you’ve been out here all hours trying to dig this thing out.” I turned to my vampire friend. “Carpathia, I also wanted to thank you for picking up the Warlock device at the station last night,” I said. “We’d have lost it to the halls of bureaucracy if you hadn’t have stepped in.”

  The vampire grinned, but I couldn’t make out her lips or teeth through the narrow slit of the bandages. Her mouth was a bl
ack line. “It’s with Orville, now, sweetie,” she said. “Let’s see what our geeky super-teen makes of it, shall we?”

  I nodded. “Artemus, Gabrielle must feel like a widow these days, with you up here all the time?” My sometimes lab assistant looked tired.

  “Gabbie’s offensively understanding,” Artemus chuckled. “She’s been across every day after work with good, fresh food,” he said, patting his stomach.

  “I don’t doubt it,” I said. “You’re Gabrielle’s world and soul.”

  I meant it. Gabrielle and Artemus might only be a ‘recent item,’ but their love, respect, and friendship for one another were real. Theirs was one of the most solidly safe relationship’s I’d seen in my lifetime. If I had to pick which one of them was luckier, I’d have to say Artemus, but only because he was the one who got to sample Gabrielle’s fabulous baked goods, and homemade meals on a daily basis.

  Footsteps and the sound of laughter came from the stairs. I recognized David’s snigger. I don’t know why but something inside me felt lighter for hearing my friend’s good cheer. Thaddeus and David shared a joke as they stepped into the bell tower proper.

  I knelt down to show David what days of hard work from Carpathia and Artemus had uncovered. The chief pulled out a pen and carefully lifted the edge of the exposed paper. A paw shot out of nowhere, batting the pen out of David’s hands. My friend stood and peered down under the skirt of the bell. Two jet black eyes stared up at him.

  “I can see you, Shade,” David said, bending down to pick up the pen. A streak of black skidded under the chief’s hand, slapping the pen toward the bell where it smashed against its casing. The reverberating sound was surprisingly ‘acute.’

  Shade stepped out from the ringer’s skirt, wobbling, his eyes a little glassy. Gloom smiled at her handiwork.

  “From the earliest of times, cats have appreciated writing implements,” Onyx explained to everyone. “From the stone age rock chisels, to fountain pens, to electronic Stylo's, felines, because of their supreme intelligence level, when compared to the rest of the animal kingdom, have had the urge to write and study.”

  “Onyx, cats don’t have the urge to write, buddy. That’s just you. You’re talking about yourself,” David said.

  I shook my head. “Well, anyway, guys, you’ve done a remarkable job. Honestly,” I said to my companions.

  Thaddeus passed around the tray of scones and hot cider, and I acted surprised. Like I wasn’t expecting to be eating hot, buttered scones so early in the morning, and I took one from the plate like it was a complete novelty to me.

  In truth, I watched the tray like a hawk as the plate was passed around. Willing everyone to refuse Peacefield’s fare

  The team let me down.

  Every last hand reached for the proffered baked goods.

  Damn, now only one scone remained. How could I possibly angle for the last one?

  “So you’re going to see how young Orville’s getting on with the Warlock gadget?” Artemus asked, writing a Reveal charm on a piece of cream colored vellum. He dipped the thick paper in a brass bowl of emerald green liquid and then placed it, face down, on top of where the half uncovered artifact lay. He pasted it, using a unicorn-hair brush. “We’ll let that work its magic,” he said, standing up.

  “Artemus, you have … what is that, dirt?” I pointed to his pants, to where a thick black smudge stained the pale fabric.

  “What on earth is that?” Artemus said, brushing furiously at his pants while swiveling his head around to spot the object that had muddied his clean clothes.

  I saw Fraidy slinking, low-profile, toward the cover of the bell.

  Weird.

  “How long do you think it’s gonna take?” CPI Trew asked, pointing to Artemus’ work.

  It was the Reverend Peacefield who answered. “Oh, I suspect within a couple of days, tops, chief. You can see, we’ve really had remarkable progress since I found the Reveal charm in one of the old grimoires in the second vault.

  David asked: “The Avalon Vaults?”

  “Indeed, CPI Trew, indeed,” Thaddeus said rubbing his hands together. The Reverend looked so happy. I suspected he was getting his mystery fix through this series of thrilling events that were happening in his own backyard. Or, bell tower, rather.

  “Rev, we’d really prefer if you didn’t get involved,” I said gently, laying a hand on the vicar’s arm.

  “Oh, I do not intend to jump into anything dangerous,” Thaddeus assured me. “But, what’s the use of all that ancient knowledge down there,” he nodded his head toward the church and its famous vaults. “If we don’t get to put it to good use? Really, it’s the least I can do. And, if I do say so myself, the charm has put us on track for recovering the artifact.”

  Both Artemus and Carpathia nodded at me, to confirm what the vicar was saying was true.

  “Well, it looks like you guys have everything under control,” the chief said, wiping the last of the crumbs from his chin, and washing it down with a slug of cider. “There’s a lot we need to fill you in on, but the truth is we don’t have time. Hattie and I have to get to the Gorthland Swamps by this afternoon. And … well, a host of other things,” he finished, giving me an ‘eat your scone and hurry up’ look.

  I responded with my ‘I’m hoping for one more before we leave,’ glare.

  But, David had ushered me toward the stairs before the tray with the solitary scone was passed around again. The cats waited eagerly on the top step. I turned and offered an apologetic goodbye to the Reverend, Carpathia, and Artemus. I felt a little guilty for showing up, eating, and leaving. Perhaps it was for the best that I didn’t have a second scone. My guilt was at an ugly enough level as it was.

  “Hurry it, lady,” Gloom said, as I stepped past her. “We have to get the rest of the crew first.”

  There was no point in arguing with my grouchy cat. All of the Infiniti wanted to see their Faery cousin. Gloom was as excited as her siblings at the prospect of visiting with Portia’s guest, Hinrika Jonsdottir.

  “HAT, anything you can do to calm these kitties down?” David shouted at me across the six or so feet gap between our brooms, as we headed East toward the Gorthlands. The wind felt like it had been laced with razor blades, it was so sharp and brisk.

  I looked behind my friend, to see four of my kitties in various states of restlessness, pacing along the handle of his broom.

  Jet bounced on the spot right at the end of the besom, which made the ride jolt and lose altitude on more than one occasion.

  “Jet, buddy, keep still, okay?” I called out to my zippy cat. “You won’t see your cousin if we crash before we get there.”

  “Yep, cuz, yep!”

  He bounced. And an already pacing Midnight, Onyx, and a squirming Fraidy slid down toward their brother with the spring-loaded paws.

  “Ack!” Fraidy screeched. “Hattie, tell him to stop jumping! He’s going to get us killed!!”

  David’s reaction was lightning-quick as he pushed the nose of the besom downward to correct the weight imbalance.

  “Jet!” I scolded. “Stay still!”

  Jet’s excitement drained from his face. “Yep,” he beeped. “I’m a statue, boss, yep.”

  He became motionless, but for a sheepish grin.

  Fraidy, Onyx and Midnight recovered their former positions, and David’s broom finally looked like it was on course again.

  Carbon tittered from behind me. “I think our bro sniffed a bit too much of the ‘nip’ this morning.”

  “He’s stashing it, you know?” Eclipse chimed in. I turned on my broom.

  “He what?”

  “Yeah, he’s got a stash under the bed. He buries it under Fraidy’s sweater fortress because he knows you’d never look there,” my enigmatic cat stated matter-of-factly.

  “It’s true,” Gloom said. “There’s probably enough of the herb under there now to start a small business.”

  “Cat cartel,” Shade chuckled.

  “It’s not f
unny guys,” I said, turning my broom southbound to follow David. “His dosage needs to be measured carefully. It’s not good for him to go overboard on this stuff. And, I hate it that he doesn’t tell me about it.”

  “He’s an addict, what did you expect?” Gloom quipped. “Addicts always lie to hide their habit.”

  I shook my head and banked right until we were flying directly above the Gorthland Swamps. I saw Jet’s rear end wagging from side to side on David’s broom.

  Keep it together, buddy. I mentally urged my cat. The chief’s brush remained steady as we circled over Gaunt Manor, Portia Fearwyn’s spooky residence.

  “There she is! There she is!” My broom suddenly dropped from the sky like a sack of baby elephants, as the four cats behind me bounced and caterwauled at the vision that had grabbed their attention below. I pulled my broom up and steadied my course as I gazed down on the Faery Queen, Hinrika Jonsdottir. Dressed in one of her finest gowns, and a pair of Wellington boots, the cats Fae cousin looked as much of a lunatic as she ever did. Her face gazed skyward, as her long blond hair tumbled behind her. There was no doubt; the fairy was incredibly beautiful. Flawless, creamy skin, the clearest, truthfully blue eyes, and a set of cupid’s bow lips to finish off the perfection. But, all that beauty fell into a cave of horror as soon as the Faery Queen opened her mouth. Even from this height, I could see her black maw stretching up into an obsidian, maniac grin.

  If Jet had an addiction to catnip, then Hinrika’s dependence was on Icelandic licorice. The eccentric fairy’s diet seemed to consist entirely of this black candy, and her mouth, teeth, and tongue were as dark as soot from her years of rampant abuse.

  Hinrika twirled and laughed below us, just as excited as the cats to see one of her kin.

  Miraculously, I managed to bring the broom down to semi-dry land before the cats brought it out of the air with their frenzied fidgeting. David didn’t get off so lucky. Onyx, Jet, Fraidy and Midnight jumped while the chief was still about twenty feet in the air. The end of his broom leapt skyward, and the CPI fell forward in the direction of the ground. Luckily, with years of physical training under his belt, David pulled off an excellent forward roll as he hit the ground.