by Lisa Heaton
He returned with their food and dropped Sophie's off at her desk. “I’ve got a few errands to run, so I’ll be out the rest of the day.”
Sophie nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Josh nodded and turned to go.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, she thought as she watched his truck back out of the lot. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but she had hoped for a little more positive reception than that. He wasn’t cold, necessarily, but neither was he warm. If anything, he was professional. For the time being, if that’s what he needed, that’s what she would be. Trust came with time. After the way she had hurt him, Josh needed to see she could be trusted.
It crossed her mind that during the slow season he might not have enough jobs to cover her salary, so she texted: I don’t need to be paid during the slow season. I’ll come in and help part-time for free until things pick back up.
Josh: Whatever!
She stared at her screen. Was that a “whatever you want to do” whatever? Or did he mean the eye-roll kind of whatever? She decided not to ask.
The next morning she arrived with blueberry muffins in hand and took them to the kitchen, intentionally not looking to see if Josh was in his office. When she got to her office and started to sit, she looked across the hall at an empty space. Josh had moved his desk so that he wasn’t looking in her direction. Her heart fell at the realization that he didn’t want to see her.
Her words to him the day after her birthday came to mind. She had said she didn’t want to see him because it was too painful. Now he was feeling the same way.
She wasn’t going to cry, at least not until she made it to her car and out of the lot. With all the strength she could muster, she put on her coat and walked out the front door. Just as she reached her car, she heard him call after her.
“Look at Sophie run!”
She spun around. Josh was standing on the porch barefooted and eating a muffin.
“Fighters don’t run just because someone moves his desk,” he said mid-chew.
“I’m making you miserable.”
Josh jogged down the stairs to where she stood by her car. “Looking at you could never make me miserable.” He took a step closer. “You distract me.”
“I do?” Her voice was soft.
“Yeah. I’m trying my best to be professional. That’s hard to do with you sitting across from me.”
“So it’s okay that I’m back?”
“It’s more than okay. I need you here. And yes, I can afford you.”
He looked down at his feet. “Mind if we finish this inside?”
They went back in, and Josh went for another muffin. When he came back to stand in her office door, he said, “We’ll go this afternoon to get your furniture.”
Sophie nodded. “Sounds good.”
That was all he said before he turned around, went into his office, and disappeared from her sight.
It wasn’t like the old days of flirting and gazing at one another, but what could she expect? He wanted to keep things professional. She had to respect that and try to build something new from the ground up. At least she knew he loved her. Even though he maintained his distance, she had that to hold on to.
The next day Sophie came into the office to find Josh’s desk pointing in her direction again. That made her smile. She had a fight ahead of her still, but it was nice to know he wasn’t very good at resisting.
During the night, she had thought of several ways she could win him back. She plotted and planned until she had fallen asleep. The morning brought with it a new word, however. When she sat to study her Bible, something she read changed her strategy.
The passage was in the Old Testament book of Leviticus. It talked about a year of rest for the land, not to sow the field nor prune the vineyard. The verse spoke something into her heart that she wasn’t sure she yet understood.
For the time being, she knew it had to do with her pursuit of her relationship with Josh. Rather than doing something over-the-top to win him, she needed to prove her day-to-day devotion to him. It’s what he had given her when they were together.
If he wasn’t ready to go beyond a professional relationship now, she would give him time. She owed him that.
What she knew deep down, though, was that this was a more profound revelation, one for her and her walk of faith. Her quiet time with God had ended that morning before she could understand what it all might mean.
“I’m heading out. I’ll be working at a job site today,” Josh said from her doorway.
She looked up at him and broke into a smile. “Okay. I’ll hold down the fort.”
“Don’t stay too late if you don’t need to. I won’t be back until late.”
Sophie nodded. “See you tomorrow.”
When he was gone, she made a grumpy face and wished she had said something more. Part of her had wanted to invite him to dinner, but something about it felt too soon. She wasn’t sure if she was afraid of his saying no or if it was a check in her spirit.
She did leave earlier than usual. On the way home that afternoon, once she exited the interstate, Sophie drove past the coffee shop she had been avoiding the past months. She switched lanes and jumped into the median and then made a U-turn to go back.
Inside the shop, the smell of coffee drew her in and made her heart beat a little faster. The table where she had first sat with Josh was free, so she dropped her bag there and went to order her coffee.
The girl said, “Anything else?”
Sophie looked at the travel mug with the coffee shop logo and said, “Yeah, throw in two of the mugs.”
She would leave Josh’s sitting by the coffee pot at work the next morning. Though she wasn’t going to bombard him, she would remind him every day how they had come to be. That would have to be enough for now.
Finally home, Sophie did something she hadn’t in months. She opened her blinds overlooking her patio and then cracked open the door and stepped out. Everything was dead and barren. Dropped leaves covered her beds. Her patio was a mess, so she went to get a broom. When she started to sweep, she noticed much of the debris was dried rose petals from when Josh had proposed. Beneath her patio chairs, along her retaining wall, and tucked behind her flower pots, there were hundreds of them. Instead of sweeping them up, she went to get a bag to collect them. For over an hour she picked through winter debris to uncover her rose petals.
Once inside, she found a large clear cylinder and filled it with her petals. They would be her reminder that she would someday marry that man who loved her enough make such a production of his first proposal.
The following morning, Sophie met with God on her patio. It was much too cold to stay out for more than a few minutes, but for that brief time, she felt Him speak into her heart. She was the one who had needed time to rest her fields and not prune her vineyards. That’s what her time away from Josh had been. She had grown with the Lord in ways she never dreamed before. Her willingness to give Kevin a chance if that was God’s will was proof of that. That one act was evidence of her maturing faith.
God knew she had needed time to heal after Kevin’s affairs. She needed to learn to depend on Jesus, even when her circumstances claimed He wasn’t listening to her prayers. That was why He had granted such peace when she had broken off her relationship with Josh. God had pulled her away with Him for a season, to show her that Jesus was spring to her, her new beginning after a long gray winter. Impenetrable – that’s what her faith had needed to become. That’s what it was now.
Until she was again grounded in her walk with God, her relationship with Josh would continue to have cracks where weeds of doubt could creep in. God knew what they both needed and had supplied the time and room to grow.
The last two days of the work week had passed with things remaining much the same between Josh and Sophie. He was polite and professional but clearly maintaining his distance. He worked more out of the office than in, something he never did before. She tried not
to read too much into that since he was running smaller crews. Still, she had to wonder.
It was a Friday night alone, so Sophie ordered pizza and settled in to watch TV. Just after seven, she saw a car pull into the drive. Chloe was there.
In the past few days since Christmas Eve, Sophie hadn’t heard much from her, only brief texts to check in.
“Hey,” Chloe said when she came into the living room.
Sophie stood and reached for her. With her arms around her daughter’s neck, she said, “I’m glad to see you, glad you came home.”
“I was wondering if I could stay here until I go back to school?”
“What? Why would you even ask?”
“I didn’t know if everything was okay between us.”
“Everything is always okay between us,” Sophie said. “I assumed you were still mad at me.”
Chloe sat down on the sofa and opened the pizza box. “I wasn’t mad at you.” She smiled. “I was so proud of how you stood up to Grandmother Banks. It was about time someone did.”
“Yeah, I’m sure your dad was upset,” she said and sat next to her girl.
Chloe didn’t respond at first. She took a bite of the cold pizza and then tossed it back into the box.
“I can warm that up.” Sophie began to stand.
“No, I’m fine. I don’t think I can eat anyway.”
Sophie moved closer and rested her hand on Chloe’s leg. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know what I was thinking.” Chloe rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. “How did you know?”
“Know what?”
“About Daddy, that he was seeing someone?”
“I guess I went through it for so many years that I knew what to look for.”
Chloe looked up at Sophie with tears pooled in her eyes. “He was still sleeping with Jamie all along. He admitted it after you left.”
Sophie nodded. The private calls at the mall had been a dead giveaway. She didn’t care enough to ask or try to peek at his phone. Everybody’s boyfriend was no longer her problem.
“Imagine how hurt you would have been if you had trusted him. I’m sorry I tried to manipulate you into going back to that. You were right.”
“It all worked out.”
“I’m so sorry, Mom. Sorry for how I acted, sorry for everything.”
“I knew you were hurting.” Sophie wrapped her arm around Chloe.
“I’m like him. Austin said so.”
“Who, like your dad?”
“Yeah, I see it now. I don’t want to be like that.”
“You don’t have to be.” Sophie gave Chloe a little squeeze. “I know a different side of you.”
“I won’t stand in your way again. I want you to be happy.”
“I will be again,” Sophie said.
“Everything’s okay with Josh?”
Sophie didn’t say anything at first. Okay wasn’t a word she would use yet. “Not okay. I’m hoping we can work through it.”
“What do you mean? You’re not back with him?”
“No. I’m back at work, but we’re not back together.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I think it’ll work out eventually.” Sophie sat back and shrugged. “He doesn’t trust me right now. I can’t blame him after the way I hurt him.”
After a while watching TV together, Chloe unloaded her bags from her car and took them to her room. She came back out and said she was going to meet friends. Sophie kissed her goodbye and walked with her to the door. She noticed how Chloe would barely look at her.
“Don’t worry. Everything will work out as it’s supposed to.”
“I just thought…” Chloe looked away. “I thought we mattered enough to him that he would change.”
“You do matter to your dad.” Sophie took Chloe’s face in her hands. “Honestly, I think I matter to your dad in a way. He’s just mixed up.”
“I’m glad you were smarter than to fall for it.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Less than an hour after Chloe left, Sophie’s phone sounded.
Josh: I see you’re sending ur kid to fight for u now
Sophie: What?!
Josh: She was sweet and told me how sorry she was for being a brat – her words ;)
Sophie: I know she feels bad.
Josh: U have a good kid
Sophie: Yeah, I do.
Josh: Babe, we’re gonna be okay. I just want to take this slow
Tears sprang to her eyes, and next thing she knew she was crying out loud. Those months without him had been agonizing. Now, to be so close yet so far away from him was making her wonder.
Sophie: What if we’re not?
Her phone rang, and she tried to hide her sniffle when she answered.
Josh didn’t say anything for a few seconds. When he did, he said, “Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You say we’ll be okay, yet you’re still so distant. Say it one more time, and I’ll believe you.”
“I promise you; we will be okay.”
“There’s no one else, right?”
He sighed into the phone. “There’s no one else. There has never been anyone else. There will never be anyone else.”
That made her cry harder.
“I love you, Soph. Nothing will ever change that.”
They talked a while longer until Chloe came to her bedroom door.
She hung up with Josh and snuggled with Chloe when her girl slid into bed with her.
“Was that Josh?”
“Yeah.”
“So he told you I went to see him?”
“He did.”
Chloe’s shoulders sank. “When he came to see me, back when you first broke it off, he wasn’t a psycho.”
“I know, sweetie.”
“Actually,” Chloe looked away. “He was just broken.” Her voice cracked when she said, “He loves you so much.”
“I know that too.”
“You know what he said tonight?”
“What?”
“Even after all I’ve done, he said that because I’m a part of you, he loves me. He said he forgave me even before I asked.”
“I hope now you see what I see in him.”
“I do, Mom. And I tried to convince him to take you back.” She shook her head. “He said now he’s just hurt because you wouldn’t fight for him.”
“I’m trying to make that better. It’ll just take some time.”
“I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
“I don’t blame you for this. Believe it or not, I think this time apart was good for us. I had some growing up I needed to do.”
They were quiet for a few minutes until Chloe said, “Sloppy joes, huh?”
Sophie smiled at the memory of her rant at Kevin’s mother’s. “Yeah.”
Chloe grinned back. “You’ve gotta love a guy who likes sloppy joes.”
On New Year’s Eve, Chloe went out with friends. Karen had come to town to see her parents, so Sophie had met her for lunch. The best news she had received in a long time was when Karen said they were moving back to Nashville. It would be good to have her friend back home. They had both laughed and tried to imagine future double dates with tattooed Josh and stuffy Louis the banker.
Now, Sophie was home alone. The office was closed that day, so she hadn’t seen Josh or heard from him.
To stay up and watch the ball drop alone seemed too sad, so she got into her jammies early, looking forward to waking up to a new year. If anyone needed a new year, one filled with new possibilities and a second chance with Josh, she did.
Just as she settled in, her phone sounded.
Josh: I’m alone for New Years. I just didn’t want u to wonder
She replied: I’m alone too.
Josh: I hoped so!
Josh: See u back at work
Sophie: See you.
That was it, but that was enough. It had been on her mind all d
ay that he might have a date. Now, she could at least go to sleep without wondering.
Chapter Twenty-One
Work was good. Chloe was back at school, and life was developing a new rhythm. Sophie enjoyed her new life as much as she could with Josh still in a faraway place. She saw him every day at the office but not usually for long. He spent so much time away during the month of January that Sophie was again questioning whether or not there was still hope.
The first week of January he had gone with the crews to remove Christmas lights from homes and businesses, but after that he kept leaving for much of every workday. When he was in the office, he acted as if all was okay, but his absences concerned her. What if their time apart had caused Josh to reconsider?
No matter her fears, though, she wasn’t giving up. In fact, she had a new sense of determination to fight out loud, no longer satisfied with quiet dedication through day-to-day life. She would pull out the big guns now. At the moment, her ammunition was red velvet cookies since she wanted to save the cupcakes for his birthday in a couple of weeks.
When removing the last of the cookies from the sheet, one broke. She had to smile at that as she reached for the cookie. Instead of eating it, she set it on the platter with the whole ones. She didn’t want the broken cookie this time, and she sure didn’t feel that old desire for it all to look perfect.
Since Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday, she would start wooing him the day before. With the platter of cookies in hand, she walked into the office and took them to the kitchen. She made a fresh pot of coffee and rinsed Josh’s coffee shop mug and placed it next to the coffee pot.
For him, sweets and coffee were sturdy artillery. Sophie's next shot would hit him on an even deeper level.
Once Josh came in from meeting with the crews, she watched him walk into his office with his cup in one hand and several cookies in the other.
“Morning, Soph,” he said from across the hall.
