by Lisa Heaton
“Morning,” she said and waited for his reaction.
His burst of laughter made her laugh too. She had rummaged through the kids’ packs of Valentine’s Day cards the night before until she found Star Wars. The one she chose for him was two lightsabers shaped into a heart. The caption read: You’re the Obi Wan for me.
“I like this.” Josh stood in the doorway holding his card. “It’s not Valentine’s Day, though.”
“I didn’t know if I would see you tomorrow.”
In case she didn’t, she had wanted to make a lasting impression. A reminder of the night they first held hands was only phase one.
Sophie stood, feeling less assured than she tried to appear, and moved from behind her desk. With red stiletto heels clicking on the hardwood, she never took her eyes off his as she stopped and leaned against the corner of her desk. His eyes traveled down her black skinny jeans and came to rest on her feet. The way he drew in a long breath and blinked a few times made her pulse race.
Finally, he looked back up with only a trace of a smile. Without answering about the next day, he turned and walked back into his office. “Thanks for the cookies,” he said over his shoulder.
“You’re welcome.”
Her face contorted into a grimace. She had higher hopes than that.
Josh left for another mystery job, and Sophie got busy with work. Lunchtime rolled around, and since she hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast, she went to the kitchen to make a meal of cookies. She was eating her third cookie when Josh poked his head around the corner.
Just as he had done before, he allowed his eyes to trail down her legs and to her feet. They lingered there. When he looked back at her, he said, “Red velvet cookies – not fighting fair.”
“You told me to fight. You said nothing about fighting fair.”
“I guess I didn’t lay out any ground rules.” He looked down at her shoes again and smiled, then reached for the broken cookie.
“You’re eating the broken cookie.”
“Yeah, what do I care? They all taste the same.”
That statement breached a dam in her heart, and she let out a long sigh. “I am so in love with you, Josh.”
He tossed the rest of the cookie on the counter, shook his head, and clasped his hands behind his neck. “You can’t say that.”
She hadn’t told him she loved him since she had texted him on Christmas day. “I’m sorry.” With cheeks burning, she tried to step around him.
When he moved in her way, he said, “Well, at least not again today.” He glanced back down at her feet before taking one step closer. “It confuses me. I’m trying my best to keep this professional.”
“The last thing I want is professional Josh. I want the Josh who flirts with me across the hall and takes me everywhere he goes, the guy who has lunch with me every day and eats bites of my food without even asking. I want the Josh who still loves me.”
In one swift movement, she grabbed him behind the neck and pulled him down to kiss her.
At first, he seemed stunned, but soon enough, he lifted her by the waist to set her on the countertop. One hand was cradling her face as he kissed her while the other was tangled in her hair. Never, in all the times he had kissed her, had it intensified this way. His grip on her was firm and unyielding, and he whispered between breaths how much he had missed her.
When he finally came up for air, he rested his forehead on hers and smiled. His eyes danced, and his breathing was labored.
“Wow!” she said. “You’ve never kissed me like that before.”
He took a step back, trying to steady his breathing, then took hold of one of her shoes and slipped it off her foot.
“Yeah, I’ve always been prayed up before. I didn’t see that coming, though.” His lips formed an even broader smile. “And these,” he shook his head, “They sure did rock my world.”
With another step back, he said, “That's really not fighting fair.”
“I don’t plan to fight fair anymore.”
“It’s about time.”
He set her shoe on the counter and reached for his cookie.
“And for the record, I’ll always be the Josh who still loves you.” He walked out of the kitchen.
Sophie was left sitting there, shaken. That was what she wanted for the rest of her life, to be kissed by a man who needed to pray in order to control himself with her.
The rest of the afternoon was so ordinary, it seemed as if the whole kitchen incident had never happened. Josh worked in his office. Several calls came in, and once he got up to close his door while he took a call. That freaked Sophie out for at least an hour.
By the end of that hour, though, she reminded herself that he wanted her to fight for him. Josh wasn’t Kevin, Sophie reminded herself more than once.
Four o’clock came, so she gathered her things to leave. Josh had stepped out back when the work trucks began to file in the lot. With no reason to wait, she left for home.
Of course she was disappointed, but still she was determined. Whatever it took, she would cross that line of professionalism.
The noise was far off at first, but then it kept on. When the fog of sleep cleared, Sophie realized the noise was her phone chiming. It was 12:04.
12:00 Josh: Happy Valentine’s Day!
12:00 Josh: Look on ur porch
12:01 Josh: Hello!
12:01 Josh: You awake?
12:02 Josh: SOPHIE!
12:03 Josh: You’re killing me here!
12:04 Josh: This is kinda killing the mood
Sophie jumped from the bed and ran to the front door. There on the porch was an enormous vase of red roses waiting for her.
Josh called to her from the driveway. “I wanted to get an early start on the day.”
“Aren’t you coming in?”
“No way. Not after that kiss yesterday.” He opened his truck door. “How about a date tonight? I’ll be prayed up for it.”
“Absolutely.”
She watched him back out of her drive, and when he crept by the front of her house, he tapped his horn.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Sophie Banks!” he shouted through the open window.
Sophie took her vase of flowers to the kitchen and read the card.
A rose for each time your name is written on my arms.
She couldn’t fall back asleep after that.
At eight a.m. Sophie finally stopped for a break. She had spent the night cleaning. With a cup of coffee in one hand, she dialed her phone.
“Sophie! I’m so glad to hear from you,” Eliana said.
“I’m ready. Can you come today and list my house?”
“I knew you’d get tired of that big ol’ house eventually. Tell me what time.”
They decided on a morning meeting, and Sophie hung up with no regret. She had hung onto that house for every wrong reason. Some of the best times and worst times of her life had been in that house. Her daughter had taken her first steps there. She had built a life with Kevin and watched it crumble. But now, she was facing a new life with a new man. She was ready to let go of her past.
Sophie had written in her journal that morning: The past is beautiful and broken and blessed and bitter. And behind me!
A thought came to mind, a verse from the Psalms about how God catches our tears in a bottle. In that home she had cried countless tears of joy and anguish. All along, the Lord had captured every one, always knowing her future was secure with Him and with Josh.
The chime of her phone interrupted her thoughts. She smiled.
Josh: What time tonight? Fight the crowds to eat out or hang out at home?
Sophie: I can cook.
Josh: No way. Not on V’day
Josh: I’ll bring food
Sophie: Perfect. Anytime is fine. I’ll be here waiting for you.
Josh arrived at three o’clock. “I’m early. Hope that’s okay,” he said.
“Sure it is.” She smiled when he bent down and gave her a peck on the cheek.
“I thought you were bringing food.”
“Let’s do your mom’s thing. We can scavenge in the kitchen and make something weird.”
For a long moment she stood and looked at him, surprised that he remembered that. “That’s perfect.”
“I like Chill Sophie,” he said. “Complicated Sophie would have never played it by ear.”
“She doesn’t live here anymore.”
“Speaking of that,” he pointed toward the front door, “I saw the sign in the yard. So you’re selling the place, huh?”
“I am.”
“Where will you go?”
She threw up her arms. “I have no idea. I guess I’ll start looking for an apartment until I decide what I want to do long-term.”
“Hmm,” he said and nodded. “That’s not like Complicated Sophie.”
“It isn’t at all like her,” she said.
“Does it make you sad to leave this place?” He motioned toward the back. “To leave your garden?”
“No, not at all. I’m ready to step into my future.”
Josh’s lips formed into a soft smile. “This is the Sophie I always hoped we would find.”
They didn’t do anything romantic that night, just ate an odd combination of freezer food and watched TV. He wasn’t as affectionate as he used to be, but he sat close to her and often reached for her hand.
If anything, it reminded her of that first time he had come with Drake and Dena. He seemed uncertain but not like then. This time, he wasn’t holding back for her benefit; he was holding himself back to maintain his distance. That fact alone kept her feeling uncertain.
At just after ten, Josh said, “I’m beat. I better head out.” He stood before she even acknowledged his statement.
Sophie walked with him to the door, stood on tiptoes, and circled her arms around his neck. “This was my second-best Valentine’s Day ever.”
He held her back. “Second?”
“Yeah, in fifth grade Bobby Russell gave me twice as many heart-shaped candies as any other girl in class.”
With a shrug, he said, “Well, who could compete with that?”
There was something in the way he said that. For a second he reminded her of who they used to be when he was more playful and less guarded. That was the word she had been looking for, guarded. All evening he was still withholding himself from her, holding her at arm’s length.
So that he wouldn’t see the tears welled up in her eyes, she rested her forehead against his chest. “Josh, I don’t know what more to do to win you back. Do you still want this?”
He wrapped his arms around her, his embrace tender, and whispered, “More than you could ever know.”
“I want to go back to who we were. Is that even possible?”
For a long moment he held her without responding. When he lifted her chin to look at him, he said, “I’m terrified of going back, not because I’m scared of getting hurt. I’m afraid I’ll do what I did before and mess things up. I don’t want to move so fast that it scares you away.
“What I did on your birthday was ridiculous and way too soon. I was so afraid of losing you that I panicked. If I hadn’t done that, we would have stayed together and figured out the Chloe-thing.”
“That was the most ridiculous and spectacular gesture I’ve ever seen in my life,” she said. “Yes, it was soon, but it’s not what tore us apart. Now, looking back, I think it’s the one thing that helped me to see this for what it really is.”
His expression held hope. “Which is?”
“This, you, are my future. Every ounce of my spirit believes that. I don’t fear or fight against it anymore. I promise I’ll never run again. It’s okay to jump back in.”
Josh lowered his head and kissed her. When he looked back at her, he said, “I’m back in this thing then.”
“I’m in this thing too.”
Josh left, and Sophie loaded the dishwasher then went around the house turning off lights. No more had she reached her bedroom when there was a knock on the door.
When she opened the door for him, he held out five bags of heart-shaped candies. “I’m not gonna be outdone by a fifth-grader.” Before she could respond, he kissed her and ran back to the truck. He turned and jogged backwards as he said, “I love you, Sophie Banks!”
That was the Josh she had been waiting for.
“I love you, Josh Taylor!
She watched him pull away but didn’t go in right away. For the first time in all those years, she had a vivid recollection of the long-ago day he had first told her he loved her. In that moment and since then, the conversation had been a blur in her mind. Now, it was clear. He had turned to leave after his surprise kiss and then turned back to say, “I love you, Sophie Banks!”
Sophie smiled at that. How could she have ever known that ridiculous and funny kid would someday steal her heart?
A text came in once she settled into bed, another photo of his Sophie Said journal:
Early in the summer, we found a surprise. There in a pot beneath the leaves of Sophie’s gerbera daisies, a sparrow had formed a sparse little nest. We left that nest alone and have since taken great care in watering the plant so that we don’t flood the nest. In the heat of the last months of summer, the leaves have turned brown, and the plant looks shabby. Sophie won’t trim the leaves, though. She says it’s God’s way of caring for the sparrow.
Josh: If God has His eye on the sparrow, Soph, can you imagine how he values you? Women are taught that their value comes from how they look. That may be Satan’s most destructive lie. You, not the way you look now or ever, are the most valuable thing in the world to me. I treasure you.
She read his words again with tears in her eyes. Of all the things she feared, that was second on the list, that her looks would fade and leave him unattracted to her. Her years with Kevin’s roaming eye had scorched insecurity so deeply into her heart that she remained trapped behind a door of anxiety.
His parting words that night held the key to opening that door. More than his reminder of the sparrow, she had new ammunition to fight the enemy’s lies. When her insecurities tried to get the best of her, she would close her eyes and hear him say, “I love you, Sophie Banks.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Life was how it should be again, Sophie thought as she looked across the hall at Josh’s empty desk. He still spent more time out of the office than he used to, but she didn’t wonder or question him. His love for her was genuine, a love she could trust.
The garden center was open again in preparation for spring, so Sophie spent time with Justine and Avery there. Her contentment at work nearly rivaled her evenings home with Josh. It was a rare occasion that he didn’t come over to hang out for the night.
Since her house had sold in less than a week, Sophie was already purging and packing and preparing to move. There was never a moment that she regretted letting go of the house. Chloe seemed sad about the move when they discussed it on the phone, but still she encouraged her mom to take whatever steps necessary to begin her new life.
“Want some lunch?” Josh said.
She looked up at Josh and found him covered in dirt. “I didn’t know you were back.”
“Yeah. I decided to call it quits for the day.” He smiled and winked. “I wanted to see my girl.”
He changed, and they walked to the café for a sandwich. Dena sat with them and talked while they ate.
“Balance is restored in the universe,” Dena said.
Josh finished chewing. “What balance?”
“Balance between you two. We all feel its effects.”
He glanced at Sophie then back at Dena. “Yeah, it was a tough few months.”
“For all of us,” Dena said with a wry smile.
Sophie had heard from Dena a few times while she and Josh were apart. Though Dena never mentioned Josh, it was evident she was wanting to know if they stood a chance at getting back together. How could Sophie be anything other than grateful for how much Drake and Dena cared fo
r Josh? With his family out of town, his friends were all he had to help him through their time apart.
Josh went to the back to talk to Drake, so Sophie took that opportunity to say, “Thank you for being there for him.”
Dena grinned and nodded. After a minute more, she said, “I knew you’d be okay. I never doubted that you loved him.” She lowered her voice. “I know it must be tough. You’ve been hurt before. You have a kid to consider, but together you’ll get through all of that. This was always meant to be.”
“You think?”
“I know!” Dena glanced over to where Josh was talking to Drake and then looked back at Sophie. “He told you we went out, right?”
Sophie nodded.
Josh was on his way back, so Dena quickly said, “I knew by our second date and the millionth time he said your name there was no competing with Sophie Said.”
Josh sat and moved in close to Sophie. “Are you talking about me?”
“Little bit,” Sophie said.
Dena winked at her and went to check on a customer, leaving them there alone.
Josh watched Dena walk away. “I made them both crazy while you were gone.”
“I guessed that.” Sophie took his hand. “I’m glad you had them to lean on.”
He nodded and kissed her. “I’m just glad you’re part of the crew again.”
“Me too.”
“Soph?” Josh sat looking at her for a few seconds. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t go slow. Is that okay?”
Her face lit up. “It’s more than okay. I don’t want to go slow either.”
“So ridiculous and spectacular isn’t out of the question?”
“No, I love ridiculous and spectacular.”
“Good to know,” he said.
Sophie woke at midnight from a dead sleep when she heard something clang in her backyard. Next thing she knew, her room was flooded with light.
She sprang out of bed, slipped on a jacket and the first pair of boots in her closet, then ran to her patio door.
Her heart leaped at the sight of him. Josh was there wearing his suit again, holding a bouquet of drooping sunflowers, with arms spread wide.
