Skin Cage

by Nico Laeser

  How is your heart?

  “I’m okay. I just have to stay calm and relaxed,” I say.

  Like, Bruce Banner.

  “Bruce Banner?” I ask.

  When he gets angry or excited, he turns green, starts smashing stuff?

  I laugh. “Yeah, only I turn bright red and fall down.”

  The screen remains blank. I look back to William. “Sorry, I’m okay. I’m feeling a lot better, Will.”

  Are you going to die?

  I look around the room, stalling for the right answer to come to me, and when I return my attention to the screen, another question mark appears, and I relent with a nod. “I don’t know how long I have left, Will.”

  What do you think happens after we die?

  “I don’t know, but I’m certain that we go on, after we leave our bodies,” I say.

  You mean like a soul?

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I say.

  What do you want to do before you die?

  “Beat you at chess,” I say through a smirk.

  You want me to let you win?

  “I was just going easy on you, but now it’s on,” I say and reset the pieces on the board, “Best four of seven?”

  CHAPTER 57

  I am evanescing

  “This is Harry and Barb,” I say gesturing to each.

  “Hi, I’m Cassie,” she says smiling, “I’ve heard a lot about you two over the last while.”

  “Likewise,” says Barb with a smile, “I’m glad David’s got someone in here looking after him.”

  Anna appears at the door and says something to Cassie in a hushed tone, Cassie nods, and I catch, “Okay, I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”

  “It was nice to finally meet you both, but I’m afraid I’ve got to run,” Cassie says with an apologetic smile.

  “Nice meeting you,” Harry says.

  “Bye, Cassie,” Barb adds.

  I wait for Cassie to leave. “So did you bring the cake with the file in it?”

  Barb smiles, and Harry asks, “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m okay. I’m just tired, even though all I seem to do is sleep. I’m not supposed to be over-exerting myself,” I say.

  “Is there anything that you want us to bring for you, next time we come?” Barb asks and touches my hand.

  “There’s nothing I need.” I smile. “I’m glad you guys came, that’s all I want.”

  “Barb said she was going to sneak a bottle of wine in here for us,” Harry says chuckling.

  “Really?”

  Barb smiles. “I thought about it, but I don’t want to get you in trouble with your nurse.”

  “Remember the kid you brought the box of movies and stuff for, William?” I say.

  Harry nods.

  “He’s moving around and talking,” I say, “Actually speaking, not through the computer.”

  “Really? That’s great,” Harry says.

  “Who’s William?” Barb asks, and we take a few minutes to fill her in on the details.

  “Looks like he’s going to be getting out of here pretty soon and going back home,” I say.

  “That’s great, good for him,” Harry says.

  “So, Cassie seems nice,” Barb says, and she’s smiling at me.

  “What’s with the smile?” I say with a smirk of my own.

  Harry looks back and forth. “Did I miss something?”

  “David’s nurse,” Barb says.

  “Oh, yes, she seems like a nice girl,” he says, still seemingly missing what Barb is driving at.

  “She’s an angel,” I say, “Actually, all the staff here are great.”

  “Not all as cute as that one though,” Barb says raising one eyebrow.

  “Trying to start a relationship with a broken heart doesn’t really seem like a good idea,” I say, “besides, if she looked at me sideways, I would have a heart attack.”

  “You’d make a cute couple though,” Barb says.

  “Alright, quit teasing. What about Brad and the kids; you get started on that yet?” I say.

  “I hired a relief manager to watch the bar while I’m in Paris,” she says with the widest smile that her face can handle.

  “Really? When are you going?” I say, and I feel a twinge in my chest, but make every effort not to show it.

  “The end of this month, if all goes well.” Her expression flashes with excitement.

  “I’m really happy for you, Barb, you’ll have a great time,” I say and try to stifle an uncontrollable yawn, “Sorry.”

  As I am rubbing the wet from my eyes, Harry stands up. “We’d better get going and let you get your rest, David.”

  I want to protest, but I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open. “Alright, I’ll see you soon, Harry.”

  “Bye, David,” Barb says.

  “Bye, Barb.”

  CHAPTER 58

  I am the moth

  I managed to wheel myself down to Will’s room earlier today. It is hard to imagine that the excitable teenager wheeling around room 157C appeared outwardly, as nothing more than an angelic statuesque surrogate only months before. We played what could possibly be our last game of chess, and I finally beat him. I joked that I thought he was cheating before, that it was really the computer playing, which made him laugh.

  He told me that he would be leaving the facility tomorrow afternoon. As he did so, a wide range of emotion could be seen welling up just below the translucent surface, attributed perhaps to the joy of being able to return home, while at the same time, having to leave his new friends behind.

  I am almost certain that the single tear, which was allowed to escape, was driven by the very same reason that drove him to let me win at chess. I understand now, why David made every effort to cut himself off from anyone who would be left to mourn his passing.

  I fell asleep in the wheelchair on my way back from Will’s room. I vaguely remember Anna pushing me the rest of the way, and helping me into bed, still only half-awake. The frequent shooting pains down my arms and legs are near unbearable now, and the headaches are back with increasing intensity.

  Cassie has stopped in on me every day, and I try to stay awake while she is with me, but I’m so exhausted. I’m beginning to wonder when they will move me upstairs.

  ***

  There is a pressure roughly centered on my chest that hones to a sharp point and sinks slowly through my heart. Chemical fire flows through my arms and legs, and my head is pounding, synchronized to the elevated beat of my heart, the percussive accompaniment to my slow, painful evacuation. I reach out a trembling hand to hit the red button.

  The pain is at once gone, and with it, the brightness and color of the room fade to dark blue. I stand from my bed and turn to see David’s body lying there, still glowing a faint green. Apocalyptic fire rages within his chest with no apparent regard for collateral damage. I reach out to touch his chest, and it is unrelenting, solid, turned to stone.

  This cannot be how it ends. I have so much to tell her, although I will never be able to tell her who I am, and how much I love her. I just want to say goodbye.

  I can hear something in the distance, but I’m not sure if it is actually sound. I move out into the hallway, and it seems louder, clearer, and I continue toward it. The usual glowing figures populate the hallway, but something seems different, and as I pass through the dayroom, I realize what it is. The figures are moving at a slow, almost imperceptible speed, but they are moving.

  The sound or feeling beckons me, and I follow it to the stairwell door, ignoring thoughts of a hooded skeletal figure, sitting in wait on the stairs. I turn back as I grip the door handle to view the quickened pace of the figures in the hallway, confirming my assertion of movement. I apply great pressure to the door, and it opens slowly into the stairwell, steadily resisting my efforts like the outer door of a fully submerged, shipwrecked vessel.

  I reach the landing at the top of the stairs and pull at the door to the second floor with both hands. It gives easier than
the last and opens to a floodlit room. The bright blue-green light grows brighter at the far end of the room. Passing figures slow down to regard me as they move toward the slowly spinning light.

  Small wisps of light float as though carried by a current, bringing with them a memory from my childhood. The extra cobweb-like material, used to make the flights of a hunter’s dart, given back to the earth with a single breath across an open palm, the seeds dispersing, floating on the breeze and glowing in the afternoon sunlight. I can almost feel the warmth of that afternoon sun on my face. It feels like home, an unconditional loving embrace.

  As I follow the lights, I am slowed by something, as though once again submerged along with the shipwrecked vessel. Conflicting magnetic forces push and pull at me until I relent, turning away from the eternal loving light, its attraction vanquished by the love I have for her, for Cassie.

  I turn, swing open the door, and run down the stairs, although I am not sure if my feet actually touch the ground. I wrench open the door, and the bright-lit figures spin toward me as I enter the hallway, their collective attention remaining fixed on the door as I move swiftly between them.

  The figures are moving with regular speed, and I can see lights crowding around the entrance to my room. I weave through the figures to get inside, to where Anna stands, accompanied by the same small glowing figure at her side, holding her hand. I slow to view the small figure as it raises a free hand, stretching out toward me. As I take her hand, I know her, as if we were one and the same.

  Cassie stands next to the bed, leaning in over David’s body, which is dark save for a small glowing vapor at its center. I am begging God to let me in, to give me the chance to say goodbye to her. I climb the foot of the bed and turn as I fall toward him, giving myself completely to a singular desire. There is a brief flash, and my body reacts to inertia, like waking up from a dream of falling. There is light, noise, pain and panic, then silence, and blackness.

  CHAPTER 59

  I am talking to an angel

  The image of the most beautiful angel imaginable dissolves the fog between us, and her Jersey Lily smile caresses my broken heart.

  “David?” she says softly.

  “Hi,” I say returning her smile.

  “We thought we’d lost you,” she says and takes my hand in hers.

  “I saw lights, Cassie.”

  “Lights?” she stands puzzled, with the hint of a tremulous smile, poised, waiting for the punch line.

  I raise my head to view Anna. “I saw Adia. She’s with you right now, holding your hand. She told me to tell you that she loves you, Anana.”

  “Anana? No one knows me by that name,” Anna says, and for the first time in my life, I watch her cry.

  “Who’s Adia?” Cassie says.

  “Adia means, ‘the gift of life,’ and it was the name of my sister,” Anna says, wiping the tears from her face.

  “David?” Cassie says.

  “I have something to tell you both,” I say and wait for both Cassie and Anna to look at me.

  “Danny wants you both to know that he was always listening.” I turn to Cassie. “When you told him stories about Brian from your childhood, when you read all of those wonderful books to him, he was listening and he loved them all. He wants you to know that he loves you both, with all of his soul, and that he will be with you always,” I say.

  Cassie’s eyes begin to well up. She cups her hand to her mouth and speaks softly.

  “I can’t believe it. It can’t be true,” she says.

  “He was listening then, and he is listening now, Cassie,” I say, gently squeezing her hand.

  “How do I know that this isn’t just some cruel joke?” Cassie says.

  “People talk to God every day without knowing if anyone is truly listening; sometimes all you have is faith, or hope,” I say.

  “What if faith isn’t enough?” she says.

  “He asked if you would continue to read to him,” I say, and hand her my copy of The Chrysalids, “from where you left off.”

  Tears fall from her autumn eyes as she reads the title. She looks all about the room, before the subtle beginnings of a laugh turn into whispered words, “Yes, I will read to you every day, Danny.”

  “I’m tired,” I say, “Can you tell William that I said goodbye?”

  Anna comes to Cassie’s side, and both now stand arm in arm, looking down at me. As the room dissolves, the smiling faces of two loving angels remain, as a template for the most beautiful dream, and I close my heavy, tired eyes.

  ***

  I am no longer afraid of death, and if I am permitted, I will forego heaven, or whatever awaits me in the afterlife, to hear Cassie’s voice as she reads aloud each day, to the memory of Danny.

  The end