The Pretend Husband: Romance In the City, Book 1

by Declan Rhodes

  “I knew I could. I’ll make sure your name is in the hat when promotions are on the agenda.” He beamed as he left my office. I made my boss happy, but my teeth were beginning to chatter.

  I spent most of the rest of the afternoon desperately trying to get some work done while being hopelessly distracted by thoughts about the upcoming reception. Finally, I decided to call Sarah on the phone. She answered saying, “Whee! Hi, Liam!”

  “Whee?”

  “I’m spinning around in my new desk chair. All of the furniture arrived, and it’s perfect. I want to LIVE in this chair!”

  “That’s good for you, Sarah, because I’m going to die.”

  I heard a soft clunk on the other end of the phone. Sarah asked, “What did you say? You sound desperate. Talk to me, Liam. You were fine at lunch.”

  I explained the meeting with Guy, and I said, “I guess Alex and I are both victims of our quality performances. How do we walk this back, Sarah? It’s gone too far.”

  “Short of divorce? I’m not sure.”

  “Come on, that’s not funny.”

  Her voice was serious as she said, “I’m not trying to make jokes. I think divorce is the only way to fix it. A fake divorce, of course. Telling everyone your marriage is just a joke doesn’t make me confident that you will hear a lot of laughter in response.”

  “But what about tomorrow night?”

  “Do you have another great performance in you?”

  I asked, “Do you think we should go through with it? Some of the most prominent people our age in the city will be there. In fact, I’m surprised they didn’t invite you, Sarah. I can’t turn down making an appearance, but maybe I should go by myself. I could say that Alex is sick.”

  “And disappoint your boss.”

  She shifted into what sounded like a lecturing tone. “Liam, it was a crazy idea in the beginning. Now it has gotten even crazier, but I don’t think you can just walk away like refusing to buy that sinfully rich block of marshmallow fudge at the candy counter.”

  I grumbled, “Great, now I’m hungry, too.”

  “How much longer will Alex be in town?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Sarah sighed. “That does make planning a little bit tough. I think you need to talk to Alex about bringing it all to an end, but in the meantime go out and kick ass tomorrow night. You told me how amazing he was with the Lintons. Don’t you think it would be exciting to see him in action with a larger crowd?”

  She did know how to get directly to the point. “Yes, I do. In fact, I think I learn from watching Alex. Okay, we’ll do the reception, and then we’ll figure out how to bring it all to an end. Sarah, you have to be there for me through all of this.”

  “Like a concrete pillar in a hurricane.”

  After a silent moment, I said, “That’s not one of your best comparisons.”

  Sarah chuckled softly, “Yeah, you’re right. I need to work on some better material. I’ll talk to you soon. Whee!”

  The phone clicked off, and I buried my head in my hands at my desk.

  * * *

  Alex was waiting for me just inside the back door when I returned from work. He said, “I want to talk to you about something. It’s serious, so I thought maybe we could order a pizza for dinner, and then we can just chat over a beer and a slice.”

  I was barely listening and said, “Yeah, that’s fine, and guess what, Alex?”

  “What?”

  I sighed when I said, “We’re going to a reception tomorrow night as Mr. and Mr. You need to pull out all the stops again as you did with the Lintons.”

  “But wait, that’s what I…”

  I cut him off and added, “It’s a key event for keeping my job. My boss, Guy, stopped in my office and talked about our impressive performances as a married couple. He said I should bring my husband, too, because the Lintons couldn’t stop talking about you.”

  Alex blinked and failed to respond.

  I asked, “Are you okay? I know it’s a big surprise, but it’s crucial. Please tell me you’ll be there.”

  Alex folded his arms across his chest and said, “I…I guess I don’t know what to say.” Then, after another pregnant pause, he said, “Yes, of course. I’ll be there for you. Just let me know when and where.”

  I exhaled long and low in relief. “Have you ordered the pizza yet? There’s a bottle of wine in the pantry that I’ve been saving for awhile. I think this kind of news calls for opening up a high-quality bottle. We’ll make it a celebratory night just because we can.”

  “Uh, no, I didn’t order the pizza yet,” said Alex. I watched him move around the kitchen looking slightly dazed. He responded to the news of the reception almost exactly as I did in my office. He was stunned. We did need the relaxing evening. I wished that I could cuddle up next to him, but sitting together on the couch would be good enough.

  I asked, “Pepperoni and sausage? Maybe throw in some of those cheesy breadsticks, too. Let’s go for it. I just want to have fun and forget the rest of the world tonight.”

  While Alex was placing the call to order the pizza, I found the bottle of wine in the pantry. It was a pinot noir I was saving for a hot evening with a date. Stretching out on the couch with Alex was as much fun as a date. Carrying the bottle to the sink, I wiped it clean with a sponge and then rummaged through the silverware drawer for a corkscrew.

  “The pizza should be here in about 35 minutes,” said Alex. “I think I need a glass of wine right now.”

  I poured the wine for each of us and then held my glass aloft saying, “Husbands.”

  In a flat, nearly whispered, voice, Alex said, “Husbands.”

  I asked, “Is everything okay? I mean, other than us both needing to be on point tomorrow night?”

  “Do you ever feel like everything is spinning out of control? You know, like the wheels are about to come off the bicycle and go rolling down the hill while the bike crashes in the bushes?”

  “Is that what you think we are?”

  Alex sipped at the wine. He said, “It’s all making my head spin. It all seemed so simple when we said I was just going to stay for three weeks.”

  “Let’s go sit on the couch. I’m not sure what to think about all of it either. We can just get through tomorrow night, and then figure everything out. For tonight, let’s just relax.”

  We sat on opposite ends of the couch with glasses of wine in hand. My mind was slowing down enough that I could focus on what great company I had in Alex again. He asked, “Battleship or TV?”

  “Maybe both?”

  “Okay,” said Alex. “Let’s start with Battleship. I feel the need to kick your ass in a game before the rest of the evening unfolds.”

  14

  Alex

  I held my tongue and tried not to look like the cat who swallowed a canary while Karen, one of Liam’s colleagues said, “I hope it doesn’t sound insulting, but I’m still surprised that you got married so quickly, Liam. You always do everything with such deliberation, and then you ran off and eloped.” She turned to look at me and batted her eyelashes. “Of course, it’s such a passionate thing to do. Alex, you must be a serious romantic to get Liam to do this.”

  I said, “Oh, he’s a little more impulsive than most people know.” I threaded my arm beneath Liam’s arm and around the small of his back. “And he is a serious romantic. He brings home roses for me for no reason. I just melt in response. I always wanted a man who would bring me flowers.”

  Liam turned his head to glance at me with a look that meant, “Tone it down.”

  Karen asked, “Do you like roses? I wasn’t sure that men did that for each other.”

  “I love flowers.” I let the word “love” drawl out in an attempt to sound seductive and sultry.

  Liam wrapped his arm around my waist and gripped my side firmly. Karen said, “The two of you are handsome together. I wish you all the best.” She held up her glass of white wine for a three-way toast.

  Through slightly-c
lenched teeth, Liam said, “It’s so great to see you, Karen, and I was so happy to hear about the new acquisition.”

  “Oh, thank you.” Karen glanced over her shoulder and said, “But I must keep mingling. Errol is over there giving me the eye. I think he might need me.”

  As she strode off sipping the wine, Liam whispered to me, “Why don’t you just tone it down a bit. We’re not contestants on The Gay Bachelor or something. We’re just two ordinary guys that wanted to get married.”

  I whispered back, “Who just wanted to get married in a hurry. It’s like I got you pregnant or something. I just wanted to make it look like we’re really in love.”

  “And you’re doing that well. Are you sure you weren’t on the stage in your drama group, too? You are a very talented actor.”

  “I was chorus member #3 and man in the crowd #5.”

  Liam laughed. He said, “Obviously, they didn’t take full advantage of your talents.”

  “Thank you, dear. I’m so happy you appreciate my value.” I reached up and patted at Liam’s hair pushing a few strands back in place.”

  He rolled his eyes and pulled me forward gently as he stepped up to a distinguished-looking elderly couple. The man was tall with a shock of white hair elegantly trimmed into a contemporary haircut. His wife sported an asymmetric cut that was just as stylish. With the effort at being fashion-forward, they could have both looked like caricatures. Instead, they both appeared sharp and smart. Liam pulled his arm away from me and reached out to shake hands. “Mr. Lester, I’m so happy to see you again!”

  Mr. Lester gripped Liam’s hand and said, “Good to see you, too, Liam. I’ve told you before, just call me Don, and I’m sure Louise here feels the same. Using first names is best.”

  Louise’s eyes sparkled as she asked, “And who is this handsome man with you?”

  I watched Liam blush pink when he said, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Don, Louise, this is my husband, Alex.” He gestured warmly in my direction as I reached out a hand in greeting.

  Louise clutched the jewels spilling over her chest and said, “I didn’t realize that you were married.” Then she gave me a serious once over before continuing her comments. “Your husband is so handsome. You are perfect together. When were you married?”

  I started to say, “A week,” and Liam jumped on top of my words to say, ‘Two weeks ago.’”

  She asked, “Then you’ve just returned from your honeymoon?”

  I began to nod, but Liam said, “We had the arrangements in place, but I had a work emergency that conflicted with our plans. We’re going on a honeymoon later in the fall.”

  “A work emergency at a museum?” asked Don.

  I turned toward Liam and waited to hear the nature of his emergency. I was just as skeptical about the urgency of Liam’s work.

  He rose to the occasion. Liam said, “Well, as you know, I’ve been working on the outsider art collection. There was an artist up near Minocqua who passed away suddenly just a few weeks ago. His children considered donating his works to the museum, and I was asked to drive north to view his pieces.”

  Both Don and Louise nodded with great interest.

  “I asked if we could delay the trip, but they said, ‘No, the entire family will be here, and we will divide what the museum doesn’t want among the relatives.’ He does quality work. I couldn’t say no. Alex was understanding.”

  I turned toward Don and Louise nodding earnestly in agreement with the compliment.

  “Unfortunately, in the end, the family decided to keep all of the pieces. They were wonderful people, and, in the absence of a will, the museum had no legal standing to demand the works. I returned to Milwaukee empty-handed.” Liam paused dramatically. He added, “But I was far from empty-handed when I got home because I had this amazing man waiting for me.”

  Louise said, “Well, I am so sorry about the art, but romance is far more important.”

  I tossed into the conversation, “It’s the most important thing.”

  I glanced across the massive atrium hung with a thirty-foot-high Chihuly glass sculpture and saw a woman hurrying across the floor. She was walking, but it was clear that she was struggling to stop herself from breaking into a run. I nervously stared at her three-inch heels worrying that she might tumble headlong. I could hear her breathing heavy as she approached. She held her hand to her mouth and turned her attention to Don and Louise. “Oh, excuse me,” she mumbled into her fingers.

  Liam smiled broadly. He said, “It’s no problem. Don, Louise, this is my colleague Emily. She works in the preservation department.”

  Emily said, “Please, don’t let me interrupt.”

  Louise responded, “It’s not an issue. Don and I need to continue making our rounds,” Emily stared at my left hand. I helpfully raised it slightly. She responded by focusing her attention on the ring. Her mouth fell open while Don and Louise turned their backs and made their way across the atrium.

  Liam leaned forward and whispered, “Emily, you can close your mouth.”

  She gasped audibly and said, “Karen was right. You did get married.” Then she pointed at me and asked, “To you?”

  I nodded and smiled waiting for the introduction from Liam. He said, “Yes, Emily, this is my new husband, Alex. We were so in love that we couldn’t wait.”

  Emily reached up and pushed her glasses back up her nose. She said, “And you kept him a secret from all of us. Why did you do that?”

  “I didn’t keep Alex a secret. It just all happened so fast. We started dating, and we fell hard for each other.”

  To be helpful, I nodded as Liam spoke.

  Liam said, “We made a toast over luscious strip steaks downtown, and Alex said, ‘I think you should marry me.’” I tilted my head to the right while Liam continued the story of our courtship. “I answered by saying, ‘I would love to marry you.’ Then the ball started rolling — bing, bam, boom — we found ourselves at the courthouse applying for a marriage license.”

  “Oh, that’s so sweet,” said Emily. “It looks like the two of you were made for each other.” She stepped slightly closer and stared into my eyes. “And don’t keep him hidden away. I think we would all like to see more of Alex.”

  Our ruse was working just like a charm. I felt a slight twinge of something like guilt when each person bought our story, but the compliments and statements of approval made up for those feelings. It warmed my heart to be attached to such a valued and admired man.

  Emily pointed across the atrium and said, “Oh, there’s someone I need to meet. She works for the Pabst Mansion museum, and she just took a course on some new preservation techniques.” Emily took one last look at Liam and me and said, “Aw, the two of you make me a believer in romance again. Thank you!”

  “Have a great evening, Em,” said Liam.

  After she left, I whispered, “How much longer? My head is spinning, and these shoes of yours are starting to pinch.”

  “Thirty more minutes?”

  “I suppose that I can manage that. Have you figured out who leaked to Mark in the first place? Maybe that was the direct line that led to everyone else knowing.”

  Liam shrugged. “I have no idea, and I still want to know. It’s uncomfortable thinking about strangers gossiping behind your back in even the best of situations.” Liam signaled me to turn around.

  I spun in the direction of his fingers just in time to see a handsome male couple, both in the range of age 50, approaching. They greeted Liam with warm hugs.

  One of the men said, “You went off and got married without anyone knowing. You devil, you.”

  Liam said, “It was a little bit spontaneous.”

  “Are you going to introduce us?” asked the second man.

  “Oh, of course. Roger and Pete, this is my husband Alex. He’s from St. Paul originally.”

  The first man shook my hand firmly and said, “I’m Roger. I run the city arts foundation. We make grants to rising artists in the community.”

  I said
, “That is great work!”

  Pete offered his hand and said, “I’m Pete. It is fantastic to meet you, Alex. I’m a painter, and I grew up in southern Minnesota. Art runs in the family. My grandmother still operates a ceramics studio and sells her pieces through a small roadside shop.”

  “We will have to stop and meet her when I finally get to take Liam to Minnesota and have him meet my parents.”

  Roger’s mouth dropped open and asked, “You got married without him meeting your parents?”

  Liam nodded and said, “It all happened so fast we didn’t have time.”

  15

  Liam

  It was my turn to take Chester out when we finally returned home after the Milwaukee Risers reception. I didn’t bring his ball with us, and I encouraged him to do his job efficiently so I could go back inside and relax. Just before we re-entered the kitchen, I squatted down and said, “I owe you one for tonight. It’s not your fault I had an exhausting evening.” Then I reached out and rubbed his chin. Chester responded with a friendly lick.

  Alex was already sprawled on the couch flipping through channels on the TV. I asked, “Do you mind if I join you.”

  He looked up at me over the back of the couch and pulled himself up to a sitting position. He said, “There’s plenty of additional space here. That was a marathon of an evening, but I think we did fine, don’t you?”

  I signaled for him to lower the volume on the TV and said, “Yeah, they all bought it, and we looked the part. I’m still wondering where Mark got his information.”

  “After tonight I’m not sure that it matters. Our little story is out there for anyone who wants to listen. We’re married, Liam. At least that’s what everyone thinks, and let me say, I’m proud to have you as my husband.”

  I said, “Remember, we’re going to clear it all up soon. We need to figure out a new story that doesn’t make either of us look like an asshole. Something like we figured out that something didn’t work, and then you decided to move back to St. Paul and be near your family.”