by Anthology
“In his last semester? Nashville already has eyes on him. Why would he start putting in effort in the eleventh hour?”
“Maybe he’s got a hot tutor?” River offers.
Our dad looks like he wants to argue for a second, then nods a couple of times. “I would be great if he would cut it with the serial dating and settle down.”
“I don’t think he’s dated anyone since October,” I offer.
“Huh. Well, hopefully he’ll find someone who will calm him down and help him reach his potential.” He rubs at his bottom lip. “I wasn’t much older than he was when I met your mom.”
We all know that our dad pursued our mom, and that their relationship started as a one-night stand, not because they told us specifically, but because their relationship was all over the hockey websites. Including some very graphic pictures of them trying to sword fight with their tongues. It’s pretty gross, and yet another thing I can’t unsee.
“I knew she was my end game the moment I saw her reading Fielding in the front row at center ice.” Dad takes a step toward the table, gaze on the dressed-up nanners. Clearly he’s trying to be all casual about getting rid of the evidence of their weird-ass sex life in the form of a porno-banana gangbang on the dining room table.
“I forgot to ask earlier, but do you need any special supplies before you head back to school?” Dad makes quote marks around the word “special” and points at River.
“No Dad, I’m good on special supplies.”
“You’re sure? You don’t need anything for slip ‘n slide?”
“Positive, dad.”
“Okay, just making sure. And what’s the Waters’ Men rule of engagement?”
River purses his lips. “Dad.”
Dad cocks his head and makes a come on motion with his hand. “I wanna to hear it.”
River’s voice is inflectionless as he mutters, “Foreplay isn’t a suggestion, it’s a necessity.”
“That’s right.” He gives River two thumbs up. “I’m just going to grab those and put them away before guests arrive.” He scoops up the festively dressed bananas and hustles out.
River and I look at each other.
“I can’t believe I got to witness that. It was like a train wreck.”
“We have this conversation basically every time I talk to him. When I was fourteen, he sat me down and talked about the importance of foreplay and gave me a bottle of lube and four boxes of condoms.”
“Wow.”
“Where do you think Mav got the giant econo bucket of lube from?”
“I figured he ordered it online.”
“I think Dad keeps getting it from his old endorsements. I’m surprised he isn’t using it as a stocking stuffer at this point. Doesn’t Mom have safe sex conversations with you?”
I shrug. “Sure. But usually it’s the whole, ‘it’s your body, you should learn it before you let anyone else, blah blah blah.’ You know? Like she’s already talked to me about Kodiak, and whether he needs the special condoms, and is he taking care of my needs before his own, that kind of thing.”
River looks like his head is about to explode. “Isn’t that mortifying?”
“I don’t know. Should it be? She has a point. Guys are pretty basic. Insert A into slot B, make friction. Women aren’t the same. We have lots of buttons to push and lots of ways to push them. It takes some figuring out.”
He makes another face. “I feel like I should apologize to all the girls I made out with over the years for the lack of gratification they experienced with me.”
“Meh.” I pat him on the shoulder. “That’s not all on you. You have to ask for what you want, and I’m guessing those girls were too starstruck by your broody, emo prettiness to do that.”
“Still, I feel kinda bad.” He scowls, clearly mad at himself for not being in tune with whoever he dated before Josiah.
“But you take care of Josiah’s needs, right?”
He smirks. “Fuck yeah, I do.”
I’m aware this is true. Often because Josiah will show up to class after a night with my brother looking very sated and half-asleep. He also likes to tell me my twin is all about seduction. Which doesn’t surprise me. River’s an emotional guy, and he usually hides all those feelings behind a scowl.
“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.” I glance down at the table and notice a pair of bananas on one of the chairs in superhero garb. Looks like Dad missed a couple. I nab them, not wanting Mom to be horribly embarrassed in front of all her friends. “I’m going to find a good hiding spot for these and get my overnight bag, then we can go to Kodiak’s.”
River heads for the kitchen—he’s always hungry—and I go upstairs. Unlike the holiday bananas, these ones are dressed up like Superman and his alter ego. They also smell like fresh laundry. I decide not to leave the bananas in my parents’ bedroom. Instead, I toss them into my overnight bag, thinking Kodiak might get a kick out of it. I don’t know if we’re into playing dress up with our sex parts, but if nothing else, it’s something to laugh about, and make us feel better about our own predilections.
I also grab a roll of duct tape and a few of my silk scarves from the back of my door and stuff them in too.
“Knock, knock.” Mom pokes her head in the door as I’m zipping up the bag.
“Hey. ‘Sup?”
“Just coming to do my motherly duty and tell you to be safe and careful and all that jazz tonight. I’m assuming there will be drinking.” She leans against my doorjamb.
“There’s a distinct possibility, particularly since all the young kids are going to the Kingstons’.”
Mom nods. “I’d tell you to make good choices and all that, but since you’re dating Kody, and he doesn’t strike me as the type to get shitfaced to the point where he can’t function, I’m going to say just stay inside for the most part. It’s cold out tonight and hypothermia is a real thing.”
“Yeah, we’ll be staying indoors. You don’t have to worry about that.” I’m not interested in frostbite.
She nods once and taps her lip with her index finger.
“Anything else you want to talk about?” I prompt, since clearly she does.
“Do you know what’s going on with Mav? It’s like him and River role-reversed. River’s all happy, and Mav was sullen and withdrawn the whole time he was here. No joking around, no pranks.”
“He left a banana orgy on the dining room table this afternoon.”
Mom’s eyes go wide. “Oh my God!”
I raise a hand. “Dad cleaned them up. Don’t worry.” It doesn’t even phase me that I’m calming my mother down about her “banana costumes.”
“I knew I should have hung them to dry instead of putting them in the dryer last night.” Mom grouses.
At least I can confirm that they’re freshly washed. “Maybe you need to start locking them up.”
She drags a hand down her face. “I’m sorry your dad and I have given you so many reasons to need therapy. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you.”
I shrug. “Eh, at least you two still have fun together, even if you’re a couple of weirdos.”
Not that I should talk when I routinely duct tape my boyfriend to his computer chair and then torture-tease him until we both get off. Recently I started using my silk scarves though, because Kodiak is missing an obvious strip of hair on his forearms, which our cousin and his mother had noticed.
“We are weirdos,” she agrees. “It’s amazing you all turned out as normal as you did.”
“I don’t think I’d call any of us normal, but normal is boring anyway.” I shoulder my overnight bag. “As for Maverick and his emo-ness, I don’t really know what it’s about. I’ll mention it to Kodiak and BJ tonight and see if they know anything.”
“Maybe it’s girl-related. Maybe he’s dating someone?” Mom looks optimistic.
“Maybe, but I haven’t seen him with anyone in a while. Not since around the time Kodiak and I started dating, actually,” I say.
/>
“Do you think he’s reconnected with one of them?” she asks, voice all full of hope.
“Anything’s possible, I guess. But he seems pretty determined not to get attached to anyone with a potential NHL contract coming his way. He’s kind of secretive, though, you know? More than I realized.”
“He is. Sometimes I worry about him.”
I nod my agreement. “He’s usually so fun-loving and easygoing.”
“I know. And we should be happy about that, but sometimes I wonder if he’s just really good at hiding shit,” Mom finishes for me.
We stand there for a moment and then burst into laughter. “He’s probably just cranky because he isn’t getting any action over the holidays,” I offer.
“That seems more likely than him hiding stuff. Apart from his shitty midterm marks. He better keep his socks pulled up this semester. I know he’s all about his professional hockey career, but if it doesn’t work out, I’d at least like him to have a solid fallback plan.”
“Do you think that’s even possible? Him not making the cut?”
Mom shrugs. “Always better safe than sorry, right? He’s an excellent player, but he can be impulsive, in life and on the ice. Anyway, enough psychoanalyzing your brother. Enjoy New Year’s Eve. Don’t drink too much. Use condoms. Make sure you get the first orgasm and all that jazz.” She waves the last part away and rolls her eyes at herself. “Sorry. I wish I could stop things like that from coming out of my mouth, but they just happen.”
“It’s solid advice, though.”
“Still, I try not to be as mortifying as my mom was with me, but I doubt I’m all that successful since we’re carbon copies of each other.”
“Oh, Gigi is a million times worse about this stuff than you are.” At least my mom tried to come up with a plausible excuse for the “banana costumes.” Her red blotchy face gave away the fact that she was lying.
“That’s reassuring. As is the fact that the word-vomit gene seems to have passed you by.”
“Small mercies, I suppose.” I don’t know if I agree that the word-vomit gene passed me entirely, but I have more of a censor than she and Gigi do.
I give her a hug, and she tells me she loves me and that I’m her favorite daughter.
She disappears down the hall to her bedroom, and I head downstairs to meet River, feeling mildly bad about the two bananas tucked into my bag and the fact that Mom will probably notice the missing costumes and worry about what Maverick did with them.
I’ll return them tomorrow, and she’ll be none the wiser.
Predinner Snack Attack
Lavender
It’s already closing in on six by the time me and River hop in my car and make the drive to the Bowmans’ house on the next lake over. My cousin BJ’s place is only two doors down from Kodiak’s, and my other cousins Lovey and Lacey are just a few minutes away as well. It’s kind of cool that all our parents have retired up here in the lake district. It’s like living at an exceptionally nice cottage.
Kodiak’s brother and sister are going to friends’ places tonight, and all the young kids are staying at the Kingstons’ with a babysitter.
Kodiak throws the door open as soon as I have the car in park and comes down the stairs wearing a pair of flip flops, despite the fact that it’s cold as hell outside and we can all see our breath bursting out of us in little puffs that hang in the air.
“Where’s Mav?” he asks when River gets out of the car and circles around to the trunk.
River and I exchange a look before I turn back to Kodiak, who is now right in front of my face, bending down to give me a chaste peck on the lips. Or as chaste as he’s capable of, anyway. It’s not like we haven’t seen each other every single day over the holiday break. But he still can’t seem to get in enough alone time with me. I blame it on the fact that we haven’t been able to sleep beside each other for most of the holidays. Not that I would want the awkwardness of sleeping in the same room with him when his parents or my parents are just down the hall.
“We thought you might know. River said he went back to Chicago this afternoon.”
Kodiak’s gaze flicks to my twin, who adds, “He said he needed to get some early reading done.”
Kodiak snorts a laugh until he realizes that River isn’t joking. “Maybe he had to pick up a shift at the gym?”
“New Year’s Eve gym classes?” I ask. “Sounds unlikely, and if that’s what it was for, why would he give a lame-ass excuse like he needs to get early reading done?”
Kodiak meets River around the back of the car and shoulders my overnight bag. Then he picks up all the grocery bags in one hand before either of us can step in to help. When he tries to add my Tupperware cupcake container to his already full arms, I elbow him out of the way. “I’ve got this.”
River closes the trunk, and we trudge across the snowy driveway.
“Maybe he’s seeing someone?” I ask the question both River and I pondered earlier, and follow Kodiak up the front steps, opening the door for him.
“Maybe? I don’t know. I mean, he was late coming up here for the holidays, and he’s been . . . off while he’s been here? Distracted?”
“He’s taken over my role as the emo brother,” River says as we all kick off our shoes, leaving them in a heap on the mat.
Except for Kodiak, who uses his toe to arrange them neatly before carrying the groceries to the kitchen. He sets my overnight bag on a chair and puts the groceries on the counter, immediately emptying the bags. “Damn, Lav, you really went all out, didn’t you?”
I shrug. I figured it would be fun to make those charcuterie boards my mom and her friends are always so fond of. Besides, it’s no fun getting super wasted and only having bags of chips to snack on. And I wanted us to have a real dinner, not some takeout crap that doesn’t arrive until nine and everyone’s already sloshed.
So I went ahead and made three different kinds of lasagna: a vegan, non-dairy option for me and Lovey and Lacey, an all-meat version for the guys, and a butter chicken one just to keep it interesting. I also have all the makings for Caesar salad, garlic bread, and of course, dessert in the form of Lucky Charms-inspired cupcakes, because they’re my fave. And I brought two boxes of cereal for breakfast in the morning. And bacon and eggs, in case I’m feeling ambitious.
The guys go about unpacking all the food, and Kodiak turns on the oven so we can reheat the lasagna. I assemble two charcuterie boards; one full of candy and one with meat and cheese and crackers and nuts, because these guys are always hungry.
Once all the grocery stuff is taken care of, Kodiak and I make the short trek out to the pool house to drop off my bag. Yes, the Bowmans have a pool, even though we’re on a lake and the water is amazing. But sometimes in the summer it gets busy and noisy with boats, so the pool is a nice, quieter change of pace.
As soon as we’re inside the pool house, Kodiak takes my face between his palms and brings his mouth to mine. His lips are soft at first, and then a deep groan vibrates through him and he strokes inside, tongue finding mine.
I sink into the kiss for several long, drawn-out seconds before I clamp my teeth together so he can’t put his tongue back in my mouth. After two pokes against my teeth, he pulls back with a frown. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.” I grin up at him. “But our friends are in the house, and we’re out here, and our phones are blowing up with messages.”
His frown deepens when he hears the telling buzz, buzz, buzz coming from the bag at my feet. “They can wait fifteen minutes.”
I arch a brow.
“Fine, half an hour.”
“You know as well as I do that there is zero chance of BJ letting us get away with disappearing before dinner for a half an hour. Besides, the lasagnas are in the oven, and I still have to put together the Caesar salad.”
“I could go down on you real quick,” he offers. “Just like five minutes? Ten at the most. Get you off?” He bites his lip. How he manages to look all sweet whe
n he’s asking to eat me out is beyond me, but it makes it hard to say no to him. “Please, babe? I promise I’ll be super fast.”
“Why am I entertaining this?” I mutter, more to myself than him. But I know my boyfriend. He’s basically addicted to my vagina.
“Because you love me. And because you know I’m going to drive you insane all night if you don’t give in now and let me bathe my face in your pussy juice.”
I grimace. “That’s gross.”
“No, it’s not. It’s sexy. I fucking love the way you taste. And the fact that we never, ever need lube.”
I cross my arms. It’s frustrating that just talking about this makes my panties unreasonably damp. “It’s genetic.”
“It’s hot as fuck.” He steps into my personal space and takes my face in his warm, rough palms again. “Pleeease, Lavender. Just let me make you come once before we have to go out there and be somewhat appropriate for the next few hours.”
“Why does it have to be right now?” And why am I even considering saying no?
“Because once we go back into the house, everyone is going to want your attention, dragging you away from the kitchen, and the party will be impossible. And later you’ll be drunk and all horny and demanding, and you won’t let me spend as much time as I like eating you out because you want my dick.” He smirks a little at the end and then gives me his damn puppy dog eyes.
He’s not wrong. About any of it. Once we’re with our friends, it’s going to be hard to pull me away from them, in part because other than River, I’m the only one who has a boyfriend here. The guy my cousin Lacey is dating went home to Arkansas to see his family, and her twin Lovey is on a strict no-boyfriend diet because the last guy she went out with ended up being way too clingy for her liking. BJ never dates anyone seriously enough to bring them home for the holidays, and I’m pretty sure he broke it off with whoever his casual fling was before he came home so he didn’t have to do the whole Christmas gift thing. And Quinn, Kodiak’s roommate and another one of our friends . . . well, I think he’s still nursing the same broken heart from the end of last year. He was noncommittal about coming out tonight, so I won’t be entirely surprised if he’s a no-show.
