Heronfield

by Dorinda Balchin

  "They'll be even hungrier by the end of the winter."

  Sarah recognised the voice but did not turn; instead she continued to watch the birds.

  "You don't know how lucky you are to have grown up here with the opportunity to watch birds like this. In Coventry we only get sparrows and pigeons!"

  "Are there many of them left?" Tony moved round to stand beside Sarah as he spoke. "I hear it's pretty bad up there."

  "There's not much of Coventry left, let alone its bird life." Sarah tried to keep her voice light, but the experiences of the last week still clung heavily to her. Tony noticed her tension and spoke softly.

  "I was worried about you. We all were."

  Images of devastated buildings and shattered lives crowded her mind, and Sarah shook her head sadly.

  "You can't imagine what it was like. So much destruction, so little we could do to help." She shivered. "No one can know what it felt like."

  Tony laid a comforting hand on her arm. "I believe I can. Don't forget I was at Dunkirk."

  Sarah turned to face him. "I had forgotten. I'm sorry. You know as much about bombing, and the pain and misery it brings, as I do."

  "I also know that the images which haunt you will recede in time. You won't forget, but you will be able to think about it without breaking into a cold sweat."

  "You do understand." Sarah found that sharing her feelings with someone who had been through something similar helped enormously. The relief was like the snapping of a taut wire. "Thank you for your concern. I hear you were asking about me while I was away." She could still feel his hand on her arm. Not knowing how to pull away without appearing rude, she was glad the cold air had put some colour into her cheeks so that Tony would not see her blushing.

  "It's the same concern I'd feel for any friend in a similar situation." Tony smiled and removed his hand. "I was so relieved when I went up to the house yesterday and they said that you were back, safe and sound." He frowned. "They couldn't tell me much about what happened. What about your mother? Is she all right?"

  Sarah nodded. "Yes, she's fine. Our house only had superficial damage, so she’s taken in some of the neighbours."

  "I'm so glad. What about Joe?”

  Sarah smiled brightly, her whole face lighting up and her eyes sparkling. With a lurching feeling inside Tony thought 'this is surely the look of a woman in love.’ His heart ached, because the smile was not for him.

  "Yes, Joe’s all right. He's helping to clear the bomb damage. It will be months before his factory is back in production again."

  "I'm glad everything turned out so well for you. I can see how much Joe means to you, and how awful it would have been if he had been...injured."

  "You were going to say 'killed' weren't you?" Sarah smiled sadly. "I used to be thankful that he had been found unfit for active service, but this last week has taught me that it doesn't matter who or where you are, or what you are doing, this dreadful war can bring death to you, at any place and any time."

  Tony took her elbow and turned her back towards the house.

  "Don't let that get you down, Sarah. We can't live our lives worrying about what might happen tomorrow. Let's just enjoy today."

  "You're right." Sarah smiled. “I'm glad to have you for a friend, you always help me to get things back into perspective."

  With a quick wave Sarah darted off.

  "'Bye Tony. And thanks!"

  "Bye."

  She slipped in through the side door, closing it quickly behind her to keep out the cold November air. With a sigh Tony turned away and made his solitary way back through the orchard and on down to the river, which is where he had been heading when he had first noticed Sarah. He could see that she was glad of his friendship, and to be honest he was glad to have her friendship too, but what he really wanted was something much deeper, something which she was not prepared to give to him for from the smile which had lit her face when he had mentioned Joe he knew that she had already promised it to someone else.

  42

  The weeks passed by, and 1940, the first full year of what looked like being a long war, was drawing to a close. The wards at Heronfield House were no longer full. As those convalescing from wounds received earlier in the year went home there were fewer to take their place. But this did not result in a feeling of over optimism amongst the staff; they knew it was only the calm before the storm. Britain was an island under siege. The help that people had hoped would come from the rest of the world, notably America, had not materialised. Hitler’s armies were poised on the French side of the Channel, ready to invade in the new year, while Britain was frantically training the men drafted into the army to replace the heavy losses suffered at Dunkirk. Hitler’s U-Boats patrolled the waters of the Atlantic making any trading with the outside world hazardous. Supplies of imported luxury items were running low. Rationing had hit people hard, but they had endured in the hope of a swift end to the war. Now the war looked set to continue for some years, if Britain was not overrun in the near future, and the prospect of more severe rationing loomed ominously on the horizon.

  Throughout the latter part of the year Tony spent much of his time away from home. His basic training was complete, but he had a number of other courses to attend in the New Year. He was left with time on his hands and no idea what to do with it. He would have liked to have remained at home, but he had to keep up the appearance of working for the Ministry of Economic Warfare. He moved around the country from city to city, town to town, always visiting places with munitions factories so that his family would really think that he was working. He spent nights in cheap hotels and days walking unfamiliar streets in the cold winter wind. He realised that this strange way of life was good for him. He was getting used to being alone, to wandering around strange places looking as though he knew where he was going and what he was doing, to living a lie. The experience would be invaluable to him when he finally reached occupied France.

  Tony returned home each weekend, eager to see Sarah and to spend time with his mother. Now David was dead, she placed all her hopes for the future in him. Tony would not have returned so often if it were not for his mother. The situation with his father was growing more strained all the time. Sir Michael had not spoken to him on his last two visits, so Tony approached the Lodge with some trepidation on the morning of the second Saturday in December. He opened the front door to find his mother waiting for him in the hall. She had obviously been watching for him from the window. With a warm smile, Louise hugged her son.

  “Hello, mon cher."

  Tony kissed her forehead. "Hello Mamma. You’re looking well. How is Grandmamma?"

  Louise shook her head sadly. "She misses her home. She hates the thought of those Nazis going through her things. But she is well."

  Tony nodded. "And Dad?"

  Louise's eyes clouded. "Still the same. Do not expect too much from him, mon cher. He is finding it hard to cope with the loss of David."

  "We all are, Mamma."

  "But at least we talk about it. Your father is a typical English gentleman, and will not speak of such deep feelings. It is hard for him."

  "Not as hard as he finds it to accept my work."

  Louise laid a restraining hand on his arm. ”Hush, mon cher. Try not to talk about it. Now, go and tidy up. Lunch is almost ready."

  Tony joined his parents in the dining room some fifteen minutes later. He was determined to make an effort to get on better terms with his father over the weekend, but it was not easy. As they ate, Louise and Sir Michael talked of everyday things. Louise talked with Tony about the approaching festive season, but not once did Sir Michael direct a remark to his son. As the soup bowls were cleared away and the bowl of fruit, mainly apples from their own orchard, was placed on the table for dessert, Sir Michael said something which grabbed Tony’s attention.

  "Did you know that one of the auxiliaries up at the House was in Coventry during the bombing?"

  “Yes, mon cher."

  “I hear she
worked in a makeshift hospital until things got sorted out. The doctor she worked under has written to the doctor here to say how well she did. He suggests that she should train to be a proper nurse if the opportunity arises."

  Tony took a deep breath. This seemed an ideal opportunity to try to improve things with his father. "She is to be congratulated. I'm sure she deserves the praise."

  Sir Michael threw a withering look at his son. "Yes, she knew where her duty lay, and she was not afraid to carry it out."

  Tony clenched his fists beneath the table in an attempt to control his temper.

  "It's only the medical staff, along with the Air Force and Navy, who can do their bit at the moment. Our ordinary soldiers are stuck in their camps waiting for a chance to fight. They are bored while at least I'm occupied in useful war work."

  Sir Michaels face reddened. "But when the time comes they'll fight for their country, not like you."

  "But what will they fight with, Father? How will they get their weapons, if people like me don't do our jobs?"

  "People like you should be at the forefront of the battle!"

  "I'm sure Mamma does not agree. She sees the value of my work, and she has already lost one son. Do you want her to lose the other as well?" Too late he saw the shake of Louise’s head and the rising anger in his father’s eyes.

  "How dare you, boy! How dare you speak of your brother and yourself in the same breath! He was a hero and you...you..."

  "And I am a coward."

  Tony rose from the table, his anger draining from him as he realised the futility of any attempt on his part to rectify the situation with his father. With a sad, weary look he leant down and kissed his mother's forehead.

  "I'm sorry, Mamma. I think I'll go up and see Grandmamma."

  As the door closed softly behind her son Louise turned angrily towards her husband.

  "Michael! Was that necessary? The boy has already been in action at Dunkirk. The officers feel he is best suited to his present job. As he says, at least he is doing something. Why can you not accept that his work is valuable?"

  "Because in the last war men of his age, and younger, died in the mud and filth of the trenches so that he could grow up in the privileged surroundings he has enjoyed. He owes them..”

  "He is paying that debt in the best way he knows how!"

  "Is he?"

  "Would you be happier if he were to die?" Louise looked across at her husband in silence for a moment, then threw up her hands in exasperation.

  "Oh Michael, please be careful. I have already lost one son, do not drive the other away so that he is lost to me too."

  Seeing the tears in his wife’s eyes, feeling the same deep hurt at the loss of their son, Sir Michael rose and went round the table. Kneeling beside the woman he had met while fighting in the last war, he took her in his arms and kissed her ,hair.

  "Forgive me my darling. I suppose times have changed, and I must change with them. I'll try to be kinder to Tony." He sighed deeply. "I only wish I could know for certain that he's not a coward."

  Louise lifted her tear stained face to look deep into his eyes. "He is your son, Michael. He cannot be a coward."

  43

  Christmas approached rapidly. A tree was brought up to the big house by Sir Michael, who helped to set it up in the main hallway. Boxes of decorations were brought down from the attic. Most were used to brighten the wards, while Sir Michael took a few down to the Lodge. He did not really feel like celebrating Christmas this year, but he knew he must go through the motions for the rest of the family. Some of the nursing staff had been given two days leave, but the remainder were to stay on. Their celebrations would begin at the dance in Marlborough on Christmas Eve, and continue with dinner at the hospital with all the patients. With rationing, Christmas dinner would not be the same as in pre-war years, but the kitchen staff were working hard to make it a memorable one.

  Christmas Eve dawned clear and bright, and an air of expectation pervaded the whole hospital. The rounds were completed early and the auxiliary staff had completed their work once dinner had been served to the patients and cleared away. All that remained was to serve tea to the patients later in the afternoon, then the women would be free to go into Marlborough. The afternoon was spent bathing, washing hair, beautifying, for the chance to go to a party was rare in the secluded precincts of Heronfield House.

  Sarah was sitting in front of the mirror. She smiled wistfully. How she wished she could be back in Coventry for the next few days. She had never been away from home at Christmas before. She would miss the midnight service followed by a glass of sherry before bed; then the excitement of opening presents under the tree after breakfast. She was glad that Mr. and Mrs. Cook would be with her mother. She would hate Alice to be alone on Christmas Day. Sarah began to brush her hair vigorously. She knew that she would miss seeing Joe most of all.

  The door opened and Jane entered, quilted housecoat tied tightly around her waist and hair wrapped in a towel.

  "I can't wait to get to the dance." She waltzed excitedly across the room as she spoke. "I hope there are plenty of handsome young men there."

  Sarah laughed. "None of them will dance with you if you look like that!"

  Jane sat down on the bed and began to towel her hair dry. "You wait till you see me tonight! They won't be able to resist me!"

  "I hope so. Then at least you'll have a happy Christmas."

  Jane stopped towelling her hair and gazed thoughtfully at her roommate.

  "Won't you?"

  Sarah shrugged and smiled. "I suppose so. It's just that I'll miss Mum, and Joe."

  "There'll be so much going on here, you won't have time to be homesick."

  Sarah put down her hairbrush and made her way over to the wardrobe. She took out the red dress she intended to wear, and hung it on the back of the door to let the creases fall out. There was a knock on the other side of the door, which startled Sarah and made Jane laugh.

  "Who is it?"

  "It's Carol. Is Sarah there?"

  "Yes. Come in,” Sarah replied. She opened the door to the young nurse who came in, smiling broadly.

  "There's someone to see you. I think he's come down from Coventry."

  Sarah’s eyes widened in surprise. "Joe? Joe!" She turned and rushed over to Jane. "It's Joe!"

  Jane laughed. "I'd gathered that! Now get down there before he goes back to Coventry!"

  As Sarah rushed from the room, Jane smiled mischievously at Carol.

  "It must be love!"

  Sarah stopped at the head of the staircase and looked down into the hall. She knew it was a moment that she would remember for the rest of her life. The tree was bright with baubles twinkling merrily beneath the lights, holly hung above the mirrors and picture frames, streamers hung from the ceiling. In the midst of it all, standing straight and tall beside the green, silver and gold of the tree, was Joe. Smiling radiantly Sarah made her way down the stairs and into his arms.

  "Joe! It's so good to see you! What are you doing here?"

  Joe smiled down at the girl in his arms. Her happiness radiated from her like the light from a candle in a darkened room. He felt a surge of pride that she was his.

  "I couldn't face the thought of Christmas without seeing you, so I came down. I can't stop long, the last train leaves at six o’clock."

  "But that only gives us an hour or so!"

  "Then let's not waste it. Can you get away?" Sarah nodded. "Then get your coat and let's go for a walk."

  Sarah rushed upstairs for her coat, and was back in minutes. Breathlessly she took Joe by the hand and led him out of the house and down the gravel drive.

  "You didn't tell me Heronfield House was so big and beautiful."

  Sarah smiled. "It's another world, isn't it." They passed the lodge as she spoke. "The Kemshall family are living in the lodge for the duration. It must be quite a change for them."

  The two young people were so engrossed in each other that they did not see Tony Kemshall, wh
o stood a little way from the drive and watched them walk out through the big wrought iron gates, a frown furrowing his brow as he realized that his plans for the day had suddenly disrupted by the appearance of his rival.

  Sarah and Joe walked slowly down the road going nowhere in particular, just glad to be together.

  Sarah sighed happily. "This is one Christmas I'll never forget."

  Joe stopped walking. They were beneath the spreading branches of a chestnut tree, bare now in the winter sunlight.

  "Perhaps I can give you another reason to remember today." Joe reached a hand into his coat pocket. "I realised during the bombing that life wouldn’t be worth living for me if you weren’t there to share it." He took a small blue velvet box from his pocket and opened it. Sarah could see the ring nestled inside, a diamond shining brightly. "Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

  Sarah said nothing. Her eyes were fixed on the ring, her throat constricted by emotion.

  "You don't have to answer me now. You can think about it, and give me your answer when I next see you."

  “Oh, Joe." Sarah’s voice caught in her throat. "I don't need to think about it. You know I love you. I can't think of anything I'd like more than to be your wife."

  Joe smiled happily as he took the ring from the box and placed it on Sarah’s finger.

  "Oh, it fits perfectly!"

  Joe grinned.

  "I thought it would. I asked your mother what your ring size was when I told her I was coming down. She took a guess and seems to have got it right!"

  As he took Sarah in his arms and placed his lips on hers Sarah thought that her heart would burst with happiness.