To One Hundred (#dirtysexygeeks #1)

by Melissa Blue

Eva couldn’t take the sensation of losing control, much less throw caffeine on it. She stepped out of line, rushing outside to suck in air. Grady was there behind her, his heady warmth not soothing at all.

  Tears pricked her eyes. Other people got to hide their neurosis with a lash of words or something else normal. Hers, no one could ignore or brush off. So she walked until she hit an alley. Kept walking until she was far enough in to lean against the wall. She pressed her hands into her knees and bent over, trying to breathe. Damn hard when it felt like her lungs were being wrung out and her throat was shutting closed. Sweat broke out on her forehead, chilling her to the bone even in the summer heat. She wanted to climb out of her skin to get away from the sensation. Eva settled for ripping off her backpack to shake that incessant weight and then put her hands back on her knees to keep from tearing at her clothes.

  And there he was, not uttering a word. He just stood in the alley with her. Yeah, eventually he squatted to be eye level but he didn’t touch her, didn’t speak. How in the hell could he just take this in stride? She’d had men bail the moment her face paled.

  “Another deep breath, Eva. Come on. Don’t hold it.”

  She could deal with this on her own. Tell herself she wasn’t about to die but to have him here made the freak out worse. Her heart was going to give out. She couldn’t breathe. Today was the day her lungs would give out. Or worse, she’d puke, because that whooshing sensation in her gut refused to ease.

  “Just go,” she panted. “I’ll be fine. I know I’m fine.”

  He cupped her cheeks, standing straight and taking her with him until he had her pressed into the wall. “Breathe. A deep one.”

  She couldn’t look at him. There was too much worry and fear in his eyes, and Eva just felt like a crazy person. Definitely had to look it.

  But…how many times had he done this? Someone didn’t pick up this skill cold without the urge to call 911. But Eva nodded, listening to his calm tone, letting the heat of his hands on her face ground her.

  She could breathe. Her heart wasn’t going to give out. As she’d known, she’d be fine. And Grady had witnessed all of it.

  Her lip trembled as tears sprung to her eyes again. “I never wanted you to see me like that.”

  He pushed his face into the crook of her neck. His breath was hot against her skin as he exhaled harshly. As though he hadn’t been able to breathe either. It took her a moment to feel the tremble in his limbs.

  Had this been as real for him as it had been for her? That wasn’t possible. Even some doctors who knew the symptoms well wore an attitude that her panic attacks were a pretend ailment. Yes, her problem was all in her head but while in it she couldn’t physically feel the difference. And definitely couldn’t snap herself out without reminders.

  “I’m fine,” she murmured, a tired ache pounding in her limbs now that the attack was over.

  “Eva,” was all he said before wrapping his arms around her waist.

  Tension melted into calm the longer he held her. A sweet, woodsy scent saturated her senses. A few minutes ticked by and he pulled away, he tilted her chin up to meet his hard gaze. “After class you’re coming home with me.”

  There wasn’t any room to argue, he didn’t leave any. She was too tired to fight the comfort. “Did you go grocery shopping?”

  “Yeah. A man’s gotta eat.”

  Resigned, she nodded her head. He’d want to know everything, and there wasn’t a reason why he shouldn’t. He’d understand. That she now knew.

  She placed her hands on his cheeks and pulled him into a deep kiss. Not that he deserved it for weathering the storm of her emotions. Eva just needed his warmth, his strength. His steel core wouldn’t falter if she leaned on it.

  Whatever happened after that was left up to the fates. But right that moment, all she needed was his mouth on hers.

  *****

  The scent of pine cleaner hit Grady the second he walked into his home. He’d done a light clean up the day before, but nothing that extensive. “Wade?” he called out from the door.

  Eva shifted behind him, still shivering even after two hours of sitting in class.

  “In the kitchen,” his brother answered.

  His brows rose in surprise. “This is an interesting turn of events,” he said to Eva.

  Her gaze wasn’t so flat anymore. “What is?”

  “He only cooks for holidays. Are you hungry?”

  Eva shook her head, still too pale for his liking. “I just want to lie down.”

  He understood. “All right. I’ll show you to my room. You can nap in there.”

  She didn’t argue or ask questions and that was the most troubling. More so when all Eva did was follow him up to his room. Once there, she dropped her backpack on the nightstand then slid into his king-sized bed and wrapped herself in his comforter like a burrito. He went over to the bay window to draw the curtains closed and by the time he turned around Eva was asleep.

  Grady just stood there at the end of the bed a second or two, frowning down at her vulnerable form. Her sandals peeked out from the cocoon and hung over the edge of the mattress.

  The flu or a wicked hangover could put him down like that, but he doubted he had anything in his mental Rolodex that could compare to the after effects of a panic attack. Screw his I-don’t-need-to-know mindset, he would have to push her to tell him about her past.

  Grady took off her shoes, dropped one to the floor and then hid the other. When he was done, he left his bedroom door open and went back downstairs.

  The granite kitchen counters were covered with makings for tacos. Wade had already chopped the onions, cilantro, cabbage and lettuce. The carne asada sat in a large bowl by the stove as the pan heated.

  His brother glanced away from the old gas stove to him, sighed and then asked, “Let me guess. Something happened and it was bad enough you brought her home.”

  Grady scrubbed a hand down his face, dislodging his glasses for a second and then leaned against the counter. “Yeah.”

  Wade grunted and lowered the fire. “What’s her deal?”

  He suspected but couldn’t say with certainty. For a moment he hesitated telling his brother the little he did know, but Wade had seen her twice now. Third time would be the charm, and his brother would see the scars on her wrists. So the choice was to tell him now or wait for the inevitable.

  Grady sighed. “She, uh, has these scars on her wrists. Faded now but you can still see them. Why? Don’t know. She had an affair with a teacher. When? Don’t know. All I do know is that it fucks with her nerves sometimes.” He shrugged. “I’ll cook the meat, you do the tortilla shells.”

  Apparently that gave his brother pause, because his gaze flicked to Grady and stayed. “You’re telling me, you don’t know for sure?”

  “Sums it up.”

  “You?”

  Grady glared. His brother was just being an ass now. “Only person standing here.”

  Wade tilted his head. “So what did you guys talk about before …online?”

  Everything but the detail that mattered apparently. He shrugged. “We talked.”

  His brother gave him a blank stare, shook his head and then turned on the fire beneath the pan of oil. The ignition ticked, ticked, ticked before the gas caught a small flame.

  “Did her bad day have anything to do with you earning your muff scruff badge last night?”

  Grady pushed from the counter. The crudeness didn’t shock him. It was the fact Wade knew. “What?”

  “Yeah.” Wade broke the stare, looking amused instead of embarrassed. “Decided to clear my head, sit at my spot. Figured you’d left without returning my blanket, like the asshole you are.” He cackled. “You were face deep, baby brother.”

  Grady put his head in his hand. “Thanks for not interrupting, at least.”

  “Ah.” Wade smacked him on the back. “What are brother’s for?”

  The question for the ages. “And no that’s not why she had a bad day.” He dropped his h
and and grabbed the bowl of meat. “Is this just for us or are the guys coming over?”

  “Porter’s on a job so he might show up, and might even bring Ashley. Victor and Oliver are coming over for sure.”

  The meat sizzled as they cooked in silence. Wade ripped open the package of tortillas. He took out two at a time and began to fry them just enough that they would be warm and stick together.

  His brother frowned at the pan. “Is this serious?”

  “Don’t know.”

  Wade grunted. “And how does that make you feel?”

  Like he was drowning. He always knew where a relationship was headed. He always knew what the next goal in his life would be. Grady wasn’t a fan of let’s see what happens. It’s why he dragged his feet on getting his Ph.D.

  Didn’t mean he couldn’t roll with change but Eva… Fuck. She was in his bed, recovering from a panic attack. Yeah, he’d known her for four months, but they’d just met a week, a week and a half ago.

  But his brother would know his answer. His brother would just ask the question to dig the situation under Grady’s skin. So, it was only fair to say, “When is your next therapy appointment?”

  “I went today.”

  The spread in the kitchen made a lot more sense. Grady had gone a few times with him the year before. They’d spent a lot time talking about what kind of fucked-up parents they’d had, their relationship and what to do if Wade had another episode, and if he didn’t. He’d hated every moment of someone digging around in his head, his emotions and leaving him a bit raw by the end of a session. Wade probably felt that way times ten.

  “So, you don’t want to talk about that. I don’t want to talk about Eva. How’s the weather?”

  Wade laughed, almost through with more than half of the tortillas. “If I weren’t here, you’d be in bed with her, stroking her hair.” He grimaced before adding, “She’s different. I hope you can see that.”

  The fact his brother even felt the need to comment on the relationship said more than enough. Grady’s shoulders tensed. “Different how?”

  His brother gave him a look that said did you hit your head? “She tried to kill herself for one. You know that. Usually you go for the perpetually happy. That was even before the last year with me. I just hope you know what you’re getting into.” Wade’s jaw tightened before he pushed out a heavy breath. “It’s never going to get easy and that’s something I don’t want for you.”

  This was not like his brother at all. He reserved his opinion on any woman he wasn’t sleeping with. Grady tilted his head. “You don’t want me with her?”

  “I’m saying I’d rather you be with someone perpetually happy. Dealing with my shit is bad enough.”

  His brother’s words hit him low in the gut. That’s what this was about. “Wade, don’t ever think like that. Ever.” Anger tightened his throat. “We all have our own shit.”

  “Yeah?” Wade’s brows rose and anger tightened the corners of his mouth. “What’s yours?”

  “My brother’s an idiot who believes he’s the only one who has had to adjust.” He broke the harsh stare to check on the food. “Get me a plate or something for this.”

  “If not for me, you wouldn’t even know what a panic attack looks like. You had to learn that shit because of me. So don’t tell me I’m not your problem.” Wade tugged a hand through his hair. Opened his mouth to speak and then just shook his head. He got a beer out the fridge and left.

  “And didn’t even give me a plate. Bastard.”

  Could Grady say his brother was completely off-base? No. He’d researched bi-polar disorder then made his way through every common mental disorder, damn near memorizing symptoms and treatments. He may have known what to do for Eva, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t shaken from the experience. He had to stand there and watch her unravel. There were no dragons to slay or monsters to scare off.

  It was the most useless fucking feeling in the world. He’d done the same with his brother, and even there all he could do was spin on his thumb until the episode passed.

  So, yeah, maybe his monster was fear for the people around him. The kind that woke you up in a cold sweat at night. He couldn’t fix it for them. The only other option was to not give a shit, focus on finishing his Ph.D. at some point.

  But even now Grady worried his brother believed he would be better off without a brother. That ice-cold fear sent a trail of sweat down his spine. So, fuck, no, he didn’t take in strays or women with issues. He avoided women with baggage like the plague, but Eva had him invested before seeing her in the flesh. She had him the moment she’d looked him deep in his eyes. And now she was in his bed and he didn’t want her anywhere else.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Eva came down the stairs, barefoot and a little bleary from her nap, and was confronted with eight pairs of eyes fixated on her. She really should have checked in a mirror before leaving Grady’s bedroom. For all she knew her hair was a tousled mess and pillowcase creases lined her face.

  She gave the four men in the room an awkward wave. “Hey, I’m Eva.”

  A blond god smiled at her. It was an easy, open smile. His honey-toned eyes scanned her from head to toe in a quick sweep. She couldn’t read the thoughts flickering in his gaze so her strained smile went tremulous. He sat at the end of the long couch, his long legs reaching under the coffee table. His Converse looked scuffed beyond repair but everything else he wore—shirt, jeans, watch—appeared expensive and new.

  “We know,” the blond god uttered.

  He then dug into his pocket and tossed money at Wade, who had already turned his focus back to the TV. The blond god then tossed money to a dark-haired man who sat beside Grady’s brother. His hair had a military short cut. The haircut only highlighted the sharp slope of his eyes and cheekbones. He wore the same kind of jeans and T-shirt uniform but topped it off with heavy-duty boots. No smile, no words, just a hard stare. Even with the scowl he pointed in her direction, he was a little breathtaking.

  Grady just shook his head while rising from the love seat. Since they were all still watching her, she did her best to smooth down her hair to make sure no side was bunched up.

  “I should go,” she told him when he got close enough.

  “Are you hungry?” Grady asked, still moving toward her.

  “Uh…”

  “Come on,” he said with a chuckle. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the kitchen.

  The heat of the stares lessened but now she was alone with Grady. Think of anything else. “I see what you mean about finding a house filled with people.”

  “Told you, but they’re harmless.” He waved his hand as though that would make it all better. “They’re also full so they’ll behave.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Behave?”

  He opened the microwave and pulled out a plate of tacos. There was only meat on the tortilla. “Didn’t know what you wanted on it, but figured I should set it aside before the savages ate everything that wasn’t nailed down. Beer?”

  That was really sweet, but butterflies had started to attack her stomach since he refused to explain himself. “Don’t avoid the question,” she pushed, her voice going high and thready.

  He smiled that lopsided smile of his. A testament to her nerves, her knees only wobbled a little.

  “I’m not,” he said. “Beer?”

  “Yes. Sure. Behave?”

  “Plus, Porter might come by. He’ll bring his sister Ashley so you won’t be the only woman.”

  Eva almost growled at him. Oh, God. She was totally going to choke him first. “Behave?”

  He sighed, his eyes lit with a secret laugh. “They might haze you.” He pulled out two beers and cracked them both and handed one to her. “Onions, cilantro—the works are behind you.”

  She blinked and looked around the kitchen. Like the rest of his house she’d seen so far, there was nothing mancave-ish about it. He had plain oven mitts, a solid blue placemat in front of the sink and all the space was clean.


  The vegetables he’d pointed out were even in Tupperware. The food looked a bit wilted but still edible. “I think I should go.”

  “Eat first and drink your beer.”

  She whipped her gaze back to him. “With you and your friends who want to haze me?”

  For only a second he bit his lip, trying to contain a smile. “They wouldn’t do anything traumatizing.”

  She glared at him and he just smiled back at her. It took her a second to realize what he’d been doing. Her shoulders lowered as she relaxed. “You’re toying with me.”

  “Just a little,” he confessed. “You looked like you were about to rabbit.”

  She huffed, still a little annoyed he’d managed to wind her up pretty good. “No one was introducing themselves and they were just staring.”

  “Outside of Ashley, a woman rarely comes into our sanctuary.”

  Huh. Interesting insight. “You’ve never brought a woman home? To meet your friends?”

  His brows furrowed. “That’s one of those ‘does my ass look fat’ questions.”

  Despite still feeling a little bit raw from that morning, Eva laughed. “That’s fair, but have you?”

  “Yes, I have.” He sighed and took a long pull on his beer.

  He’d answered. No caveats, just the truth. No, he didn’t go into detail, but from the worried strain on his face, he’d told her the truth. She wasn’t mentally keeping track of all the differences between him and Aiden, but this one stuck. This one mattered.

  “Now we’re even.” And she wanted to kiss him. It took her another moment to realize she’d just been mooning at him. She blinked and tried to play it off. “Where are your glasses?”

  “Don’t need them at home unless I’m reading or need to see really far. The TV isn’t that far and it’s big as shit.”

  “Oh.”

  He smiled again, seeing straight through the bluff. “Come on.”

  Grady pressed a hand to her back and led her into the living room. She took the love seat, and he took the floor, right next to her. His hand possessively wrapped around her ankle after she’d settled in.

  The blond god’s gaze dropped to the hand and he shook his head, an amused expression softening the brunt of his chiseled jawline. “I’m Oliver, by the way.”