by Leanne Davis
Luke had all but snarled out loud. He was glaring at her. It was more than apparent he wasn’t happy to see her. But why was he being awful to her? Acting as if she didn’t know him at all?
Brett had told her Luke was being borderline rude to him. Kelly started to apologize for that, when Brett went into a narration on how awesome Luke Tyler was. Luke didn’t blow sunshine up Brett’s ass just because of Brett’s name. In fact, Brett seemed to think Luke thought he was automatically a jerk simply because he was an actor. Kelly wasn’t sure how that was a good thing, but Brett seemed to think it was fantastic that Luke was predisposed to disliking him.
Still, none of this was like Luke. He usually was so careful to be polite and friendly, and keep his own moods to himself. He didn’t take out his sadness or anger on anyone.
Except, on her.
Kelly sighed. She expected it to be awkward between Luke and her, but not downright nasty.
Then again, since when was she the shrinking violet? She was a lot of things, but timid was not one of them. So Luke wanted to make this difficult, did he? Fine with her.
****
Kelly found the hospital distasteful. It was the same hospital she had recovered in after being attacked by Cassie’s ex-husband, Marcus Leary, over a year ago. She didn’t remember a lot about those few days, but she did remember how she hated being in this place. She had to keep reminding herself that this time, she was here for a joyous reason.
Then again, looking at Luke’s face, he seemed anything but happy. In fact, he was glowering like a neon sign, saying “Stay away.” Tim didn’t look happy either, he was acting unusually still and quiet.
Kelly went over and sat down next to Tim, who was leaning up against a wall on the floor. Kelly did the same.
“So, what’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, it’s me. What’s wrong? Are you worried about your mom?”
“No.”
“You know having this baby won’t change a thing about how she feels about you.”
“I know. My mom loves me, no matter what.”
Kelly smiled at Tim’s impatient tone. Tim had no idea how lucky he was to be so confident in his mother’s love.
“Then what’s going on? Do you not want a brother?”
“I do. More than anything. Mom says I get to help take care of him. I’ll be a good brother.”
“Of course, you will, your mother raised you. So tell me why you look so sad.”
Tim shrugged. He wanted to tell her what was wrong, so Kelly pressed.
“What, Tim? I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me why you look like someone took away your favorite toy. Did they? Did someone take your teddy bear?”
Tim’s lips twitched. “No.”
“Then did someone pinch you when I wasn’t looking?”
“No.”
“Did aliens come and threaten to take you to their planet?”
Tim faintly smiled. “No.”
“Then what?”
“John doesn’t want me,” Tim finally blurted out as tears leaked from his eyes.
“Oh, Tim,” Kelly said, gently wrapping him up in a hug. “Why ever would you say that? John loves you as much as your mother.”
“Nuh-uh. I heard him tell someone his ‘first son’ was about to be born. I heard him. He was smiling and excited. He doesn’t consider me his first son.”
Bingo. Of course, Tim was secure in Cassie’s love; it was his new father he doubted. Why wouldn’t he? The little guy only had a stable man in his life for a little over a year.
“But you can’t tell John I said that. He’ll just come over here and say I’m wrong because he loves my mom. And he knows Mom will put me first.”
What to say? Of course, it was good Tim knew for a fact his mother would put him first, but it wasn’t good that Tim doubted John’s love.
“You know I would never lie to you, right? I mean you’re a kid and all, but you’re not stupid, and I’ve never treated you like you were by coddling you or lying. I told you your biological father was a heartless piece of shit, and you should be glad he isn’t in your life. You, of course, told your mother I said that, and I got in trouble, but I don’t regret it, because you know I tell you the truth.”
“Yeah. You treat me special.”
“Of course, I do. You are special. There isn’t a contest between you and John for your mother’s love. John loves you as much as he’s going to love this new baby. Do you know how I know that?”
“No.”
“John is right now working on adopting you. Do you know what that means?”
“Sure. One of the girls in my class is adopted.”
“Well, I’m going to get in trouble for telling you, but your parents, that would be Cassie and John Tyler, are working on making it legal that you’re John’s son. They’re going to make this big production of asking you and making sure it’s okay with you. They’ll reassure you that you can keep the last name Reeves, but secretly, they both want you to take John’s last name. So you’ll be just like them. Timothy Tyler. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
“Y-y-yes. Are you sure? They’re really going to make me a Tyler? Just like the baby? Like Mom’s new name?”
“Yes, I’m completely sure. You have to act surprised though; otherwise, I’ll get in trouble again.”
“I promise. I don’t want you to get in trouble. Wow! I’m getting a new name.”
Kelly hugged him. Tim stayed with her for a while, updating her on his life, before he got up, the spring back in his step, and went out to play.
Kelly got up then and went to find John.
She knocked and peeked in on her sister. Cassie and John were talking. Her sister was hooked up to monitors and an IV, which had a Pitocin drip to induce labor. Cassie’s water had broken twelve hours earlier, but there was no progress since. The family was in and out, visiting her, trying to keep her frustration at bay. Cassie wasn’t overly patient. Lying there without being in labor made her grumpy and feeling useless.
“Hey. We got a problem.”
“More than this?” Cassie asked, waving at herself lying there.
“Tim heard John tell someone his ‘first son was being born.’ He’s convinced now that John only wants him because he loves you. I told him otherwise and that you’re planning on adopting him, which he liked by the way. But I think you’d better talk to him yourself, John. Make sure you don’t tell him I let you know he was upset. He thinks it’s our secret.”
John looked visibly concerned. “I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I worded it that way.”
“You probably didn’t. He was feeling insecure to start with and heard it that way.”
John looked anxiously at Cassie, then Kelly. “You both know that it isn’t true. I love Tim like he’s my own.”
Kelly smiled. “We know. You’re pretty obvious with how you feel about him. Just make sure you tell him more. Take it from me, when a kid feels insecure about being loved, it takes a long time for him to trust that he is. He knows it; he just needs to hear it a lot.”
“I’ve got to go find him. And make sure I’m not such an idiot again. Thanks, Kelly.”
“God, he’s changed since he married you.” Kelly shook her head in disbelief after John left.
“He’s still clueless about how to talk. But he does try hard. It’s sweet, actually.”
“I know.”
“So how is it out there?”
“Oh fine. You know a little awkward with Luke, but fine. Don’t worry about a thing though. You rest and save your energy for this. Are you scared?”
“No. This is a lot easier, having a family with me than it was with Tim. Besides, for being a doctor, John is awfully squirrel-y about all of this.”
“That’s because he can’t stay all cold and emotionless this time. It’s you. And the man can’t stand for you to even have a sniffle, let alone give birth.”
Cassie smiled a sappy, love-sick smile. “So
, how is it really going out there with Luke?”
Kelly shrugged.
“I see. Go easy on him. This all has to be excruciating for him.”
“I know that. He’s the one who won’t admit it. I tried to ask him how he was doing, and he snapped my head off.”
“Luke isn’t okay. He’s been worse the last few weeks. Of course this—” Cassie waved at her stomach “—doesn’t help him in the least. But it seems like more. You were the only one who seemed to get through to Luke.”
“Yeah? Well, not anymore. We parted like we understood each other, even if we couldn’t be together. Apparently, I was wrong, and we’re back acting like juveniles in a bad break-up.”
“Give him some time. Losing you, watching my pregnancy the last year—it’s all a lot for a man who’s already lost so much.”
“Yeah, well, Luke never lost me. He pushed me away with a forklift.”
Cassie nodded. “I know. But I think he’s regretted it ever since. He just doesn’t know he does.”
****
“Thinking about last time you were here?”
Kelly turned away from the window to Luke.
“Yes. How did you know?”
“You had a look on your face. The attack on you by Leary was vicious. It had to have a lasting effect.”
“Doesn’t everything? But I tried to keep it in perspective. I knew who my attacker was, why he attacked me, and remembered that he is dead. So I try not to let it affect me much. But being here did bring it back sharper then I was prepared for.”
“I’m sorry for earlier.”
Kelly was thrown off balance. She did not expect Luke to apologize to her.
“It’s okay. I understand why you’d be ticked off at me.”
“Why do you think I was ticked off at you?”
“Why wouldn’t you be? I made what should have been a good time for both of us last summer, into something way more than it was. I made you feel guilty for doing exactly what we agreed upon. I realized it after I left here.”
“You stayed away a long time.”
“I was embarrassed to see you. Here I was acting like a virgin who was taken advantage of. We had a good time, and I tried to make it into some kind of unrequited love. I was so ridiculous. I see it now. And no wonder you were mad. I made you feel sorry when all you did was help me.”
“Help you?” Luke raised his eyebrows at her.
“Sure. You got me over my thinking that sex was a big deal. You made me realize it was just fun, and there didn’t have to be all these hang-ups. So you see? I owe you a huge favor.”
“You’re thanking me?”
“Yes. Which I should have done last summer, instead of blowing it all out of proportion.”
“What do you want me to say? You’re welcome?”
“No! Of course not. I was hoping now that you know how silly I was, we could skip the awkwardness.”
Luke frowned and tapped his finger against his thigh. He didn’t like what she just said. Kelly took it to mean far more. The man did care. He didn’t like her flippant attitude, and he sure didn’t like her blowing off what happened between them, even though that’s what he said he wanted. Luke had asked about her for the first few months she was gone. He’d even gone into Sarah’s shop and asked about her. Why would he have bothered if he were really so okay with them being done? Luke was not ready for what developed between them, but he sure couldn’t let it go as easily as he proclaimed.
“Is that what you’re doing with Brett? Having fun?”
“Brett?” Kelly jerked her gaze to his face. Luke thought she was dating Brett? Well, of course he did, the light finally dawned. That’s why Luke was rude to Brett, and even ruder to her. He obviously didn’t like that fact. Even though it wasn’t a fact. But why not let Luke stew over that?
“No, that’s not what I’m doing.”
“Oh. Well, it’s none of my business, is it?”
“No. It’s not.”
Kelly left it at that and sauntered away. If Luke Tyler wanted to play hardball, she was ready. And if he didn’t know anything about her yet, like she was always the opposite of what she portrayed, then he deserved to be confused about what she was up to. And it also meant he cared about what she was up to.
****
Luke stared after Kelly when she walked away. What the hell? Kelly thanked him for their relationship as if all he’d done was teach her sex tricks. What had she done? Taken what happened between them and applied it to Brett? And others? Had he somehow trained her for other men? How could Kelly think that?
And why was he so pissed off at her? He was being unreasonable. Kelly did not beg or drag out the thing between them after he told her it was finished. She had never tried to hurt him or make him feel guilty. She had done just what he told her to do.
So why was he so pissed off about that?
He glanced over at her, and the pinch in his gut was instant. He didn’t think he would ever get used to the effect her face had on him. No, it was more than that, it was the effect she had on him. He didn’t like seeing the look on her face as she so obviously relived the attack by Marcus Leary that landed her in this very hospital. He didn’t like thinking about her having sex with other men, which was something that he’d pretty much encouraged her to do.
What was his problem? Sure, there was the obvious he had memories that made being at the birth of any baby hard to deal with. That was a given and something he was prepared for. Why then was all his careful preparation going to hell? And why was he in a jealous snit like some high school jock who’d lost his girlfriend? Who cared if Kelly had a date come to the hospital? Wasn’t that exactly what should have happened? Because they were nothing more to each other than two adults who slept together only a handful of times.
Why then wouldn’t his damned heart listen to what his head kept telling it? Because it had been so much more than that, and he was acting like an idiot for that very reason.
****
“I think you should go home.”
Luke looked up, startled, when his brother walked over to him.
“You want me to leave? Why, because of what I said to Mom earlier? I apologized. Or did Kelly say something to you?”
John shook his head. “Neither. I don’t know what you’ve said to anyone, although it sounds like maybe I should. You look haggard, and I don’t see why you should put yourself through this. We all know what’s going on with you. I don’t need you to be here to know how you feel about me. I think you should go take care of yourself.”
“What the hell? You never tell anyone what to do, and now you’re telling me to leave?”
“I get it now, okay? What you lost.”
“That’s not new. You’ve known for nearly four years now.”
“No, I didn’t. I couldn’t fathom what it felt like.”
“But now you can because of Cassie?”
“Yeah.”
“So now you think I should go home?”
“Look, it’s something Kelly said that stuck with me.”
“Kelly?”
“She asked me if I’d ever move on if Cassie and Tim died. I couldn’t even answer her. My brain can’t even consider the possibility. That stuck with me. And I get it. I think you should go home. This isn’t fair, and we both know it.”
“No, it isn’t fair. But I don’t begrudge you having a wife and kids. You’re my brother. I was Cassie’s biggest champion and you know that, so why would you think I resent your family? Going home alone isn’t going to do me any good. You’re having a baby whether I’m here or not. I’m part of this family too, you know.”
“I know but…”
“But nothing. I’m fine.”
“All right. I just wanted you to know no one could blame you if you couldn’t be here.”
“I can be here.”
“Fine. Then did you want to see Cassie? She wants you to if you’re comfortable.”
Luke smiled finally. “I can see Cassie. Her
being pregnant isn’t new for me.”
John stood there. Not moving. Luke looked at his brother. John seemed agitated, like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t decide how to say it.
“What?”
“How are you and Kelly? I know we’ve never talked about it, but…”
“No, we haven’t and let’s keep it that way.”
“I was there when Shelly died. I know what you’ve gone through. Kelly isn’t the problem. So quit taking it out on her.”
Luke regarded John silently, then said, “Let’s go back to not mentioning it.”
John looked taken aback by the vehemence of Luke’s tone. “It’s just she’s good for you, maybe you should consider that’s part of why you’re so pissed off.”
****
John and Cassie’s baby was born only a few hours later. Once labor started, it went smoothly, and the baby boy was born with a scream, healthy and beautiful. They named him Nathan, but he immediately became little Nate. The family drifted in and out of Cassie’s room, all smiles and happy tears. Everyone took turns holding the baby and talking to the new parents who couldn’t quit beaming and looking at each other with love and pride.
Luke watched it all. His brother’s elation. Cassie’s shinning eyes. Luke was glad for them and their new family. He smiled, and for once, it wasn’t fake, he was genuinely happy for them. He was glad Tim was enthralled having a new baby brother. He was glad his entire family was there and together for this. He looked at little Nate. It didn’t cause him the slightest trace of pain.
****
He was the only one, however, who had yet to hold the baby. Luckily, it was crowded, and no one noticed. Luke was there, in the hospital room, but not there in other ways. He smiled and talked and even commented to his family. But he didn’t touch the baby.
There was a raw ache in Kelly’s heart at Luke’s hesitation, and the longing in his eyes. God, life was unfair. There was nothing she could do, because Luke was determined to live with his pain alone. Luke looked exhausted. Tired in a different way than Cassie, who had just undergone hours of labor. Cassie looked in need of rest, but was smiling and euphoric in her happiness. Luke looked tired in a way that never rested. His face was pale and drawn. He looked like a man who had lost everything and didn’t know why he was still here.
