Dying to Go Viral

by Sylvia McNicoll

  For all of you, especially Hunter,

  May you make good choices and enjoy great moments.

  Chapter 1

  DYING FOR MY CLOSE-UP

  It was a perfect day to die: Labour Day, that last breath of freedom before starting school. Cotton ball clouds sailed in a baby blue sky. White gold sunshine warmed the fall air. And I had someplace to go.

  I walked onto the driveway in front of our house clutching the skateboard my brother Devon had given me last week for my 14th birthday. The sandpaper-covered top felt rough against my palms but the bottom felt slick.

  “It’s not safe,” my father had told Devon at our breakfast celebration. Dressed all in black for work, hair spritzed sharply into place, Dad hovered tall over Devon as he collected our breakfast plates, “I don’t like it when you jump around on concrete and now you’re starting her.”

  Devon, just as tall, sat slumped at the table in his boxers and an Ironman undershirt, hair shaggy and eyes still sleepy.

  “I won’t do anything crazy,” I promised Dad as I sat at the kitchen table admiring my present. The bottom of the board was red with orange flames spelling out the word “Hot.” “And I’ll always wear my helmet.”

  “Come on, it’s an extreme sport,” my father said. “Meaning for extreme idiots like your brother.”

  “Or extremely independent people which Jade is,” my brother finally answered. He was going off to university next week to the other side of the country and I was going to miss him standing up for me. “She’s different.”

  Was I different in a good way, though, I wondered now as I stepped on the road, buckling the chinstrap on my helmet. Didn’t I really want to be more like other girls? I fastened the Velcro straps of my wrist and knee guards just as I had everyday since my birthday, as I had promised Dad. I’m taller than most girls and a lot of guys too. This year I grew my hair as long as it could go, down the middle of my back. My goal was to look girlier, “Hot,” as my skateboard said. But my mother had died when I was eight so she couldn’t tell me when I should trim the split ends. Or if extreme sports made the guys treat you like you were just one of them. For that I had to rely on my best friend Hailey who was at the cottage at that moment.

  I pushed off and skated over to Scratch’s house. He was my other best friend.

  He met me at the end of his driveway, rolling back and forth on his board. Dressed in his usual skater duds—cutoff jeans and a faded blue t-shirt—he peered out at me from under messy brown hair. “You’re doing pretty good,” he called. “Going to try to ollie today?”

  I shook my head. I wasn’t that anxious to leave the ground with or without my skateboard. “I’ll watch you. You’re not going to try to grind again, are you?”

  “Oh, yeah. You bet I will.” Scratch broke his wrist a week ago when he ollied onto a handrail and fell off. But he had guts. Even with his lime-coloured cast as a reminder, he was going to jump on that metal ledge and try to slide down it another time.

  We skated down Willow Avenue toward the park, the wheels rumbling a pleasant vibration into my feet. I loved riding the skateboard around on the sidewalks and street, loved the way I felt strong and balanced against the world. Even if I hadn’t promised Dad I wouldn’t attempt all those tricks, I didn’t have a strong desire to skate up cement inclines or down railings. At least not yet. But Scratch and my brother did.

  Set in the middle of a larger green park, the skateboard section was really just a tennis-court sized circle of concrete with low walls of cement surrounding it. Near one side, the floor dipped into a bowl. Closer to the centre a staircase with rails led up and down to nowhere. Devon and his friends were there already, taking turns endlessly, trying to skate up and around the bowl.

  Except for Aiden. Beautiful, beautiful Aiden. Roadblack eyes and hair, and pale fair skin, he looked like Snow White’s twin brother. He was only a year older than my brother but so much more smooth. Camera in front of his face, Aiden was filming from the top of a cement bench. Last year his video on our cat, Oreo, killing his windup mouse, had gone viral with over a hundred thousand views. Everyone loved being in his videos just in case. It was his old skateboard I was riding right now. He’d sold it to Devon because he was leaving for film college up north. Aiden jumped down from the bench. “Oh come on. Give me something better, guys!”

  “How about this?” Scratch called and ollied up onto one of the walls.

  “Ouch, careful!” I called when he fell.

  Aiden switched the camera eye onto Scratch. Up, down and…ouch again. “This is better,” Aiden said. “It’s raw and has feeling. What about you, Jade? Can you do something?

  I sucked a breath in. “Who, me?”

  “Yes. Hardly anybody has footage of a girl skating. It’ll be different.”

  To date, I’d never heard Aiden say my name, never seen him look my way. Yet apparently he knew me. At that moment I wanted to leap in the air no matter what it felt like when coming down. “I can’t do anything.”

  To the left of us, a scrappy little kid with a brush cut tried jumping over the metal drum. His droopy skater shorts fell down but he grinned. Anything to get Aiden’s attention. He pulled the shorts up and then tried again. On the other side of the concrete, his brother flipped up and crashed but this kid wouldn’t quit till he was scraped and bleeding, just like the big guys.

  That was the effect Aiden had on everyone. I never wanted to ollie, yet I pushed off then, gained momentum and tipped the skateboard, sliding my other foot to the front and hopping into the air. My arms spread out like wings, up, up, up. Then…down, down. I remembered to bend my knees. And ground! My feet touched down a second after the board. Perfect! And the feeling was perfect, too, everything inside me rushed.

  “Woo hoo!” Scratch high-fived me.

  “Terrific! I think I have all that.” But then Aiden frowned at me. “You never see the skaters in the magazines wear helmets. And you’ve got that great hair!” He stepped close and lifted a strand of it. “Do you think you can do that again…without the helmet?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t even think I can do it again period.”

  “Oh, come on. I’ll put you up on YouTube. Do you know how many skaters are dying to get on screen?”

  “Maybe you’ll get a sponsorship from Psychi,” Scratch agreed with him, winking. Psychi was the company that made all the coolest skateboards.

  “Do you want to see your clip so far?” Aiden coaxed. He held his camcorder out.

  “Sure.” I leaned my head close to his and breathed in his pine-scented aftershave. I felt the heat of his breath and swayed. On the tiny screen I saw that with the helmet on, I might as well have been a boy—not the impression I wanted to leave on Aiden.

  “Fine, I’ll try with the helmet off.” I rolled my eyes as Aiden unsnapped my chinstrap. He pulled my helmet off and fluffed my hair by running his fingers through it. My scalp tingled at the touch of his fingers. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

  “Beautiful, now do the same again. Give me that look of determination. That’s great.”

  But I didn’t feel determined. I couldn’t concentrate. As I launched into the air, my feet separated from the board. It went one way, I flew another. I knew enough not to throw my hands out to break the fall. I learned that when Scratch broke his wrist. Instead I curled into a ball shielding my head with one arm. I felt the concrete scrape across my hand and face.

  “Are you okay?” Scratch asked.

  “I’m fine,” I said and wiped the blood from my cheek. As I scrambled to my feet, I scooped up my helmet from the ground where Aiden had dumped it.

  “Good. Lumps and bumps are part of the game. I can use all that.” Aiden tilted his head and squinted at me. “What
else can we have you do? I think I’m onto something with the girl skateboarder idea.”

  “I can skate on flat road, that’s about it.”

  “Yes, yes!” Aiden called over the shortest and scruffiest of my brother’s friends. “Rollo, come over here.”

  Rollo skated over. “Yeah, what’s up?” He wiped the sweat from his brow onto his t-shirt.

  “Want to drive my car?” Aiden threw Rollo his keys before he could say anything. No one could say no to him. He could be a great film director someday. Who would say no to driving a Mustang convertible on a perfect fall day anyway?

  Not Rollo. He caught the keys midair and tugged his brown toque down further over his forehead.

  “Here’s what we’re going to do,” Aiden explained as we walked to the parking lot. “Jade, you’re going to hold onto the door of the car while I film you skateboarding alongside it.”

  “Skitching? I don’t think so.” I looked over to where Devon was sailing over a ramp. He wouldn’t be any help to me. Flying through the air like that, he had no fear.

  “Oh come on. Just around this block. It’s perfectly level—they just repaved it last month.”

  Nobody wants to say no to Aiden. Least of all me. I thought for a while. I could ride flat. I did have great balance. Even when I rollerbladed or skated on ice, I never fell. And being on Aiden’s YouTube channel meant that his thousands of subscribers would see me. It was tempting. “You wouldn’t go fast, would you?”

  “No! Definitely not. We want to catch the wind lifting your hair but we don’t want a jumpy image.”

  I frowned, wishing my brother would come over and talk me out of this. Or tell his best friend off. “No way is my sister doing something so crazy just so you can have hits on your YouTube channel.” But when I looked back, he was heading for the ice cream truck parked at the west side of the park near the swings and climbers. I’ll have a double-dip chocolate, I thought, thanks for asking. I sighed and turned back to Aiden. “Okay,” I snapped my helmet back on.

  “All right! Rollo get in. Turn the key and press that button.” An electrical hum signaled the roof sliding back and down. “Jade, hold on here.” He pointed to just behind the passenger door. “Let me in.” He opened the door and slid onto the seat, holding the camera up. “Okay, Rollo. Go.”

  Slowly, we pulled out of the parking lot, the Mustang dipping down onto Willow Avenue which was empty. Great. You don’t have to drive fast for the wind to whip your hair back. Those ends that probably needed trimming flew back from under the helmet. The rumble under my feet started as a gentle murmur. I can do this, I’m okay. The rumble turned rougher and my knees shook. My hands gripped the top of the door. I’m okay. I won’t fall. The first corner came up quickly. I’m not a great turner.

  “Slow down!” I yelled. Rollo couldn’t hear. Never mind, I held on. It was like standing on a vibrating engine. Whoa! And, and…I made it on to Park Drive. Faster still, the Mustang approached the second corner at Oak Street. The bottoms of my feet felt hot and itchy with the vibration. Lots of trees edge the playground so I didn’t see the ice cream truck turning right away. Neither did Rollo. The Mustang swerved when he did. I lost my footing for a second, did a quick step, but managed to find it again. I kept my grip on that door.

  Once we turned onto Oak, the next corner brought us to Sunnydale Drive, I held my breath and bent my knees to give myself more strength. I couldn’t swallow anymore. My mouth felt dry. We were almost at the parking lot. Around one last corner, and we were back on Willow. It would be all right. I was going to kiss the pavement when we stopped, kiss the skateboard…kiss Aiden. Hailey would be so jealous. We’d crushed out on Aiden for as long as I could remember.

  The car slowed, turned into the lot and stopped. I doubled over and hugged my legs. My pulse pounded so hard in my ears, I thought I was going to explode. In and… out, I concentrated on breathing.

  “That wasn’t so bad,” Aiden said, “Was it?” He got out of the car and put his hand on my lower back.

  When I finally straightened, he touched my hair again. “Oh, no. Crap. You wore the helmet.”

  “Yeah. She wanted to keep her brains inside her skull,” Scratch said.

  Aiden nodded. “First try, that makes sense. You weren’t sure of yourself. That can even stay in the video. The trial run. But now let’s do it again with all that great hair flying behind you.” Leaning close, he unbuckled my chinstrap for the second time.

  I couldn’t say anything. I still had to catch my breath. My lips couldn’t form the word no. I tasted sour back up in my throat but didn’t want to spit in front of Aiden. Finally, breathing again, I took huge gulps of air to calm myself. A funny thing happens when you force yourself to stop being afraid; fear changes into exhilaration. Why couldn’t I do it again? Something began to race inside me, faster and faster. I never fall. I could do it without a helmet. My heart beat, the blood pumping into my veins, adrenalin. I’m going to do it. I grabbed hold of the car door again. I’m going to skate alongside this car one last time. My hair will fly in the wind and I’ll look great for Aiden’s YouTube channel.

  The car jerked to a start but I stayed on my board. Rollo felt more confident this time and accelerated as he tore out of the parking lot. “Too fast. Too fast!” I couldn’t possibly make the turn onto Park Drive. I screamed. I wanted to bang on the car door to signal him to slow down but I didn’t dare lean over in case I lost my balance. Hey, that wasn’t so bad. I’d stayed on without even shuffling my feet. The wind whipped my hair back. I’d never felt so wild and free. Past all the trees. Another corner, onto Oak. No problem. I could do this all day. Back onto Sunnydale—all good.

  At the last turn back onto Maple, a bump sent me into the air but I landed perfectly, bending deeply. Easy, breezy. I smiled for the video, waved even.

  As I straightened, the Mustang suddenly swerved. One of my wheels caught. What the…I registered that it was stuck in a sewer grate.

  That was my last conscious thought. Adrenalin switched into hot ice shooting through me. I flew forward as the skateboard stayed behind. My head hit the pavement with a loud clunk. Colours exploded behind my eyes. The Mustang dragged my body. Clunk, clunk, clunk! The colours changed to bright white. Pain shot in flames through my head.

  “Oh my god. Jade!” I heard Devon’s voice far away. “Call 911. My sister’s hurt! Jade, talk to me. Are you all right?”

  I wanted to call out and say I was fine but my lips didn’t move. I felt so odd, detached somehow. My heart thumped a slower and slower rhythm.

  “Hang on, Jade, help’s coming.” Was that Devon or Aiden?

  I’m trying, I wanted to tell my brother. I’m trying so hard, but an ebbing tugged me inside out.

  “Please, talk to me!” Aiden again, and I remembered all those times when I wished I could find the courage to say anything to him.

  But I couldn’t. All my energy drained away. Wetness surrounded me. It was cold suddenly. And then I felt a warmth radiating from my chest, brighter and brighter. I felt comforted by it. I took a last breath…and let life go.

  Chapter 2

  DAD'S GOING TO KILL ME

  I was standing in a passageway, staring at a round portal surrounded by a black lacework of metal. Where did it lead? Where was I?

  I stepped closer and peered into a courtyard surrounded by trees. A Japanese-style pagoda with a curled corner roof seemed to beckon from the other side. In front of it a smooth glass pond reflected a cloudless sky and the deepest green shrubbery I had ever seen.

  A garden. And not just the neighbourhood rosebush variety. This garden looked picture perfect, the kind you might put together in one of those 500-piece jigsaw puzzles. Was this paradise? I sighed, feeling warmth and a deep contentment come over me. It almost managed to edge out the sense of unease that had settled in my stomach.

  Then I walked through the portal. A wooden bridge crossed over the pond to the pagoda. On either side, willows wept over the water and red flowers flamed
up between the bushes.

  Suddenly, I saw a tall woman with long brown hair standing in the pagoda. She wore a flowing gypsy skirt and peasant blouse and she seemed to be watching me. Where had she come from?

  She raised an arm and waved. Her fingers and her arm looked long. There was something unusual about her in a familiar kind of way. Her height, her large hands, her angled face. She smiled at me and that warmth I had felt before radiated from her smile.

  “Mom?” Last time I had seen her I was only eight years old and she was lying in a hospital bed hooked up to an intravenous line. She had looked thin and pale, nothing like this woman in the pagoda. “Mom!” Everything I’d ever wanted in life was in that smile. I ran to her.

  Her arms opened wide. I fell into them and felt more at peace there than I’d ever felt before. She kissed the top of my head and I inhaled the faint smell of lemons. I remembered that perfume. Happiness it was called. I was happy. I was home! I basked in that warmth and love for a long time until one uneasy thought pricked through it.

  “I can’t be hugging you. You’re dead.”

  I looked up at her. She had Devon’s pale grey eyes. Her eyes smiled at me, too, in a sad way. “Yes. But so are you,” she said.

  It came back to me in a flash—the accident, the pain in my head, that draining feeling. “Oh no! All because I didn’t wear a helmet?” In that moment I felt hot with dread and shame and anguish. “Dad’s gonna kill me.” I shook my head.

  “Actually, skating alongside a car did you in, so I guess you don’t have to worry about your father anymore.” Her smile turned crooked. It looked more like a hopeful frown. She took my hand and led me along toward the other side of the pagoda where I saw another bridge.

  I shook my hand away. I had missed Mom for so long, and I wanted to be with her, but now something inside me told me not to continue on this path. “Why didn’t you stop me? Did you want me here?”

  Mom ignored my whiny tone. “Sooner or later everyone dies, Jade. Part of our journey.” She stood patiently waiting for me.