I was surprised she could still remember Natalie's name, it had been so long since she'd been around any of my friends.
Jack immediately stood up and gave me a smothering hug that made me want to shove him away. He wasn't hugging me, like Tad's mom had. He was hugging some girl so he could impress her mom.
Then Martha smiled. "Hi, Allie. I'm really glad to meet you."
I couldn't say the same, Little Miss Mom-Stealer. For Jack and Martha, my mom cooked. For me? Microwave pizza if I was lucky. I hated them, I hated them all. I hated them for not being Tad's family, for not loving me the way his family did. For heaven's sake, my own mom had never even noticed I could sing.
"Hi," Natalie said, elbowing me as she answered for both of us. "What's for dinner?"
"Grilled salmon," my mom said. "Plenty for all. I was hoping you two would be stopping by."
Grilled salmon. A gourmet feast by my mom's standards. Obviously, Jack and Martha were on a pedestal way above me. Forget it. I couldn't fake being nice. I couldn't do this. I just wanted to go bury my face in my pillow, close my eyes, and pretend I was back with the Novaks, the family that made me feel like I belonged, even though I was a total stranger. "I have to go unpack."
Mom's smile stiffened. "You can do that after dinner."
I lifted my chin. "I have to wash my clothes."
My mom narrowed her eyes at me. "After dinner."
After everyone at the table pretended they wanted to have me a part of their lives? No, thanks. There were people who actually did want me, and that's who I was going to spend my time with. "I have to go put lotion on my eight bee stings."
That got a moment's pause. "You have eight bee stings?"
Natalie bobbed her head. "You can still see the marks."
I pointed to my cheek.
My mom leaned closer to look, and then her face sort of crumpled. "I didn't notice."
"Big surprise." There was no way I could keep the hostility out of my voice, and I was too upset to feel bad. Oh, I'd feel bad later, but right now, I was actually glad to see my mom upset. I had eight bee stings, and a swollen face, and she'd been so busy thinking about salmon that she hadn't even noticed. Nice, really nice.
"I'm sorry, hon," she said.
Yes, I was sure she was. "About the bee stings or not noticing?"
"Both." She touched my arm. "I really am sorry."
Both? That was a new one. My mom apologizing for not noticing me? Probably for the benefit of our guests, like the dinner. "I'll eat upstairs."
Her sad look morphed into Killer Amazon Woman. "You will be eating with us," she said sternly.
I glared at her.
"And you will be pleasant," she added.
"Or what? You'll ground me? Then you’d have to curtail your social life to make sure I was staying home."
"Allie." Her voice was a warning, the kind she used to give me years ago, when she actually cared what I did. The only reason she cared now is because she wanted to impress her boyfriend and her surrogate daughter. Somehow, that didn't really make me want to be a good, little obedient daughter.
"What?" I was being belligerent. So what? I wasn't proud of it, but I couldn't help it. She wanted me to sit down with the very people who had stolen from me what little bit of her I had? As if.
My mom set her hands on her hips. "Sit down or I will call Mr. Novak tomorrow and tell him you won't be working for him this summer."
What? My stomach turned over in terror. "Mom! You can't do that!" Take away my job? My time with Tad and my friends? Next she'd probably ban me from taking singing lessons with Tad's mom.
"Can't I?"
I glared at her, and she scowled right back. She'd won, and we both knew it, but she'd lost, too, because threatening to take away the one good thing in my life was not something I would ever forgive her for.
Planting my butt in the chair next to Natalie, I swore that as of this moment, I would never count on my mother for anything again. Not ever. I was done with parents, at least with the ones that belonged to me. Maybe Tad's mom would let me move in. There, I would feel like I belonged, and I would feel like someone cared. I couldn't pretend anymore that I didn't want that.
I did. A lot.
* * *
I was already out in the strawberry fields on Monday when Tad showed up to work. I was wearing an outfit that was perfect for the farm. Old jeans, old sneakers (I'd had to dig in the back of my closet and then run them through some mud to make them suitable), a blue farm stand T-shirt and a baseball cap. Minimum makeup and my hair in a natural ponytail with no curling iron benefit.
Natalie and I had decided that since Tad had seemed to respond to me once I got ugly camping, maybe that was the right thing to do to get him to notice me as a girl. I felt weird and ugly, but also sort of liberated. It had taken me no time to get ready this morning, since I hadn't had to do my hair or makeup.
"Hi, Allie." Tad dropped to his knees next to me. "How you doing?"
I smiled at him and leaned back on my heels. "Good, now that you're here." His smile faltered, and I quickly added, "Because you can help me with the work." Darn it. Why did he look so panicked at the thought that I might like him? Were Frances and Blue right? Did he really not like me in that way?
"Right." He set up his basket and started working next to me in silence, picking the strawberries twice as fast as I was.
Bowl me over. This wasn't exactly the passionate greeting I'd been hoping for. What was wrong with me? I was dressed the way he liked, I was working hard. I'd really thought that all our bonding from the weekend would carry over to this morning, but it looked like it was back to usual.
I wanted to cry. All night during dinner with Jack and Martha, the only thing that had gotten me through was thinking of seeing Tad today, of having him smile at me, of feeling like I'd felt this weekend. And it had been a lie. Tears burned in my eyes and I slammed the shovel into the ground. I would not cry. I would not cry. I would not cry.
“So, my mom wants you to come home with me after work sometime so you can do the singing thing. Maybe on Wednesday?” he said.
"Singing?" Oh, God, the singing. His mom had remembered? My throat tightened up again, but this time it felt good. "Really?"
At his nod, a glimmer of excitement ran through me— though it was only a glimmer due to the fact that I was very aware the invite had been phrased as coming from his mother, not from him, but excitement because his mom had remembered, and that felt amazing. "Do you mind if I come home with you?"
He shrugged. "It's fine."
Fine.
Fine.
Fine?
We were back to fine?
Sure, he was working next to me and being nice instead of giving me annoyed looks and staying at the other end of the field, so that was good, right? But he wouldn't compliment me on the practical nature of my outfit or even act like he wanted me to go home with him?
I slammed a strawberry into the basket, then glared at its splattered remains. Blue and Frances were right. He didn't even like me.
Unbelievable.
"Did you have fun camping this weekend?" Tad asked.
"Yeah." I glared at the basket, yanked out the strawberry bits and hucked them into the dirt. Take that, stupid strawberry!
"Do your bee stings still hurt?"
I sighed. Why was he asking me that? It almost sounded like he cared, and I couldn't deal with that. "They're okay."
"Did you get the orange juice out of your clothes?" he asked, continuing the relentless peppering.
"I haven't tried." I'd spent the night entertaining Jack and Martha. I hated them both, even though they hadn't done anything wrong or offensive.
"Hey!" He shoved my shoulder.
I looked at him. "What?"
"What's your problem?"
"My problem?" I dropped the strawberries into the basket and put my hands on my hips? "My problem?"
"Yeah. You're giving me one-word answers to everything. I'm trying to hav
e a conversation with you."
I blinked. "You are?"
"Of course I am. You think I'm talking to myself?"
He was talking to me. That was an improvement over our pre-camping relationship, wasn't it?
"Allie." He touched my arm. "What's bugging you? Did something happen last night after we dropped you off?"
My biggest problem at the moment was that I wanted him to like me and he was showing no inclination of that. But my second problem was close behind, and I thought he might get it. Of any of my friends, he might understand. I sank back on my heels and sighed. "Actually, yeah. I went home and my mom had invited her boyfriend and his daughter over for dinner. I had to spend the night with them."
He lifted a brow. "Well, that's good, isn't it? You could get a new dad?"
"No, it's not good! She's been totally abandoning me lately so she can spend time with them. Do you realize she has gone to that girl's softball games, but she can't even find time to spend with her own daughter the night before I was supposed to leave for the entire summer? She loves them more than me, and now she wants me to welcome them into my life." I bit back tears and stared at the green leaves peeping out of the dirt. What was I doing telling Tad about this? I didn't talk about this stuff with anyone.
Tad set his shovel down and rubbed his jaw. "When my mom first started dating my dad, my brothers hated him. I was too small to care, but I remember hearing them complain and moan."
I stared at him. "I can't believe that. Your dad is so awesome."
Tad shrugged. "We didn't know it back then. To us, he was an outsider trying to mess up our family."
"I guess." Tad's dad was awesome. I loved him. If he were the guy my mom was dating, I’d be okay with that.
"Maybe this guy will be like my dad. Maybe he's nice."
Didn't he understand? Jack wasn't like his dad. This wasn't the same thing. "Or maybe he's stealing my mom from me."
Tad cocked his head. "Maybe you should give him a chance."
"Or not." How could I give Jack and his daughter a chance? It was already clear that there was no room for me in that little trio. "Maybe you should butt out. There's no happy ending here."
He lifted a brow. "If that's what you want." I frowned as I watched him walk away and set up about ten yards from me. I didn't want him to butt out. I wanted him to ask more questions and convince me that it was going to be okay. But it wasn't going to be okay. Not with my mom, not with Jack.
As I watched Tad working his way down the row, I realized I needed to apologize. It wasn't his fault I had a miserable family. But I didn't know what to say to him.
Sitting there, feeling so lost and uncomfortable made me think of how it had felt when I was singing for Tad's family. I'd liked feeling like I was worth something. I wanted to learn how to sing. Singing made me feel like I was special, and not just because of how I looked. Maybe if I could learn to sing, then I wouldn't need anyone else for anything ever again.
I decided I was going to sing, and I was going to do it for myself.
* * *
I got Tad's phone number from Mr. Novak, and I called his mom on my lunch break to arrange a time for lessons. She didn't take credit cards, so I was going to have to figure that one out. I didn't have a checking account, and she preferred not to take cash for tax purposes, she'd said.
We agreed to meet on Wednesday after work. I told her I'd take a cab to her house, but she said that Rand could drive me since he'd be coming home with Tad anyway.
I told her I'd take the cab.
For the rest of day, I kept finding myself humming, even when Tad ate lunch with Natalie instead of me, and even when Rand averted his eyes when he passed me next to the mulch pile.
I didn't need them anymore. I had my own talent. And if I kept repeating those two things to myself often enough, hopefully I would actually believe them.
I don't need them. I am talented. My new mantra.
* * *
"Allie? You coming?" Wednesday afternoon, Rand was in his truck, Tad in the passenger seat, and the engine was running.
I shook my head. "Nope. I'm all set."
Rand frowned. "Mom said you were coming to our house for voice lessons and that I was to give you a ride.”
Voice lessons. How cool did that sound? "I’m taking a cab.”
Rand's eyebrows shot up. "A cab? Are you kidding? I'll drive you."
"Nope." I sat down on one of the logs lining the parking lot. "It'll be here in a minute."
Rand turned to Tad, and they chatted for a sec, and I tried not to care what they might be saying about me. Then Tad got out and came around the truck to stand in front of me. "Allie?"
I looked past him, willing the cab to round the corner. "What?"
"Are you mad at me?"
Not the question I'd been expecting. I thought he was going to order me into the truck, to which I had my retort well thought out. But whether I was mad at him? I didn't think he'd even noticed me all week, and today I'd gone back to dressing cute again. Practical, but still cute. Not to impress him, but just because I'd been in the mood to wear my favorite shirt today, so I'd done it for myself. Because it was just too hard to try to impress people all the time, and then have them not notice. So, today, I'd given up and dressed for myself. Tad hadn't noticed, but I'd felt good each time I looked down and saw what I was wearing, so that was what mattered. "Why would I be mad at you?"
"Because of what I said about that guy your mom is dating." He shifted. "I didn't mean to make you mad. I thought maybe I could help since I'd gone through the same thing."
He sounded so apologetic, that my anger dissipated. That's why I'd confided in Tad, because he could understand. It wasn't his fault that Jack wasn't like his dad, and that my mom wasn't as nice as his mom. It wasn't that he hadn't listened, he's just given the advice from his own experience, hoping it would make me feel better. I sighed. "I guess I'm not mad at you."
He grinned and held out his hand. "Then let's go. Forget the cab."
At that moment, the cab pulled into the parking lot. Tad pulled me to my feet, then walked over to the cab and said something to the driver, who then drove off.
And I let him. I didn't jump in front of him and tell him I could make my own decisions. For once, it felt okay to have someone help me out. Especially if that someone was Tad. I think he got me. I mean, really got me.
He opened the passenger door to the truck. "Coming?"
"Now that you sent away my ride, I guess I have no choice."
He grinned. "Exactly. You want shotgun?"
I lowered my voice so only he could hear. "And sit next to your brother? Not a chance."
His smile got bigger, and he nodded. "I always knew you were a smart girl."
No chance I was smart. I smiled as I climbed into the backseat. But I had a friend named Tad. And maybe, just maybe, I could also sing. In a few minutes, I was going to find out.
But as I sat in the back of the truck and watched Tad and Rand chat, I couldn't help but wonder if I had any hope at all with Tad. Yes, I was pretty sure I'd secured him as a friend, but I wanted more than that. I wanted him to like me as a girl.
Despite all my best efforts, I cared.
Chapter Eleven
Was it possible to adopt an entire family?
My voice lesson had been awesome, then Mrs. Novak had invited me to stay for dinner. Mr. Novak had come home at six and played hoops with Tad and Rand for a while, then Beth and Luke had come over with their little ones.
Everyone was so nice and welcomed me, and I never wanted to leave.
But it was almost nine and I couldn't stay any longer. "I should go." Would someone please throw themselves at my feet and beg me to stay forever?
"Do you want to call your mom and have her come get you now?" Tad's mom asked.
It was too far to walk home from here, but ask my mom to come get me? I was sure she wouldn't even have her phone on. I started to say I'd take a cab, but the words died in my throat. I
didn’t want them to know what a dysfunctional family I had. I wanted them to think of me as one of them, normal and loved. “Yeah, I’ll try calling her.”
I punched in the number of my mom's cell phone and crossed my fingers that once, just once, she'd answer.
And amazingly enough, she did. "Allie! Where are you?"
"Can you give me a ride home?"
"From where? I've been worried sick about you since you didn't come home from work."
I blinked. "What?"
"I thought you usually get home around four o'clock, don't you? I called the farm stand and they said you'd gotten off work at three. It's past nine! I called Blue and Natalie and Frances, and you weren't at any of their houses. Where are you?"
I had to sit down I was so shocked. "Since when do you keep track of when I come home?"
"Don't start with me, young lady. Tell me where you are. We'll talk when I get there."
This was amazing. My mom had actually noticed I was gone. How cool was that?
"Allie? Where are you?"
"At a friend's house." Suddenly, I didn't want to tell her why I was here. With her recent decision to play the mom role, I was afraid she’d pull rank and ban me from voice lessons.
"Where?"
I realized I had no idea. "Hang on. Let me get someone." I walked into the kitchen, where Tad's mom and dad were cleaning up from dinner. "Can one of you give my mom directions?"
"I'll do that." Tad's mom wiped her hands on a towel, then took the phone and disappeared into the other room.
So I picked up her towel and finished drying the pot she'd been working on. Tad's dad shot me a surprised look, then handed me a pan he'd just rinsed.
I dried. He washed. We chatted about my school and my friends. It was comfortable and cozy and wonderful. How could Tad's brothers have hated this man? He was awesome.
Hmm… What if Jack was this cool?
No, I hated Jack.
Didn't I?
Tad walked into the kitchen, and I smiled at him. He smiled back.
"You sounded great," he said. "You have a beautiful voice."
My cheeks immediately became hot. "Shut up."
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