Of Love and Darkness

by Lund, Tami

  “Love does not go away with one broken heart.”

  Gavin groaned. “Don’t tell me you’re going to get all poetic on me here.”

  William pursed his lips. A fat raindrop splattered onto his nose. “Think about it, Gavin. Her entire world has just been turned upside down. Twice. Two months ago, she didn’t even know any of this existed. And just when she decides she’s ready to accept it, to embrace it, this happens.” He waved his hand at Gavin.

  “You force yourself into her life, you don’t even give her a choice. You”—he held up his hand to stave off whatever argument Gavin was about to make—“you fell in love with her. And she fell in love with you. And in her mind, that was okay, because she’d finally accepted her role in life, and the responsibility she was born with. So long as she had you by her side, she could handle being a baby-making factory, as she not quite delicately puts it. But now . . . Now she doesn’t even have you by her side. And that’s what hurts most of all.”

  “I am by her side,” Gavin insisted.

  “Not if she’s to fulfill her destiny,” William said, infinitely sad again. “If she makes the ultimate sacrifice—her heart—then she loses you. She’s lost everyone she’s ever loved in her life, did you know that?”

  “She didn’t lose you.”

  “She will. If you let her go and she chooses a Light One to take to mate, she’ll lose me, too.”

  Gavin felt his own heart shatter into a million pieces. For Sydney. It wasn’t fair. She deserved eternally happiness, not never-ending misery.

  “What happened to her mother?” He knew her father and a woman she believed was her stepmother died in a home invasion that Gavin suspected was really Rakshasa looking for Sydney, but he had no idea what happened to her mother.

  William turned back to the stream and took a moment to gather his thoughts. Gavin watched the rain clouds pour over the mountaintops, heading their way.

  “They were living in South Carolina at the time. We are usually made aware of our charges upon their birth, although we do not have to report to active duty until they come of age.”

  “Have their first period.”

  “Yes. Still, I liked to keep an eye out for my charges, right from the beginning. Learn their personalities, I suppose.” William shrugged, as if it was of little consequence, but Gavin saw the pain in his eyes. William had undoubtedly loved each and every one of his charges, and his heart had been broken each and every time he lost one, whether it was to their mate, or to death, thanks to Gavin and the other Rakshasa. Guilt sliced through him again, fresh and raw.

  “Her mother was human, completely so, as far as I could tell. Her father was the one who carried the recessive gene that made her a Chala. It’s strange, really. I’ve never heard of that happening before. You can imagine my excitement over having such a special charge.”

  He paused, and Gavin nodded, encouraging him to hurry along his story. The storm was coming, and he wanted to get back to Sydney. She still wasn’t speaking to him, but to be under the same roof would be enough. For now.

  “Some Rakshasa stumbled upon them one day, when Sydney was only six. Her father had chosen to live in the human world, shunning his shifter family, in hopes of protecting his daughter. He truly believed she could grow up and have a normal, human life.”

  “Isn’t she immortal?”

  “Yes. Her father would have been, too, had he not died. But he knew only the barest essentials about that aspect of his life. I guess his parents had the same mindset, and told him only what they felt he needed to know. Anyway, I noticed the Rakshasa lurking about their neighborhood. Technically, I wasn’t supposed to get involved yet, but I couldn’t help it. This was my charge, and her life was in danger.”

  “They went after Sydney and her mother died protecting her?”

  “No, Harry Potter, not quite. They went after her father. Apparently, they figured out he carried this recessive gene, and they decided to destroy him, so he wouldn’t create any more Chala. I guess they figured killing a kid would be easy, so they focused on the parents first. I slipped in and snuck Sydney out, and her father managed to escape on his own, but her mother wasn’t so lucky.”

  “How did her father explain it to her?”

  William shrugged. “She was only six, so he didn’t have to do much explaining. She died. End of story. They picked up and moved to Michigan at my suggestion. Several Fates have settled there over the years, so there would be plenty of eyes on them, and plenty of people to play off as ‘extended family.’”

  “Where’s the stepmother/stepbrother bit come into play?”

  William pursed his lips again, looking irritated. “Her name was Veronica. Is. Of course, Fates can’t die, can we?”

  He paused, as if he expected an answer, even though they both already knew. “Right.”

  “Veronica and Sydney’s father, George, met by chance, actually. Shortly before Sydney’s thirteenth Birthday. I already had several ideas in my head to explain my presence in her life, but Veronica fell in love with her father, and made it easy.”

  “The Fate fell in love with a human?”

  “It happens,” William said crossly. “It’s no fun when it does, considering the whole mortal-immortal aspect, but it still happens. Love doesn’t exactly ask if it’s convenient, now does it?”

  “No,” Gavin said quietly. “It doesn’t.”

  “Anyway, I came up with the idea of Veronica marrying Sydney’s father and introducing me as her son. Hence the reason Sydney believed me to be her stepbrother.”

  “So where’s Veronica now?”

  William heaved a sigh. “When Sydney’s father was killed, she was devastated. Her body was destroyed in the attack, so she disappeared, returning to the First Fate’s home to regenerate, which is where we all go when our bodies are destroyed. And she was then deemed unfit to return to active Fate duty. An easy choice, I’m sure, considering there were no new Chala to protect. Still, it’s really quite sad. I saw her a few years ago. She still suffers.”

  Gavin could believe it. He suspected he would be the same way, if Sydney was killed. He shifted from foot to foot, impatient. More raindrops splattered onto the ground, onto Gavin’s head, onto William’s wig.

  “Sydney came to love Veronica. She was at an age where she was ripe for a mother’s love, and Veronica had always wanted to be a mother, but died before she had children. They became inseparable. Veronica blurred the line between Fate and friendship.”

  “Don’t you all?”

  William’s gaze flickered to Gavin, and then shifted back to the churning water. “I suppose we do. But Veronica was foolish, as well. She was still young, for a Fate, and threw herself into the role of playing house. I believe, toward the end, she truly thought that’s what she was: a wife and mother. She forgot she was also supposed to be protecting Sydney and her father.”

  “She said you took her to spend time with extended family, and her father and stepmother died in a home invasion while you were gone.”

  “Yes, that’s the line we gave her. In truth, I figured out, once again, that the Rakshasa were coming after us. Even though Sydney hadn’t been around any other shifters and her blood hadn’t mingled with any shifter blood, which is what causes the scent that brought them all here”—he waved at the worn path leading to the house—“I thought they’d figured out what she was. Your kind are very cunning.”

  “They learned from the best.”

  “So I packed Sydney up and we went to Hilde’s. I tried to convince her father and Veronica to come with us, but George insisted he had to work, and that the threat wasn’t real, and Veronica insisted on staying with her ‘husband.’ And they both died as a result. Well, Veronica was destroyed. And Sydney’s heart was broken twice that day. She lost her father, and her second mother. Everyone she’s ever lo
ved, she’s lost. Including you—if you let this happen.”

  “Let what happen?” Gavin asked, bewildered. “I didn’t let anything happen. Your buddy Prim did this. She—”

  “She was wrong, yes. But you have to fix this, Gavin.”

  “How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

  William spread his arms wide. The rain suddenly increased in volume. His blond wig was plastered to his head, his skirt molded to his legs.

  “I have no idea,” he said. “I’m a Fate, not a fortuneteller.”

  Gavin growled, low in his throat, warning William that he wasn’t at all happy with the Fate’s response. But before he could formulate a retort, his eyes suddenly went round and began to glow in earnest.

  “Sydney!” he gasped, clutching at William’s sodden dress. “Sydney! She’s in danger!”

  And he took off at a run.

  Chapter 16

  “My life officially sucks.”

  Sydney said the words out loud. They echoed faintly, as the trees surrounding her quickly swallowed them and returned the world to normal: an incoming storm, with whipping wind, plunging temperatures, and sporadically spitting rain.

  Matches my mood perfectly. In truth, she was surprised she still felt so angry. She’d screamed at Gavin so thoroughly and for so long, even she was surprised at her own stamina. When she’d run out of ridiculous things to blame on him, she’d turned tail and run. Obviously, he’d assumed she’d run back to the bedroom they shared, because if he had even a remote inkling that she’d run into the woods behind Killian’s home, he certainly would have come chasing after her by now. No matter how blasphemous, no matter how cruel, how insulting she’d become, he had stood there, taking it, stoically. Like a man.

  No, she corrected herself. Like a shifter. A Rakshasa.

  He knew. He knew. He knew, he knew, he knew.

  She kept repeating the words in her head, until she questioned her own sanity. One look at William had told her everything. The Fate had looked so guilty, he was like a child who’d stolen a cookie before dinner and had gotten caught.

  If William looked so guilty, why am I so angry with Gavin?

  She had the answer to that, too. William’s job was to protect her, plain and simple. It hurt, of course, that he would keep such an important truth from her, but she could understand it. His protection was for her physical self, but she knew William, and his protection extended to her emotional well-being as well. Besides, William would assume it was Gavin’s place to tell her.

  Gavin was supposed to be her mate, her lover, her confidant, her . . . everything.

  Except my true mate. The sadness tried to push against the anger. He could give her everything . . . except the future of her own kind. Her destiny.

  “Your species ends with you. Rakshasa cannot beget Chala. It has never occurred. It goes against the laws of nature. So the choice is yours, Chala. Your species, or your bedmate.”

  The choice is yours.

  But it wasn’t, not really, Sydney acknowledged. If she had a choice, well, even as angry as she was, she would choose Gavin. Her love for the impossible shifter ran that deep. Which meant the choice was most certainly not hers. Because there was no choice, really.

  The future of the Light Ones depended upon her. It was such a heavy weight to bear upon some rather un-sturdy shoulders.

  How will I ever get over him? How will I ever look another man in the eye, kiss him, let him undress me . . . Make love to him? Carry his child in my womb?

  As much as Sydney played lip service to wanting to wait before getting pregnant, she’d already had multiple fantasies involving herself waddling around with Gavin’s child growing inside her, and then holding Gavin’s child in her arms, watching Gavin hold her child in his arms.

  She’d never had that sort of fantasy with any other man she’d ever dated, and until Prim dropped her bombshell, Sydney would have sworn she knew the reason why: because Gavin was her soul mate. They were meant to be together. Like peanut butter and jelly, she’d told him once, giggling, when they’d been in a particularly playful mood, not so many days ago.

  A lifetime ago.

  Her life had changed so much in such a short period of time. This was her pack, these were her Light Ones, her future. Her family. And Gavin was a part of it. An integral part of it. Those shifters looked to him to be their leader. Not a one among them could lead half as well as him.

  Without Gavin, she might as well walk right up to the Rakshasa and invite them to kill her. She knew, without a doubt, that without Gavin, her pack was vulnerable. But with him, well, they actually stood a chance. A chance for Sydney to choose a mate and have babies and ensure that the future of her species was intact.

  Would he stay on, if I choose to mate with another? She wondered, even as she wondered how the hell she could ever mate with someone else. Especially if Gavin decided to remain their leader. Every day, he would be there. Every day, training them, pushing them, teaching them, leading them. Sometimes, watching him stand there and bark orders at them as they trained would get her so hot, she’d practically attack him when they were alone together in their bedroom that evening.

  Would she feel the same lust for her other mate, after watching Gavin train all day?

  The rain began to spit with more insistence, and Sydney finally admitted she was lost. It was almost enough to make her laugh, if her life weren’t so utterly and completely devoid of anything remotely cheerful at the moment. She hadn’t gotten lost since Gavin walked into her life. Was this some sort of foreboding?

  She’d left the house, running blindly, the tears making it difficult to see anyway. She’d turned away from the sound of splashing water and plunged into the forest on the other side of the house. And she’d run and run and run, until she had a stitch in her side, and dropped to her knees, gasping for breath and wishing she’d had the foresight to grab a bottle of water on her way out the door. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t have made for nearly as dramatic an exit.

  She knew she could close her eyes and open her mind and she would be able to find her way back to Gavin, but she didn’t want to do that, not yet, maybe not ever. What if she ran away? Surely there were other Light Ones in the world. What if she left, and found another pack? One that didn’t have any connection to Gavin. Maybe then she could start over, without the constant reminder of his presence.

  Who was she kidding? His image was burned into the back of her brain. Even now, when she closed her eyes against the rain, an instant and perfect image of Gavin immediately popped into her head. She quickly opened them, just in case that particular action would cause him to seek her out. She wasn’t ready to see him. Not yet.

  She considered summoning William. But she wasn’t ready to deal with the sadness in his eyes, and the guilt he would inevitably feel. Whether he’d known for five minutes or five days, William would feel guilty for the way she discovered the truth. And she had nothing left to give someone else at the moment.

  Sydney stopped wandering and focused on listening, trying to seek out the sound of the roiling stream over the steady splatter of raindrops and the whistling of the wind. She thought she heard a branch snap, and she whipped her head around, straining to see in the almost impenetrable darkness. Suddenly, running away blindly seemed like a really stupid idea. Whatever her relationship with Gavin, she was still a Chala, possibly the last Chala, and it was dangerous for her to wander the woods alone.

  “What the hell are you doing out here by yourself?”

  Sydney turned so fast she winced at the crick in her neck. Brandon Haines stood before her, blond hair plastered to his forehead, clothes soaked to the skin, eyes glowing dangerously. She sucked in a breath and took an unsteady step backward.

  “Where the hell is your mate? Is he fucking nuts?”

  Sydney shook her
head. Her mouth opened, but no words came out.

  Brandon squinted and took a step toward her. “Are you—Are you crying?”

  Sydney finally found her voice, and a trace of her dignity. “It’s raining. What makes you think I’m crying?”

  “Your eyes are more red than blue, and your face is all splotchy. Classic crying signs. Fighting with your dark mate?”

  “None of your damn business. What are you doing here? Where’s Nate? I can’t believe you killed Jack. I should have told Gavin about you. I should have—”

  “Nate’s probably caught up with the rest of your pack by now, and I didn’t kill Jack. You really think I would do that?” He actually appeared insulted.

  “Well, um, yeah. Look what you did to Gavin.”

  “Gavin killed my mother. Jack and Nate were actually pretty damn nice to me, all things considered. The Rakshasa killed Jack. I tried to save him, but at the time, I was hindered by some tight goddamned ropes around my wrists.”

  “Oh. Well, thanks?”

  “Don’t thank me. He’s dead.”

  “Nate isn’t. So thanks.”

  “I didn’t save him. The Rakshasa caught up with us. Jack refused to tell them where you all went, so they killed him. Nate was a little easier to convince.”

  Sydney gasped, and Brandon nodded grimly. “Yeah. They caught up to us in Missouri. The only reason I got to live was because they still haven’t gotten all their money.”

  “I can’t believe you paid them to capture Gavin. Those shifters were your friends. And I happen to be your Chala.” Accusation was thick in her voice.

  Brandon had the grace to look abashed. “I know. I was stupid. I acted rashly.”