Precious Consequences

by Tamsyn Bester

  Cameron still hasn’t let go of my hand. In fact, his grip has tightened. I look up to where he stands next to me, watching me, noticing how his face has paled slightly and that he looks bone tired. I see the struggle in the depths of his quicksilver eyes, how hard it is for him to show me this.

  “This…” he pauses, swallowing audibly, looking back at the man in the bed. “Is my father, Michael.”

  I gasp. It’s his father?

  I try to say something but my vocal chords seem to be broken. What do I say to this anyway? Of all the possibilities that ran through my mind a moment ago, this wasn’t one of them. I want to ask what happened, but I don’t know how, or if I should. I don’t really know what to do.

  Fortunately, Cameron makes that decision for me and decides we’ve spent enough time in this room. I can’t disagree, even if it’s only been ten minutes at most. He walks out, me in tow, closing the door, and takes me into a bedroom I can only assume is his. It’s light blue, with navy bedding on a king size four-poster bed. All kinds of swimming trophies and awards line the walls, but in no way does his room look like a boy’s room. It’s clean.

  Silently, Cameron walks me over to his bed and when he sits down, I follow suit. He lets go of my hand and rubs his thighs nervously.

  “It was two years ago,” he starts, lifting his head to look out the window. “Almost to the day.”

  I shift, crossing my legs and tucking my feet under my butt. I don’t prompt Cameron to continue, I just wait for him to find the courage.

  “I was at a party at a friends house. He stays on a ranch a few miles outside of town. I didn’t really drink much, just a beer or two since I was only nineteen. My dad came by just after midnight to pick me up and decided to let me drive.”

  Cameron’s face remains impassive, but it’s the rest of his body that responds to the memory currently replaying itself in his mind. His muscles are rigid, his back straight, his hands balled into fists. Still, I wait.

  “It happened so fast,” he continues. His face drops and he looks down. “I didn’t even know what was happening until it was too late.” His voice is soft and I can hear the pain, and the guilt. It’s almost smothering him, clogging up his throat. This time, I bring my hand up and rub his arm, hoping it will help him to relax.

  “You can tell me, Cameron,” I encourage quietly. He doesn’t look at me but I wish he would. Somehow I think he’s worried that he’ll only see judgment if he had to look at me. That’s not true. Not even close.

  “Something ran in front of my dad’s truck, and I swerved, trying to avoid it. But the truck’s tire burst and we rolled, several times. I don’t remember much after that, I don’t even remember how long we were there before someone found us and called for help. When I woke up in the hospital, about three days later, they told me I had sustained a concussion, a broken arm and a cracked rib,” he laughs but it’s bitter and derisive. “I asked about my dad and it took a while before anyone told me anything. I found out that he’d sustained a severe head trauma, broken ribs, a perforated lung and a cracked hip. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the possibility that he might never wake up. And he hasn’t.”

  Cameron finally turns to face me. “I’m responsible for what happened to him. I tore our family apart.”

  I frown. “How could you say that? It was an accident.”

  He sighs. “It should’ve been me.”

  “No!” I reply. “Don’t you dare say that. It was an accident, Cam, and you can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened.”

  We remain quiet and I can’t help but wonder what this has to do with us, whatever it is that we may be.

  “I needed to explain,” he says, as if reading my mind. “I’ve avoided feeling anything, because I convinced myself that I didn’t deserve to be happy. When I found out you had a daughter, I freaked out because I saw it as a complication, and I really don’t need any more complications in my life.”

  “Cameron - ”

  “No, wait, just listen,” he interrupts. “We decided to be friends, and I thought it was the right thing to do because I didn’t want to feel anything for you. I was afraid that if I allowed that to happen then somehow I’d end up ruining you, the way I’ve ruined my family. I would never be able to live with myself if I did that.”

  I swallow hard and look down. I’m almost positive he’s rejecting my again. He was so worried about me leaving after I found out about his father, but here he is, leaving me.

  My voice is quiet when I respond. “I understand.”

  I slide my hands away from him and into my lap. If I could, I’d get up and leave, but Cameron is my ride.

  I feel him move next to me, but I don’t look up until his finger tips my chin up. “I don’t think you do,” he says in a hushed tone.

  My lip trembles and I hate myself for it. Doesn’t he think I’ve had enough? Or that I can’t do this with him anymore? We’ve been playing this stupid game for weeks and I’m at my limit. I would give anything to be able to forget about him altogether and just move on, and it’s not like I haven’t tried, but there’s a magnetism between us that I can’t ignore. It’s so clichéd, and that only makes me feel worse. It’s not that I love him, or that I’m in love with him, it’s just… I don’t know. Something keeps pulling me back to him.

  “Please, take me home.”

  I stand up and go to leave but Cameron wraps his hand around my arm, halting me in place. “Hayley,” he starts. “I understand if this changes how you feel about me - ”

  “But that’s just it,” I interrupt him. “It doesn’t.”

  He stands up, holding onto my arm. “Then why do you want to leave?”

  “Because,” I choke out. “I can’t stand the idea of you walking away from me again, and let’s face it, we suck at being just friends.”

  His fingers brush away a stray tear and I berate myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me. Stupid period. Stupid boy.

  “Hayley, you jumped to the wrong conclusion,” he says.

  “Then what did you mean exactly?”

  He steps closer, until our chests are touching, and brings his hands to my face. My eyelids flutter at the feel of his fingers gently brushing over my moist skin. “If you had let me finish, I would have told you that you make me want to try.”

  “Try what?” I ask, confused.

  “More.”

  “More?” I repeat, sounding like a broken record.

  “Yes, more,” he rests his forehead against mine. “I can’t promise that I’m any good at it, but for you, Hayley, I’m willing to give it all I’ve got.”

  “But what about my daughter? We’re a packaged deal.”

  Cameron’s breath sweeps across my lips. “Having her doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

  With a shaky voice I ask, “Are you sure about this?”

  He gives me a lopsided grin, his eyes connecting with mine, and gives me the answer that has me holding my breath.

  “Yes. I want the whole package.”

  Chapter 13

  ~ Hayley ~

  “Will you stop fussing with your hair?” Hannah chides, swatting my hands away. “You’re going to undo all my hard work!”

  I roll my eyes, earning another slap on the shoulder. She’s spent the last hour helping me get ready for my second ‘first date’ with Cameron. After he told me about his father, it felt like something between us shifted into place, rather than out.

  We’re spending Thanksgiving together the day after tomorrow, and to say that I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m meeting his mother and his sister, and I know they are the two most important people in his life, next to his father. I’m worried about what they’ll think of me, not because of Arianna, but because of how young I am to have her. I haven’t told Cameron about it though, he’s too excited for me to ruin it with my silly concerns.

  But that’s tomorrow’s problem. Tonight is about us, and about figuring out where we go from here, one step at a time
. I’m nervous about our date, but for a whole other reason. I’m staying over at Cameron’s house. Alone. With Cameron. Because his sister is so close to her due date, Cameron’s mother decided it was best if she stayed at their house for a few nights. Cameron actually insisted she'd go because she spends too much time cooped up at home, fussing over Cameron’s father. They have two full time nurses who take care of him so there’s no reason for her worry while she’s gone.

  “Did you pack your new lingerie?” Taylor asks from her spot on my bed. I nod, looking down, and feel my cheeks grow warm. When I told Hannah and Taylor, who have also become really good friends, what Cameron had in mind for tonight, they both dragged me to a mall an hour away and took me shopping for new underwear and lingerie. Much to my humiliation, they made me try it all on as soon as we got home, even the lacy matching bra and panty sets had to be showcased. It was the first time someone other than my grandmother had seen me in my underwear after I had Ari, and it made me feel self-conscious. Somehow, Hannah and Taylor both made me feel at ease about it, however it has been short-lived since I’m not feeling as confident right now.

  “Cam is going to f-r-e-a-k when he sees you in that black baby doll nightie,” Hannah throws in. So not helping my need to throw up, I think to myself.

  “He’s not going to be able to keep his hands to himself,” Taylor chimes in, exchanging a look with Hannah. Bitches. None of this is helping. I’m still so damn nervous.

  “How do I even know it’ll happen tonight?” I ask quietly. “What if it’s too soon? Don’t you think I’m rushing into this?”

  Hannah turns me to face her, giving me her are you serious? look.

  “It doesn’t have to happen tonight,” she says. “But if it feels right, then let it happen, Hayls.”

  “But I’m nervous. It’s the first time I’ll be with someone like that after…” my words trail off. I don’t need to explain further because Hannah and Taylor both know everything about my past, even a little more than Cameron does. That little fact makes me feel a tiny bit guilty but that’s something I’ll have to deal with another time. Right now I have a more serious dilemma on my hands. I could possibly be having sex with Cameron for the first time and I’m terrified. Not because I think it’ll suck, but because I’ve never opened myself up so entirely, both physically and emotionally. Even in high school, when I used to distract myself with guys all the time, it was always purely physical. I never got my emotions involved. Until now.

  “Sweetheart, trust me, I understand,” Taylor says, walking over to where Hannah and I are standing. “But Hannah is right. If it feels right, then timing isn’t important. What’s important is that it’s what you both want.”

  “And I can tell you, in complete honesty, that Cam is just as nervous as you are for tonight, but he’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Hannah adds.

  “He’s nervous too?” I squeak.

  Hannah chuckles. “Yes, he is. He spoke to Noah, and I happened to overhear.”

  I sigh, feeling my shoulders relax. “Okay then. I guess we’ll have to see how it all goes.”

  “And please,” Taylor pipes up, zipping my overnight bag. “If you’re about to, you know, please think about those of us who are going through a dry spell, alright? Do it for those of us who aren’t gettin’ any!”

  That’s all it takes for the three of us to burst into a fit of laughter. My nerves subside slightly until my grandmother knocks on my door.

  “Come in, Gama,” I call out.

  The door opens and Ari walks in, followed by Macy and my grandmother. Ari comes over to me and throws her arms up. I rest her on my hip and turn to my grandmother.

  “You look lovely, sweetheart,” she says smiling at me proudly. “I believe there’s a young man waiting downstairs. And don’t worry, I strip searched him, he’s good to go.” She winks and laughs at my expression. I always knew this woman was batshit crazy but God, I love her.

  “I’ll be down in a minute,” I tell her.

  She closes my door and I look at Hannah and Taylor. “Are you sure you girls will survive a night alone with my grandmother?” I ask. They’re having a movie night here tonight and looking after Ari while I’m with Cameron.

  “We’ll be fine,” Hannah replies. “Now quit staling and get your hot mamma ass downstairs.”

  Ari looks at Hannah and yells, “Hot mamma ass!”

  I raise my eyebrows while Taylor and Hannah start howling with laughter.

  “It’s not funny, Han,” I chuckle. “I don’t want my baby growing up with a potty mouth.”

  I scrunch my nose and rub it against Ari’s, causing a sweet giggle to come out her mouth. “Okay, monkey pants, we’d better not keep Cameron waiting. You ready to go meet him?”

  Ari smiles at me, probably not understanding a word I’ve just said. With Taylor and Hanna behind me, I throw my overnight bag over my shoulder and walk downstairs with Ari on my hip. Cameron has his back to me when I reach the last step and I take in how good he looks from behind. When he turns around, I bite the inside of my mouth to stop the shiver of anticipation that threatens to pulse through my body. He looks…edible. His dark jeans hang from his hips and his thighs. Oh those thighs… His red button up shirt shows off his strong, muscular chest and the sleeves, rolled up to his elbows, show just a hint of the tattoo on his right bicep. His eyes land on me and he gives me that half-grin that I love, bringing out his dimple.

  “Hi,” he says. I think I hear nervousness in his voice but I’m not sure. If he’s nervous he’s hiding it well. I walk closer to him and both Hannah and Taylor disappear into the kitchen.

  “Hi,” I reply, feeling like an idiot the minute the word leaves my mouth. Say something else, you moron. Ari wiggles on my hip, reminding me that Cameron has yet to meet her. Suddenly my nerves are back, and my stomach flutters. What if he doesn’t like her? Or worse, what if Ari doesn’t like him? Well, I brace myself; it’s time to find out.

  “Cameron, this is my daughter, Arianna,” I say, watching the way he looks at her. At the sound of her name Ari looks up. Only, it’s not me she looks at, it’s Cameron. She watches him carefully, like her little two-year-old mind is sizing him up. “Ari, this is Cameron. Can you say hi?”

  Ari smiles shyly at him, not saying a word. It’s when he reaches out his arms to her that I’m surprised, and when she willingly falls out of my arms and into his, I’m in shock. Ari is friendly enough, but I’ve never seen her go to a stranger so easily. Ari looks at Cam, smiling her shy smile again, and touches his face. Their interaction has me speechless.

  “Hi Princess Ari,” Cameron says, looking down at my little girl. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  Instead of responding verbally, Ari simply wraps her arms around Cameron’s neck. I feel my throat tighten and grow thick with everything I feel in this moment. Relief. Fear. Amazement. Gratitude. Awe. All of it.

  “Are you guys ready to go?”

  I turn around and see Hannah standing in the doorway to the kitchen. The look on her face tells me she saw the whole thing, yet she doesn’t look as surprised as I’m sure I do.

  “There’s been a slight change in plans,” Cameron answers, looking at Hannah and then at me. My stomach does a slight dive and I’m hoping he doesn’t want to cancel. I swallow, and wait.

  “Arianna is coming with us,” he says.

  I stare at him.

  “Here’s her bag,” Taylor says, smirking. She walks past me, Macy on her hip, and hands Ari’s bag to Cameron.

  “This was the plan all along?” I ask surprised.

  Cameron smiles. “Yes. I’m taking both of you on our date tonight.”

  My hearty swells and I feel like it’s going to burst. I feel tears coming but I bite my tongue until the threat has passed.

  “I will come get her in a few hours and then we’ll all see you tomorrow at Cameron’s house for Thanksgiving,” Hannah pipes up, ushering us towards the door.

  I pull my jacket on whil
e Cameron helps Ari with hers. Seems she’s decided to attach herself to him.

  “And remember,” Hannah says softly, so that only I can hear. “If it’s meant to happen it will. Just have fun, enjoy it.”

  She smiles at me and I kiss her cheek, whispering ‘thank you’ before heading out the door. Cameron straps Ari into a car seat while I climb in the front passenger seat.

  When he joins me, he catches me staring, a smile playing at my lips. “What?” he asks, starting the ignition and pulling away from the curb.

  “Nothing,” I reply. I’m grinning like a fool and on the verge of crying. All because Cameron brought a damn car seat for my daughter. So far, it’s already turning out to be an amazing night, and it’s just started.

  The drive is quiet, except for Arianna singing quietly in the backseat. Cameron’s hand rests on my thigh and something about this, the three of us in his truck, feels natural, and I like it. I’m not sure where Cameron is taking us, and I don’t think to ask until he stops outside of a small restaurant I’ve never been to before. It’s a tiny corner bistro with wrought iron tables and chairs set up outside. It’s too quiet for a weeknight and something tells me Cameron has something up his sleeve. We climb out and I go to help Ari out when Cameron walks around the hood of his truck with her in one arm and her bag in the other. I giggle. He looks very domesticated. He knocks on the door of the bistro and a tall, bear-like man comes to open.

  “Cameron, come in, come in,” he welcomes.

  He closes the door behind us and locks it, flipping the sign on the door to “closed”.

  “Tony,” Cameron greets, shaking the bug guy's hand. “This is my…” he hesitates, looking at me and then back at Tony. “Girlfriend, Hayley, and her daughter, Arianna.”

  I stick my hand out. “It’s nice to meet you.”