He paused after a few minutes to ask a few questions, and judge the effectiveness of his spanking. "Why are you getting spanked, Kelli?"
She looked over her shoulder at him and he saw the anger still in her eyes. "Because I freaked at all your damn rules," she hissed out.
"Thank you for letting me know we're nowhere near done yet, Kelli. As long as you're still cussing, it's obvious we have aways to go." He started spanking again, a little harder now.
"No. Derek, stop. Oww. Okay, I'll stop cussing. Just stop, please."
Derek was pleased to at least hear her admit she knew she wasn't supposed to be cussing. That was a bit of a start. He still hadn't heard any apologies or promises, other than to cease cussing. He continued the spanking, knowing eventually she'd get there.
It took longer than he anticipated for the stubborn little brat to utter her first apology, and he wasn't sure how sincere it was. "Derek, I'm sorry. Please stop. I'm so sore."
Slowing the spanking a bit, he asked, "What are you sorry for, Kelli?"
"I'm sorry for everything," she mumbled.
He swatted her two more times. "Not good enough. What specifically are you sorry for, Kelli, or I'll continue."
"No, stop, please. I'll tell you." He stopped the spanking long enough for her to catch her breath, and say, "I'm sorry I was cussing."
He waited a few moments, and hearing nothing further, spanked her again. Ten hard swats later he asked, "Is that all you're sorry for?"
"No. Please, stop. Derek, it really hurts."
"I'm aware of that. What else are you sorry for?"
She was sobbing as she stuttered out, "I'm sorry that I had a temper tantrum and was disrespectful."
He stopped the spanking and started rubbing her bottom. The skin all around her panties was crimson, and he knew she was in some serious pain. She was way too stubborn for her own good. He continued rubbing while she calmed a little.
While he knew he still had her attention he said, "Kelli, there's a couple other things we need to talk about here. If you listen to me and I know you're paying attention, we'll just talk. If I'm not sure you're really hearing me, I'll start the spanking again. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she said quietly.
"Good. Kelli, you need to get control of your temper, but going along with that, you need to get control of your attitude. Your brother is right. The way you talked to me was horrible. You can't have that kind of attitude with people and expect anything good to happen. You're going to finish your college degree, and you have your whole life ahead of you, but degree or not, you won't be able to get and keep a good job with that kind of attitude. Do you hear what I'm saying?"
She started crying again and said, "Yes. I don't know why I do that. My attitude stinks sometimes, I know, but I can't stop."
"Well, we're going to teach you to stop. We'll be working on that, but for now, I'm glad you realize it's a problem. That's a good start. Now, the other thing I want to talk to you about is your attitude toward yourself."
She turned around and looked at him. "What?"
"Kelli, you gave up on yourself before you even tried."
"What do you mean?"
"The reason you had your temper tantrum is because you saw a number of rules and you panicked. You didn't even consider them. You just saw there was a number of them and assumed you couldn't do it." She turned back around and her shoulders slumped, and he knew she heard what he was saying.
"You can do it, Kelli, if you give yourself a chance. When something seems difficult, look at it as a challenge, and don't just assume you can't do it. You don't have any confidence in yourself, but we're going to change that. You're going to do this, and you're going to make it through your probation with flying colors, and you're going to be proud of yourself. So are Phil and I."
Derek was still gently rubbing her hot, tender backside, and was taken aback when she started crying again. He instinctively picked her up and gently set her in his lap, wrapping her in his arms. She laid her head on his chest and Derek thought she was going to cry her pretty eyes out. He wasn't sure what was causing the tears, but he held her close, hoping to comfort her, and was relieved when instead of trying to run from him, this time she cuddled up into his arms. When he thought she could hear him he quietly told her, "It's okay now, Kelli. It's all over and you're forgiven."
When he said that, she looked up at him, studying him for a while, then while tears were still streaming down her cheeks, she smiled and laid her head back on his chest and wrapped her hands around his strong arm that was holding her. Derek thought it was the sincerest smile he'd ever seen though he didn't know what she was smiling about.
He gave her time to simply cry, while he continued to hold her and feed her a steady stream of comforting, encouraging words. He was of the opinion that Kelli had very little self-discipline, or self-control, and subconsciously she knew that, which caused her self-confidence to be equally low. That was a terrible shame, he felt, because she really did have many very good attributes. He just had to bring those to the surface so she could see them.
When she was down to an occasional hiccup and a few stray tears cascading down her face he asked, "Kelli, can you talk to me a little bit about what you're feeling right now?" She didn't move, and didn't say a word. Patiently, he said, "Please don't make me whack your bottom again to get you to answer me. I will, you know, but I really, really don't want to have to right now."
She looked up at him instantly and insisted, "No, don't, please. I'm not ignoring you this time, I'm just trying to figure out what I am feeling. I'm really confused right now."
"Then talk to me about what's got you confused. I may be able to help you sort those feelings out. Even if I can't, sometimes just saying them out loud helps you figure them out, or make sense of them. It certainly won't hurt anything."
"And you won't get upset with me or throw me back over your knee for what I say?"
He smiled at her and said, "As long as you say it respectfully, you're fine. If you're telling me the truth about how you feel, and you don't have an attitude and you're not being downright rude, you have nothing to worry about, ever. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything."
"Okay, then I'll try." Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, and started in. "I want to hate you, but I can't."
He smiled and said, "Okay, that's a start. Go on. Why do you want to hate me?"
She looked at him incredulously. "You have to ask? First and foremost, my butt is beyond sore. I didn't know anything could hurt this much." She looked at her hands in her lap and continued, "But also because you've said some things that I want to get mad at you for and deny them, but I can't. Not really. I mean, no one ever pointed out any of my faults before, and I don't much like hearing them. You and Phil said some things that got me upset, but when I tried to argue and tell you both to go to hell, I couldn't."
"Watch your language, Kelli, but why couldn't you tell us that?"
"I guess because what you said had some truth to it. I didn't like hearing that, or having to think about it, but you didn't give me a choice. So I want to hate you for saying those awful things to me. But once again, I can't, because I don't have a valid argument for them."
"Kelli, we didn't say anything today that you can't change."
She quietly said, "I know. But it will be really, really hard, and I don't know if I can do it. I'm not very strong."
"Sshhh," he told her as the tears started flowing again. "You're not strong because you haven't tried to be. You've never had to be. I think you're stronger than you think, you just don't know it. Your brother and I are here to help you. Lean on us and let us help you build your strength. You probably will have some problems trying to follow all these rules at first, and this probably won't be the last time you're in this position, but use it to build your strength."
"What?"
"For the first time in your life I want to see you try, really try to follow them. Let us help yo
u along some, reminding you of some things, warning you before you do others. But when you slip up and earn another spanking, let it be a teaching aid, like it's meant to be."
"A teaching aid?"
"Yes. Anytime I have to spank you, focus on why you're being spanked. That's why I talk to you during the spanking, even asking you questions occasionally. I'm trying to help you focus on why you're being spanked, and associate that with the pain. Hopefully it will remind you not to repeat the same mistake. If you learn from it and don't make the same mistake again, that's great. You're stronger for it."
She was quiet several moments and he could tell she was thinking. Finally, she said, "See, it's things like that comment that won't let me hate you."
He smiled at her, and asked, "Why?"
"Because that tells me, no matter how much I try to tell myself otherwise, that you really are trying to help me."
"You don't want me to help you?"
"But see, for you to be truly trying to help me, that means what you're telling me is what I need to do. That's going to be hard. But it makes too much sense to ignore, so I can't hate you." She paused before saying, real quietly, "Plus the fact that afterwards I feel so safe and peaceful in your arms, I just can't hate you. I've tried. I just can't."
Kelli was looking down and didn't see Derek's smile, but she felt the small kiss he planted on the top of her head. He told her, "I've got an idea. Instead of spending so much time and effort trying to hate me, why don't you accept the fact that I want to be your friend, and I'm here to support you, just like your brother. Spend that effort trying to follow your rules so I can start giving you positive rewards instead of negative consequences."
"Positive rewards?"
"Sure. I like giving positive rewards when you do something good. Now that we've had this discussion, show me that you heard what I said, and get this probation off to a good start. That will earn you a positive reward."
He knew he had her attention, so he continued. "Spend the day tomorrow complying with your terms of probation. You have to successfully complete at least two college classes, though I personally would like to see you take and complete three. Go to the college tomorrow and register for your classes and get your books. You also have to work at least ten hours a week. Since you've already been hired, stop in tomorrow and tell them you're moved and are ready to start so they can get you on the schedule."
"I can walk to the college, but I don't think there are any buses that go close to where I'll be working. How expensive are taxis?"
He thought a minute, and suggested, "Well, taxis are more expensive than a bus, but you may have to use them some. However, for tomorrow let's work something else out. You're right, you can walk to the college, but I don't want you walking there at night, so don't sign up for any night classes. When you get your license back if you want to take a night class it's okay, but not for now. Once you're at the college you should be able to walk to work."
"That's good. Then I'll only need to get a taxi to get back home. That will help the budget."
"Now remember, you're going to call or text me before you leave the house tomorrow, and then before you leave the school, and before you leave work; right?"
He grinned at the blank look on her face, but she quickly recovered and said, "Thank you. Yes, I will be contacting you."
"Good. I have to do a home visit on each of my clients, and I haven't officially done that yet, so if you can leave the college mid to late afternoon, let me know when you leave, and after my last meeting I'll go to your work and pick you up there. I'll bring you home and do your home visit."
"You'd do that for me?"
"Sure," he assured her.
"What's involved in the home visit?"
"I have to make sure where you're living is acceptable, make sure anyone else living there is okay, and talk to any other residents of the home. If Phil will be here tomorrow, I'll do that then."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Just remember to call me every time you go somewhere tomorrow." She nodded. "I think I heard the doorbell a couple minutes ago. Let's go have some pizza."
Chapter Five
Derek, Phil and Kelli had a good time visiting and eating pizza. Derek heard stories about Phil and Kelli growing up, and Kelli got to hear stories about Derek and Phil in college.
Phil could tell Kelli was enjoying herself, and was glad. He hoped this move would be good for her. As the evening progressed, however, he watched her grow quiet. "What's on your mind, Kelli," he asked.
"What? Nothing." When both of the guys laughed, she glared at them. "Why do you think something's on my mind?"
"Kelli, you've been my little sister your whole life. I know you. You've gone from laughing and joking, to quietly sitting back and just listening. What's up?"
She looked at both of them, and her face flushed. Phil couldn't hide a smile. "Now, I know something's on your mind. What is it?"
She had been deep in thought, but it was a thought she'd rather keep to herself. However, when Derek looked at her with the beginnings of his stern face, she decided she may as well give in, before they blew it all out of proportion. She casually said, "I was just wondering. Obviously, both of you know I got spanked this evening, and although that's embarrassing to me, I noticed that neither of you have said anything about it."
Derek looked puzzled as he asked, "What did you think we'd say?"
"Well, you know. You could have teased me mercilessly, you could have joked about it all night, rubbed it in, but neither of you did."
Phil looked upset. "Why would we do that? Kelli, I was a kid when Mom and Dad spanked me, but I still felt bad, and I felt embarrassed, too. Let me tell you something Dad told me, though. He said there was no reason to be embarrassed. Getting spanked just means you're human and you made a mistake, like everyone eventually does. You're fortunate if you have someone in your life who cares enough about you to correct you."
"Then why didn't he correct me? He didn't care enough about me?"
"Kelli, you know better than that. Mom and Dad loved you to death. They were afraid to do much to you, though, because you were so sick when you were little. Until you were six or seven they weren't sure they'd have the chance to raise you to adulthood, so they were focusing on making you as happy as they could while they had you."
Phil saw the shocked look on Kelli's face, and moved over to sit next to her on the couch, pulling her into a hug. "You didn't know that?"
"No. I didn't know I was that sick. Is that why they didn't let me start kindergarten when I was five?"
"Yes. You'd been sick a lot the year before. Do you remember being in the hospital that year?"
"I remember being in there a few times, but I don't remember when or how long I was there. Mostly what I remember about being there is that Mom or Dad was there almost all the time, and they brought you a lot after you got home from school. Remember all the games of Chutes and Ladders we played there?"
Phil smiled and said, "Yes, I do. Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land. I didn't know until later that kids weren't normally allowed in for visiting back then, but Dad talked them into making an exception for me because they wanted you to know your brother. At that time, they weren't sure you were going to come through it all, so they agreed."
"I didn't know any of that. I guess I didn't know I was that sick."
"That doesn't surprise me. Mom and Dad did everything they could to keep you from knowing how sick you were, or thinking too much about it. That's why they stayed with you in the hospital so much, and played games with you, so the fun stuff is what you'd concentrate on. They'd do just about anything to see you smile. That's why they didn't correct you much. When you were little, they couldn't bring themselves to do anything that would bring a frown to your face. Then when you got older, they were just so glad you were healthy. In their eyes, you were too precious to do anything then."
She smiled and told Phil, "Thanks for telling me that. I wasn't aware of any of i
t." Then, remembering where the conversation started, she said, "So Dad really told you there was no reason to be embarrassed when you got spanked?"
"He told me the only time I should be embarrassed about it is if I've been spanked for the same thing several times, and either can't or refuse to learn my lesson. Think about that, Kelli. He's right, you know. It shouldn't be embarrassing to admit you made a mistake and that Derek cares enough to correct it. The only thing embarrassing would be making him spank you half a dozen times for the same thing."
She was thinking, and nodded her head, understanding what he said. "So that's why you didn't laugh at me?"
"I was thankful nobody laughed at me or kidded me back then," Phil said. "I honestly never even considered laughing at you. What I did consider is that I was lucky Dad used his belt on me when I was young and I learned how to follow rules then. I also considered how proud I am of you for facing your problems now and working on them."
She reached over and gave Phil another hug. "Thank you. You've made me feel a lot better tonight." She looked over at Derek. "You didn't laugh at me, either."
"Kelli, I agree with everything Phil just said. Your dad was a smart man. You shouldn't be embarrassed, and I don't ever want to make you feel that way."
Kelli went over and gave him a hug, as well, and said, "Thank you, too."
"Don't spend any time or energy feeling embarrassed around us. Just concentrate on doing what you're supposed to be doing. I've got to get home now, but remember to call or text me tomorrow, okay?"
"I will, every time." She quietly added, "I hope," and Phil and Derek both had to chuckle.
***
Kelli went to bed that night deep in thought again. She was trying to absorb everything she'd heard that evening. She'd had no idea she was that sick as a child, but it answered her question as to why their parents had corrected Phil, but not her. She was also giving serious thought to what Phil and Derek said about not feeling embarrassed. It was embarrassing to her, but knowing that they didn't share her feelings about it would certainly make things easier for her.
On Probation Page 6
