The other thing on her mind was her feelings about Derek. She really did want to hate him, but she found herself feeling quite different feelings. When he said he could pick her up the next day, she had felt excitement, and not because of the money she'd save on taxi fees. How could she want to be around him when he spanked her so soundly? That was very confusing to her. The more she tried to convince herself she wanted nothing to do with him, the more she realized she did.
She tried to think the whole situation through over and over, until it finally sank in. He was indeed serious about helping her. He was the first person who had not only set any parameters for her, but held her accountable and made her live up to them. She didn't know why, but she found that whole concept somehow comforting. She also found the man doing it appealing. Those were her last thoughts as she drifted off to sleep.
***
Derek found himself checking his watch every fifteen minutes the next morning. He hoped Kelli remembered to send him a text before she left for college. She needed some self-confidence, and it would help to be able to give her a reward instead of a consequence. Finally, when he got a text at 12:00 noon, he heaved a sigh of relief. He read the text and smiled. It said, "Hey, just checking in to tell you I'm checking out. On my way to the college. Later, Kelli."
He sent back, "Thank you, Kelli. Keep in touch. Later, Derek."
At 3:45 he got, "Notice—there is an official student now walking from college to Elm Street Grocers."
He smiled and returned it with, "Notice—there will be a PO. leaving office about 4:15 driving to Elm Street Grocers." He quickly finished his paperwork to be sure he could leave on time.
When Derek pulled into the Elm Street Grocers, Kelli was sitting on a bench in front of the store. "Are you ready?" he asked. She nodded, and he opened her door for her before putting her backpack in the back. "Remember to fasten your seat belt," he said as he closed her door and went to his side.
When he was in, seat belt on, and backing out, she looked at him a few seconds before asking what was on her mind. "What was with that reminder to fasten my seat belt? Do you tell that to everyone who gets in your vehicle?"
He smiled and shook his head. "Sorry. It's a habit." Before he realized what he was saying, he blurted out, "And I only tell that to people I particularly care about, or worry about."
"Which am I; someone you particularly care about, or worry about?"
"Actually, both." Seeing her stunned look, he explained what he meant. "I obviously care about you or I wouldn't be here. And I worry about you, which is why I have to ask, do you have a jacket in your backpack?"
"What?"
"Do you have a jacket in your backpack?"
"No, it's not that cold today."
"But they've been calling for rain today. Weren't you worried about getting wet and chilly?"
"Not especially, no."
"You should be," he said with a frown.
"What? Why should I be worried about that?"
"Kelli, I know you had pneumonia at least once while we were in college, and bronchitis several times. You should take better care of your health."
"How did you know I had pneumonia and bronchitis?"
"Phil worried a lot about you when you were sick. He said you've been prone to colds and bronchitis and things ever since you were small. I didn't realize until last night how sick you were when you were small, but now I understand why he worried so much. You'll have to start paying more attention to your health."
"What? I suppose you're going to add that to my list of rules; take a jacket if it may possibly rain?"
"Watch your attitude, Kelli. Look, you've been doing great today and I sure don't want to argue with you. I was just talking as a friend now. I'd hate to see you get pneumonia during a semester of college and have to drop out of classes. That would be interrupting your road to the future, and I don't want to see that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound dictatorial; I tend to get protective of people I care about, and I care about you."
Kelli quickly softened her tone. "I'm sorry, too, Derek. I guess I never thought of it that way. I just get tired of everybody worrying about my health. I've heard that my whole life, and I feel like—I don't know. I just want people to realize I'm an adult now, I can make my own choices. If I get caught in the rain once in a while it's no big deal. It happens to people every day."
Derek looked over at her and sympathized. "I hear what you're saying, Kelli. I can imagine you have heard that a lot growing up. But if you weren't aware of how sick you were as a child, do you understand a bit more now why everyone was so concerned, and why they still are?"
Sighing loudly, she honestly said, "Yeah, I have to admit I get their concern. But I want people to let me be an adult now. If I make a bad decision, if I get caught in the rain and get a cold, I'll be miserable for a few days, but I'll deal with it."
"But so will the people who care about you."
"What do you mean?"
"If you're prone to sickness, if you don't watch out for your health and end up with bronchitis or pneumonia, yes, you'll deal with it. But so will a lot of other people. Your brother will deal with it by worrying about you, going to check on you and see you in the hospital. Your boss will deal with it by having to have someone fill in for you, and the person who he gets to fill in for you will deal with it. If you have a husband or a boyfriend, he'll deal with it, as well, by going crazy with worry."
Kelli was quiet a long time, but Derek could tell she was thinking and not pouting, so he gave her time to think. They got to her apartment before she actually realized they were home. They went up the elevator in silence. She was getting her key out, when the door swung open. "Hi, guys! How'd it go at college today, Sis?" Phil gave her a brotherly peck on her cheek as she came in.
He reached out and shook Derek's, hand and was shocked at his response. "What; no kiss for me?" All three of them laughed out loud, and it was exactly what Derek and Kelli needed to break the tension the silence had caused.
Derek expanded on Phil's earlier question. "Come on, Kelli. We want to hear how it went today. I waited to ask until Phil was with us so he could hear, too. Did you get the classes you wanted?"
"Every one of them," she answered excitedly. "I know you said you'd like to see me take three classes, and I hope you aren't upset with me, but I took four."
"I'm okay with four," Derek explained, "as long as you can finish them, and do well, along with your work hours. Do you think you can do it?"
"I think I can," she assured him. "If I put my mind to it, school's never been that difficult. I figured as long as Phil is willing to let me stay here without paying rent, I may as well take advantage of that. The grocery store said they'll have more hours for me in a few months when one lady retires, but until then I'll probably only get twelve to fifteen hours a week, so I should have time for an extra class."
"Kelli, you don't know how proud I am to hear you say that," Derek beamed.
"Why? Because I'm taking four classes?"
"I think it's great that you're taking advantage of the opportunity, as long as you're not taking on too much. What I'm really proud of, though, is to hear you say I think I can."
She thought a moment, and seeing the big smile on his face, she smiled back. "I didn't even realize I'd said it."
"It's great to hear you have that self-confidence, and to see you take on a challenge." He reached over and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. "So what classes are you taking, official college student?"
She was smiling again, and obviously excited about them. "I'll tell you all about them, but let's do it over dinner. I have it ready whenever you guys are ready to eat."
"Is that what smells so good?" Phil asked.
"I hope you both like pot roast. I put that and potatoes and carrots in the crock pot this morning before I left, and I got a broccoli salad ready. I made the dressing for it, so all I have to do is pour the dressing on and mix it up."
"I saw the cherry
pie in the refrigerator. Do we get that, too?"
"Of course. Anyone hungry?"
Derek smacked his lips. "Are you kidding? That sounds fantastic. I can't even remember the last time I had pot roast. I didn't know you could cook."
"She's a terrific cook, Derek. She makes great pot roast, and her broccoli salad is delicious. We're in for a treat tonight."
Kelli told them about the classes she signed up for and what her hours were going to be, while they enjoyed dinner. The three of them together made quick work of the dishes, and they went to sit in the living room.
Phil started their conversation. "Derek, Sis says this is an official home visit, and you need to talk to both of us?"
"I almost forgot about that. Thank you for dinner, Kelli. I wasn't expecting that. To answer your question, yes, I do. On a home visit I basically check out the living arrangements and condition of the home, which, of course, is no problem here. Then I go over the rules of probation with everyone living there, which, again, we've already done. The only thing I need to go over is some recommendations that will help encourage Kelli, so we can help her get through this without any violations."
"I'll do anything I can to help her."
"There's no doubt in my mind about that, Phil," Derek said sincerely. "I know how much you've worried about her. But to help her right now, she needs you to be strong, and strict."
Looking at Kelli he said, "The judge talked to me about your case this morning, and unfortunately, he's taking what your old probation officer wrote very seriously. The PO stated he thought you needed to grow up a little and that a month or so in jail would be a good start. Therefore, the judge wants me to give him a report monthly instead of quarterly, and he's urging me to come down hard on you."
Derek hated seeing the shocked and scared looks on Kelli's and Phil's faces, but he knew being upfront and honest was the best way to handle it. "Now, don't get too upset. I'm still your PO, and I still have discretionary leeway, but you're going to have to walk the line for a while. Once you prove yourself, the judge will ease up. I've worked with him in the past, and he tends to think like your old PO. If he thinks someone needs a dose of reality, he doesn't hesitate to send them to jail for seven to thirty days as a wake-up call. However, on the other hand, if you prove yourself, he'll respect you for it and ease up."
Phil asked, "So we just keep encouraging her?"
"For sure," Derek agreed. "But Kelli, you have to be careful, follow all the rules precisely, and Phil and I are going to have to be very strict with you for your own good. If you start out strong, then gradually start to slide and we let you, it will be too easy for you to slip into a probation violation. I'm sure that if you have a violation in the first couple months you'll land in jail for at least a few days if not more."
Kelli nodded. Derek watched her expression carefully, and said, "I know this is hard for you, and I know you don't want to hear any of this, but you've been awful quiet. Talk to me, Kelli. What are your thoughts right now?"
She looked up and met Phil's eyes, then Derek's before saying, "I want to say my old PO and the judge aren't being fair to me, but I can't really say that. I mean, I did mess up a few times. I'm finally willing to admit that I brought these problems on myself, but I mean," she paused, then finished, "I've gotten myself in a mess, and now I'm scared. I don't want to go to jail."
Phil was right there for her, pulling her into a hug. "We're going to try and keep you out, Kel, but it sounds like Derek is right. You're going to have to be really careful for a while." Turning to Derek he asked, "So what all can I do to help her? You said she needs me to be strong. How?"
"You saw her list of rules. Make her follow them precisely, with no exceptions. Don't give an inch. That may sound mean, but it's the quickest and best way to get order and discipline into her life, which is what she's going to need to make it through probation. In turn, it will boost her self-confidence. If she should be home at 4:00 after her last class, unless she calls and tells one of us that she'll be late and we give her the okay, if she's not home at 4:00, let me know. She and I will discuss it, and I'm not going to lie, there's a good chance she'll get spanked, but that will emphasize how important it is that she follow the rules. Not that being ten minutes late one day is a major crime, but the spanking would be for not following the rules. If she's going to be ten minutes late she can contact one of us and let us know. That's all she'd need to do. She needs to learn quickly how to follow rules, and the importance of it."
He continued, talking now to Kelli. "I want you to realize, Kelli, that we're not going to be doing this to be mean to you, but to help you. I told you before, I'm not going to be looking for things to spank you for. I'd much rather be giving you rewards than consequences, but for the first few months especially, we wouldn't be doing you any favors letting you get away with things, no matter how small. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
She looked very resigned when she said, "Yeah, I get it." Derek saw a slight smile on her lips as she added, "I should probably apologize to you now for my attitude or whatever I say or do the first few times you, uh, show me how serious you are." Both guys laughed, as she explained further. "I'm sure I won't seem as appreciative then, but I want you to know, right now, yes, I do get it. You really are helping me, and I appreciate it. I have to admit that you're right. If you guys start letting me get away with little things, I'll push it. I always have."
"And you've always gotten away with it," Phil added.
"Yeah, I admit it. I have."
"Well, not anymore," Derek stressed. "From now on, you are being held accountable. Remember, any violations of my rules will result in you and I having a discussion, with my hand doing most of the talking. However, any violation of the court's rules, will, more likely than not, result in you going to jail. Got it?"
"Got it," she agreed.
"Okay, Phil, here's how we're going to help her. She's not allowed any alcohol for the time being, not even a beer at home, so from now on, we're not having any here, either. If she doesn't see it she won't be as tempted. But if she comes home and you smell beer on her, call me, even if she's not drunk, obviously hasn't had a lot. None means none."
"Got it," Phil agreed.
"Kelli, you're not permitted to go into any bars or night clubs, even if you don't have anything to drink. You have to stay completely away from them, so for the next few months, you're stuck with Phil and I. We're going to provide your entertainment on the weekends. We'll go do stuff together, or you two or us two, but on the weekends we're going to keep you occupied. If you have to study or do a report, let us know. One of us will stay here with you to keep you company if you want so you're not tempted to take a little break at the night club just down the street. In short, you'll probably get sick of seeing us, but we're going to keep you clean."
"You guys don't have to do all this."
"Yes, we do," Phil surprised her by saying. "Derek and I talked about this, and he had a good point. He said we have to lead you through this adventure, and the best way to lead is by example. So he's right. You're kind of stuck with us."
They visited more that night, until Derek had to leave. He headed for the door, and Kelli said, "Let me walk you to the door. There's something I want to tell you."
Phil said, "You guys talk all you want. I'm going to bed." He left for his bedroom, leaving Kelli and Derek alone.
"Derek, I do want to thank you again, but there's something else I want to tell you."
When she paused he said, "Okay." He watched her fidgeting and after giving her a bit more time, he took her hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb. "Kelli, you can tell me anything. I hope you know that."
She slowly looked up into his eyes and said, "Yeah, I'm starting to feel that, like I can trust you."
"Good. I'm glad to hear that."
"Do you remember when you told me earlier this evening that I should be more concerned about my health?"
"Yes."
"You said
something I hadn't thought of before. You said if I get sick, other people have to deal with it, as well."
"Yes."
"I never thought of that. You also said if I got sick and had to drop classes, it would interrupt my future."
"Yes."
"You're right. If I have to drop classes, that's longer before I get my degree and can get a good job."
Derek wasn't sure exactly where she was going with this, but he was glad to see she'd been giving his words some thought. He waited patiently for her to finish what she wanted to tell him.
"That made me think about what you said before about consequences. You said bad choices have consequences. I want to feel like I'm an adult and can make my own choices, and if I want to walk in the rain, it's my privilege." He nodded. "And it is my privilege to make that choice. But now I see that if I get sick from that choice, I'll have to pay the consequences, which could include getting so sick I have to drop classes. One time you said adults make good choices, and I'm starting to get that now. Adults that make good choices don't have consequences."
He smiled at her. "No one is perfect, Kelli. We all make bad choices occasionally, but being an adult means you take the time to think about your choices and possible results. Then you make more good choices and have less consequences."
She was nodding as she said, "At least I know I made one good choice."
"What was that?"
"To take you and Phil up on your offer to help me."
"I hope you still feel that way after one or two of my reminders," he said, smiling.
"If I'm honest with myself, I will. You've taken a lot of time and explained things to me, and you've made me do a lot of thinking. I never would have done this much thinking on my own, and never would have realized this whole consequences thing."
"You've just never experienced any before. I'm glad to hear you understand it, though, because now when something bad happens because of a bad choice, you'll know who to blame."
On Probation Page 7
