Becoming Alpha

by Aileen Erin

  I nodded as he let me go.

  I didn’t wait for Axel to leave or for Mr. Dawson to escort me back to my room. I was a big girl, and it was past time for me to put on my big girl panties. I’d make the best of a bad situation or die trying. Maybe for real. Which was terrifying, but life had never exactly been easy for me. This was more old hat than anything else.

  If only I could actually convince myself that it was old hat, then I’d be in a much better place.

  And damned Dastien. He was driving me crazy. Why wouldn’t he even look at me?

  Chapter Seventeen

  The sun peeked through the curtains. I threw the covers over my head. If I stayed in bed, then there could be hope that yesterday had been a crazy fever-induced dream. Or maybe someone had slipped something into my drink and I’d hallucinated the whole thing.

  It was easy to pretend underneath the familiar feel of my old white cotton sheets. I touched the hole on the corner that had ripped when I trusted Axel to do my laundry once. Any second, he’d come in here and annoy me.

  An inhumanly loud beeping chafed my ears.

  A groan and a few bangs came from Meredith’s room before the alarm clicked off.

  No such luck. Guess I’d better deal with the day.

  I threw the sheets off. I appreciated what they’d done, trying to make me feel at home, but it didn’t matter. This wasn’t my home.

  Running away didn’t work. I was left with only one option.

  Time to face reality.

  I pulled myself from the safety of my bed, and quickly showered. Meredith walked into the bathroom as I was wrapping a towel around myself. She mumbled something unintelligible and flipped the shower back on.

  Someone definitely wasn’t a morning person.

  I went back to my room to get changed, trying to ignore the fact that I was touching a million and one things and had exactly zero visions was getting increasingly harder. But I had bigger things to worry about. I started opening drawers as I considered my outfit options.

  The kids I had seen last night were made of hotness. There was no way my short, curvy, Latina frame could compete. I dug through my clothes, trying and failing miserably to ignore the scent that covered everything. I decided to keep it simple with jeans, a black KMFDM T-shirt that fell off one shoulder, and a pair of yellow neon and gray kicks. No flip-flops for me. There was no risk of me shifting. The question was—gloves or no gloves?

  I fingered a pair of cobalt ones. I felt naked without them, but did I really need them?

  My visions could come back, any second. They had to. I grabbed the gloves and shoved them in my back pocket.

  I made my bed as I waited for Meredith. Mom always said I was a little too much of a neat freak, but I felt more at ease about the parts of my life that I couldn’t control when the ones I could control were in order. Lord knew my life was out of my hands right now.

  As I smoothed out the comforter, the conversation in the room next door came through the brick like it was paper. They were gossiping. About me.

  “What does Dastien see in that girl?”

  “I know right? She’s short. And weird. What is with those T-shirts she wears?”

  My shirt today was cool. I was sure of it. Maybe everyone didn’t know who KMFDM was, but they were a totally awesome electro-industrial band from the 1980s. Okay. So maybe it was weird, but I wasn’t changing it because some random girls didn’t get it.

  “He had Imogene. And if he was tired of her, he could have his pick of the Weres. Why would he throw that away to bite some stupid norm?”

  This was so not helping my confidence.

  I pounded on the brick a few times. “I can hear you!” I said.

  They giggled, and I wanted to plow through the brick and pummel them.

  The water shut off, and Meredith went into her room. I rushed into the bathroom, trying to get control of myself. I was flipping out. Since when did I ever care about what someone said about me?

  If I was being honest, I usually cared, but I never let it show.

  I took a deep breath and held it in until my lungs burned. When I let it out, I felt marginally better.

  What now, Tessa?

  I picked up my perfume, and took the cap off. The smell of rubbing alcohol filled the room. I put my nose up to the top of the bottle and sniffed. It stank. The florals and fruits that I loved were barely there, and the alcohol was strong enough to give me a headache.

  Did perfume go bad?

  I put the lid on and carefully placed it in the trash so it wouldn’t break. My complexion hadn’t worsened, but I’d found the best thing I could do when feeling a little lacking in the confidence department was to put on some war paint. I finished off my brown smoky eyes with some liner and mascara. Happy with the results, I grabbed a chapstick and went back into my room to try to figure out what I needed for class.

  My schedule sat on top of the pile of books on my desk. I stared at it for a minute before shoving everything in my backpack. Who knew what I’d need for metaphysics or Were history? Whatever they were. I folded up the schedule and put it in my pocket.

  Meredith’s flip-flops clacked on the tile bathroom floor. “Give me five, and we can go down to breakfast together.”

  “Okay.” I didn’t want to face the cafeteria alone anyway. People didn’t give you the stink-eye like those girls gave me and then let it go. The last thing I needed was a fight on my first day of school.

  I plopped back on my bed. The whole situation was awful. One stupid party. One stupid boy. One stupid kiss. And my life was virtually over.

  Disgusted with my own whining, I pulled my schedule back out and tried to focus on what it said. Normal classes were before lunch, and after seemed to be the weird stuff—Were history, metaphysics, and martial arts & yoga.

  The more I thought about it the worse my nerves got. A bead of sweat rolled down my face, which was odd. Even during gym class I didn’t sweat that much. Maybe I was still sick.

  I took deep breaths, but that made me feel dizzy. My skin crawled. Head between the knees was all I could think to do.

  My stomach twisted and my bones ached.

  Not this. Not again.

  “Okay, Tess. Ready—” Meredith’s voice dropped off as her footsteps quickened on carpet. “Breathe deep for me. Calm. It’s going to be okay. You’re fine. No reason to panic. Just stop fighting the change.”

  “I’m not feeling super fantastic.”

  “You’re fine. Your body’s just on the verge of deciding whether or not to go furry.”

  “That’s crazy. Do you know how that sounds? Completely batshit crazy.”

  “I know. It’s gotta be weird for you.”

  I snorted.

  “If you don’t want to shift, then don’t get too worked up over anything. Deep slow breaths. Food will help. You didn’t eat enough last night.”

  “I ate.”

  “Not enough.” She looked around my room. “Damn it. They should’ve put a mini-fridge in here. Once you get used to eating more, you won’t need it. Until then, I’ll get Mr. Dawson to put one in here for emergencies. You’ll have to rely on the one in the common area until then.”

  After a minute of deep breathing, I started to feel okay, and glanced up at her. “Thanks.”

  Meredith knelt in front of me, her mouth quirked up at one side. “Any time. I know you don’t trust me yet, but I hope we’ll be friends.”

  I shrugged. “I’ll do my best. No promises.”

  “Cool.” She grinned. “Rad shirt.”

  “You like KMFDM?”

  She shook her head. “No idea who they are, but love the screen print—black on electric blue is kind of my thing.”

  “I can tell.” She’d complemented her blue streaks with blue eye make-up.

  “Feeling good enough to walk to breakfast?”

  I stood up slowly, and took a second to make sure I was all right. “You really think food will fix this?”

  “It’ll help k
eep your wolf happy so you’ll be less likely to change.”

  That meant absolutely nothing to me, but it didn’t really matter. “Okay. Let’s go eat.” I swung my backpack over my shoulder. I had to start trusting someone here, and Meredith seemed as good an option as any.

  Chapter Eighteen

  We walked outside in silence. A light breeze ruffled the leaves. Birds called to each other. They sounded different than before. Usually I couldn’t tell the difference between birdcalls, but now I could hear distinct pitches and tones. It was more musical. More melodic.

  “You better?” Meredith’s voice brought me back to reality.

  “Maybe?”

  “Rumor is that you’ll be changing with the next full moon, but you should talk to Mr. Dawson or Dr. Gonzales about it. You seem like you’ve already changed, and—if I’m right—you’re going to need to get some control. You’ll need help.”

  I was pretty sure somewhere in the week I’d lost, I probably went full-furry, but I wasn’t trying to repeat that. The whole idea of turning into a wolf freaked me out. It was the last thing I wanted to talk about right then.

  We reached the cafeteria before I could come up with something to say. As soon as she opened the door, the smells of breakfast reached me. My stomach rumbled so loud that a few people at the closest table chuckled.

  My face heated. “Apparently I’m hungry,” I said, trying to laugh it off.

  Meredith’s smile was back. “Me too. Let’s get some grub.”

  The amount of food was intense—eggs, bacon, pancakes, French toast, bagels, croissants, anything and everything. The man at the grill station had to be a Were. He moved so fast I could barely track him as he took orders for omelets and crepes and noodles.

  I piled my plate up quickly. As we walked to a table, people were quieter than they had been at dinner, focused more on eating than chatting. Thank God not everyone was as peppy in the morning as Meredith. She took forever to get up, but once Meredith finally got out of bed, she was all sunshine and rainbows.

  On my way to the table, an elbow jabbed my side. I turned to see what the deal was just in time to get shoulder checked by La Bitch. I barely registered the brush of her skin against mine before I got sucked in.

  Look at this short slut. There’s no way he’s going to dump me for her. Not a chance in hell.

  Was that a vision?

  I shoved away the stabbing pain in my heart at the thought that Dastien would choose this girl over me. Instead, I’d focus on the fact that my visions might be coming back. The relief was tangible. Now, if only I could get this girl to back off. “Excuse me?” I didn’t care how rude I sounded. Having a little bit of my own normalcy back was enough to make me confident.

  “Move out of the way.” La Bitch moved to shove me, but I sidestepped in time, and managed to keep my plate from slipping off the tray. Go me.

  The girl’s face reddened. She leaned into my space. “Listen, whore,” she whispered. “I don’t know what you did to my Dastien, but you better stay far away from us.”

  I met her stare. “I really don’t give a shit about you or your cheating boyfriend. You need to back off before you start something you’re going to regret.” We stood there frozen. Somehow it turned into a third grade staring contest, and I wouldn’t look away first.

  Time stopped as I waited for her to look away. As soon as she did, I smiled, and it wasn’t in the least bit nice. “Leave,” I said. “Now.”

  She spun, stomping her feet like a child.

  Who knew telling her to go would work? I couldn’t stop the grin. I was badass.

  It didn’t take long for the grin to disappear. Everyone in the room had been watching. Fan-freaking-tastic. I hoped that was the end of showdowns, but knew I could never be that lucky.

  I found my way to the table where Meredith and Chris were sitting, and slid into the chair.

  “Well, that was intense,” I said.

  “Intense?” Meredith said. “No. That was ah-may-zing. Do you know what this means?”

  “That she’ll leave me alone?”

  Chris laughed. “No. You’ve just made an enemy for life. No chance in hell she’ll ever leave you alone now.”

  “Aaaaand,” Meredith said, cutting off Chris before he could say anything else. “More importantly, you might be an alpha.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I looked at La Bitch, who was now talking furiously with three other girls. “What is her problem?”

  “She’s Imogene Hoel. She thinks she’s the shit,” Chris said. “And she likes to think that she’s Dastien’s girlfriend.”

  My heart double-timed it. “But is she Dastien’s girlfriend?”

  “No,” Meredith said. “They kind of grew up together, and a bunch of people, including her, thought that they’d end up together, but they’ve never really dated. I mean…there was that rumor—”

  “The rumor had some truth to it, but she threw herself at him and wouldn’t leave him alone until he gave her a chance,” Chris said.

  I stopped breathing as Dastien walked into the room. Imogene ran to him and put her arms around his waist. He put his arm on her shoulder as she talked to him. He jerked back at something that she said, and then his gaze found mine.

  Shit. I sank down in my chair. Being in the middle of a soap opera wasn’t my idea of a good time.

  “She’s really pissed. I love being right. I knew I was going to like you,” Chris said. He blew me a kiss.

  I pretended to catch the kiss and press it to my cheek, and then I looked behind me again. Dastien stood still, ignoring Imogene. His eyes were glowing, but I wasn’t sure if he was staring at Chris or me. My heart sped up. Was he going to come over here?

  Dastien spun on his heel and left the cafeteria, slamming the door behind him. Imogene stood there for a second, staring at the door, before going after him.

  I ground my teeth. She was out there alone with Dastien, and I despised her for it.

  I was so dumb.

  I thought back to the vision I’d gotten from Imogene. It seemed like I heard her current thoughts, which was odd. It’d happened before—when someone was drunk or when it was Mom—but it was rare enough to throw me a little off. If my visions were coming back, I needed to put on my gloves. I leaned in my chair enough to grab the cobalt ones from my back pocket. I slipped them on, trying to make it look casual, and felt instantly more like my old self.

  A glance around the room confirmed that everyone was still staring at me, probably waiting for my reaction. I smiled at Chris. “Hopefully Dastien won’t come back to bite me this time.”

  Chris laughed. “So I heard you had a little early morning adventure.”

  Meredith dropped her fork with a loud thunk. “She didn’t?”

  “Yup.” He grinned as he leaned back in his chair. “Brant Thompson won the pool.”

  “Damn it. I was listening for the door.”

  Good thing I went out the window.

  “Window,” Chris said.

  How did he know? Oh God. If he knew, then who else knew?

  “Again?”

  The jerk was enjoying making me squirm in my seat. “Yup,” Chris said.

  “If you were going to try to run, why not tell me so that I could win?” There was a hint of whine in Meredith’s voice.

  “Uh. Sorry?” I cleared my throat. “Was everyone in the entire school in on this?”

  “Yes,” they all answered as one.

  “Wow. That’s really embarrassing. Can we talk about something else?”

  Meredith crossed her arms. “No.”

  “Okay…”

  “If you’re going to run away again, you have to make sure it’s next Tuesday during fourth period.” She punctuated her words by banging the table. “It’s the only way you can make it up to me.”

  Holy hell. How dumb did they think I was? “I’m not going to run away again.”

  “Yeah, you are. Every once in a while there will be a Were who
marries a norm and doesn’t tell their partner about the whole going wolf thing. It’s a hot mess when their kids come here. They always run away. And you were an actual norm. So, you’re due a couple more runs at least.” She paused. “Tuesday. Fourth period.”

  Meredith had somehow managed to turn something uber-humiliating into something kind of okay. I could’ve kissed her for that. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Fair enough.”

  I tried to bring the conversation back to something normal. “So, what are the teachers like here? Tough? Easy?” I said as I tugged at my gloves.

  “Classes are pretty tough, but the teachers are helpful,” Meredith said. She eyed my gloves, but accepted the topic change. “I mean most people leave here and go Ivy League or study in London or wherever they’re from.” She paused. “What’s up with the gloves? You can’t be cold. Werewolves don’t get cold.”

  “I’m not cold.” I shoved a giant bite in my mouth as everyone stared. I swallowed. “So I take it not everyone is from here?”

  “Yeah. This is the place to go if you’re a Were. People come from all over. I’m sure you already know all about that because of being with Dastien.”

  I knew exactly nothing about that. “Um, I think he mentioned that he’s from France.”

  “Oh?” She paused, waiting for me to keep going but I wasn’t going to tell her what happened. There were too many ears around. Plus, she was right. I didn’t trust her yet.

  A soft tone dinged throughout the cafeteria, and everyone got up and moved toward the doors.

  “Well ladies, it’s been lovely. See you at lunch.” Chris blew us another kiss before leaving.

  “That’s the bell?” I said.

  “What did you think it was?” she said.

  “I had no idea, but it doesn’t sound like any bell I’ve ever heard. Usually they’re more fire drill-like.”

  “No fire drills here. Talk about insta-headache. Werewolves have really good hearing. Plus, once you know what the bell sound is, you can’t miss it.”

  “But your alarm clock—”

  “Just because I have good hearing, doesn’t mean I want to get up in the morning. The more obnoxious and harder to turn off, the better. And I have a tendency to smash them. I go through a couple a month.” Meredith frowned at my tray. “You didn’t eat nearly enough.”