by Arlene James
He didn’t have to bend as far as he thought he would, but when their lips met, he wrapped an arm around her waist and easily lifted her onto her tiptoes. Her arms slid around his neck, and she leaned into him.
Yes, he thought. The kiss was exactly right. Everything he’d dreamed it would be and more.
Those who are blessed enough to keep their first love for a lifetime are blessed indeed.
Such elation shot through Dixon that he wanted to laugh. Then he realized that he was laughing, and so was Fawn, her lips trembling against his, their noses snuggled together.
Sighing with satisfaction, he let her down to stand on the soles of her feet. So happy he could barely contain himself, he chuckled and put his forehead to hers, asking, “Does it feel to you as if the elephant just left the room?”
For a moment she said nothing. Then she turned her head, saying, “Something like that. I...I need to get back to the house now. In case the baby wakes.”
He nodded and reluctantly released her. “I have to finish up here.”
She slipped away. He went to the toy box, lifted the seat and reached inside for the other small box he’d made. He’d asked his mom for suggestions before constructing this, but he wished now that he’d gone to the jewelry store instead. He imagined Fawn’s face when she saw this. He’d wanted to give her something to let her know how he felt about her. The ring could come later. Provided she felt the same way.
Chapter Nine
Sunday felt festive, happy and relaxed. For everyone but Fawn. Though tired after church and the short prayer service, Jackie looked better than she had in a long while, a combination of faith, the new medication and sheer happiness. When Greg and his family invited them all over to celebrate Christmas Eve, Jackie seemed eager to accept, and Fawn knew that was the end of her sojourn in War Bonnet.
Jackie, Bella and Dixon had all the support they needed. Lucinda and Greg Lyons would fill in until Dixon had hired permanent help. That left Fawn free to return home and spend Christmas with her own family, free to escape her growing folly. After that kiss, she dared not stay. To do so would be to hopelessly indulge the love that she felt for Dixon, a love she had no real reason to believe he returned.
He had as much as admitted that acknowledging their mutual attraction had allowed him to put it aside.
Does it feel to you as if the elephant just left the room?
He might as well have said, “Well, now that that’s out of the way, we can forget about it.”
But she would never be able to do that. It was time to go and with as little fanfare as possible. Otherwise, she risked betraying herself. So she quietly packed her bags, and when the moment came to leave for the Lyons family home, she begged off.
“The boys make you uncomfortable,” Dixon guessed apologetically.
“A little,” she admitted, “but mostly, there are things I need to do. Alone.”
He seemed disappointed or maybe just irritated. She couldn’t trust her own judgment where he was concerned. At any rate, he didn’t argue, just swept out to the warming truck and belted Bella into her safety apparatus. Jackie seemed almost sad, as if she knew this would be the last time she’d see Fawn. Reaching up from her wheelchair, she smoothed a hand over Fawn’s cheek.
“Are you sure?”
“Very.”
Jackie held her gaze until Fawn turned a kiss into the older woman’s palm. Then Jackie nodded and whispered, “Merry Christmas, my sweet friend.”
“Merry Christmas, and God bless you.”
“He already has. In so many ways, you included.”
Dixon returned then, looking almost angry, and wheeled Jackie out of the house. Fawn watched as he helped Jackie into the truck and stowed the chair in the bed. She watched as they drove away, the taillights of the truck fading into black. Working after everyone else had gone to bed, she had managed to decorate Bella’s moccasins, Jackie’s bookmark and Dixon’s watchband. She placed the wrapped packages beneath the tree. Then she quickly loaded her things into her car, called her grandmother to tell her that she would be home by midnight, left the note on her pillow and set out, trying not to think about missing the looks on their faces when they opened her gifts.
She felt a twinge of guilt at leaving this way, but she told herself that she was sparing everyone the awkwardness of a teary farewell. Besides, she didn’t trust herself not to weaken at the last moment and stay on just a little while longer, then just a little longer after that and then a few more days until...what? Until one day Dixon brought home a bride or she betrayed her feelings for him and he asked her to go, if only to spare them more embarrassment?
Her last sight of the ranch house was in her rearview mirror. Odd how bright and far the lights of a Christmas tree could shine in the gloom of night, even with tears blurring her vision.
* * *
“Gone? What do you mean, gone?” Dixon demanded, his hands parked at his waist as he stared down at his mother. They’d had a lovely Christmas Eve celebration. Everyone had been so warm and welcoming that he had been able to forget, for several minutes at a time, his disappointment at Fawn’s absence. He’d been planning a private gift exchange the moment he returned to the house. Then they’d found her car missing and the house empty!
“You read the note. She decided to spend Christmas with her family. She’s gone.”
“When will she be back?”
“I doubt she will,” Jackie told him gently.
Panic twisting through him, he threw up a hand. “She can’t do that! We need her here!”
“Do we?” Jackie asked, looking up at him from the wheelchair. “You don’t think we can manage on our own, at least until we can hire daytime help?”
Dixon frowned. “Don’t you want her here?”
“Of course I do. I love the girl. But she knows that.”
Fawn knew that Jackie loved her. He felt his heart beating in his throat and saw the unspoken advice in his mother’s eyes. “Are you saying it would make a difference if she knew that I love her?” he asked baldly.
“Do you?” Jackie returned, obviously trying not to smile.
He didn’t even try to finesse it. “Of course I do! The only question is what I should do about it.”
Jackie took his hand in hers. “All I can tell you is that I let love leave me once, and I’ve regretted it ever since. That’s why, when it came a second time, I grabbed on with both hands and didn’t let go.”
And he had condemned her for it. Grown, working with his dad, living with his grandfather, fully capable of caring for himself, and he’d acted as if his mommy had abandoned him on a street curb. Shame joined the panic.
He went to one knee. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted when you met Harry.”
“Oh, son.”
He held up a hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to know him. I’m sorry I pushed you away. That’s what really happened. You didn’t abandon me. I pushed you away. I just didn’t understand.”
“I know. Now you do.”
Nodding, he clapped his hand to the back of his neck. “How do I find her?”
Jackie took out her phone, looked up Fawn’s contact information and shared it with Dixon. He stared at the information when it appeared on the screen of his own phone, seeing the address below the phone number. Then he began thumbing through his own contact information.
“Are you going to call her?”
He shook his head and a moment later the call was answered. “Dad,” he said, “could you guys come over here? I have to leave town. It’s important.” When he hung up, Jackie beamed at him.
“It’s not an easy place to find. I’ll draw you a map while you shave.”
He ran a hand over his rough jaw and hurried to his room. His dad and Luci arrived just as he rushed into the living room minutes l
ater. He went to the Christmas tree and found the package he’d wrapped for Fawn. He found, too, a package from her to him. Without a pause, he unwrapped it, revealing a leather watchband set with turquoise stones to match his hatband and belt. Praying that was a good sign, he tucked it into his pocket, then rose to leave.
“Here,” Jackie said, holding out her fist. When he put out his hand, she dropped a folded piece of paper and a ring into it, a white gold band with a nice-sized diamond flanked on two sides by smaller ones. “My engagement ring from Harry. I tried to sell it but couldn’t get near what it’s worth, and Fawn has always liked it. I thought I’d leave it to her, but this way is much better.”
Beaming, Dixon kissed her cheek. Then he paused long enough to look at his parents and say, “Thank you.”
Smiling, Greg said, “Merry Christmas.”
“Please, God,” Dixon breathed, heading out the door. He talked to God for the next five hours.
His muscles felt tied in knots by the time he found Fawn’s grandmother’s place. It was technically Christmas morning, but pitch-dark outside. Nevertheless, much to Dixon’s relief, a light shone in the window of the high-roofed cabin nestled in the evergreens. Pulling into the yard—the cabin and small outbuildings sat too close to the winding road to allow for anything approximating an actual driveway—Dixon noted that Fawn’s little auto sat next to two others. Recalling that his mother and sister had resided here for months, he marveled. The porch was barely deep enough for the trio of folding lawn chairs that sat to one side of the plank door, and the house itself didn’t look large enough for three people, let alone five, even if one of them was an infant.
After taking the package from the seat beside him, he climbed the steps and crossed the shallow porch to the front door, said another quick prayer and knocked. Mere seconds later the door swung open.
The woman standing there in sweats and bare feet, her long, black hair in a ponytail, looked exactly like Fawn but wasn’t. Before she could speak, he said, “I’m looking for your sister.”
The dark slashes of her eyebrows, so like Fawn’s, lifted. Then she folded her arms as she looked him over. “You must be Dixon Lyons.”
“That’s right. Can I talk to her?”
“Why should I let you talk to my sister?”
“Why shouldn’t you?”
“It’s the middle of the night, for one thing.”
“Look, I’ve been driving for hours. Will you tell Fawn I’m here?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Do you drink alcohol, Dixon Lyons?”
“Never developed a taste for it. Just tell her I’ve come.”
“Who’s looking after Jackie and Bella?”
“My family. Am I going to have to start yelling for Fawn to come out?”
From behind her twin, he heard Fawn’s voice ask, “What’s going on?”
“I’ve brought some things you left behind,” Dixon said, and watched as Fawn elbowed her sister out of the way.
“Dixon!” He had to work to keep from smiling at the sight of her, still fully dressed. “Is Jackie okay?”
“As okay as before you disappeared.”
She dropped her gaze. “I explained.”
“Uh-huh. But you didn’t let me explain.”
“There’s nothing more to say,” she said, lifting her chin but not her gaze. “You have everything well in hand now.”
“I do,” he agreed. “That’s not the point. You don’t even give a guy a chance.”
“For what?”
“Mamalis,” said another voice, “we don’t keep company standing outside in the cold, particularly not on Christmas.”
“Yes, Grandmother.” Obediently, Fawn stepped to the side, gesturing for Dixon to enter the building.
The warmth shocked him. He glanced around, surprised by the narrow staircase against the far wall. It couldn’t lead anywhere but to a loft. They’d tucked a straggly Christmas tree beneath it. The overall decor seemed a cross between a lodge style and an Ozark theme with Native American touches. What most intrigued him, however, was the tiny woman standing in the door to what was obviously a kitchen. She wore bunny slippers and a gingham wrapper over a heavy flannel nightgown. Except for the silver streaks in her long black hair, she looked far too young to be anyone’s grandmother, and she couldn’t have stood more than ten inches over four feet. Nevertheless, her authority filled the house.
“Merry Christmas, Mr. Lyons,” she said. “Would you like some coffee?”
Dixon smiled. “Very much. Thank you, ma’am, and Merry Christmas to you.”
Nodding, she signaled for Dawn to join her, saying, “I will have herbal tea, Petapan.”
Clearly irritated, Dawn shot a glance at her twin and followed their grandmother into the other room. Smiling to himself, Dixon turned to face the woman he’d chased halfway across the state.
* * *
From the moment she’d first seen him standing there on the porch, Fawn hadn’t quite been sure what to do with her hands. They kept wanting to reach out for him, but her mind spun with so many thoughts that she couldn’t work out why he was here.
“What was it I left behind?”
“This, for one thing,” he said, holding out a wrapped gift.
She flushed. “You didn’t come all this way to bring me that.”
“Just take it.”
She couldn’t think of a gracious way to refuse, so she reached out with trembling hands to take the package. It was heavier than expected. As she tore away the paper, he said, “Mom told me your most prized possession is your late mother’s Bible, so...”
Unveiling the beautiful box, she saw the cross engraved in the hinged top. “So you made me this to keep Mama’s Bible in.” Smiling, he nodded. “It’s beautiful.” Hurrying to the sofa, she sat and placed the box on the coffee table, where a rather battered Bible rested. She opened the lid and dropped the Bible into the box. “Perfect fit. Thank you.”
“That’s not all you left behind,” he said.
“What else?”
He looked her straight in the eye and said, “Me.”
Fawn caught her breath and slowly lowered the Bible box to the coffee table. “You?”
“Oh, and this.” He dipped two fingers into his shirt pocket and drew out a ring—a diamond ring.
It actually hurt to breathe now, her chest was so tight that it felt as if her heart was trying to beat its way out. “Th-that’s Jackie’s.”
“Not anymore,” he said, swiftly crossing the room to park himself on the corner of the coffee table. He bowed his head. “If you’d just given me another week, I could’ve done this properly, but you ran away and forced my hand.”
“Forced your hand?”
“You can’t just appear in a guy’s life, standing in his kitchen like some vision of perfection, teach him truths he’s never heard before, open his heart in ways he never dreamed possible, show him a richer future than he ever imagined for himself and then just disappear. You never even gave me a chance to tell you how much I love you. One kiss and you bolt—”
She nearly knocked him off the coffee table when she threw her arms around him. “Dix!”
“Ah!” He caught her against him, gasping. And then he laughed softly. “That’s what I drove five hours for. Don’t let go. Don’t ever let go.”
“Dix! Do you mean it?”
“I’m not going home without you. There is no home without you now.”
“I love you!”
“Thank God,” he said on a long sigh. “I’d hate to be married to a woman who doesn’t love me.”
She laughed, tears filling her eyes, and slid back onto the edge of the sofa. “Give me that ring.”
“Now, now,” he teased, going to one knee, “let’s do something the way it’s supposed to be do
ne.”
Grinning, she gave him her hand. “Fawn,” he began, only to frown. “What’s your full name?”
“Fawn Michelle Ambor. My great-grandmother was French.”
“Lenape, French, Italian and maybe Welsh,” he said, grinning. “God must really love me.”
“He knew you needed a mostly Lenape woman,” she teased.
“Do I ever! Fawn Michelle Ambor,” Dixon said, “will you do me the very great honor of marrying me and blessing me with your love for the rest of my life?”
“Yes!”
He slid the ring on her finger and stood, pulling her up with him for a long, sweet kiss. “My first love,” he whispered, hugging her close, “my only love, Merry Christmas.”
“Merry ever after,” she said. “When can we go home?”
“Looks like a New Year’s wedding,” Grandmother said cheerfully.
“Guess that means we all have to go,” Dawn grumbled.
“Uh, yes, please,” Dixon said, smiling at them. “I know Mom would love that.” He looked at Fawn then. “Wow. That’s at least ninety thousand words a day. You see how much I love you.”
Laughing, Fawn pulled him down for another kiss, thanking God that she was the right twin. Together they would make Jackie’s last months—years?—as happy as possible, and they’d give Bella a happy home, loving each other with all their might.
First love. Only love.
What better Christmas gift could they have?
* * * * *
Don’t miss these other stories from Arlene James:
THE RANCHER’S HOMECOMING
HER SINGLE DAD HERO
HER COWBOY BOSS
Available now from Love Inspired!
Find more great reads at www.LoveInspired.com
Dear Reader,
Resentments can color our lives and steal our joy in many ways. Even when hostility and resentment are founded in fact, we often don’t know the full story. A young child, such as Dixon was, simply can’t understand until the emotional storm is long past, for instance. That’s why it’s always best to simply forgive and go on. But when the person who hurts us is someone close, that can be so very difficult—unless God intervenes.
