“They don’t know the reason why you moved, Lizzy. Some of them guessed, but most just think you wanted a change, which is partly true. I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ve got more important things to worry about.”
“Don’t remind me.” Lizzy rolled her eyes and hugged a cushion. “I don’t even know if Daniel’s here. He said he was going to bed, but for all I know he could’ve gone out.” She sighed and glanced at their bedroom door. God, let him be there, asleep.
Lizzy tiptoed into the bedroom and breathed a sigh of relief when she heard Daniel snoring. Even though she was exhausted, she spent a few minutes in prayer before falling asleep.
Chapter Fourteen
When Lizzy awoke next morning, her mind was in turmoil. Normally she would have been ecstatic if Daniel wanted to come to church with her, but this morning she was half hoping he wouldn’t. What if Mathew was preaching? How would Daniel react if he met him? More importantly, how would she react if she saw him? Maybe she shouldn’t go.
Daniel stirred beside her and as she looked down at his tousled black hair, her heart warmed with love for him, despite everything. Maybe this would be the day Daniel would hear from God. She’d go, and prove to herself and anyone else who was interested that she was over Mathew Carter, and that she was in love with her handsome, gregarious Irishman.
As they took their seats towards the back of the church, the familiar surroundings of the church stirred Lizzy’s heart. It had been in this very building she’d come to the Lord, and the memories she held were precious. It felt like home, even though it was only a building. Not much had changed. The well used hymnals still graced the back of the dark timber pews, but were now accompanied by the newer praise and worship song books some of the older parishioners didn’t like. The organ played quietly as people continued to take their seats. Lizzy looked around discreetly and saw a lot of familiar faces. Her heart suddenly fell as she realised there might be a repeat performance of the question and answer time she’d suffered through last night. Maybe they should sneak out during the last hymn.
They stood as the music from the organ rose and began to play the first hymn. As she sang, the words of Blessed Assurance warmed her heart, and she was truly grateful that Jesus was indeed hers. Beside her, Daniel sang the words too. At the last moment, he’d decided to come, and she stood proudly with him, holding his hand. She prayed that one day soon he’d also be able to claim this as his story.
Her pulse raced when Mathew walked to the pulpit. She hoped Daniel wouldn’t notice. Her eyes took in every one of his features. He so looked the part. She breathed deeply in an attempt to control the emotions she didn’t want to be feeling and knew were wrong. She prayed for forgiveness and asked for strength, and then focused her attention on the content of the sermon rather than the speaker.
Despite her previous decision to sneak out, she couldn’t do it. Mathew stood at the exit, shaking everyone’s hands as they left. Her heart pounded as she followed Sal towards him. Her hands shook, and were clammy. She’d have to introduce Daniel to him. But would she be able to speak? She felt like a bumbling, nervous school girl about to go on her first date, not a mature married woman carrying her first child. Oh Lord, please help me. This was a stupid idea. We shouldn’t have come.
Then he was there, standing right in front of her. The dimple on his right cheek appeared as he smiled, causing palpitations in her heart.
“Lizzy!” He stretched out his hands. The hands she’d held so lovingly in the past. The hands she could now only shake. She looked into his eyes, and for a moment time stood still. How she longed to wrap her arms around him, but instead, she turned and introduced Daniel. Had Mathew sensed any hesitation? Did he see the turmoil she was in when he looked into her eyes? She hoped not.
She laughed too loudly, and her voice was too high as she tried to cover her nervousness with meaningless chatter. Her eyes lingered on his as they walked away, and her heart felt like it was being ripped out of her. She prayed Daniel wouldn’t notice.
“I need to go the bathroom,” Lizzy said to both Sal and Daniel as they reached the outside grassed area. “I’ll be right back.”
Standing in front of the mirror, she saw how flushed her face looked. She turned the tap on and splashed cool water on it until she felt normal and had regained control of herself. There was no towel, so she rummaged in her bag and found a tissue. That would have to do. She patted her face dry, and wiped away the mascara that had run and was making her eyes look like Alice Cooper’s. She brushed her hair and breathed deeply, thankful that nobody else had come in.
She straightened her skirt, and turned sideways. She could just see her baby bump if she stood on tiptoes. Had Mathew noticed it? Stop it, Lizzy. You can’t think about him like that anymore. It’s wrong.
Thankful it was a bright sunny day, she hid behind her sunglasses as she opened the door and stepped out.
“So, what have you got planned for us for the rest of the day?” Lizzy asked Sal a little too brightly when she returned a few seconds later. She grabbed hold of Daniel’s arm and gave it a squeeze.
“How about we show Daniel the highlights of Exeter? Are you up to riding, Liz?”
Lizzy hesitated for just a moment. “Yes! It’ll be fun to ride. What do you think, Daniel?”
“Fine by me.” But he didn’t sound fine.
“Great! There are two bikes at home, and we can borrow one from next door.”
Lizzy took one last lingering look at Mathew before they walked to the car.
It was a lovely day for a ride around town. They visited the cathedral and the university, and rode past the flat Lizzy had lived in whilst she was a student. Although she found it difficult, she didn’t allow her mind to dwell on any of the memories that included Mathew. Finally, they rode along some of the canal paths and ended up at an old pub sitting on the edge of the River Exe.
They chose to sit on the terrace overlooking the river, and were lucky to get a table. The late afternoon sun cast its golden glow over the weeping willow trees standing on the opposite bank, creating a peaceful setting. Keen rowers were taking advantage of the good weather, as were a number of families out for a leisurely Sunday afternoon stroll.
Lizzy pulled her chair closer to Daniel’s and took his hand. She needed to make an effort to keep things right between them. He was, after all, like it or not, the man she’d married.
While Lizzy and Sal chatted away, Daniel sat quietly, contemplating the looks that had passed between Lizzy and her ex beau that morning. She’d told him it was all over, but Lizzy’s demeanour suggested otherwise. A man could get really jealous if he wasn’t careful. The all familiar aroma of the ale house wafted around him, tempting him to order a real drink. But he’d promised Lizzy, so he fought the temptation.
He lit a cigarette, and fidgeted with the car keys as he studied his wife. She was too good for him, if he was honest with himself. Why she’d ever agreed to marry him was beyond his understanding. They came from different worlds, he and Lizzy. What could he offer her? A hospital orderly’s wage was never going to be enough to keep her happy. And before long, she’d be stopping work to have their baby. How would they survive on his wage alone? It would have been better if she’d stayed with that preacher. He was obviously more her type than him. Educated. Well behaved. Probably never been drunk in his life. Maybe he didn’t even drink.
He stubbed out his cigarette and stood up. “I’m getting a drink. Do you girls want another?”
Lizzy looked at Daniel in alarm and grabbed his hand. “No Daniel. Please don’t,” she pleaded.
His eyes had that unsettled look she’d come to hate. Why hadn’t she noticed he was on edge?
Her heart cringed when he glared at her and pulled his hand away. “I’m only having one. I’m not getting drunk. Do you want another drink or not?”
Lizzy glanced at Sal, and then shook her head. She had that sinking feeling in her chest, as if a heavy weight was pulling her down and she could do litt
le to stop it. She closed her eyes momentarily and inhaled deeply in an attempt to still her racing heart.
Sal reached out and squeezed her hand. Lizzy looked into Sal’s caring eyes and fought back the tears triggered by her friend’s concern and understanding.
“Oh, Lizzy.” Sal squeezed Lizzy’s hand tighter. “I’m here for you. Just remember that.”
Lizzy nodded and wiped her tears.
Sal withdrew her hand just before Daniel returned. Lizzy’s heart was heavy, but she made sure she involved Daniel in their conversation.
Daniel was true to his word and only had one drink, although the number of cigarettes he smoked suggested he was still on edge and could easily have had more. They ordered a meal, and then rode back to Sal’s place in the dark.
As they prepared for bed later that night, Lizzy watched every word for fear of saying something wrong, and jumped at every slightest movement Daniel made. She just wanted the tension between them to disappear, and tried several times to wrap her arms around him and tell him she loved him, but he pushed her away every time. The silence between them killed her.
Her pulse quickened when he turned and glared at her. His eyes had narrowed and the vein in his forehead bulged. She leaned back as far as she could as he spat into her face. “I saw the way you looked at him, Lizzy. Tell me, do you still love him?”
So he had noticed. A bolt of alarm ran through her body and for a moment she was unable to reply. Was he going to hurt her? Her heart rate increased even further and she tried to stop her hands from shaking. She shook her head. “No. No, I don’t love him, Daniel. It’s over.” She inhaled deeply as she waited for his next move.
He leaned so close she could feel his breath on her face. “It had better be.”
She inched back on the bed as far as she could. Her chest heaved. They stared at each other for what seemed minutes. Tension hung in the air between them. Should she scream out for Sal, or just sit it out and see what he’d do? Rooted to the spot and unable to speak, Lizzy held her breath and waited.
Finally she spoke. Her voice was quiet. “Daniel, it really is over.” She gulped and reached out to him. “It was just a shock seeing him again this morning. But it really is over. You need to believe me.” She inched closer to him. “It’s you I love, Daniel. We’ve got stuff to sort out, but believe me, I love you, not him.” But was it the truth, or was she just saying it to placate him and diffuse the situation?
The clock in the living room chimed ten. Moments passed. Lizzy gulped. She stood and slowly walked to the end of the bed where Daniel had remained. His eyes had lost their dark intensity, and his body was less rigid. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him tight. She ran her fingers through his dark curly hair and kissed his neck. She turned his head to face hers and kissed him slowly.
Chapter Fifteen
The following morning Lizzy prayed a prayer of thanks when it seemed her peace offering of the night before had worked, and she smiled as Daniel sang in the shower. In some ways she wished they could stay with Sal for the rest of their holiday. How would it be in a cottage on their own, with no-one around to call for help if she needed it? No, she’d be okay. She’d make sure Daniel got all the attention he needed. And God was with her.
Her chest was tight as goodbyes were said a little while later. “Make sure you come and see us soon,” she whispered into Sal’s ear. She waved all the way down the street until Sal disappeared into the distance and could no longer be seen.
It wasn’t a long drive to Blackpool Sands. The directions provided by the landlady were detailed, and although they made a number of turns along narrow country lanes, they didn’t get lost once. When they reached the cottage that was to be their home for the next two weeks, they were rewarded with the most beautiful of views. Perched high on a hill overlooking the brilliant blue sea, the 16th century whitewashed stone cottage stood like a sentinel guarding the beach below.
Lizzy climbed out of the car and stood, arms outstretched, breathing in the clean fresh air and taking in the amazing view. As she looked out on God’s creation, her heart lifted. She turned around and smiled at Daniel.
Inside, Lizzy ran around like a small child checking out each room, opening and closing cupboards and investigating every nook and cranny of the quaint cottage.
“Come and look at this, Daniel! We can sit here to have our meals. Isn’t it wonderful?” She hugged him as he came outside to see what she’d found. They sat for a few minutes in the summerhouse just outside the kitchen, breathing in the heady scent of the jasmine vine covering the trellis. Sitting there with Daniel, gazing out at the azure blue sea, Lizzy began to hope that maybe they’d be okay after all.
Time passed all too quickly. Leisurely breakfasts taken outside, walks along the beach below, drives around the coastline checking out quaint villages and rocky headlands. Lunches in pubs where history was etched in each wall, and dinners either at home or out, each day held its own magic, almost as if they were on their honeymoon again, apart from an underlying feeling that Lizzy had that something was still not quite right between them.
Even when they were laughing and enjoying each other’s company, she was aware that one wrong word could send Daniel off on a drinking binge. Although he hadn’t had a drink since that last night with Sal, and hadn’t been drunk since the night they’d stormed out of her parent’s place, his restlessness was evident by the number of cigarettes he smoked and his inability to fully relax. She steeled herself constantly for another interrogation over her feelings for Mathew, and mentally prepared answers just in case.
One day as she was preparing breakfast, Lizzy felt a flutter in her stomach. She wasn’t sure what it was at first. Such a strange sensation, but then she realised. She hugged her tummy and called out to Daniel. She guided his hand to where she’d felt the movement. She looked into his eyes, and warmed at the love she saw there for her and the baby. He didn’t feel anything, but it didn’t matter. She’d felt it. The baby had moved. It really was there. Their own child. Maybe this child would help Daniel face his problems. But then her heart dropped. He was probably anxious after what happened to baby Rachel. If only he’d allow God to wash away his guilt and anger.
Every morning as she sat outside having her quiet time, Lizzy hoped and prayed that one day Daniel would join her. How she longed to share this most important facet of her life with him. It was like they were walking two separate but parallel roads, and she wondered if those roads would eventually merge or separate. She pleaded with God for them to merge. She prayed that Daniel’s heart would be softened and he’d be open to receiving God’s love in his life. But he never wanted to talk about it. He dismissed it immediately whenever she even broached the topic, so she just prayed.
The morning before they were due to leave, her heart fluttered when Daniel joined her. Maybe today would be the day. She smiled as he sat beside her and lit a cigarette. The morning sun was warming and welcoming on her body, and the sea below glistened as it basked in the new day. She breathed in the fresh air and thanked God for His creation and for His presence in her life, and for Daniel joining her. She remained silent so as not to spoil the moment, but prayed silently that Daniel would also feel God’s presence as he gazed upon His beautiful creation.
The peace was broken when Daniel stubbed out his cigarette and asked her unexpectedly if she ever regretted marrying him. The question took her completely by surprise. Here she was, thinking he might want to talk about God, but instead, he threw this at her. How could she answer him honestly? Her body slumped, and her mind raced as she tried to work out how to respond.
“Well, do you?” His eyes were intense and unsettled her.
“Oh Daniel. Where did that come from?” She sighed and shook her head. “Surely you know how much I love you. Is it really necessary to ask that?”
“I think it is, Lizzy. You see, I don’t really know why you married me or what you see in me, so it makes me wonder if you’re still hankering after that preac
her, even though you say you’re not.” He leaned back and crossed his arms, his eyes fixed on her.
Lizzy fidgeted with her hands and felt her wedding ring. She wanted to look away to gather her thoughts, to be free for a second from Daniel’s intense gaze, but instead, she held it. “Okay. If you want an honest answer, there have been a few times I’ve regretted marrying you. The times you were drunk and mistreated me. But they were just immediate responses to your actions, not necessarily to you as a person. Maybe we married a little too hastily, but I do love you, Daniel, and I don’t regret being married to you. Do you ever regret marrying me?” She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head. Two could play at this game.
Lizzy smirked as Daniel struggled to answer. “See, not so easy, is it?”
He narrowed his eyes. “You have no idea what’s going on inside me. You think you know what makes me tick, but you don’t. You want to shove this God nonsense down my throat, thinking it’ll make everything better. What a load of rubbish. There’s no way he could change anything, if he exists at all.” He sat up and lit another cigarette. “I regret a lot of things, Lizzy, but marrying you isn’t one of them. I regret I’m not good enough for you. I think you’d rather have married that preacher, but because he didn’t want you, you just married the first man that came along to try to get back at him. And that just happened to be me. But I guess you’ll never admit that. I worry one day when you realise what a no-hoper you married, you’ll just pack up and leave.” He leaned forward and held her gaze. “If ever you do that, Lizzy, I won’t let you take the baby away from me.”
The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance Page 10
