The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance

by Juliette Duncan

  Lizzy gasped and her hands flew to her chest. That thought had never occurred to her. How could Daniel expect her to leave the baby behind? But hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

  She moved closer to him and took his hand.

  “I’m not planning on leaving you, Daniel, unless you mistreat me again. We’ll work through our issues together, but we need to be honest with each other. Talk to me if you’re troubled, and we can work it out. I just want us to be a happy family. You, me and our baby.” She glanced down and hugged her stomach. “Okay?”

  He stared at her for a few moments. She wanted to know what he was thinking, and what really made him tick, but would he ever let her get that close?

  “Okay Lizzy. I’ll try. For the baby’s sake. But I can’t promise anything.”

  Lizzy exhaled slowly and squeezed his hand. Another bomb diffused.

  Despite their conversation that morning, Daniel was quiet and withdrawn for the rest of the day. Lizzy felt like she was walking on egg shells and wondered why. Why wouldn’t he tell her what troubled him, especially after promising he’d try. She really didn’t understand him, that was obvious.

  After lunch, Daniel said he was taking a nap, so Lizzy took the opportunity for a walk on her own. She picked up her Bible and headed along the top of the headland. Reaching a seat that some thoughtful person had placed there years before, she pulled her scarf tighter while she breathed in the salty sea air.

  Her thoughts turned to God. How she needed Him right now. Although she’d assured Daniel she didn’t regret marrying him, seeing Mathew again had unsettled her, and if she was truly honest, she had to admit that Daniel was right. She would rather have married Mathew.

  The truth of that statement filled her with guilt. She lowered her head, closed her eyes and cried out to God. “Oh Lord, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for being so impatient and not trusting you to lead me, and for taking matters into my own hands. It wasn’t fair of me to marry Daniel when I still loved Mathew. Please forgive me.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. How could she ever make it up to him?

  She stared out to sea, not really seeing anything, but in her heart, she heard the still, quiet voice of God.

  ‘My dear child, your sins were forgiven at the cross. I hear your cries of repentance, and I know you mean them. My loving arms are wrapped around you. Draw on my strength, Elizabeth, not your own. True love is an action not a feeling. Go back and choose to love your husband. He needs you. But know that you can’t change him. Love him as he is. Don’t dwell on the past, Elizabeth, but learn from it. Whatever happens, don’t forget that I’m with you.’

  Tears fell from her eyes as the assurance that the God of creation loved her flowed through her body. All her wrong decisions were forgiven, and her slate was clean. And God had his arms wrapped around her.

  She remained for some time, lost in the peace and love that filled her heart and soul, and prayed for Daniel and their baby.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next day as she packed their bags, Lizzy’s heart was heavy, despite her experience with God the previous afternoon, and her earlier misgivings about being in the cottage on their own. If only they could stay here, cocooned in this lovely cottage, away from the real world with all its troubles and temptations. But no, the time had come to leave, and she just had to trust God to be with them.

  The street lights flickered on as they turned into their street. The sun had set behind gloomy grey clouds, and Lizzy sighed as Daniel parked the car in front of the apartment block. More graffiti had appeared while they’d been away, and a gang of unkempt youths in torn jeans and flannelette shirts sat on the brick wall smoking cigarettes.

  “It’d be great to live in our own little house,” Lizzy said as they carried their bags towards the entrance. “What do you think, Daniel?”

  He held the door open for her and glanced at the youths. “It’d be great, but I don’t know we can afford it.”

  “Yes we can. We’ve got money saved up. Come on Daniel, can we please take a look?” Her eyes pleaded with him.

  He looked at her and sighed. “Maybe.”

  Lizzy’s heart lifted, and as she climbed the stairs, she pictured a beautiful terraced house, with a garden filled with sweet smelling forget-me-nots and daisies, and a swing where she could sit with their baby in the afternoon sun. It’d be wonderful. They’d have an upstairs and a downstairs, and they’d have space! Nowhere near as much space as she’d had when she was growing up, but that was decadent, almost obscene. How much space do three people really need? A terraced house would do just fine.

  Daniel bent down and picked up the pile of mail that had built up while they’d been away. He ripped open one of the envelopes and the colour drained from his face.

  “What’s wrong, Daniel? What’s happened?” Lizzy looked at him with concern.

  He hesitated before answering. “I have to meet with the supervisor tomorrow at ten am.”

  “What on earth for?”

  Daniel glanced at Lizzy before looking back at the letter. “It doesn’t say.”

  “Maybe it’s just to catch up on something that happened while we were away.” Lizzy leaned closer to take a look. “What else could it be?”

  Daniel shrugged half-heartedly.

  “I don’t know.”

  The following morning, Lizzy leaned over and kissed Daniel tenderly on his cheek before climbing out of the car.

  “I hope your meeting goes well.” She smiled at him and gazed into his eyes. Their holiday had done them good.

  She watched him drive off, wondering why he spun the wheels, and then surveyed the cold, uninviting walls of the brick building in front of her. Only seven more weeks of school to go.

  Aware of the children’s eyes on her as she walked along the corridor to her classroom, she knew the time had come to tell them. She’d definitely miss the children, but to not have any preparation or marking… she couldn’t wait.

  She looked down fondly at the little blond haired girl tugging on her arm.

  “Miss, are you having a baby?”

  Lizzy grinned and ruffled her hair. Yes, she definitely would miss the children, especially this one. “Yes Hayley. I’m having a baby.” Hayley giggled, and ran off to tell her friends.

  Lizzy laughed to herself as she opened the door.

  Daniel’s face dropped when Lizzy left the car. He watched her walk into the school yard and wondered how to break the news to her that he was out of a job. Because that’s what he fully expected to hear when he attended the meeting. Her words of the previous evening rang in his ear. How could he tell her there’d be no house? She’d be devastated. And she’d be furious when she found out why.

  He thumped the steering wheel and started the car. He put his foot down, spinning the wheels as he entered the traffic. Who had it been? Who reported him? It must have been that cow of a woman at reception. He thumped the wheel again and cursed her.

  Sitting in the car park with his head on the steering wheel, his chest was tight and his breathing laboured. The meeting wasn’t until ten am. Two hours away. Two whole hours. He sighed, leaned over the back and picked up his lunch bag. Not that he’d need it. He opened the door, climbed out, and went to work.

  “Morning, Danny. Have a good break?” Why did they have to be so happy and chatty? He held up his hand and waved as he walked past the reception area.

  “It was grand, thanks. Good to be back.” His trade mark whistle was missing.

  And there she was, walking right towards him. The bitch. The big, fat, ugly bitch. He glowered at her as their paths crossed. His eyes bore into hers, and he had a good mind to pull her aside and have it out, but thought better of it at the last moment.

  He reached his locker and took out his key. Looking both ways, he held his breath and opened it. It was still there. He gulped, glanced over his shoulder, and reached in. Time stood still when he heard heavy footsteps stop behind him.

  “What have you got there, O’Connor?”r />
  Daniel slowly put the bottle down and turned around. His supervisor stood with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

  Daniel’s muscles tightened. Highly skilled at covering things up, he had no idea how to talk his way out of this. He’d been caught red handed.

  “Move.” The supervisor stepped forward and reached for the bottle. “Follow me.”

  He led Daniel to his office, where the Head of HR was already seated at a solid timber desk surrounded by dark panelled walls covered in diplomas and certificates, obviously designed to impress and intimidate. Just like the Headmaster’s office at St Pat’s. Daniel could see no positive outcome from this meeting.

  “Well, Mr O’Connor, take a seat.” His voice was steady, clear and decisive. He locked eyes with Daniel for a moment before continuing. “You can’t say you haven’t been warned.”

  Daniel knew there was no way out. Yes, he’d been warned. No alcohol was to be in his possession at any time, and that included his locker. He’d been caught three times already. Twice drinking on the job, and once being under the influence at work. This was the fourth time.

  “I was removing it from the premises, Sir.” Memories of being hauled in front of the Headmaster on numerous occasions flitted through his mind. How often had he succeeded in avoiding punishment back then? Rarely, although he’d always tried hard to talk his way out of it. What were his chances now?

  “Very commendable, O’Connor, but too late. Your employment is terminated. Take your belongings, and don’t come back.”

  Daniel’s gaze darted from one to the other. “But Sir, my wife’s due to give birth shortly. We won’t survive if I’m not working.” He leaned forward and spoke quietly. “Could I please have another chance?” He looked from one to the other. “I’ll get rid of the bottle, and you have my word I won’t bring any more in.” His eyes lit up and he clasped his hands together in his lap.

  The Head of HR drew himself forward, his unsmiling determination showing clearly in his eyes. Daniel’s shoulders slumped.

  “I’m very sorry for your situation, Mr O’Connor, but it’s your own making. Your employment here at this hospital is terminated immediately.”

  Daniel held his gaze for a moment before he stood and was accompanied to the exit by the supervisor.

  He was tempted to ask if he could at least have his bottle.

  Had it only been twenty minutes since he’d climbed out of the car? And here he was again, but this time, knowing for sure he didn’t have a job. Daniel thumped the steering wheel with his fist several times. How do I tell her? She’s going to kill me.

  He lit a cigarette and stared out the window. Time stood still. Cars came and went all around him, but he didn’t hear or see them. Neither did he hear the wail of an ambulance approaching the hospital. His head spun and his thoughts were jumbled.

  Somewhere through the fog that was his brain, a solution came to him. He wouldn’t tell her. He’d spend his days looking for work, and only tell her once he’d found a job.

  Daniel turned the key in the ignition, and drove towards town.

  Chapter Seventeen

  As Daniel expected, Lizzy’s first question when he picked her up that afternoon was about how the meeting had gone. He’d been thinking about his answer all day. He didn’t wanted to lie, but there was no way around it.

  “Oh, it was nothing really. Just a few changes to procedure, that’s all. Nothing to be worried about.” He quickly glanced at her, avoiding her eyes.

  “That’s a relief,” she said as she settled in the seat beside him. “What a day! I didn’t get to sit for a minute. My feet are killing me. I have to say, I’m looking forward to finishing. I think I’ll be counting the days.”

  Daniel focused on driving in the wet weather. How long could he keep the facade going? He figured he had two weeks. She’d find out anyway when his pay didn’t come in.

  “Sounds like you need a hot bath, Mrs O’Connor. I’ll cook dinner tonight.”

  Lizzy’s eyes widened. “Really? That would be wonderful, Daniel.” She leaned back in the seat and smiled at him.

  Day after day for the next two weeks, Daniel looked for work. As far as he knew, Lizzy never suspected anything. Worried that someone he knew would see him, he’d prepared answers that would dismiss their curiosity. He’d tried everywhere, including his local pub, but even they didn’t have any vacancies. No jobs were to be had anywhere.

  On Friday afternoon, he took himself for a walk along the river. It was driving him crazy. He couldn’t keep it from Lizzy much longer. He could maybe get away with saying there’d been a problem with their pays - that would buy him a few days, but no more. He’d played it over and over in his mind how he’d tell her, but it always ended badly, regardless of which way he did it. He’d become jittery. Not having a drink for the last four weeks had been almost a record. He was proud of himself, but now, with so much time on his hands, he continually thought how good a drink would be. He could taste the bitterness of the liquid sliding effortlessly down his throat, and he longed for the immediate relief it would bring. No, I can’t think about it. Don’t go there. He walked on. God, if you’re there, you’d better help me.

  He found a rock on the water’s edge and sat on it. The water flowed slowly, grey and uninviting, reflecting the colour of the sky. He picked up some pebbles and threw them in. “You know, God. I don’t think you’re there at all. If you are, you’ve done nothing for me. Nothing.” He thought for a moment. “Well, maybe you brought Lizzy into my life, but that’s about all.” He threw more pebbles into the river and watched them sink out of sight. “Stuff it. I’m going for a drink.”

  He stood, and drove straight to his local.

  When Daniel wasn’t there to pick her up by five pm, Lizzy knew something was wrong. She’d actually been surprised at how punctual he’d been since they’d returned from their holiday, but hadn’t thought much more about it. She’d just been relieved he wasn’t drinking, and that he was helping her out more at home.

  The one main thing that still worried her, though, was his resistance to God. She continued to pray for him every day, but she was impatient. She longed for them to share a common journey, to pray together, to read the Bible together, and more importantly, to bring up their child together in a loving Christian home. Although he came to church with her, she knew his heart wasn’t there even though his body was. He’d even agreed to attend a small group meeting with her during the week, but she got the feeling it was just to keep her happy, not because he wanted to learn about God.

  But there was always hope, and so she continued to pray.

  Sometimes she felt like shaking him. Why couldn’t he just let go of all the things he kept bringing up as arguments? He still blamed God for allowing little baby Rachel to die, and for Ciara’s death. He often referred to the fighting between the Catholics and the Protestants in Northern Ireland, and said in no uncertain words that if that’s what religion’s all about, he wasn’t interested. It didn’t matter how often she told him that God wasn’t interested in religion either. ‘He’s just interested in you, Daniel, and what you think of Him. Religion is just what man has made up.’

  Daniel wouldn’t budge. He blamed God for all the bad things that were happening in the world. ‘If God’s so powerful, why doesn’t he stop it all?’ he’d ask. It didn’t matter how many times she tried to explain that whilst He could stop it all, if He did, it wouldn’t fix the root cause which was sin, sin that could only be dealt with when individuals repented and accepted the forgiveness that could only be found in Jesus. He didn’t want to wave a magic wand and force people against their will to serve Him like robots.

  But Daniel couldn’t get past all the negatives, and see the grace and mercy God was offering him though Jesus. He couldn’t see the forgiveness and freedom that was his for the taking. All he could see were wars being fought over religion, people killing each other in God’s name, people starving and dying. His heart had been hardened by year
s of conflict and hurt, and he was unwilling to open it, and it frustrated Lizzy to the core.

  It also annoyed her that God didn’t seem to be listening. How much longer did He expect her to wait?

  So, where is he? She peered down the street, but couldn’t see him in the line of traffic. A feeling of dread gathered in her stomach like a ball of thick heavy mud. She looked at her watch. He should have been here half an hour ago. Where is he?

  She had to do something. She couldn’t sit and wait patiently any longer. What if something had happened to him? Lizzy walked to the crossing and waited for the flow of traffic to stop, and then crossed and walked to the telephone box. She rummaged in her bag and found the number for the hospital. She placed the coins into the slot, and dialed the number.

  “I’m sorry Mrs O’Connor, Daniel hasn’t worked here for the past two weeks.” How could that be? Lizzy’s mouth fell open and she felt giddy. Unable to formulate a reasonable response, she thanked the receptionist, and then slumped backwards against the wall. Her grip on the receiver loosened, and it was left dangling like a thick hairy spider in front of her. She closed her eyes. The noise in her head deafened her.

  She couldn’t move. This confining dirty telephone box had all of a sudden become her haven. Her protection from the world outside. If she remained here, she wouldn’t have to face the horrible realities that awaited her outside. Outside, where everything had changed in an instant. How had this happened? Why hadn’t he told her? Where was he?

  The fog in her brain slowly cleared, and she realised it must have been that meeting. But why had he lied?

  She turned her head when she heard knocking on the door. How long had that been going on? She made out a middle aged man through the filthy glass door making pointed gestures. She pulled herself up and gathered her belongings, and took a deep breath before opening the door.