The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance

by Juliette Duncan

  Sal raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure? Mathew’s preaching.”

  “Yes, I know.” Lizzy took a deep breath. “I feel stronger, Sal. I’ll be alright.”

  “Even if people ask questions?” Sal glanced at her as she parked the car outside the house.

  Lizzy took a slow deep breath and pursed her lips. “Yes, I’ll deal with it.”

  “Okay then,” Sal said as she opened the car door. “As long as you know what you’re doing.”

  “Not really, but I’m getting there.” A faint glimmer of a smile grew on Lizzy’s face. “Thanks for everything, Sal.” She grabbed Sal’s hand and squeezed it. “I mean it. You’ve been such a good friend to me. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  “Come on, Liz, don’t get all soppy on me again.” Sal’s grin was infectious as she threw Lizzy’s hand off.

  Before she went to bed, Lizzy pulled her Bible out of her bag and opened it. She had business to do with God, but was she ready? She’d been cheated, even though she loved Daniel and would return to him. But letting go of what might have been and forgiving those who were instrumental in changing the course of her life wasn’t going to be easy.

  How different life would have been if she and Mathew had married. She would have been beside him, supporting him in his ministry, and they would have been happily married, without all the issues she and Daniel were having to work through. But maybe they would have had other issues. She’d never know.

  The hurt in Mathew’s eyes when he’d learned the truth of what his mother had done made her weep. If only he’d stood up to her.

  He seemed so lonely. Why hadn’t he found someone else? She prayed that God would bring the perfect person into his life, and that he’d be happy. As she prayed for him, her heart lightened. Maybe this was the first step to full healing. Forgiving his mother wouldn’t be that easy, of that she was sure.

  Before going to sleep, Lizzy picked up the wedding photo she'd brought from home and gazed at Daniel. Such a handsome man, with his cheeky eyes that could light up a room. Oh Daniel, please sort yourself out. Please.

  She hugged the photo to her chest, and curled up in bed. Sleep came easier that night, with only Daniel occupying her thoughts.

  As Lizzy entered the church, her mind was drawn to the last time she’d been there, not much more than a month before, but in such different circumstances. How she longed to have Daniel beside her again. The week apart seemed more like a year, and she just wanted to hold him. She’d try to call him soon, and pray that he’d taken steps to deal with his drinking problem.

  But right now, she’d join in worship with Sal beside her, and trust that God would be working in his life. The organ played and they stood to sing the first hymn. Lizzy squeezed Sal’s hand and smiled warmly at her. Just like old times.

  The moment Mathew stood to commence his sermon, Lizzy held her breath. Would she be able to look at him without her heart racing or her hands shaking? Would his hold over her be finally broken? She looked at him standing behind the pulpit. So confident in a quiet way, and his smile lit his face, exuding warmth and love to the whole congregation. He’d make a wonderful husband for some lucky girl. He caught her eye, and for a moment time stood still. How was it possible that so much could be conveyed through just one look? But Lizzy knew in that moment she’d always love him. Not as a lover or a husband, but as a dear friend.

  She breathed deeply and relaxed, and listened intently as he began to speak.

  “If we’re to walk closely with God, we must forgive. There is no choice. Why? Because Jesus commanded it. As simple as that.”

  Lizzy’s body went goosy. Had the topic been a last minute choice, or had God planned it all along? She shivered, and pulled her coat tighter.

  “But how can a person whose heart has been trampled on, and whose emotions are in tatters because they’ve been wronged by somebody, find it within themselves to forgive that person?”

  Oh Mathew, how are you doing this? It must be tearing you apart. Lizzy struggled to control her own tattered emotions.

  “How can they let go of the hurt and the anguish caused by this person and not only forgive them as Jesus commanded, but also love them?”

  Lizzy closed her eyes and tried to settled herself. The words Mathew spoke were coming straight from God, and it was almost too much to bear.

  “Only Jesus can enable us to forgive the one we deem to be unforgivable. It’s the forgiveness we receive through Jesus that makes it possible for us to forgive others. True forgiveness acknowledges that a genuine wrong has been performed, and it doesn’t belittle the pain that this wrong has caused.

  “Instead, forgiveness says, ‘although I was truly wronged, I won’t allow that wrong to control my life. Although I was deeply hurt, I won’t let the hurt fester and harden my heart. Instead, I’ll release the wrong, and the wrong doer, and hand them both over to the Lord.’”

  Lizzy’s heart beat faster. God was speaking directly to her.

  “The act of forgiveness is something you choose to do. By allowing the love and grace of God to permeate your heart, you can then live a life free of bitterness and resentment. Rely on God’s strength and grace to help you release the person and to love them, with no strings attached.

  Let me finish by reading Ephesians 4:31-32, which sums up beautifully how we can be free to love and serve God with all our hearts with our consciences clear: ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’

  Please pray with me today if there’s someone in your life you need to forgive. Let’s bow our heads.

  Dearest Father, thank you for the forgiveness you offer us through Christ. Thank you for the undeserved grace and mercy you pour out on us every day. Thank you for the joy and freedom we experience when we confess our sins to you and in return are forgiven for those sins. And thank you that as we experience your forgiveness, you enable us to forgive others.

  But Heavenly Father, sometimes it’s hard to forgive. “Yes, it is, God. It’s hard.” Sometimes the wrongs are so hurtful and the wounds so deep that forgiveness seems almost impossible. Your instruction to forgive is clear, but sometimes we don’t have it within us to do so. And sometimes we simply don’t want to.

  So, loving Father, we ask you for help. May our own experience of your grace and mercy both heal and change us, and give us the courage and strength to forgive, even when we’ve been terribly wronged.”

  Lizzy couldn’t hold it any longer. Tears she’d been holding back rolled down her cheeks as God touched her heart.

  “Today, I pray for those who are struggling to forgive. And Lord, I include myself in that. Open our hearts to your love. May we comprehend the majesty of your mercy. Help us trust you, even to the extent of forgiving those who’ve hurt us so very deeply that we may not want to forgive. May we know your healing and love in our lives when we follow your example and choose to forgive.

  All praise to you, God of mercy and grace, God of healing and love and forgiveness. Amen.’ ”

  Lizzy wiped her face and remained still with her head bowed. Her heart was pounding. Sal reached out and squeezed her hand. God, through Mathew, had nailed it perfectly. He’d met her right where she was, and challenged her to forgive. To forgive Hilary, her father, Mathew. Yes, she would forgive them, and she’d let go of the hurt and the disappointment she’d been holding in her heart for so long. She’d grasp God’s love with both hands, and trust Him to fill her with his peace as she moved forward in His strength.

  She lifted her head. She wasn’t the only one in tears. God had done a mighty work in a lot of lives. A quiet hush had fallen over the congregation, and instead of the normal conversations at the end of a service, people filed out slowly and quietly.

  When Lizzy reached the door and faced Mathew, she held out her hand to him. His eyes were slightly red, and he looked tired. N
o words were required, but Lizzy had something she needed to tell him.

  “There’s no need to ask her, Mathew. It’s okay. Let it be.”

  He gave her a beautiful, thankful smile.

  “Thank you, Lizzy. I’ll pray about it.” He looked deeply into her eyes as he gently held her hand. “You take care now.” As she withdrew her hand slowly and turned to leave, their gaze lingered for just a second longer than it should before it was broken and she and Sal walked away.

  “What a week,” Lizzy said to Sal as they walked arm in arm back to Sal’s car. “This time last week I was out looking for Daniel. It seems so much longer than that.”

  “You’re missing him, aren’t you?” Sal stopped in front of the car and reached into her bag for her keys.

  “Yes, I am. I just wish I knew what he was doing.” Lizzy tilted her head and sighed wistfully. “I think I’ll call Nessa again tonight, if that’s okay.”

  “Sure, no problem, Liz.” Sal unlocked the car and they climbed in. She put the keys in the ignition and then looked at Lizzy. “How about we go somewhere for lunch?”

  Lizzy’s eyes lit up. “Yes, that would be great! How about we go to that pub we used to go to at Woodbury Salterton?”

  “Done. Let’s go.” Sal started the car and pulled out of the car park onto Wonford Street, before turning right onto Butts Street and then joining the B3183 towards Woodbury Salterton. Being a Sunday, the traffic was light, and it would only take about twenty minutes to get there.

  “That was some sermon today,” Sal said, glancing at Lizzy as she slowed down for a red light. “I don’t think there was a dry eye in the church.”

  “Yes, it was certainly a powerful message.” Lizzy looked at Sal and crossed her arms. “You know, I think Mathew was almost as surprised as I was when he found out what his mother had done. Maybe I shouldn’t have shown him that photo, or pressed him for answers. I feel really bad now that I might have ruined their relationship. Maybe I should’ve just let it all go, and dealt with it myself.”

  “It’s done now, Liz. You can’t change it, and really, he did owe it to you to explain why he ended it. Especially when you were so close. I’m sure he’ll do the right thing, and you never know, it might make his relationship with his mother stronger.”

  “Maybe.” Lizzy stared out the window, deep in thought, as they drove the last few miles. Had she done the right thing leaving Daniel as she had? Yes, he’d wronged her, there was no question about that, but should she have forgiven him and stayed? Nessa said she’d done the right thing, but after today’s sermon, she wasn’t so sure.

  “Here we are,” Sal said as she pulled into the car park of the Diggers Rest a few minutes later. “Full house today.”

  “I hope they haven’t run out of their chicken pies!” Lizzy said, opening her door and sliding out onto the gravel.

  “Let me help you, you poor old thing!” Sal ran round to Lizzy’s side, but it was too late. Lizzy had already regained her footing and steadied herself.

  “I’m not poor and I’m not old, thank you very much!” Lizzy was indignant and pushed off Sal’s arm.

  “No, but you did have trouble.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t have a car that you need a step ladder to get in and out of.”

  Sal chuckled as she closed the door and locked the car. “Maybe I’ll replace it one day, just for you.”

  Lizzy shook her head and grinned. “That’ll be the day.”

  “Come on then, let’s go get some food before there’s none left.”

  They found a table in a cosy corner and ordered their meals. Lizzy ordered the Chicken and Leek Pie and Sal ordered the grilled fish, just like old times. They both ordered a lemon squash.

  Lizzy took a sip of hers, and then put her glass down. She leaned forward and rested her folded arms on the table.

  “Sal, do you think I did the right thing, leaving Daniel?”

  Sal’s head shot up. “What brought that on?”

  “Oh, I was just thinking after the sermon this morning. Maybe I should have just forgiven him and stayed.”

  “No Lizzy.” Sal reached out and grabbed Lizzy’s arm. “He needed a good wake up call. The way he was treating you wasn’t acceptable.”

  “But I feel like I’m blackmailing him, telling him I won’t go back until he gets help.” Lizzy leaned back in her seat, her arms still folded. “I don’t feel right about it, Sal.”

  Sal sighed and ran her hands through her hair. “Oh Lizzy. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it for you, but I don’t think it’s that simple. I don’t think you’re blackmailing Daniel. He might see it like that, but if he loves you enough, surely he’ll see that he really does need to get help.”

  Lizzy shook her head and glanced at the young couple sitting at the next table. They were holding hands and looked so in love. She and Daniel used to be like that. She grimaced and her body slumped.

  “Lizzy, you’ve just got to stay strong. Look at me.”

  Lizzy turned her head back and lifted her gaze to Sal’s.

  “You can’t go back and put yourself and the baby in danger. I saw what he did to you when you were down here before. If he’s done it once, he can do it again, and maybe even worse.”

  “But he promised he never would.” The picture of Daniel lifting his hand to her when she told him she was leaving flitted through her mind. But he put it down. He didn’t hit me.

  “Didn’t he promise to talk to you about his problems too?”

  Lizzy lowered her head and breathed deeply. Yes he did. Why couldn’t he have just told her he’d lost his job instead of hiding it from her?

  “You can’t go back yet, Lizzy. Not until he’s done something about it. If you do, you’ll be asking for trouble.”

  Lizzy looked up as the waiter delivered their meals, thankful for the diversion. She placed her napkin on her lap and picked up her knife and fork.

  “Okay, you win. But I’d like to at least talk to him sometime soon.”

  “Alright. I’ll let you do that. Now, let’s give thanks.”

  The two girls spent the rest of their time chatting about other things. Sal told her about a new male teacher who’d just started at the school, and who had caught her attention.

  “It’s about time, Sally Anne Wheatley. I was frightened you were going to be old maid.” Lizzy’s eyes sparkled as she teased her best friend.

  “And what’s wrong with that? I quite like being single. I can do what I want, when I want. It has its benefits.”

  Lizzy shrugged and placed her knife and fork together on the plate and leaned back in her chair. “I guess so. I have to admit I enjoyed my day in London. But I don’t know I’d enjoy it forever.” She took another sip of her squash and then folded her arms. “You know, I thought you and Mathew might have gotten together.”

  Sal’s eyes widened and she let out a laugh. “And you would have been alright with that?”

  Lizzy chuckled as she shook her head. “I don’t know. It would have been a bit strange.”

  “Well, it’s unlikely to happen.” Sal leaned forward. “I didn’t want to tell you this before, but Mathew’s started seeing someone.”

  Lizzy jolted upright. “Who?”

  “Remember that girl at College who was a bit older?”

  “The quiet one who had that funny hair style?”

  Sal nodded, her eyes bright. “It’s her.”

  “Really? I wouldn’t have thought she was his type.”

  “Lizzy, no one has been his type since you. I think it took him as long as it took you to get over it.”

  Lizzy sighed and looked at the young couple who were just leaving. “All I can say is just as well we had that sermon this morning.” And with that, they also stood and walked arm in arm to the car.

  Chapter Thirteen

  That evening, Lizzy called Nessa. Please let there be some positive news and tell me it’s okay to come back. The weight in her stomach argued against the possibility. Even with Sal�
��s reassurance, what she was doing to Daniel screamed ‘blackmail’ in her conscience. Nessa would agree with Sal, but it didn’t lift the heavy guilt from her heart.

  As she picked up the receiver and dialled the number, her fingers shook and she almost rang the wrong number. The phone rang for ages, and Lizzy was just about to hang up when Nessa answered, sounding quite breathless.

  “Sorry to have made you run, Ness.”

  “No problem, Lizzy, we’ve just come in and I heard the phone. I thought it might have been you. I’m sorry, Liz, but there’s no news of Daniel.”

  Lizzy slumped in the chair. That definitely wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

  “In fact, Riley couldn’t find him when he went out last night to look for him.”

  Lizzy forced her tears back and tightened her grip on the receiver.

  “Do you have any idea where he might be?” Her voice was faint and weak, and a feeling of dread flooded through her.

  “Not really. The bar maid at the pub said she hadn’t seen him for a couple of days, and Johnno hasn’t seen him either, so we’re not sure. Riley will go out again tomorrow after work and try to find him.”

  Lizzy gulped and took a deep breath. This was even worse.

  “He has to be okay, Ness. I feel really bad for leaving him the way I did. He must hate me right now.” Lizzy sniffed and slumped further in the chair.

  “Oh Lizzy, stay strong. He’s probably feeling a lot of things right now, but that’s a good thing. One day soon he’ll wake up and see sense. I’m sure of it.

  “I hope you’re right, Ness. It’s so hard being away. Harder than I thought it’d be.” She gulped and took a deep breath. “You know, sometimes I think that being with him the way he is would be better than not being with him at all.”

  “I can understand how you’re feeling, but Liz, you’re really only thinking about the short term. Just think what it would be like in all the years to come if nothing changed. Do you think you’d cope, let alone be happy, especially when you have a baby around?”