Daniel sighed, his shoulders sagging. Time to let go. But his stomach churned. Thinking about Da made him sick to the core.
“Okay. But I’m still not happy about it.”
“That’s okay, Danny. It’s a start. You can grow through this if you’re open to God and allow Him to teach you.” Paul gave Daniel a warm smile. “He’s got great things in store for you, I just know it. He loves you, Danny, and He doesn’t expect you to handle this in your own strength.”
Tears sprang to Daniel’s eyes. Paul had a knack for turning things around.
“There’s a verse in 1 Peter you should memorise, Danny. In Chapter 5 verse 7, Peter says to ‘Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you’. And He really does. God cares for you so much, Danny, and He doesn’t want you to handle your cares and troubles on your own. You’ve been learning a lot over the past few months, but this is the first big challenge you’ve had. Don’t let it beat you.”
Daniel gulped. No, he wouldn’t let Da beat him. Wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. But how do you ‘cast all your anxiety onto God?’ It’s not like you can see Him.
Leaning back in his chair, Daniel folded his arms.
“Okay. I’ll memorise it, but how do you do it?”
Paul let out a small chuckle. “That’s a great question, Danny.” Paul looked up as the waitress delivered their pizza. “Thank you.” He smiled at her and then directed his attention back to Daniel. “Let’s give thanks before we eat.”
The aroma of the bubbling mozzarella and pepperoni was more than Daniel could bare. His stomach rumbled, but he lowered his head anyway.
“Lord God, thank You for today, and for the challenges that have come our way. Thank You that You’re bigger than any challenge we might meet, including this one Daniel’s facing right now. Use it to grow him, Lord. Let him open himself to You and allow You to mould and shape him so You can use him to bring glory to Your kingdom. And Lord God, bless this food to our bodies. We are truly grateful for all the good things You give to us, including this pizza. In Your precious Son’s name, amen.”
“Amen.” Daniel opened his eyes and glanced at the pizza that had been taunting him. “Can we eat now?” He tilted his head and chuckled as he placed a slice on Paul’s plate and then one on his own without waiting for an answer.
“Mmm…” Daniel licked his lips as he devoured his first slice in extra quick time. “How good is this?” He flicked the mozzarella that dangled off the edge of his second piece onto its top and took a bite.
Paul nodded his head, his mouth too full to answer.
Paul came back to Daniel’s question after he’d eaten his first slice and washed it down with a mouthful of coffee.
“Okay, so how do we ‘cast our anxiety on God’?” Paul leaned back and crossed his arms. “Firstly, we need to really know and accept that God is bigger than all our worries and problems put together. Our view and understanding of how big God is determines how much we trust Him. We often limit His ability to work in our lives because our view of Him is too small. The more we learn of God and appreciate His absolute enormity, the more we learn to trust Him. Does that make sense?”
It was a lot to take in, but it did make sense. Daniel inhaled deeply and nodded.
“Good. The second thing is to understand that everyone has difficulties. They come in all different shapes and sizes, but we all have them. Not all the time, and some are more challenging than others, but we all have them. That’s life. People often think that problems come their way because of sin in their lives, that it’s God’s way of punishing them, and they carry guilt and shame that weighs them down, and separates them from God’s love and mercy. But that’s Satan’s trick. God cares for His children. He doesn’t punish. He forgives and cleanses, and offers strength and support to get us through any trial that comes our way. If we let Him.” Paul smiled at the waitress who came to clear their table. “May we have two more coffees, please?”
The waitress smiled as she wiped the table. “Coming right up.”
“But how do we let Him?” Daniel asked after the waitress had left. It all sounded good in theory, but how did it play out in reality?
“Well, it’s really quite simple when you break it down. Feelings come from thoughts, so even if we can't change how we feel, we can change how we think. And that’s what God wants us to do. Romans 12 verse 2 says, ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.’ The more we immerse ourselves in God’s word, the more our thoughts are transformed, and the less anxiety we have about the troubles we face, because we know God’s working in our lives, and that every problem we face is an opportunity for Him to teach us and grow us. So, when it all boils down, it’s a decision you make. When problems, worries, and challenges of life come along, you ask Jesus to carry the burden for you. You hand it over to Him. And then you don’t take it back. Trust Him to work it out for good in your life, and be prepared to learn and grow as the situation unfolds.”
“Okay then.” Daniel leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. “So when I got that phone call from my brother, you’re saying I should have just prayed about it and handed it over to God?” He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. It sounded too simple.
“In a nutshell, yes.”
“But my head got all scrambled, and I couldn’t think clearly. How was I supposed to do it?”
“It takes practice and commitment, Danny. You’re a new Christian, and no-one expects you to react like someone who’s been trusting Jesus for many years. The main thing is that you learn from it, so next time something happens, and it will, you’ll be more aware, and you can give it to God straight away. But He’s not going to judge or condemn you, Danny, and neither will I, or Lizzy, or anyone else for that matter. And you shouldn’t beat yourself up either. You didn’t take that drink, and that’s a huge achievement.” Paul leaned closer. “Danny, I really believe God has something great planned for you and Lizzy. I just know it. His hand’s on your life, and He’s going to lead you into something exciting. I want to encourage you to keep learning and trusting, and keep your heart open to Him. And He’ll definitely help you work through this situation with your father.”
Daniel gulped. He’s so genuine and sincere. He really does believe what he’s saying.
Paul reached out his hand and gently placed it on Daniel’s arm. “Can we pray about it?”
A stirring, deep in his soul, took Daniel by surprise, causing tears to prick his eyes. Never before had anyone offered him so much encouragement. Not Nessa or Riley, or even Lizzy. Paul really believed that God had something special planned for his life. And Daniel wanted it, whatever it was.
“Yes, please.” Daniel wiped his eyes and bowed his head, not caring what anyone thought.
“Dear God, thank You for Daniel, and for giving him new life in Jesus. And thank You for being with him right now. We know You’ll help him through the days ahead, as he works through the situation with his father. Let him welcome Your thoughts and Your love, and Your forgiving grace and mercy. Help him to cast all his worries onto You, and to allow his mind to be transformed by You so he can see Your good, pleasant and perfect will at work in his life. And Lord, we rejoice that today You gave Daniel the strength to turn down that drink. What a major milestone that is! I ask You to bless him, and Lizzy and little Dillon, and to guide and lead them as they grow closer to You each day. In Jesus’ precious name, amen.”
Daniel gulped and took a deep breath. “Dear God, everything that Paul said and more. I don’t deserve Your love, and I’m sorry for failing You. Please help me do better next time. I want to, I really do.” Daniel paused and wiped his tears. “Lord God, You’re going to have to work hard if You want me to see Da. You know how I feel about him, but I give it to You, and ask for Your help and guidance. I’m sorry for the way I reacted. Please show me the way. Amen.”
“Amen.” Paul raised his head and squeezed Daniel’s hand. “Danny, you did good. Now, let’s get you home to that wife of yours.”
Lizzy had been praying on and off since her phone call with Paul earlier that evening. Despite her original anguish and the fact that Daniel hadn’t returned, she had peace in her heart, and confidence that God was with him.
Well after ten o’clock, tyres crunched on the gravel outside the cottage. Jumping up, she pulled the curtain back and glanced out the window. She let out a small sigh. It was Paul’s car, and Daniel was climbing out. She closed her eyes briefly and held her hands to her chest. Thank You God. Thank You.
She raced to the door and threw it open. As Daniel walked slowly towards her, Lizzy pushed back the tears that threatened to fall. She held out her arms and threw them around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. His body relaxed in her arms, and as she held him, she closed her eyes and gave thanks once more that he’d come home, whole and sober.
“I’m sorry, Lizzy. I really am. Please forgive me.” Daniel spoke softly, as if he was having trouble speaking.
Lizzy lifted her head and searched his eyes. “It doesn’t matter, Daniel. Whatever it was, it doesn’t matter. You’re home, that’s the most important thing.”
“Yes, it is. Thank you, Lizzy.” Daniel pulled her closer, and enclosed in his arms, her heart overflowed with love for him.
“Come inside, Daniel, before we die from the cold.” Lizzy took his hand and led him inside into the warmth of the cottage. “Sit down and I’ll make some hot chocolate, and then maybe we can talk. Only if you want.” As she turned to walk into the kitchen, Daniel pulled her around to face him.
“I love you so much, Lizzy, and I’m sorry for going off like I did.”
“Daniel, it’s okay. Really.” Reaching up, she held his face gently between her hands, and as she kissed him, she made sure he knew he was forgiven.
Chapter Three
Lizzy and Daniel talked deep into the night. Lizzy’s heart ached as Daniel opened up more than he ever had before about his childhood.
“Oh, Daniel. I’m so sorry. Your Da was such a horrible brute.” Lizzy’s chest heaved. Daniel’s story made her sick to the stomach. “Your poor Mam. Why did she stay with him?”
Daniel shook his head. In the dim light, his eyes watered, and Lizzy grabbed his hand.
“I wish she’d left, Liz, but it wasn’t the done thing.” Daniel inhaled deeply. It tore her apart watching him relive this nightmare. “Women were expected to put up with whatever treatment their husbands dished out back then. Plus, she had nowhere to go, no money of her own, and a handful of bairns to look after. She was tied to him, and that was it.” He looked up into Lizzy’s eyes. “But we hated him for what he did to her.”
“Oh Daniel.” His eyes had darkened. The hate was real, tangible. She didn’t blame him - it would be hard not to hate a man like Thomas O’Connor.
“I feel so sorry for her, Daniel. She must have felt trapped.” Lizzy gulped. But wasn’t that how I felt when Daniel started hurting me? Trapped, confused, alone. That gut wrenching pain she’d long forgotten clutched at Lizzy. How terrible to have suffered that pain year after year. How did his Mam survive?
“It makes me so angry when I think of all she put up with.” Daniel’s breath came fast, and his hold on Lizzy’s hand tightened.
“But Lizzy,” he peered into her eyes, “it hurts me even more when I think of how I treated you. I so hated Da and how he treated Mam, and yet I was going down the same track.” He gulped and took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Lizzy.”
Lizzy reached out and gently wiped the tears rolling down Daniel’s cheeks before taking his hand.
“Daniel, I forgave you long ago for all of that. God’s changed you. You’re a caring, kind man, and I love you with everything I have.”
“But I treated you so badly, Liz. I should never have hurt you.” More tears welled in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know, my love. I know you are.” Pulling him close, Lizzy rested her head on his. Love for Daniel overflowed from her heart.
Slowly pulling himself away, Daniel wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
“I could so easily have ended up like him, Lizzy.”
“But you didn’t, Daniel. You didn’t. God’s changing you from the inside out, and I know you love me and will never hurt me again. And for that, I am so very thankful.” She had not felt quite so much love for Daniel as she did at that moment, and as he kissed her, every nerve in her body tingled as she lost herself in his love.
Nearer to dawn than midnight, sleep finally came, but Dillon had other plans. Lizzy tried to ignore the small cries that would soon escalate to full-blown screams, and snuggled closer to Daniel, pulling the pillow around her ears.
“I’ll go.” Daniel lifted his head but then dropped it. Lizzy snuggled closer. As Dillon’s cries grew louder, she forced herself up. Daniel rolled over. Her head hurt. If only he’d take a bottle.
“Come here, little man.” Lizzy sighed heavily as she lifted Dillon out of the cradle. His crying stopped and the distraught look on his face changed to a cheeky smile that melted her heart. She pulled him close. “How could I get angry with you?”
Sitting in her chair, with Dillon suckling at her breast, Daniel’s heart-wrenching story of his childhood years played through Lizzy’s mind. No wonder he’d struggled after getting that phone call. It had been difficult enough for her to forgive her own father who wasn’t guilty of any of the atrocities Daniel’s father had committed. She couldn’t comprehend Daniel’s anguish. But God was bigger than all of this, and she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He’d give Daniel the ability to work through it, just like He had with her.
And He’d already started. Lizzy rejoiced when Daniel told her how close he’d come to ordering a drink, but at the last moment had walked out. Such a major milestone in his rehabilitation, and for that, they’d both given thanks. Of course, more temptations would follow, but for now, this achievement was worthy of celebration. Lizzy decided there and then to surprise Daniel. She’d invite Nessa and Riley and their two children for the weekend, and they’d have a party. The timing was perfect. Daniel turned thirty on Sunday. And maybe, just maybe, Nessa and Riley could help him work through the situation with his father.
Lizzy smiled to herself as she lifted Dillon and gently patted his back. Yes, it would be wonderful to see Nessa and Riley. It may be short notice, but surely they’d come, especially when they knew the reason.
Lizzy’s mind clicked into gear. No use going back to sleep now. Too early to call Nessa. She made herself a cup of tea and opened her Bible to the book of 2nd Corinthians, Chapter 12.
The words grabbed her as soon as she started reading. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Just what Daniel needs. He might not like to think he’s weak, but if he could grasp the truth of this message, that the God of the universe was offering His strength to help him cope with this situation with his Da, it would be life changing.
Lizzy closed her Bible and folded her arms. That may be true, but why have You allowed this to happen now, when everything’s been going so well?
Why did You let Daniel’s Da come back and upset it all? I don’t understand.
I’m really sorry, God but I can’t help it. I’m with Daniel on this - why did You let his Da come back now? If it makes him start drinking again…
Still deep in prayer, arguing with God, Lizzy jumped when the alarm buzzed. Bother! I meant to turn that off. She raced into the bedroom. Too late - Daniel was awake and pulling himself up.
“I’m so sorry, Daniel. I was going to let you sleep in, but I forgot to turn the alarm off.”
“Thanks love, but I need to get up. Too much to do.” Daniel stretched his neck and arms, and then stopped abruptly, his face paling.
“Are you alright, Daniel?” Lizzy raced to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, searching his face.
He ran his hands through his hair. His eyes flickered. “I just remembered what happened. It’s all come back…”
“Oh Daniel. It’s okay.” Lizzy wrapped her arms around him. “Maybe you should take the day off? I’m sure Paul won’t mind.”
Daniel sighed deeply. “No, I need to go. Paul also wants to see me this morning.” He lifted his head and looked into Lizzy’s eyes. “I’ll be alright. Talking about everything last night helped. Thank you, Lizzy.” He drew in a long breath and then kissed her gently on her forehead. “I’d better get ready.”
As Daniel showered, Lizzy prepared breakfast and tended to Dillon who had also just woken again. She put him in his bouncer and gave him some toys to play with, every now and again bouncing him with her foot.
Lizzy had little idea of what Daniel’s job would entail before he started at the College just before Christmas. She soon discovered he was expected to keep everything running, and by everything, they meant everything… from water which tended to freeze in the pipes, to the generators which provided power for the main college building and all the staff accommodation. He was also expected to tend to the cows and chickens the college kept. Lizzy had laughed when he told her that.
Every time Daniel ventured out she prayed for him. Despite being less than half a mile to the main college buildings, at this time of year the road was slippery, and occasionally piled with snow. Although the tractor looked at home as it trundled around the property with Daniel at the wheel, it didn’t matter how often he told her it was as safe as houses, she wouldn’t relax until he pulled up outside the cottage and turned the tractor off.
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