“The hospital just called. Da’s body’s shutting down.” Caleb’s voice faltered, and his face, in the pale pre-dawn light, was ashen.
Daniel felt faint. No! This can’t be happening. Not now, not when he’d just made up his mind to see Da. God, what are You doing?
“Did they say how long he has?”
“No, but they said to come quickly, so it mustn’t be long.”
“We’d better go then. I’ll tell Lizzy - she can stay with Tara.”
Daniel crept back into the bedroom, trying not to disturb Dillon, and gently shook Lizzy.
Lizzy’s eyes snapped open, and she pulled herself up, grabbing Daniel’s arm.
“What’s the matter, Daniel? Is Dillon okay?”
“Yes, it’s not Dillon - it’s Da.”
Lizzy’s eyes widened.
“Is he…?”
“No, but the hospital said to come quickly.” Daniel forced down the lump in his throat. “Are you okay to mind Tara? We’ll call as soon as we know anything.”
“Sure, sweetie.” She squeezed his arm. “Are you alright, Daniel?”
“I’m not sure. If anything happens and I don’t get to speak to him, I don’t know what I’ll do.” Daniel raked a hand through his hair. “I need to go, Liz.” He quickly threw on his jeans and a clean T-shirt. Grabbing his jacket, he leaned over and kissed Lizzy gently on the top of her head.
She reached for his hand and looked up as he stood. “I’ll be praying for you both.”
Her words tugged at his heart.
“Thanks…” Daniel’s voice trembled. He swallowed hard as he bent over and touched Dillon’s cheek with his back of his hand. The baby had stirred and opened his eyes. Love for his little son flooded through Daniel. Had Da ever looked at him this way? Unlikely.
He kissed Lizzy again and then joined Caleb downstairs. Caleb looked as distressed as Daniel felt. How could he be feeling this way about a man who until yesterday he hadn’t seen for almost twenty years, and who he’d only held bitterness and hate for? Now, with the very real possibility Da might die before they got there, a deep sense of loss already sat heavily on his soul.
“Come on man, let’s go.” Caleb pulled Daniel out of his thoughts and opened the door. Exiting quickly to stop the chill of the early morning air creeping inside, Daniel pulled the door closed and followed Caleb to the car. Caleb pumped the pedal several times before turning the ignition. The Escort sprang to life, the sound of the engine reviving memories of his and Lizzy’s Escort. The one he wrecked. Daniel gulped and closed his eyes. It was all too much. God, I don’t know how to handle this.
Caleb manoeuvred out of the tight car park before heading off down the street shrouded in semi-darkness.
“Planned on seeing him today.” Daniel glanced at Caleb before returning his gaze to the slow moving traffic ahead, the red tail lights barely visible through the heavy fog.
“Thought you might. Bad timing, hey?”
Daniel slumped in his seat and sighed. “Yeah, could say that.” He lifted his head. “Can he get a new liver?”
Caleb stared straight ahead and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Doesn’t want one.”
Daniel’s head jerked up. “What? He doesn’t want one? Why not?”
Caleb sucked in a breath. “Said he doesn’t deserve one.”
Unbelievable…
Daniel balled his fists and tried to control the anger growing inside him. How could Da do that! Come into his life out of the blue, and then just disappear without a fight. It’s not on, Da. It’s not on. He pulled himself up and drew in a deep breath.
“We’ve got to get him one, Caleb.”
Caleb shook his head. “He’s already told the hospital he doesn’t want one, so fat chance they’d go against his wishes, even if there was one to be had.”
Daniel inhaled deeply. No use getting angry. He had to control himself.
“The best thing is to be there if he comes to.”
Caleb was right, but Daniel wanted more. Now he’d decided to let Da back into his life, he wanted to spend time with him. Get to know him. Not say goodbye. This wasn’t meant to happen.
The lights changed to green and Caleb let out the clutch. The car lurched forward and then took off as he pressed down heavily on the accelerator. The car had seen better days.
“Hope we get there in time.” Daniel stared straight ahead. “Should we call Grace?”
Caleb glanced at Daniel and let out a heavy sigh.
“She won’t come, but we can let her know. Aislin and Alana might. We’ll call as soon as we get there.” Caleb slowed down to take a left-hand corner. “I’ll need to check on Caity and Immi too.”
“At least they’re in the same hospital.”
“Yeah, that’s a plus.”
The hospital loomed ahead, stretching as far as the eye could see. Caleb parked, and he and Daniel strode to the main entrance where they checked the directory. Da was in the second last building on the right. They marched down the corridor, and reaching the end of that building, followed the path to the Intensive Care ward.
A short cheery nurse with a round face looked up.
“Can I help you?”
“We’re looking for Thomas O’Connor.” Caleb’s voice faltered.
“Ah - Mr O’Connor. Down the corridor, third bed on the right. Go ahead - I’ll check if the doctor’s around.”
“Thank you. How is he?”
“Not good, I’m sorry. He’s had a few lucid moments, but I’ll let the doctor fill you in.”
Daniel’s heart raced. He had to be there if Da came to. Striding ahead of Caleb, he found the bed. Faded blue curtains had been drawn to provide privacy. He took a deep breath, and finding the join in the curtains, he carefully pulled them apart and entered slowly, closing them behind him. There lay Da, just a skeleton of a man. Daniel swallowed hard.
“Da…” Daniel’s voice was just a whisper. Seated on the plastic seat beside the bed, Daniel took one of Da’s hands and rubbed it gently with his thumb. Da’s skin was so thin, he had to be careful. And so yellow. Da was having trouble breathing, his body shuddered with every laboured breath. Mustn’t have much time left. Daniel glanced at Caleb as he entered. Caleb’s eyes glistened as he took Da’s other hand, causing Daniel’s eyes to fill with angry tears.
Daniel knew what death looked like. He’d seen it plenty. How many bodies had he wheeled to the morgue as part of his job at the hospital? But he hadn’t come to farewell Da. He’d come to forgive him. To talk to him. To get to know him. Not to lose him. There was little time left.
Daniel sprang from his seat. “I’m going to call Grace.”
Caleb lifted his head, a surprised look on his face. Daniel didn’t care if Caleb thought it useless. He had to call her. Encourage her to come. It may be her last chance.
Daniel left the bed, not taking his eyes off Da until the curtain fluttered back into position. Sprinting to the telephone box at the end of the ward, he glanced at his watch. Grace might not be up yet. Then again, she probably was. The phone rang three times before she answered.
“Daniel! What do you want at this time of the morning?”
“It’s Da, Grace. He’s dying. Probably only has hours left, if that.” He paused, waiting for a response, but none came. “Will you come?”
Grace let out a heavy sigh. Was she considering it? Please God, let her come. Daniel started as Caleb opened the door of the phone box and peeked in. His heart raced. Had something happened? Drawing his eyebrows together, Daniel placed his hand over the mouthpiece as he asked the question of Caleb. When Caleb shook his head, relief flooded Daniel's body.
"Just going to get Caitlin."
Daniel smiled weakly and then turned his attention back to Grace.
“No, Daniel, I won’t come.” Grace’s answer was measured and controlled. How can she not come? He didn’t understand. Daniel’s shoulders slumped.
“Grace, please. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” He didn’t
want to plead. He wanted her to come of her own will, but he had no choice.
“Daniel, I’m not coming, and that’s that. I have no wish whatsoever to see that man.” Her voice had grown even more determined.
Daniel sighed dejectedly. He had to leave it. It was no use. She wasn’t coming.
“Okay then. But I pray you’ll change your mind.”
“I won’t.”
Grace hung up the receiver and fell back on her pillows. It was time to get up, but she needed a few minutes to steady the thoughts swilling in her head. Maybe I should’ve agreed to see Da. Could Daniel be right? Will I regret it if I don’t? Once he’s dead, it’ll be too late. Her head hurt. No, I can’t. There’s no good reason to see that man, dead or alive. He destroyed our family and caused Mam’s death. Mam could still be alive if it hadn’t been for him.
And Brianna and I wouldn’t have been sent to Aunt Hilda’s…
Grace squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in a pillow. Her heart thundered in her ears. I’d rather kill the man myself than watch him die peacefully. No, she would not see Thomas O’Connor. And she wouldn’t regret it.
That decided, Grace slid out of bed and stepped into the shower, turning the heat up until her skin reddened like a cooked lobster. She’d push all thoughts of Da out of her mind and focus on the day ahead.
Lizzy’s heart was heavy. Although Tara and Dillon were both awake and demanding her attention, her thoughts were totally focussed on Daniel and his Da. She pleaded with God to give Daniel time to say what he needed. She prayed for Daniel’s emotional well-being, and that he wouldn’t blame God for taking his Da away from him right now. That he’d see the bigger picture, and be happy his Da was going to a better place where there’d be no more pain or suffering. Above all, Lizzy prayed for peace for Daniel, his Da, and the rest of the family. And that those who didn’t know Him, like Grace, might catch a glimpse of heaven because of the way God had blessed and changed Thomas O’Connor in the last year of his life on earth.
She couldn’t physically go to the hospital with two small children, but in every other way, she was there. She needed to be strong for him, to support him in every way possible. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. God, please help me be the wife Daniel needs right now.
Daniel took a moment after hanging up the phone and leaned his head on the wall of the telephone box. Grace needed to come. The other girls had little memory of Da, and besides, he himself didn’t really know them. Grace was his main concern. Always had been. ‘God, I don’t know what it’ll take, but I plead with You to work in Grace’s heart. Soften it, Lord God, and let her come. And Lord, please let me have just a minute with Da. That’s all I need, and all I ask for. I’m sorry for reacting so badly before. He’s a child of God, and regardless of what his life was like before, You’ve forgiven him, and so must I. Please help me see him with Your eyes. Thank you Lord God. Amen.’
Daniel pushed the door open and let it swing behind him as he headed straight back to Da. His heart was still heavy, but he had to leave Grace to God. That’s what Paul had told him to do. But it was hard. He felt like screaming, or punching someone, but that wouldn’t do any good.
As he passed the nurses’ desk, the nurse they’d spoken to earlier stopped him.
“The doctor will be here in about half an hour and can speak with you then.” Her voice was warm and caring. Daniel managed a half smile and thanked her.
He hesitated outside the curtains. All was quiet. Caleb hadn’t returned. It was just him and Da. Daniel steeled himself. It was now or never. He prayed Da would have just one lucid moment. That’s all he needed.
Slowly pulling the curtains apart, Daniel peeked in before sliding into the narrow area beside the bed. Taking a seat, he picked up Da’s hand.
“Da, it’s me, Daniel.” Da didn’t move. His breathing remained laboured and irregular. The tubes pumping what Daniel assumed to be pain killers into him looked stronger than the arm they were attached to. A lump rose in Daniel’s throat. He’d just have to talk, and trust Da would hear the words. He might not get another opportunity.
Daniel gulped and tried to push the lump in his throat away.
“Da, I’m sorry I ran out yesterday. Silly of me.” Daniel fought back his tears. “When I saw you there, and heard you speak about ‘seeing the light’, and being sorry for what you did to us and Mam, I couldn’t cope, and I ran. I’m sorry. I should’ve stayed. Now I might not even get the chance to speak with you, other than like this.”
Daniel paused and took a deep breath, pushing back the tears stinging his eyes.
“Da, open your eyes, please, just once, so I can see you properly. If you can hear me, can you try?” Daniel waited. While he waited, he prayed. His pulse quickened. Did Da’s eyes just flutter?
“Da, please try again.” Daniel squeezed Da’s hand tighter and leaned closer to his face. No, he hadn’t imagined it. Da’s eyes flickered and his hand twitched. Tears welled in Daniel’s eyes.
“Da, it’s Daniel. Can you hear me?”
Da’s eyes flickered open and then closed. Daniel held his breath.
“This is so hard, Da. I didn’t want to see you, you know that? But I’m glad I did. Glad I heard you speak yesterday, and I truly believe you’re sorry for the past. I would never have believed it if I hadn’t seen and heard it myself, but God’s done something in me, Da, and I don’t hate you anymore.”
Daniel bit his lip and forced himself to continue. “Thinking of all the wasted years makes me sad, but knowing you’re going to be with God and that He’s forgiven you, makes the hurt easier to bear.” Daniel took another deep breath as he peered into Da’s face. Come on Da, wake up.
He pushed back his tears. “Da, I know you didn’t mean to hurt us. There’s something evil about drink when it takes hold of a person. I know what it’s like. Been there myself. I’m just so glad I ‘saw the light’ now, and I’m determined to stay strong and become a good husband and father. God’s blessed me with a beautiful wife, Da. Should see her.” Daniel smiled and let out a small chuckle as he thought of Lizzy.
“She loves the Lord, and she’s smart, and I love her so much. I’ve promised never to hurt her again, Da. Makes me sick in the stomach when I think how close I came to losing her. And my little boy, Da. His name’s Dillon. Named after our Dillon. Remember him, Da? Only lived a few hours. Broke Mam’s heart when he died.”
Daniel paused and closed his eyes for a moment. It’d been so hard when Da left, not long after Dillon died. Sure, they all felt safer. There were no more beatings, but despite that, they all expected to see him walk in the door every night. But he never did. Strange, really, because although they hated him and were scared of him, he was still their Da, and the place felt empty without him.
Daniel sighed heavily as he gave Da’s hand a light squeeze. “But that’s all in the past now, Da. Wish we had more time together, but this is all we’ve got.” Daniel’s voice faltered. He had to say it. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
“Da, I just want to say that I forgive you, and I love you.” His eyes blurred with tears, but when Da squeezed his hand, Daniel couldn’t stop them falling. Da had heard him.
No more words were needed. He’d connected with Da, and peace floated through his body.
“Can I pray, Da?” Would Da respond, or had his mind shut down? A small flicker in his eyes. Daniel smiled and squeezed Da’s hand gently.
“Lord God, our loving Heavenly Father, we come to You today as men who’ve known both sides of the track, but are so glad we’re on Your side now, Lord God. Thank You for loving us so much, and for forgiving us when we didn’t deserve it. Thank You for opening our eyes to the truth of the gospel, and for placing your love and peace deep inside us. Thank You for giving me the chance to see Da before he goes to be with You.” Daniel wiped his eyes. “Lord God, You know my heart’s breaking, but I know You’ll be my comfort in the days ahead. And Lord God, I just pray one more thing. Will You soften Grace�
�s heart? Please, Lord God? Bless Da. Fill him with Your peace, and comfort him. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.”
Daniel lifted his head and squeezed Da’s hand. As he did, a stronger hand settled on his own shoulder. Caleb stood behind him, tears rolling down his cheeks. Caitlin's arm was around Caleb's waist and she leaned on his shoulder, tears also streaming down her cheeks.
Da’s body shuddered, and he took his last breath.
Daniel expected he’d be distraught, but instead, warm calm flowed through his body. The pain on Da’s face only moments earlier had now been replaced with serenity. God had answered his prayer.
Daniel leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Da’s hollow cheek.
“God bless you, Da.”
He stood and swapped places with Caleb. Caitlin drew him close and hugged him. Wrapped in her arms, Daniel allowed himself to weep.
Chapter Eleven
When the doctor finally arrived just after Da died, he’d said Da had been offered a new liver a week before but had refused it. No-one knew. Daniel expected to be annoyed and angry, but instead felt saddened. Da must have been desperate to go home. He could have had a number of years left with his family. But his life had been rough, and Daniel guessed he was tired of living. Daniel prayed he was enjoying his new body, and sent a glance heavenward, letting out a small chuckle.
Da’s funeral was held three days later.
“What are you laughing at, Daniel?” Lizzy grabbed his arm and peered into his eyes, a quizzical look on her face.
“Oh, just thinking of Da up there, looking down on us all. He’s probably having a good old chuckle too.” He grabbed her hand. “Come on, let’s go.”
They headed into the small chapel. Only immediate family and a few friends were expected to attend. Da had lost touch with all his old drinking buddies, and Michael O’Leary from next door had passed on several years earlier. But the chapel was full. Daniel was shocked. Who were all these people? He led Lizzy to the front seat where Caleb and Caitlin were already seated.
The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance Page 36
