Secrets of the Heart

by Vickie McDonough

  Her thoughts shot to Adam. Could God have sent him there to show her that her feelings could be so easily swayed? Was she a wanton woman to be engaged to one man and attracted to another?

  She buried her face in her hands. “I don’t know what to do, Lord. Reveal Your will to me. Please, Lord.”

  Eight

  “King me!” Hannah ordered, unable to hold back a victorious grin. “That’s two kings for me and only one for you.” Perhaps two days of playing checkers with Adam had finally improved her ability.

  He grinned. “I’m not too worried. You don’t exactly have an intimidating record so far. What is it? Twelve to nothing, I believe?”

  Hannah glanced across the table. The smug, lopsided smile gracing Adam’s face only heightened her desire to win this game. “I do believe it’s your turn, sir.”

  After a few moments of studying the board for her next move, Hannah began to wonder why Adam was taking so long to make his. Usually he moved his man right on the heels of hers. She looked up to find him staring at her, and her heart turned a flip. Adam’s compelling gaze captured hers.

  “Do you have any idea how beautiful your eyes are?” he said, after a moment.

  Hannah blinked. She opened her mouth to respond, but her shocked brain refused to communicate with her mouth. Like a driver who’d lost hold of the reins and let the horses run free, she struggled to regain control of her addled brain.

  Adam glanced down, and his hand snaked out, obviously taking full advantage of her bewilderment. Plop! Plop! Plop! He jumped three of her men, including one of her kings. A triumphant gleam danced in his good eye. “Not too shabby for a one-eyed sick man. Huh?”

  “You beast!” Hannah smacked the table, causing the remaining pieces to dance in place on the board. “No fair distracting me. Perhaps I should blacken your other eye so I’ll have a fairer advantage.” Hannah leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms to avoid the temptation. Losing so many games to him brought out a competitive side of her she never knew existed—and she didn’t like it.

  “Aw, come on, Miss Madison, you don’t really think I’m a beast, do you? I can’t help it if I’m a good draught player.” Amusement flickered in the gaze that met hers. After a moment, Adam’s grin faded as he reached behind his neck and rubbed it. He twisted his head from side to side as if he were trying to shake out the kinks.

  Hannah’s eyes narrowed, and she wondered if this was another ploy to distract her. She enjoyed sparring with Adam as much as he seemed to enjoy it. She pushed her last king forward and Adam immediately countered. Placing her elbow on the table, she leaned her cheek against her palm.

  “Why is it you’re so good at checkers, anyway?”

  “Well, that’s the strange thing. I can remember how to play draughts, but I can’t tell you where I learned to play the game or who I played with before.”

  “And why do you call it draughts? Isn’t that what the game is called in England?”

  He glanced up and to the side, a movement she knew meant he was trying to remember something. He winced and ducked his head, then began massaging his forehead with his fingertips. Leaning forward with his elbows resting on the table, Adam laid his face in his hands.

  “Are you still getting headaches?”

  “Yeah, but mostly only when I try hard to remember things.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Adam. I’m sure it will all come back in God’s timing.” She couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be totally alone, dependent on strangers, and unable to remember her family or where her home was. Family was so important, especially when you lived on an isolated plantation. How could she bear it if she couldn’t see her family frequently. The only time she was separated from them was when her parents went to Charleston and she chose to stay at home on the plantation.

  Perhaps that’s why she accepted marriage to Jamie so easily. At least she’d always be close to home.

  Not so good of a reason to get married. She stood, and Adam shot up from his chair. Hannah walked around the table, stopping beside him. “Whenever Michael or I have a headache, we massage one another’s necks. May I try and see if it will help your headache?”

  He stared down, his eyes holding a special look that he reserved only for her. As usual, it stole her breath away. He stared at her for a moment, then nodded and sat down again. He laid his face against his arm on the table. Hannah gently kneaded her fingertips into his shoulders and then up the back of his neck for a few minutes. “Perhaps we should call it quits for a while? What do you think?”

  “Aw, you’re just afraid you’re going to lose—again.”

  She smiled at the playful tease in his voice.

  “I’m worried that you’re overdoin’ it. You should be resting more.” She continued to massage his neck and solid shoulders. Her fingers splayed through the long, dark hair draping his neck. Such nice thick hair he has.

  “I’m tired of resting. I need to be up and moving around. Two days of being in bed is making me stiff.”

  “I have an idea. Why don’t you lie down and rest your head a bit, and I’ll read another chapter of Robinson Crusoe. And if you behave, perhaps I could ask Israel to take you outside for a short walk after the sun sets. How does that sound?”

  Hannah stopped rubbing as Adam lifted his head and turned around in his chair to look at her. Grimacing, he grabbed his side and turned back around.

  “Careful now. You shouldn’t be twisting your body like that until your ribs heal.”

  Adam used both hands to slowly push himself up. He exhaled a loud breath. “I feel like an old man.”

  You sure don’t look like an old man, she wanted to say, but she kept silent. “Uh—you’ll be feeling better in a few more days.” She reached out to help him back to the cot and looked up into his face. His tender expression took her breath away, and she thought her knees would surely give out any second.

  He turned toward her and slowly reached out, cupping her cheek with his hand. If she had a breath left before, it was definitely gone now. “Hannah, I can’t say I’m thankful for the attack on me, but I did meet you as a result of it, and for that, I’ll be forever grateful. You’ve been such an encouragement to me. You know you saved my life, most likely.”

  Hannah stood mesmerized. He’d never used her Christian name before, and she loved the sound of it on his lips. Adam’s gaze roamed her face, and she felt her cheeks flame when it rested on her lips. Goodness! He looked as if he wanted to kiss her. What would she do if he did? Oh dear Lord, I actually think I want him to. Forgive me, Father.

  Guilt instantly assailed her, and a heaviness centered in her chest. She broke his gaze and ducked her head. How can I be standing here wishing Adam would kiss me when I know good and well that I’m going to be married to another man soon? It’s just plain improper. No wonder Chesny didn’t want them to be alone.

  She opened her eyes in time to catch a brief look of disappointment flash across Adam’s face. A solemn mask of reserve replaced the tenderness that had just permeated it. He ran his fingers along her jaw, and his hand dropped listlessly to his side. Hannah felt as if he’d read her thoughts. Somehow she had to tread very carefully until Adam was well enough to leave. She couldn’t lose her heart to this man who’d already become her closest friend. The thought of him one day walking out of her life for good brought her more than a small measure of anxiety.

  “I’ll take you up on that reading, if you don’t mind.” Adam walked over to the cot and slowly sat down. He let out a deep sigh and leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed.

  Hannah watched him for a moment, wondering what was going through his mind. Did he interpret her distancing herself from him as not caring?

  She moved over to the table and turned up the lamp. The dimmer lighting was all right for playing a board game, but not for reading. She glanced up the stairs, wondering what time it was. It wouldn’t be good to head for home after darkness set in. Things would be much easier if Chesny would al
low her to stay the night at Reed Springs while she cared for Adam, but the woman flat refused to budge on that issue.

  Hannah tugged the book off the shelf on the wall and sat in the chair Adam had vacated. She would read quickly.

  ❧

  Adam reached up to touch his ear, which he was certain must be beet red. What a fool I am! I actually wanted to kiss Hannah.

  He knew she was only doing her Christian duty to aid a stranger in need. Yet he couldn’t deny his overwhelming attraction to her. Was it wrong for him to be so drawn to her? She was compassionate, gentle, and pretty. But he was fooling himself to believe a woman like her could actually fall for a man who didn’t even know his own name.

  Wrestling with his confusion, his heart wrenched at the memory of Hannah’s expression moments earlier. Her fingers biting into his neck, massaging the tenseness out, had felt like a little piece of heaven. She had encouraged him and looked as if she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his. He mistakenly thought she actually wanted him to kiss her. Then suddenly, a look of sheer panic engulfed her face. Women were so hard to decipher.

  Adam jumped at the sound of the book slamming shut. With remorse, he realized he hadn’t heard a single word Hannah had just read.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. Were you sleeping?”

  “No, just resting.”

  “It’s time I was going. We need to get home before the sun sets.”

  “What about the walk you promised me? I could do with a heavy dose of sunshine. Besides Maisy or Israel, you’re the only other living creature I see all day. You also said you’d tell me about your family and your plantation.”

  Hannah laid the book on the table and smoothed her skirt. “I suppose I could be persuaded to stay a short while longer. What is it you want to know about my family?”

  “I don’t know.” Adam rubbed his hand along his whiskery chin, creating a bristly noise. “Umm, how long have you lived on. . .what is it called?”

  She smiled, and a butterfly danced in Adam’s belly. “Madison Gardens. I guess you’d have to say I’ve lived there my whole life, except for our regular treks to Charleston. I was born on the plantation.”

  “Guess it’s in your blood then. You just have one brother and no sisters?”

  “No, actually I also have an older brother and sister, Kit and Jane. My father and Lucas Reed found them in the woods before Michael was born and adopted them. Jane’s married, and Kit is off sailing on one of our father’s ships, so Michael is the only one still at home. He’s a great brother—don’t take me wrong. I love him, but he’s such a tease.”

  “Must be nice to have such a large family. Didn’t you mention being friends with the people who live here?”

  Hannah nodded. “Jamie and Cooper Reed. Our families visited one another quite often when I was young. We still do, in fact.”

  Jamie. That name sounded strangely familiar. “I remember you told me about them the other day, when you were doctoring me, I believe.” He reached up and tugged on the bandage around his head.

  “They’re the family who used to live here. Jamie, the oldest son, and Kit were always playin’ tricks on Coop, Michael, and me. It used to make me so mad.”

  Adam’s eyes narrowed. Jamie. She’d mentioned that name several times now, and he’d begun to notice an odd look in her expression that wasn’t there when she talked about the others. Was there more to their relationship than just friendship? He definitely needed to pry more information out of her concerning this Jamie fellow.

  Adam sat up. “So, tell me more about Jamie and—what’s his brother’s name?”

  “Jamie and Cooper. I played with them from the time I could sit up. But like I said, Michael and I mostly played with Cooper and helped him with his chores.”

  “So you never ran around with Jamie?”

  Hannah gave him a curious stare. “Well, certainly. From the stories my parents tell, Jamie was quite enamored with me when I was younger and would carry me around. Our families did many things together, for one reason or another, mainly because they’re our closest neighbors.” She cocked her head. “Why did you want to know?”

  “Just curious, I suppose.” He felt the need to change the subject before his curiosity got him in trouble. “Have your parents always lived here?” He flicked a fly off his leg. “Surely, you get together with your other neighbors at times. Don’t you?” The fly buzzed his face. He swatted his hand in the air to shoo it away and inwardly sighed when it flew up the stairway. “Why is your slave so bossy?”

  Hannah straightened; her lips puckered. “Slavery is abominable. The Madisons do not own slaves, and neither do the Reeds. Our workers are employees who are paid a salary and treated as all humans deserve to be.”

  He held up one palm. “My apologies. I wasn’t aware of that, but it is an admirable stand to take, and one I’m sure is not overly popular among most Southerners.”

  She deflated as quickly as a hen drenched in a downpour. Hannah sighed. “That’s true, and probably the reason I don’t have more friends.”

  “Is that partly the reason you stay on the plantation when most women your age would much prefer to be in Charleston?”

  She ducked her head and nodded. “Partly, I suppose. Some people can be so unkind. But I do prefer the country life much more than city life.” She folded up her stitching and placed it in the cloth bag that she carried it in, looking a bit forlorn.

  Touched by the loneliness in her eyes, Adam carefully scooted to the edge of the cot and sat with his elbows on his knees. His hands, clasped together, were mere inches away from hers. “Have you never had any close friends other than the Reeds?”

  “No, not really.” Hannah shook her head. “I used to spend a lot of time around the barn and watch the men train the new horses, but Dad made me quit after I got older. He said it wasn’t proper for a young lady to be spending so much time with so many males.”

  “Sounds like a wise man.”

  Hannah looked over at him as if she were checking to see if he were teasing. He held her gaze steadily without flinching.

  “I have some friends like Ruthie—the girl who was here the day we found you—but they all live in Charleston. Occasionally one of them will come and stay a week or two, but most find it boring here.” She smiled sweetly; then her gaze darted away.

  Adam’s heart was touched by her vulnerability. She was so cheerful most of the time that he hadn’t stopped to consider she might have problems of her own. He’d been so caught up in his own pain that he hadn’t thought about hers. Reaching out, he laid his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It must get lonely sometimes.”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Her brave smile didn’t reach her eyes. “It’s all I’ve ever known. I remember being lonely whenever Jamie and Cooper left with their parents to go to Charleston. My father ofttimes traveled with them.” She offered him a benign smile. “But I wouldn’t trade my life for city life, even if I had hundreds of friends. I love horses and all kinds of animals. I wish I had the freedom to hop in a saddle and ride astride like a man.” Her cheeks turned a becoming red. She pulled her hands from his and fiddled with the string of her bag. “There are times I wish I’d been born a boy.”

  Adam wondered if the subject made her nervous because she was babbling again. “I’m certainly glad you weren’t. You’re way too pretty to be a boy.” Adam couldn’t hold back his grin when she blushed again.

  “Would you kindly stop saying that?”

  “What? That you’re pretty? No, I can’t, because it’s the truth.”

  Hannah, discomfort written all over her face, jumped to her feet, her chair banging against the wall. “I think I’ll be going now and just leave you to yourself.”

  The cot creaked as Adam slowly stood up. “Hannah, are you mad at me?”

  Her head hung down, and she shook it slowly.

  “Hannah,” he pleaded.

  When she didn’t look at him, he reached out with two fingers and t
ilted her head up. “Hannah, you’re beautiful, inside and out, and you deserve to have someone tell you that. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about the way God made you. But if it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll try to keep my opinion to myself. Though it might be hard to do.” He smiled, hoping to reassure her. “Please, let me be your friend.”

  With a hesitant smile, Hannah glanced up at him. “We are friends.”

  “Good.” He grinned and reached his hand out to her. “How about that walk?”

  Timidly, Hannah slipped her small hand into his. “All right, but there’s only time for a short one. I don’t want you to be overdoin’ it, and Chesny will grumble all the way home if we don’t set out before dark.”

  They ambled through the house, and he stopped on more than one occasion to inspect something that seemed familiar. Even the floor plan felt recognizable. Had he been in this home before?

  He spied an open set of double doors and hurried across the room. He had a need to inhale some fresh air. Stepping into the sunlight that shone in the entryway, he lifted up his face, allowing the fingers of warmth to caress it. Good thing he’d come up when he had or the sun would have sunk below the horizon. “I smell the flowers from the garden.”

  Hannah stopped beside him. “You shouldn’t be standing out in the open. What if those men are keeping watch? They could see you.”

  He wanted to say he didn’t care. But he did. If those men saw him and came here again, they might hurt the women for harboring him. In the condition he was in, he wouldn’t be able to fend off one man, let alone three. He heaved a sigh and stepped back into the shadows of the house. At least he was out of that dungeon.

  “Fine. Allow me a few minutes to escort a lovely lady around the house; then I’ll head back to my cage.” He held out his elbow to her.

  She slipped her arm through and walked beside him. “It really isn’t a cage, you know. It’s meant to protect you.”

  “I know, but I’d rather be back in that room where I can see the sky out the window and enjoy the light.”