I wish I could remember. But surely if I had ever felt like this, I would not have forgotten about it.
Filled with remorse for scaring her half out of her wits, Adam scanned Hannah’s lovely face. It no longer held any fear, but rather something else: trust and—affection. This lovely, innocent young woman had stolen his heart in a matter of days. He pulled her into his arms, and with a groan of pent-up longing, he held her close against his chest.
❧
Hannah wrapped her arms around Adam’s waist, carefully avoiding his cracked ribs. She relished the security of his strong arms around her again. With a mind-opening revelation, she realized what she’d been feeling for this man whom she knew nothing of a few days ago, must be love. She’d read the Song of Solomon and talked to her friends about falling in love, but never dreamed it could happen to her.
When Adam released her slightly, Hannah stared up at him, biting her lip to stop its trembling. Though he no longer held her imprisoned within his powerful grasp, the expression on his handsome face held her captive. Hannah couldn’t hold back the contented sigh that slipped out. The crooked grin on Adam’s lips made her smile.
“Hannah, my angel, do you know what I’m thinking?”
Slowly, she shook her head, mesmerized by his compelling gaze.
“I’m thinking I want to kiss you.” He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Would that be all right with you?”
Surely, one kiss couldn’t hurt anything, could it? After a moment’s hesitation, she nodded. Hannah licked her lips in anticipation of her first kiss. Her throat thickened, and she held her breath when Adam leaned toward her. She stretched her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through the dark hair hanging past his collar as he placed an achingly sweet kiss on her lips. His warm lips lingered. When she responded with enthusiasm the kiss turned a corner from sweet to intense.
Adam groaned, whether in pain or emotion, she didn’t know. Suddenly, he pulled away and set her roughly on the ground. Hannah blinked and stared up at him. Confusing thoughts swarmed her mind. What did I do wrong?
“I’m sorry.” He leaned back against the wall and forked his hair back from his face.
“Why?” she whispered, completely bewildered.
“Hannah, you shouldn’t be here alone with me like this.”
“I don’t understand. You wouldn’t hurt me, would you?”
“No. Not in the sense you mean.” Adam smacked his fist against the cot. “I don’t trust the way I’m feeling right now, and besides, you don’t know a thing about me. I may be a highwayman, an escaped convict—or something worse.”
“No.” Hannah shook her head. “There’s a gentleness in you, and I’m sure you’d never do anything against the law or anything to hurt me.”
“No matter—the sooner I find out who I really am and get out of here, the better it will be for you.”
Hannah pushed to her feet and nailed him with an angry look as she grappled for a response. She blinked, trying desperately to hold back her tears. How could he think of leaving when he has just turned my world upside down with one kiss?
As she opened her mouth to snap at him, she heard Chesny’s call. Ducking her head to hide the tears streaming down her cheeks, she turned and fled. For once, she had to get away from this perplexing man.
❧
Hannah pounded the bread dough with all her might. What did I do wrong? Was my kiss so bad? She punched and rolled and beat the dough some more.
“That bread’ll be hard as a stone if’n you don’t stop beatin’ it.” Chesny stared at her with her hands on her hips.
Could Adam have disliked my kiss so much that it repulsed him? His kiss was wonderful—she sighed and slapped the dough again—until he dumped me on the floor. I just don’t understand.
“What’s got into you, child?”
“Did you love Peter when you two got married?”
Chesny’s eyes widened. “Well, ’course I did, or I wouldn’t have married him. Why’re you askin’ me such a thing?”
“I guess I’ve been thinking of marrying Jamie. I don’t even know him anymore. He’s been working in Charleston for so many years and rarely returns to Reed Springs.”
“That Jamie, he’s a good boy and he’ll take good care of you.”
Not wanting to get flour in her hair, Hannah used her forearm to push some wayward tendrils of hair from her face. “How long did you know Peter before you knew you loved him?”
“Don’t rightly know. We didn’t see each other often, what with him workin’ the fields and me in the house.” Chesny’s lips lifted in a soft smile. She reached up and patted her hair as if preparing to see her husband, who’d been dead four years.
“It all started with a look. That Pete, he would stare at me likes I was somethin’ special. I grew to look fo’ward to seein’ him of a evening. I grew to respect Peter, ’cause he was a hard worker and took good care of his mammy. Eventually that respect bloomed into affection and affection grew into love. One day I realized I was in love with that tall buck, and we jumped the broom.”
Hannah watched Chesny staring off as if seeing her beloved again. She and Peter were married ten years before he got hurt in an accident and died the next day. She could still remember crying because her nanny was so sad for so long—but at least she got to marry the man she loved.
“But what if I never learn to love Jamie? Maybe Jamie won’t even like me. He probably prefers city women now to the backward daughter of a planter.”
“What’s bringin’ on all these strange ideas, girl?” Chesny picked up a paring knife and began to cut up some strawberries. “Don’t you fret now. Jamie, he always was a handsome boy, and he come from a good family. Everythin’ll work out fine, you’ll see.”
Hannah tore the dough in half and patted one part into a loaf and placed it in the pan.
“You had a fondness for that boy when you was young. You’ll rekindle that attraction once you spend time with him again.”
“I had a fondness for both Jamie and Cooper as boys. I felt like I’d lost two brothers when they rode out of my life.” Hannah stared at Chesny. “That’s how I think of Jamie, as another brother. Marrying him would be like marrying Michael.” Hannah shivered at the thought.
Chesny put her hands on her waist, scrunched her eyebrows together, and pursed her lips. “Miz Hannah, let’s have none of that silly talk. Mastah Jamie is not yo’ brother. He will be yo’ husband. Yo’ mama has her heart set on that.”
“But she said the oldest should marry first, and she hasn’t found anyone for Michael, and he’s older than me. Besides, this is America. Arranged marriages aren’t so common here.” She tried to calm her steadily rising volume. “What if I don’t want to marry Jamie?”
“And who else would you be wantin’ to marry?” Chesny straightened her spine and narrowed her eyelids. “Certainly not that Adam. Or meb’be you’d prefer yo’ parents marry you off to one of them ol’ widow men from town? One with a whole passel of child’en already?”
Hannah felt the color drain from her face. She knew the truth. There were plenty of men in the town who would be thrilled to marry a young woman from a prominent family like hers.
“I heard yo’ daddy tell yo’ mama that he done had more than a few inquiries from interested gentlemen.” Chesny’s expression softened. “You don’t like livin’ in town all the time, and if’n you marry Jamie, you might not have to, bein’s as he’s so understandin’ and all.”
Hannah felt sure she’d die if she had to spend the rest of her life in town—never able to walk in the gardens or ride across the open fields in her buggy, unable to visit her favorite thinking spot down by the creek. She had to tell Chesny what was on her heart. “I. . .I’m just not sure that the good Lord wants me to marry Jamie Reed.”
“Well then, you’d better pray hard that He be speakin’ to yo’ mama and yo’ daddy and tell them the same thing. The Bible says that child’en are to honor and obey their parents
.”
“Oh, it’s hopeless! They’ll never understand,” Hannah cried. She turned and ran out the door. Its slam echoed behind her as she raced toward the barn and the comfort of the animals.
Twelve
Adam paced the length of the small dungeon and back. Pausing for a moment, he peeked up the stairway, but there was no sign of Hannah. She must have fled back to the safety of her home, or else she was working in some obscure region of the Reed house, because she hadn’t been back to see him all day.
His stomach rumbled, once again notifying him that he had missed lunch. How could he eat when he’d done such a foolish thing? “I never should have kissed Hannah. I barely know her.” The memory of her warm kisses and the feelings they stirred within him, irritated him. He turned and kicked one of the table legs, sending his mug of water tumbling to the dirt floor.
If he truly loved her as he believed he did, the best thing he could do was to stay away from her. Adam tiptoed up the stairs and peeked into the dining room. Seeing no sign of anyone and sick of being cooped up, he left the confines of the secret room and headed for the nearest door. The woods and water called to him. As deeply as his bound-up chest would allow, he breathed in the fresh spring air. Once in the shelter of the trees, he paced back and forth, trying to sort out his emotions.
Why can’t I remember who I am? How can I have such strong feelings for a woman I’ve just met? Why did I have to hurt her like that? He felt like he’d been gut shot at the hurt and confusion in Hannah’s blue eyes, as she sat on the floor where he’d dropped her after their wonderful kiss.
He knew she was attracted to him. He could tell by the way she looked at him and how she responded to his kiss. “Show me what to do, Lord. Don’t let there be anything in my past that could hurt Hannah.”
Adam stopped pacing and looked up through the trees to the bright blue sky. It suddenly dawned on him that he’d been praying. It had been such a natural thing to do. Hour after hour of Bible reading had solidified any doubts that he believed in God. Talking to God seemed so right that he knew he was a believer. A warm peace filled his whole being.
Behind Adam, a twig snapped. The nearby bushes rustled with movement, and he froze. He had the unnerving feeling he was being watched.
Then Hannah stepped out from behind a huge tree.
“Hannah.” He offered a smile, but the apology stuck in his throat.
She returned his smile with a feeble one and kept her head down. She wrung her hands together.
He walked to her and took hold of her hands, but she didn’t look up. He’d really hurt her by his actions. He felt lower than a worm. “I. . .uh. . .feel bad that I kissed you this morning.”
She sighed and batted her lashes as if she had dust in them.
When she didn’t look up, he cradled her cheeks and lifted her face. The unshed tears shining in her eyes rent his heart. “I apologize.”
“Shh,” came her soft response. “It’s not as if you didn’t ask permission.”
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
She shrugged and lowered her gaze.
Tiny chills raced up Adam’s spine. Hannah’s head nearly rested against his chest. He fought the urge to wrap her in his embrace. Wisps of her hair tickled his chin. Adam couldn’t breathe, but he was sure the snug binding around his chest was not the reason.
Hannah finally looked up. Their faces were inches apart, and Adam could feel her warm breath on his face. She blushed and started to back away, but he reached behind her with one arm and pulled her close again. “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re an angel?”
A melancholy smile danced on Hannah’s lips. “Just you.”
“Guess I did, didn’t I?”
“Yes.”
Adam ran the back of his fingers down her cheek. “Well, it’s true.”
“I doubt if my mother would agree. I’ve caused her more than her share of worries over the years, and I’m sure Michael thinks I’m more devil than angel.”
“You’ve earned the title by rescuing me.”
Adam continued to hold her gaze. He wished more than anything that he could spend the rest of his life right here. Long tendrils of Hannah’s hair curled playfully around her face. He wanted to kiss her again. The audible grumble in his stomach brought just the diversion he needed.
Hannah’s lips twitched. “You wouldn’t be hungry, perchance?”
He patted his stomach. “My angel deserted me at lunchtime, and I didn’t have much of an appetite.”
Hannah pushed out of his embrace. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. I chased you away. I never should have kissed you like I did.”
Her head hung down again. “It wasn’t your kiss that caused me not to come back,” she whispered softly.
“Then what did?”
When she didn’t respond, Adam reached out and touched her shoulder. “What is it, Hannah? What upset you?”
“Umm. . .I don’t know.” She shrugged.
Adam tightened his grip on her shoulders. “Come on, tell me what’s the matter.”
Her brows dipped down, and her nostrils flared. “Fine, then. After you kissed me, you threw me on the floor like I was poison. You couldn’t get away fast enough.” She looked up, tears flooding her eyes and running down her cheeks. “What did I do wrong?”
He caressed her shoulders. “Oh, angel. You didn’t do anything. It was me.”
“You?” Her innocence and trust wrenched his insides worse than the beating had. She had no idea what she did to him.
“Hannah, I didn’t want our kiss to end. It was something so special,” he said, caressing her cheeks. “I guess it scared me when I realized that I’ve come to care so deeply for you so fast. I don’t want to hurt you, and I sure didn’t mean to upset you. Please, forgive me.”
“Let’s not talk about it anymore.” Hannah shook her head, and they shared a smile. “I feel the same way.”
“All right, we won’t mention it again then.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin against her hair as Hannah’s arms encircled his waist.
All too soon, the grumbling in his stomach became too much to ignore. Hannah started giggling against his chest, and Adam found himself laughing, too.
“If the stomach is the way to a man’s heart, I guess I had better get busy and feed you.”
❧
Hannah wiped the porcelain statue with the dust cloth, while her thoughts wandered back to a Bible verse she had read just that morning: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
I’m trying not to lean on my own understanding, but it’s so hard, Lord. I don’t understand what’s happening between Adam and me. Why did You bring him into my life? Why did I have to fall in love with him? What do I do about Jamie? I don’t want to hurt or embarrass him, but how can I marry him when I care so much for Adam? Show me a way out of marrying Jamie, if it’s possible. Please.
Hannah sighed and set the statue down. She knew in her heart God was directing her to tell Adam about Jamie, but so far she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do so. She didn’t want to lose him when she had just found him.
“You sure ain’t very good comp’ny today.” Chesny fluffed up a pillow on Lucas and Heather Reed’s bed, then flipped the quilt over it.
“I’m sorry. Just a lot of things on my mind, I suppose.” Hannah swiped the thin layer of dust off a side table with her rag.
“Meb’be it’s time you wrote yo’ mama a letter and told her what all you been a thinkin’.”
Hannah’s gaze darted to Chesny. “I can’t do that. She’d never understand.”
“Meb’be she understand mo’ than you give her credit fo’.” Chesny shrugged. “I’ma goin’ back down to the kitchen and he’p Leta with supper.”
Hannah knew what would happen if she wrote to her mother. Caroline Madison would be on the f
irst ship inland. Perhaps she would have better success writing to her father. He always was a softie where his daughter was concerned. And what about the Reeds? Could she actually break off the wedding, which would most likely cause them distress, when they were still searching for Cooper and hadn’t accepted that he was probably dead?
She pressed her hand to her heart, hoping that wasn’t the case. Perhaps Cooper had left college early for some reason and set sail for home. Perhaps the ship had sunk in a storm, but Coop had survived and was stranded on a tropical island like Robinson Crusoe. Or perhaps his ship’s captain had changed their course and set sail for a distant land. There could be a myriad of reasons why Coop had gone missing, but she refused to believe that the fun-loving youth she had been so close to was dead.
She glanced around the room to see what else needed attending. A desk sat in the corner, ready for its owner to return. She knew there was paper in the drawer, but could she actually write a letter? What could she say? “Dear Father, I can’t marry Jamie because I’ve fallen in love with a man who doesn’t know his name.”
She heaved a sigh. It sounded so absurd. And though she would be happy—relieved—to have the truth come to light, everyone she knew would be disappointed. Jamie would be hurt. But wouldn’t he be hurt even more in the long run if she married him, knowing she could never love him as he deserved to be loved?
A board in the floor creaked, and she spun around, one hand splayed across her chest. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open but nothing came out. Adam stood there with a stupid grin on his face. Had he heard the words she’d voiced out loud? She heaved her arm back and threw the dust cloth at him. It bounced benignly off his chest, and he caught it. “Y–you shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.”
His grin grew bigger. “I wasn’t sneaking, I was looking for you.”
She pivoted away and moved some things around on the desk. He crossed the room, and his hands lightly grasped her shoulders, then he turned her to face him. Crossing her arms over her chest, she ducked her head and refused to look at him. What must he be thinking?
“Look at me, Hannah.”
Secrets of the Heart Page 9
