Spinster?

by Thompson, Nikki Mathis

  "We can't tell you that. He's wonderful and...new development...you love each other. I think it might get a bit bumpy and you have to decide if you want to ride the waves," Marin suggested.

  "Besides, now if she gets them on her own, he won't be forced to spend so much time with her. And no kids means more opportunity for spontaneous hanky panky," Willa offered, wiggling her brows.

  Emma laughed. "Only you could use a phrase like hanky panky and make it sound cute." Willa's cheeks reddened.

  "Guys, no offense, but I feel more confused than before," Tess admitted.

  "Sorry, chica, you have to decide what's best," Emma said, with a shrug.

  "Ugh, I am so screwed," Tess groaned, flopping her head onto the table.

  "Just talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling," Rebel advised, rubbing Tess on the back.

  "Yes! Ask him point blank if he has feelings for Lady Cray or not," Jen added.

  Tess lifted her head. "Lady Cray?"

  "Sorry, that's what we call her."

  "Guys, that's mean." She wanted it to come out stern, but the laugh that followed ruined the effect.

  "Don't lump me in! I only hang out with these bitches when you make me," Rebel teased.

  "Kiss my culito, Regina," Emma said, using Rebel's real name which she knew bugged the crap out of her.

  "I might lose a lip in that big ass of yours," Rebel retorted, making them laugh. Emma laughed too, after saying something derogatory in Spanish under her breath.

  "I heard that." Rebel was Italian, and it was close enough to Spanish that she always knew what Emma was trying to fly under the radar.

  "A Brazilian would actually be a good idea. I'm starting to resemble Chaka from Land of the Lost," Marin said, out of the blue.

  "Who the hell is Chaka?" Emma asked. Marin rolled her eyes, then gave her a hard time about being a fetus. Emma retorted "excuse me, geriatric gyna. Weren't you Betty White's body double?" The playful insults continued.

  Tess's friends managed to lift her spirits, but she didn't feel any better about her situation. She was taking one thing away from this dysfunctional circle time. She needed to talk to Wes.

  But was she prepared to hear what he had to say?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  The girls' contented chitter chatter surrounded Tess, when her phone rang. After staring at it through two rings, she put it through to voice mail, not wanting to get the answer to the question she just now remembered she'd asked in that text message two drinks ago. Tess looked up to find Rebel giving her a look of concern. "I'll talk to him later." When a text followed up the phone call, she didn't even look. She wasn't sure why she felt angry. Maybe it was because she was even having to worry about things like mentally precarious exes and uncertainty. The more likely candidate was the vodka coursing through her veins, fueling her feisty.

  "Tess, I hear your phone dinging. It has to be Wes, everyone else you know is sitting right here," Jen said.

  "My circle of friends is bigger than this table, I'll have you know," Tess rebutted. Jen raised a questioning eyebrow. "What? I have friends from work." Jen pointed at Willa. "And from college." Jen pointed at Rebel. "From the gym." They all laughed at that. Tess giggled, too. "Okay, maybe not the gym...just...bite me."

  "Hey, I'm not judging. You guys are the extent of my social circle," Jen added. Everyone agreed.

  "I'm feeling comfortably numb right now and I don't want to ruin it with a heavy convo, ya know?"

  "Fair enough," Jen relented.

  "Hey, how's Bristol doing?" Marin asked. They all knew about her sister's impending divorce.

  "Better. We went shopping last weekend and she seemed to be in good spirits. Her cheating POS served her with papers first. He knew she was going to do it, so he just had to beat her to it."

  "What a dick," Rebel said, giving one of her classic looks of disgust.

  "I know, right? Like it's a contest. 'I believe, I asked for the divorce first.' What a joke. Everyone knows he cheated."

  "I remember you telling me once that in that circle, the wife usually becomes the outcast despite what the husband had done. Is that the case for Bristol?" Willa asked.

  "Well, when you're as big of an ass hat as my brother-in-law, no. My sister will get the house and a boat load of child support. She'll be fine."

  "How do you know she'll win?" Rebel asked.

  Tess gave her an incredulous look. "Please, William Warner is our dad."

  "Oh, excccuuuuse me. The William Warner," Rebel teased in a heavy British accent.

  "Shut up, you know what I mean."

  "Well, I'm glad to hear she's doing better. I hope she takes his ass to the cleaners," Emma said. Everyone agreed on that one, too.

  When the third text dinged, Tess let out a heavy sigh. "Okay, girls. I better deal with this." She rose and made her way around the table, dishing out hugs.

  "Do you need some back up? We could come to your house just in case," Rebel offered.

  "Yes, we can have the cookie dough on the ready," Willa added.

  Tess loved her friends. "Thank you guys, you're the best. I'll be okay...uh, raincheck on the cookie dough."

  "You okay to drive?" Marin asked.

  "I'm good, promise." Tess touched the tip of her nose with one finger, then the other, then crossed her eyes. "Bye, friends!"

  She sat in her car, waited a few minutes, then turned on the ignition. The blue tooth connected, and she selected his name from her speed dial list.

  "Tess." One word, filled with relief. She loved the feeling it gave her, the fact that she'd had him twisting. A little pay back from all the turmoil she'd suffered, even if he was oblivious to the fact. Right on the heels of triumph came a flood of guilt. He'd done nothing wrong, not that she knew of, anyway. Why could't she let herself be happy? Why was she waiting for the other shoe to drop? Maybe because it always did. Had she always been this cynical? Were her friends right about her? She didn't want to be that person, the one most likely to bow out when things got dicey.

  "Hey, Wes. Sorry I didn't pick up, I was out with the girls." She pulled out into traffic and made her way towards home.

  "Are you coming over?"

  "You know, I think I'm gonna head home. I've had a few drinks and they made me sleepy."

  "Why are you driving?" His voice becoming tense.

  "Relax. I haven't had one in over an hour. I feel fine. Plus, I'm like five minutes from home."

  "Well, you shouldn't be driving after drinks. What if you got pulled over?"

  "Gee, Dad, I guess I'd call my hot lawyer boyfriend to bail me out of jail."

  His low chuckle sounded loud through the speakers of her car. "Sorry, I know you know better than that. I've just had a long day." Tess could hear the exhaustion in his voice. "So, about the text you sent me."

  Now she felt stupid. She should've waited until she saw him in person. "Oh, that."

  "Yeah, that...care to explain?"

  Tess sniffed, pulling into her covered spot. "I thought it was pretty straight forward." She hadn't meant to sound so pissy, but all her questions and worries started to flood her head.

  "Do you really think I'd let Mila spend the night in my house and not tell you about it?"

  She got out of her car, cradling the phone against her ear. "Look, Wes, we have a lot to talk about and I'd like to do it in person. It was wrong of me to text you that question. Can we just wait until then?"

  "No. You can't drop something like that in my lap and then tell me we'll talk about it later. You brought it up, so obviously it's bothering you. Let's talk about it...wait, should I be worried?"

  Tess tossed her keys into the small tan basket on her entry way table. She didn't want to talk about it, like at all. She was such a coward. Her big girl knickers must be at the cleaners.

  "Wes, just...can we talk about this later?"

  "When you feel like it?" When he said it like that it made her sound like a selfish jerk.

  If it walks like a duck.
<
br />   "It's not that." It was totally that. "I'm tired and you've had a long day. Let's talk about it when we've both had a good night's sleep, okay."

  "Tess, should I be worried?" His voice was low, he sounded so drained. She never stopped to think about what a toll all of this was taking on him. He always had to be strong and collected for his daughters, for her.

  It made her feel wretched, so she found herself saying, "No, we're fine. I just have some things on my mind, that's all. Things I want to talk about in person."

  "Okay." He wasn't convinced.

  "I'll see you soon."

  "Okay...I love you, Tess."

  "I love you, too."

  "Bye."

  She set her phone down and threw herself onto her bed. One arm was over her eyes, the other pounded on her mattress in a thudding staccato. She had a feeling she was blowing this up into a big thing, that could have been a little thing, had she asked him the question outright. Cursing herself for being so dramatic, she clutched her pillow to her chest. Her eyes were dry, and they ached. She just wanted to ignore the world for a while.

  Tess must have fallen asleep because she was jarred from unconsciousness by a knock at the door. She had a strong suspicion it wasn't Willa bearing cookie dough, so she wasn't surprised to see Wesley's face in her peep hole. A bout of nerves rumbled in her stomach, but she reminded herself not to overdramatize the situation.

  "Hey, I wasn't expecting you." She made her voice light and cheerful. She wanted him to think she was glad to see him, and she was, but she wasn't looking forward to the conversation they were undoubtedly about to have.

  He stepped across the threshold without a word. She shut the door, and they just stared at each other. Wes took two rapid steps and pulled her into his arms, his mouth smashing against hers. He was devouring her. When his hand made its way under her t-shirt and upward, she pulled back. Sex would be the best way to put off this dialogue, but she knew she needed answers before she could give her body to him again. It wouldn't be fair to her. Or to him, since she probably needed to brush her teeth.

  "Stop, Wes. We need to talk." He pulled back, chest heaving, the kiss had made him breathless, He nodded and walked away. He sat on the couch and sighed, running his hand through his dark waves.

  "Okay, so let's talk."

  "Would you like a glass of water or something?" she asked, hovering in the corner of the room.

  "I'm fine, thank you...come on, Tess, I'm dying over here."

  She exhaled and made her way over to the couch, taking the cushion beside him.

  "Look, I'm just going to come out and say it...I've been feeling strange about the whole Mila thing. I have reason to believe she still has feelings for you and that scares me." There. She said it. Several emotions passed over his face, none of which were denial, one of which may have been surprise.

  "What makes you say that?" Again not the rebuttal she'd been hoping for.

  "Call it a woman's intuition...I've kind of been a fly on the wall lately, so it gives me a chance to observe."

  "You really feel like that way? Like a fly on the wall?"

  Tess tucked her legs underneath her, tenting her fingers on her thighs. "Yes." She was going for it. She wasn't keen on beating around the bush on most occasions, and this certainly wasn't one of them.

  He hadn't made a move to touch her, but he seemed saddened by her admission. "I'm so sorry about that. I should be doing more to make you feel comfortable. It's such a fucked up situation." It was. And here she was, adding to his emotional plate.

  "Look, Wes, I want this to work, but I just have this gut feeling that this isn't going to end well for me, I'm expendable in this scenario."

  He shook his head, sliding closer to her, putting his hand on her cheek.. "You're not expendable to me...I can't help that Mila showed up on my doorstep, right when things were getting really good. I curse her timing...and her sometimes. But..."—No buts, no buts!—"the girls are so happy. They're crazy about you, too, but there's something about having your mom around." She wasn't sure she agreed, until she considered never seeing her mom again. Torturous as Tiffani Warner may be at times, she loved her.

  "I wasn't trying to take the place of their mom, Wes. I was just loving them."

  His hand fell from her face, only to grab her hand, bending his head to catch her eyes. "Hey, I never said you were. Don't put words in my mouth. I'm just saying that although it's uncomfortable for us, it's been amazing for Kate and Ella. And honestly that matters most. I'm their dad, it has to matter most."

  She knew that, but hearing she didn't rank at the top hurt her feelings. On the other hand, if Wes had put his girlfriend's feeling before those of his daughters, it would have made him an asshole. Sigh. There were no easy answers.

  "I know they do. It's just...I want to be the most important thing in someone's life. I'm selfish like that."

  "I understand where you're coming from. I can't imagine coming to a ready made family and trying to find my place in it...But, you're very important to me, don't you know that? Isn't that enough?"

  She went inside herself, rolled it over in her mind. Was it enough?

  Tess drew her shoulders back and looked away, pulling her hands to her lap. "I know how you feel about me, but I think right now you need to focus on the fact that Mila is back in your life. She's still in love with you. How does that make you feel?"

  He frowned and shook his head."I don't know...confused, I guess. I haven't loved her like that in quite some time."

  "But, it's there. Maybe it's buried deep under the hurt and disappointment, but it's there. You need to find out what it all means. Until you do...I have to take myself out of the equation."

  "No, just no. I don't want you out of the equation, damn it. I love you." His face was fierce and desolate all at once.

  "I love you, too. But Wes, I feel like..." She blinked to keep tears from falling,"I have to let you go right now."

  "And he just left?" Willa, true to her word, came running after Tess had called, bawling. And God love her, she had cookie dough and brownies.

  "Well, not right away, but shortly after." Tess's pathetic sniffle was garbled behind a spoonfull of cookie dough.

  "He didn't fight? He didn't throw you on the ground and take you that very second? What is wrong with him?" Her voice came out shreiky.

  "He fought me about as hard as Emma does when you ask her if she wants another round." That wasn't true...he tried to change her mind...but if she admitted that, thought about it, pictured his wet eyes, she could't stand firm in her decision. And it was the right decision. Wasn't it?

  "That feeble, huh?"

  Sniff. "He's probably at his house putting his dick inside her crazy vagina at this very moment." That thought had her sobbing, the tears and snot mingling in one wet river down her face. This is what is called the ugly cry. Only to be improved by the wad of dough balling in her cheeks.

  "He is not. I'm pretty sure he's home right now nursing his own broken heart."

  "Maybe, but you should have seen his face when I told him I thought Mila was still in love with him. It wasn't a face that said 'no way,' it was a face that said, 'Hm, you don't say...now that you mention it, it does ring a bell.' Maybe he figured he owes it to his girls to find out. And the sad thing is, it makes sense. It would be easier to just be a family again. That's why I had to do it."

  "Were you testing him? Or did you really think it was for the best?"

  Tess groaned. "I don't know. Both? Ugh, what's wrong with me?"

  "Nothing, you had a normal reaction to a very complicated situation. But he doesn't love her, Tess. Call me crazy, but he doesn't. He loves you. Besides, would he really sacrifice his own happiness to make it more comfortable for his daughters?" Willa asked, cocking her head to the side, causing her glasses to slide down her nose.

  They looked at each other and said in unison, "Yes." Tess smiled through her tears. That's why she'd fallen for him, he was a really good man. And she'd just given
him his walking papers.

  "Putting everyone's happiness in front of your own is never a good idea. I think you have to have balance. In fact, I think you have to put you first, then everything else falls into place," Willa advised.

  "Well, you know I've never had a problem putting myself first." She meant it teasing, but it came out like classic self deprecation.

  "Stop right there. You are a wonderful friend and sister. You're always there whenever any of us need you. You're a good person, Tess."

  She sighed. "Am I? It sure doesn't feel like it most days. Most days I feel like I'm am asshole masquerading as a decent human being."

  "Contessa Warner, I'll have you know that I would never make an asshole the godmother of my baby, so stop beating yourself up." Willa grabbed Tess's cheeks, moving them to the last part. "You-are-a-good-person."

  "Wah?" Willa let go of her cheeks. "Did you say baby?" Tess's eyes went wide and she jumped off of the couch, spoon clattering on the wood floors. Willa nodded and they bounced and squealed while hugging each other.

  "When? How far? Who, what? Just...what?"

  Willa laughed. "We only found out a few days ago. Ben is walking around like he has magic sperm."

  "Men. They're contribution lasts about three minutes. The woman, nine months' worth."

  "It's more like ten actually."

  "What? I thought it was nine months. Movies, books, they all lied?"

  "I know, right? Bastards...Anyway we're not telling everyone yet, it's so early. But we have discussed it and would love for you to be the godmother."

  "Oh, Wills, I'm honored, but wouldn't you prefer someone less self-centered and prone to verbal violence? I mean, I'm kind of a hot mess."

  Willa laughed. "You're so not, and you know it. You have a heart of gold, my friend, and you would take a bullet for any of us."

  "Especially little Tessy," Tess crooned to Willa's non-existent baby bump.

  "I love you, but the name won't be Tessy. We haven't gotten that far yet. I'm still wrapping my brain around the whole growing a human thing."