All But Lost (The Gifted Realm Book 6)

by Jillian Neal

  Shrugging, Lucas gave a hesitant nod. He tried to hide his eye roll as he glanced from Stephen to Lillian. “I suppose, sure.”

  Stephen swallowed down raw need, and they grabbed their coats to saunter out into the chilly night air.

  A few deep, restorative breaths settled him. He inhaled the pine soaked scent of the winter Virginian night as he stalked towards the lake.

  “I’m surprised Logan and Adeline haven’t returned,” Lucas stated fretfully.

  Stephen fought an eye roll of his own. “They’re twenty-one years old, Lucas. They have jobs, pay their own bills, and they’re happily married. I don’t get to give them a curfew anymore.”

  For a moment, he tried to put himself into Lucas Nguyen’s shoes. To have discovered that you’d had a child, a daughter, twenty-one years before with a woman you’d only met once in your life.

  “I don’t really suppose anyone ever gave Adeline a curfew,” Lucas lamented.

  “At some point you have to let your kids stay out all night long, and then have to get up and work the next day. Trust me, it doesn’t take long for them to figure out that a few hours in bed might just have been worth it.”

  “You never imposed a curfew when she lived with you either, then?”

  “She stayed with us many weekends before she officially moved in. When she was our guest, she was always in the house with Emily or Logan. She lived here for the very few weeks it took Logan and Rainer to rebuild the house they live in now, the one that makes that sweet girl beam every time she pulls in the driveway. I won’t lie to you and assure you that there weren’t a few nights that I knew of that Logan didn’t sneak her into his room and into his bed. But they were just about to move in together, and as they’d already made that commitment to one another, I didn’t say too much about it other than to request that they not, knowing perfectly well that they would anyway.”

  “I don’t understand why Logan is so opposed to my paying for a new home for them. I certainly understand that they want to stay on the farm, but you have to see that she is an Australian Realm princess. I’m certain they have a great deal of nostalgia for their first home, but it really isn’t suitable for her.” Lucas’ demands were growing terse in his worry and his exhaustion.

  Stephen drew a long sip of his brandy, feeling the warm liquid begin to course through his veins. “Just be careful that you’re not attempting to build Adeline a castle out of your own guilt.”

  Lucas huffed but said nothing, so Stephen continued. “When Lillian and I married, we lived in a studio apartment not far from the Senate. It was one room,” he recalled with a smile. “I was working with Joseph Lawson, Regis Carrington, several other men to get the constitution written to ensure that the Realm never took over the Non-Gifted people and that the Gifted worked for the betterment of the Realm itself. But at the time, I was just a Senteon aid. I barely made enough to feed us and pay our rent.”

  “The couch had more holes than cloth, and only one burner of the stove actually worked without having to be casted. Joseph didn’t manage to get the Constitution ratified and the entire Senate reworked until she was pregnant with Levi.”

  “Anyway, I got a fairly substantial raise, and we bought this property. When the house was finally finished, Lillian sobbed. She didn’t want to leave the apartment, because that was her castle. It was where she fixed us dinner, and where we made our oldest sons. I tend to think that home is wherever you want to be when you want the rest of the world to go away for a little while.”

  “It’s where you feel safe and secure, and Adeline feels that when she’s in the guest house.” He willed Lucas to really hear what he was saying. “You could build her a mansion, and if I thought that’s what she really wanted, I’d give you the land. But if it’s not a place where she feels safe, where she can exist outside of the world, where she can draw a deep breath, and fall into my son’s arms, then it won’t ever be her home.”

  They continued their slow progress around the vast lake. “I am sorry, Governor. I know that my presence has been an inconvenience for you and your lovely wife. I’d hoped to get to know my daughter better, though she still seems to push me away at every turn.”

  “You’re welcome here anytime, just like I told you when I spoke with you on the phone in Sydney, but I also told you that you might get lost in the crowd. We have ten children and one on the way. I’m trying to run the Realm to the best of my ability. I’m trying to keep all of my children heading the direction they need to travel, even the ones I didn’t have a hand in making.” He chuckled wryly as he thought of Rainer and of Adeline and of Daniel Vindico, at least for the moment.

  “So I’m sorry you’ve been disappointed in your stay, but Adeline has tried, Lucas. You have to see that?”

  “She’d far rather be with Logan. I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me. I’d just hoped I could have a little of her time while I was here.”

  “Adeline’s a twenty-one year old newlywed. Now, I’m not certain how old you were when you married, Lucas, but can you recall a time when you preferred to be with your father as opposed to your wife at any point in the first few years of your marriage?”

  Finally cracking just a little of the hardened shell he’d donned upon his arrival at Haydenshire farm, Lucas chuckled. “No, I suppose not.”

  “Adeline isn’t only an Australian Realm princess. She’s Logan’s princess, and that is a role she’s much more comfortable playing. I had to learn with my own baby girl, you don’t get to be her prince. Logan does.”

  They made the turn on the far end of the lake and walked slowly back towards the house. It took virtually no provocation to turn Stephen’s thoughts back to his wife and that smile she’d given them as they’d left. “The kids will be by here in a little while. I wouldn’t mind taking my wife on a drive tonight myself.” Maybe letting Lucas in, instead of keeping him thwarted, would serve them all.

  “Adeline and Logan will offer to stay and make certain that the twins don’t wake up. Why don’t you stay up with them? Have some tea and a conversation. But you’ll get a lot more out of both of them if they don’t feel like you’re trying to change who they are, who they think they want to be, and the life they’ve decided to live.”

  Lucas continued his silence for several long minutes as they eased around the well-worn path. The water’s gentle lap on the shores soothed filled the momentary silence.

  “If I may, Governor Haydenshire,” he challenged suddenly, “you’re the Crown Governor of the American Realm. If you wanted to take your wife on a drive, as you put it, then you could anytime, if you would allow yourself and your wife the slight luxury of perhaps employing a nanny, or nurse, and some household assistance.”

  Taking a moment to clench his jaw and will away his temper, Stephen understood the insinuation. “You’re certainly not the first person to think that. I suppose I always find it interesting that the people who seem to know the very least about us always seem to have the most to say about our lives.”

  “My wife and I have always felt that there was really no point in us having children if we were just going to let someone else raise them. Lillian doesn’t want help from anyone that doesn’t know our family, and that we don’t share an intimate bond with. That makes her uncomfortable.”

  “Over the years, I’ve heard a great deal on what our salary could afford us from the talking heads of the Realm. But it doesn’t matter how much money we make, if I’m not making her happy then I don’t want any of it. That smile that I get from her when I come home and find my kids running around, raising the rafters with their laughter and love, that’s all that matters to me.”

  “If my wife wants help, then I’m the one that’s going to help because each and every one of that wild brood, I helped her make. And the woman sitting in that house waiting on us to get back because she wants to go out for a drive with me, which you can be damn sure is why I’m taking her out for one, she’s what makes my whole life worth living. She doesn’t want nan
nies. She wants precisely what we have, and if that ever changes, you can be certain that I will move heaven and earth to give her whatever she wants. But it will never be a serving staff.”

  “So if Logan and Adeline don’t make an appearance this evening, then who will take care of your twins while you and Mrs. Haydenshire go out?”

  Stephen was well versed in dealing with people that tried to trap him with his words. Laughing at him outright, he shook his head. “If they chose not to come by here, which would shock me, then Lillian and I will stay home. There’s nothing wrong with not getting what you want when you want it. Nothing wrong with having to work a little. The longer you wait and the harder you work for something, the more you appreciate it.”

  Not liking the lessons he was learning, Lucas’s scowl reminded Stephen of his own children.

  “You just informed me that your wife wants to go for a drive with you. Clearly, she’d like a little time alone, some of your attention. Are you going to defer that for your work ethic and patience as well?”

  “If Lillian wants to be alone with me, if Lillian needs anything at all, then that’s precisely what she’ll get. But it may not always be just the way we thought it would work out, because sometimes the curve in the road leads us to an even better place.”

  “Lillian and I have given our resolve, our education, our tears, all of our effort, and, hell, sometimes even our own blood to the children that we brought into this world, and though they don’t always do just what I’d like them to do, they have always done right by us.”

  “I believe you were here when Brooke and Will were over this afternoon. They didn’t come by to see you or to let Lillian enjoy her granddaughter, although I’m certain that’s why they told her they were here. They came by after Will took off early to let Lillian take a nap while they took care of the twins.”

  “And tomorrow my children will be at Adeline’s trail because they love your daughter, and they love her not only for the phenomenal woman that she is, but they love her because Logan loves her, and that’s what family does.”

  “And after the trial, you mark my words, every one of them will be up at the house to take care of Lillian because she’s always taken care of them. So I don’t need a staff of people that make my wife miserable. We have family that no matter what crazy thing they’ve done, they make her happy.” He let just a few of his favorite images of their lives over the past thirty plus years run quickly through his mind.

  “It would be easier,” was Lucas’ last ditch effort to make his point.

  “The best things in life are never easy, and building a relationship with your daughter isn’t going to be either.”

  “Well, that’s certainly proven quite true,” Lucas sighed. “She forgets how easily I can read her energy. I know I do nothing but make her uncomfortable.”

  Suddenly feeling genuinely sorry for Lucas, Stephen turned that realization over in his mind as they made the turn by the dock.

  “Logan, like his old man and most of his older brothers, at twenty-one, is very much of the opinion that he has the world figured out.” He gained a genuine chuckle from Lucas.

  “Adeline, who’s lived a great deal more than Logan in the last twenty-one years, knows that she doesn’t have the answers to much of anything, but she is so much in love with my son that she is fully convinced that Logan can always set her world to rights no matter what.”

  “So if you want Adeline, you cannot attack Logan. Nothing will drive her away faster than that. Simmer down a little. If you want Adeline, you have to go through Logan, as frustrating as I know that is for you. You’ve got to stop thinking that you need to come in and fix her life when she doesn’t consider any part of it to be broken, save her mother.”

  “And tomorrow, you’re going to get your chance to step in and save her from something Logan couldn’t, but you have to understand that to Adeline, Logan hung the moon and the stars all for her. And I’ll tell you this: if Adeline asked Logan for the moon, I think he’d try his damnedest to climb up and get it for her.

  “Look, there they come now.” Stephen pointed to the headlights of Logan’s new truck coming up the gravel drive headed to the barn.

  Instead of going back in the house, Stephen and Lucas headed towards the truck. Logan was helping Adeline step down, and she was beaming at him when they reached the barn.

  Logan was giving his wife looks that said he’d have much preferred to take her back to the guesthouse and right on to bed. Stephen tried to hide his chuckle as Logan and Adeline walked hand in hand towards them.

  “Did you two have fun?” Lucas sounded genuinely interested in their evening. Stephen nodded his encouragement.

  “Yes sir,” absolute thrill sang in Adeline’s tone. “Logan took me to the pizza place where we went on our first date, and then,” she halted abruptly as Stephen could no longer hide his laughter, and Lucas’s brow furrowed. “Well, we just drove around a little,” she lied, and she didn’t do it well as she blushed violently. Logan valiantly tried not to join in his father’s laughter.

  “We just thought we would stop by and tell you good night,” she changed tactic quickly.

  “Actually, I’d kind of like to take your mom out for a little while. Would you two mind staying? The twins are already down for the night.” Stephen requested.

  “Oh sure,” Adeline quickly agreed, but Logan looked disappointed. They all meandered towards the house.

  “Longer you wait, the better it’ll be,” Stephen quipped discreetly, slapping Logan on the back.

  “Uh huh, waited years, Dad, years.” Logan gave his father a goading grin. He’d stepped back and allowed Lucas to walk beside Adeline.

  They entered the kitchen and Lillian stood from the window seat at the large kitchen table. “Brooke made some of my peanut butter bars this afternoon, if you’re hungry,” she informed Logan and Adeline, who both dove towards the cake plate that had stacks of the bars inside.

  “Would you like one, Lucas? They’re amazing,” Adeline offered sweetly.

  “Certainly. Thank you, sweetheart,” Lucas gazed at his daughter adoringly.

  “Milk?” Logan held up the carton he’d pulled from the fridge. Lucas nodded his acceptance.

  Lillian put away the cookbooks she’d been flipping through as she’d worked on the grocery list for the next week.

  Stephen took her hand and let his gaze travel from those beautiful blue eyes, down over the swells of her ample breasts, not quite as full and lifted as they’d been on their first date more than thirty-five years ago, but always beautiful and so damned distracting they made his mouth water. His eyes continued their journey over her very swollen midsection before he took in her lush hips. Unable to help himself, he ran his hand over Abigail’s bump. She rolled in her mother’s stomach as soon as she sensed the weight of his hand. Stephen decided to take that as a sign that she would be fine somehow, some way.

  “Wanna go for a drive? The truck hasn’t been cranked in a while. It could use a good run.” He watched her broad grin spread across her beautiful face.

  “Sure.” She pulled on her cardigan.

  “You two behave,” Logan’s quip made Adeline giggle, which had been his goal.

  “Might grab a few of the quilts in the back of your truck, son,” Stephen chided, making everyone laugh.

  He guided his wife out to the barn and helped her step up into the old truck. She required a bit more help at seven months pregnant with his little girl than she had that Monday afternoon in the parking lot, but he still didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful.

  As he moved to the driver’s side door, he thought about all that had happened in that truck. Their first kiss, the first time he’d gotten a little carried away and unbuttoned her shirt. He’d backed off, but she’d pulled off her bra there in an alcove in Great Falls Park, lit only by the light of the moon, and he’d been done for. The drive up to that ridiculous hotel on their wedding night when she was so furious she’d refus
ed to utter a single word to him. The drive to Georgetown when she’d finally gone into labor with Will.

  Cranking the truck and giving it gas to keep it running, Stephen shifted into reverse then told his wife how much he loved and adored her as she slid across the bench seat and laid her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head then opened the glove box and pulled out the eight-track tape of ‘I Think I Love You’. He pushed it into the player and cupped his hand to cast it so that it would play.

  They drove the backfields and talked about Lucas and Adeline, the trial and Logan, Rainer and Emily’s upcoming wedding, and the new baby. As they neared the guesthouse, Daniel and Fionna came up. They discussed what might be in store for them.

  Stephen drove well past the guesthouse and pulled into the farthest field from the house under one of the many massive oak trees.

  “I love that you always know when I want to come out here,” Lillian sighed as he shifted the truck into park and wrapped her up in his arms.

  “Well, I have gotten to know you pretty well in the last few years, I’d say,” he teased her. Her soft curves jostled as she laughed against him, but her rhythm strains were tense and weary.

  “Stephen,” she choked, and he felt his heart fissure.

  “Lill, what’s wrong?”

  “Abigail will be all right? We’ll be able to take care of her. Please just say that we will.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she shuddered against him.

  Drawing a deep, steadying breath, Stephen steadfastly wiped away her tears. “Abigail Hope Haydenshire will be just exactly the way she is supposed to be, and we will take care of her, just like all of the others. I will be right there, sweetheart, every step of the way. I won’t let you down. You don’t have to do this by yourself.” He tried to modulate his own voice. It sounded distant and choked. He didn’t want to frighten her more.

  “I know.” She tried to swallow back her emotions. With a deep inhale of his shirt and his musk, she lifted her head. “Do you remember when I finally told you I was pregnant with Will?” She seemed terrified that he’d somehow forgotten.