All But Lost (The Gifted Realm Book 6)

by Jillian Neal

  She pulled open the cabinets and studied them intently, as if the answers to every question plaguing her mind might be hidden in that cabinet. Heat fevered her face as she slowly moved around the kitchen and then into the dining room, which contained no furniture.

  “I sort of feel like I’m having this weird dream where I’m twenty, but we’re in the loft because I made you play house with me.”

  “Well, I didn’t construct this house for you out of toy bins and your play kitchen. And I’m pretty sure none of your brothers will show up and try to destroy it with pinecones and kick balls.” She gave him another one of those dazzling, heart-stopping smiles. “It cost a little more than our playhouses, too.”

  Emily slid to him, biting her lip. She laid her head on his shoulder and buried her face in his neck.

  He cradled her and tried to push soothing energy into her as he kissed her forehead and eased his hand under the sweater she was wearing. Somehow, his shield knew what his brain had yet to acknowledge. It spilled out of his pores and surrounded her without him summoning.

  “I’m scared,” she finally admitted in a pained whisper.

  “I know, but I’m right here.”

  She lifted her head. Tears leaked from her eyes effectively breaking his heat. “I don’t know how to do this, and I thought I did. I was so sure. I don’t know how to be a wife, or have a house of my own. What if I do everything wrong? What if I’m a horrible wife, and you don’t like being married to me?” She seemed unable to halt the terror as it took word and poured out of her heart.

  “Shh,” Rainer soothed, “hey, listen to me.”

  She began to sob in earnest as Rainer swayed her back and forth in the empty dining room. “Em, baby, just listen for a minute, please.”

  She shuddered against him.

  “No one knows how to do this when they first start.” He willed her to believe him. “And we’re going to mess things up. And there are going to be times that things don’t go the way we want them to go. And we’re going to get mad at each other, and fight. There will be days when everything seems to just go wrong, just like there are now.”

  “But, Emily, I will be here, and I will never leave you or decide that I don’t want to fight for us anymore, because you’re everything to me, baby. At the end of the day, if I get to crawl into bed with you and hold you close, then that’s all I’ll ever need. I swear to you, as long as you’re in this with me, then we’ll figure it out, and we’ll make it work no matter what.”

  She managed a slight smile through her tears. Rainer let her cry, not certain what else to say to shatter through her terror and her grief.

  “Come here, sweetheart.” He led her to the couch in the living room. Leaning back against one of the corners, he pulled her onto his chest.

  “You know, there are a lot of things that we didn’t know what the hell we were doing when we did them, and we eventually got pretty good at them.”

  A small giggle broke through her anguish. “We were terrible at French kissing.”

  Rainer nodded, “Yeah, we really were, but we’re pretty good at it now.”

  She studied him. Tears glassed her beautiful emerald eyes. “I’m just so scared I’ll disappoint you, or that someday you’re going to realize that I’m the only girl you’ve ever kissed, or that you’ve ever been with, and that you’ll decide you want to try out someone else for a change,” she choked, then began to sob again.

  Before Rainer could assure her that nothing like that would ever happen, she continued. “And you… you’ve already done all of this. Only you were only thirteen years old when you had to go and live with…” she shook against him, “with him. And then you had to come and live with us. I keep thinking about that, and how scared you must have been. Your dad had just died. I’m so sorry. I’m being such a baby.”

  “Emily.” Rainer shook his head, trying to soothe her so he could get through to her. “Listen, I was scared. I mean I was relieved when your mom and dad took me home from the Senate that night after they’d forced the trial.” He wondered if they’d ever really discussed those harrowing hours late in the night.

  Rainer had come to school with his right eye swollen shut. A gruesome black and purple bruise marred his entire face. He’d spent the previous night sleeping on the sidewalk outside his uncle’s apartment. At that time, Stan had lived out in Braddock, which was miles from the home Rainer had grown up in, in Falls Church.

  The guidance counselor had immediately pulled Rainer out of class. Logan had demanded to go with him, and had stood solidly by Rainer as he managed to explain to the counselor what had happened.

  Governor Haydenshire had been called, and he and Mrs. Haydenshire had both flown to the school. The boys had been taken to Nana and Paps’ house for the rest of the school day.

  Governor Haydenshire didn’t want Stan to know where he’d sent Rainer. He needed to know that Rainer was safe while he forced the Governing board to meet secretly at seven that night, after the Senate closed.

  Exhaustion and terrorizing fear had made Rainer unable to reason, and he hadn’t understood at the time why Will and Garrett had come immediately from work and stayed at the Anderson’s home with Logan and Rainer.

  Nana would try every few hours to heal Rainer’s eye, but his shield had just really developed. He had little to no control over it, and he blocked her out. He was too exhausted and too emotional to attempt to pull it back.

  Will and Garrett tried as well, but neither succeeded, and no one had been willing to force Rainer to do anything he didn’t want to do.

  Already thoroughly embarrassed from showing up to school with a black eye, Rainer had waited until he thought Will, Garrett, and Logan were out of ear shot to approach Nana Anderson.

  “Do you think Emily will come over here after school?” He could still hear his terror-filled, trembling voice as he’d asked.

  Tears had pricked her eyes as she’d wrapped him up in a tender embrace. She’d guided him to her kitchen table and plied him with more milk and cookies.

  “They’re going to get you all fixed up, sweet boy, and we’re going to see if we can’t just move you right onto the farm so you don’t have to be without Emily ever again okay?”

  “Levi and Cal picked Emily up from school, and they’ve taken her, Connor and Patrick out to the Vindico’s home. They don’t want any of you kids on the farm just yet. Let Stephen get this worked out, and you’ll be safe and sound in your bed in Logan’s room tonight.”

  Rainer nodded his understanding, but all he recalled feeling was hopeless defeat. Emily wasn’t coming, and in that moment of endless confusion she was all he’d really wanted.

  It was a testament to the gravity of the situation that though Garrett and Logan had overheard Rainer’s plea for Emily that neither of them had even entertained the thought of teasing him.

  Coming back to the present, he gazed into Emily’s emerald eyes. “I was a mess,” he allowed. “They took me to your grandparents, and I asked for you.”

  Emily’s mouth opened as another round of tears took her over.

  “Because, you see, Em, anytime in my entire life that I’ve been afraid, or felt like life was just too much for me to handle, then it’s you I want. You make everything in my life better. You’re it for me, baby, and I kind of thought that’s how you felt about me, too.”

  Emily smiled through her tears once again and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

  “You could never ever disappoint me, Emily. I’m happy just getting to come home from work and be with you. To know that you’re Mrs. Lawson, nothing will ever make me prouder than that, baby. So please, please don’t be afraid that you’re going to upset me, because if I have you then I don’t need anything else.”

  She drew a shuddered breath. “I’ll try to not be so stubborn, and demanding, and pouty if I don’t get my way.”

  Unable to help himself, Rainer cracked up. “Em, baby,” he shook his head trying to think of the best way to phrase his res
ponse, “you aren’t demanding, and I kind of think you’re cute when you pout. I fell in love with you, and I want you to be you. My sweet, spiteful, sassy, stubborn, red-headed, beautiful, caring, baby. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, and you are all I will ever want! I don’t want you to ever change one single thing about you.”

  “Even with all of that stuff that happened to me, you are the only girl I’ve ever kissed. The only girl I’ve ever felt-up. And my God, the only girl I’ve ever made love with, and baby, that makes me the luckiest guy on this planet or any other. How did I ever get so lucky to get the girl that’s perfect for me on my very first kiss?”

  Heat

  ~Logan Haydenshire~

  “Thank you,” Logan sighed as their main courses were finally set in front of him and Adeline at eight forty-five.

  “I’m starving,” Adeline confessed as she began twirling her pasta around her fork. He was at least thankful that now, after living with him for the last eight months and being married for the last three, that she would admit when she was hungry and let him try to do something about it.

  Still infuriated the restaurant had overbooked the tables on Valentine’s Day, Logan cut into his steak and stabbed a piece vengefully with his fork.

  “I love you,” Adeline whispered from across the candlelit table, rescuing Logan from his engulfing irritation. He smiled and drew a deep breath. He reminded himself of all that he had all night.

  “I love you too, Mrs. Haydenshire, so much.”

  “How’s your steak?” She studied him as she took another bite of her linguine covered in seafood and cream sauce.

  He debated. He didn’t want to embarrass her, but his mind was not focused on his food. “Not nearly as good as you’re gonna taste,” he went on with the first thing that had popped into his mind when she’d asked about his dinner.

  Her eyes flashed and she blushed violently, but she looked delighted with his assessment.

  She was speechless momentarily as Logan chuckled and winked at her. A broad grin spread across her face. She giggled, looking extremely pleased as she sipped her wine.

  They were seated in one of the small round booths that overlooked the Potomac. Still blushing, Adeline glanced around, looking fearful that she was going to be scolded as she scooted her plate and then her body beside Logan instead of across from him.

  Chuckling at her, Logan draped his left arm over her shoulders as he continued to eat with his right.

  “The pasta good?”

  She nodded, but then hesitantly leaned and brushed a kiss across his cheek before sinking back and picking up her fork. She seemed to be willing resolve and courage from the air around them as she ate.

  Wondering what was on her mind, Logan copied her move. He leaned and kissed the side of her head. Her breath caught momentarily. She grinned up at him.

  Her eyes caught the light of the candle in the darkened restaurant. The fire reflected in their onyx depths. Her cheeks still flushed the color of a dark pink rose. She took his breath away.

  “I am the luckiest guy in this entire restaurant to have you sitting right there beside me. To be married to you,” he continued, “and I’m sorry. I don’t want to rush you, baby, but my God I want you, Ad. I just want to hold you with nothing between us. I want you naked in my arms, sweetheart, all night long.”

  Her energy spiked as she let her eyes close for a long moment. “Let’s just go,” she finally begged. “Please. You’re all I can think about.”

  Logan signaled the waiter.

  ~Dan Vindico~

  “Let’s hear this waterfall fantasy, Ms. Styler.” Dan gazed at Fionna as she took another delicate bite of the mousse his sister had prepared for their dessert.

  She giggled as she swallowed it down. Her cheeks flushed as she lifted her wine glass gracefully and drew a small sip. “I can’t tell you that.”

  “Please.” He’d beg if he had to. She rolled her eyes as her blush grew more pronounced.

  “Come on,” he urged. “Is this a Tarzan and Jane-style fantasy, or more of the waterfall in some huge resort where you might get caught because there are other people everywhere? Voyeurism, being dominated, or taken advantage of? Any of the other top ten?” He stated a few of the fantasies he was fairly certain were quite common among most women, two of which he already knew she had.

  “Do you just think you have women all figured out, Officer Vindico?”

  “Oh, honey, I would never ever even pretend to think that, for one single moment.”

  Seeming to give in just a little, she wrinkled her nose. “It really isn’t all that elaborate. It’s more like you and me behind a waterfall, maybe with a little of that being caught thing and a whole lot of that being taken advantage of thing,” she admitted sheepishly.

  Now we’re getting somewhere, Dan realized as excitement and fervor surged through him. Part of what made him so good at what he did was his dogged drive to find things out, to search and hunt down the tiniest detail that often made a dramatic impact.

  Finding out things about Fionna Styler had quickly become his newest addictive fascination. He smiled at her, hoping that if he kept quiet she’d keep talking.

  The requests she’d made and her responses to him after the lingerie party had only served to make him all the more avid in discovering her every sexual desire.

  “It did start with one waterfall in particular,” she offered next.

  He nodded and scooped up another bite of the mousse on his plate. He offered her the fork. “You keep telling me, and I’ll feed you for all of the good details I get.”

  She grinned at the idea of his game. “There’s this kind of tiny waterfall near my grandparent’s house on Kauai.” She licked the fork seductively. His cock jerked to attention.

  “It’s perfect, secluded and in this tiny spring, but it’s deep enough to swim in. The water would probably come up to your shoulders. Every time I go visit them I always think how romantic it would be to skinny dip. And, you know, maybe hang out for a little while behind the falls.”

  “I hope you’ll take me to see it sometime.”

  Her eyes lit as she nodded. “I would love for you to come with me to Kauai. That would mean the world to me. It’s my favorite place on earth; well, except maybe anywhere that I’m in your arms.”

  Dan grinned. “Then I’ll make both happen. I’ll keep you safe in my arms in Kauai.”

  Immediately thinking that Hawaiʻi, sounded like an excellent honeymoon destination, Dan stood to refill their wine glasses. Fionna’s cell rang, but it wasn’t one of her specialized ringtones.

  “Who could that be? Everyone I know knows I’m off with you.”

  She took the phone from her purse and studied the number quizzically for a second before answering. Dan returned to the table with the refilled glasses and waited on Fionna to return before he finished his dessert.

  He could barely make out the hesitant greeting and explanation of who was calling as he watched all of the color that had settled firmly in Fionna’s cheeks fade away quickly.

  “Jarred!” her eyes goggled. “Uh… how are you?”

  Dan clenched his jaw, not certain what to feel in that moment. Equal parts possessive fury and concern over Fionna’s obvious panic rocketed rapidly through his veins. She trembled as she sank down on the couch, not meeting Dan’s gaze.

  “Jarred, I told you when we broke up that I never wanted to see you again. I’m seeing someone. It’s quite serious.”

  Swallowing back the bile that had risen violently in his throat, Dan felt his entire body clench tightly. His muscles prepped for a fight that wasn’t coming.

  “No, not even just to talk. I’ve moved on,” she eased hesitantly.

  Jarred’s voice went on for a long drawn minute with Fionna growing more and more uncomfortable. “No, I moved. I don’t live there anymore.”

  Dan stood. His mind conjured images of Jarred’s pathetic body being crushed by his fists, and Fionna nursing away the inevitable hard-on fig
hting always left him.

  Irritation plagued her features, “Yes, I moved in with him. I told you it was serious. It’s Valentine’s Day, Jarred. I’m hanging up. Never call me again.”

  Dan debated taking the phone from her and letting Jarred know what he thought of his giving Fionna a booty call on Valentine’s Day, but he forced himself only to pace closer.

  This wasn’t some prick that had taken what he’d wanted and left or treated her badly. This was a guy she’d been with for almost two years, and though she’d never told him that she loved him, Dan knew that Jarred had been in love with Fionna.

  “Jarred!” Fionna huffed with a defeated sigh. “No!”

  Jarred continued to talk.

  “Yes, if he asks,” spilled from her mouth in a defiant declaration. “No, it isn’t Garrett. Jarred this conversation is pointless.”

  In one quick step, Dan was beside her and held his hand out for the phone. Instead of giving him the phone, she took his hand and drew from him. As their energy connected, he heard Jarred make his final plea.

  “Fionna, baby, I love you, and I want to be with you. I don’t know who this guy is, but he doesn’t love you like I do. He can’t.”

  Incensed fury reverberated in the very cells of Dan’s entire body. He grabbed the phone and seated himself beside her. Fionna looked momentarily panicked.

  “Jarred.” Dan forced his voice to remain moderately calm, but appropriately lethal. “This is Fionna’s boyfriend.”

  Fionna’s head fell into her hands with frustrated defeat.

  “No, Jarred, I’m not going to put her back on the phone. I think you and Fi have talked quite enough. So if you’re really stupid enough to want to talk to someone, you can talk to me,” he bellowed furiously.

  Fionna raised her head, and Dan saw relief broadcast from her features.

  “Thank you,” she mouthed as she curled up and laid her head in Dan’s lap.

  Keeping his hand sliding up and down Fionna’s back both to soothe her and to keep his own energy somewhat calm, Dan listened to Jarred tell him that Fionna needed him and that they’d been perfect together.