Once A Bandit

by Diana Bold

  Josh shrugged, tamping down his guilt. “I don’t really give a damn. Can you help me unload the wagon?”

  * * * * *

  Susannah hugged Carrie tightly as she watched Josh ride out of her life forever. Tears stung her eyes, but somehow she managed not to shed them. This was her fault. She took full responsibility.

  If only she’d told him the truth. She’d had dozens of opportunities. He’d been so good to her. Who knew what might have happened if their relationship had been built on love instead of lies?

  When he finally disappeared over the hill, she turned away and sank into the rocking chair he’d bought her, staring at the money he’d stubbornly left lying on the table.

  She would make it through the winter now, thanks to his generosity. But how would she make it through the rest of her life without the warmth of his love?

  Chapter Six

  Josh knocked wearily on Carrie’s hotel room door, praying she was alone. He’d long ago come to terms with the fact that she took other men to her bed, but he didn’t think he could face the reality of it tonight. All he wanted was to lose himself in Carrie’s arms and try to forget the glimpse of heaven he’d found with Susannah.

  Christ, how he wished he really was Caleb Barrett.

  To his relief, Carrie’s door opened quickly. She stood before him, barefoot and dressed in nothing but a flimsy green robe, her once lovely blond hair lank and unkempt. Her blue eyes widened when she saw him, but they didn’t light with the joy he’d expected.

  “Hello, Josh,” she said with a sigh, stepping aside to let him enter.

  He entered a dark, cold room, lit only by a small fire in the hearth. All the way here, he’d kept thoughts of Susannah at bay by imagining the way Carrie would launch herself into his arms, crying with happiness. Her lukewarm reception left him uncertain and confused.

  Carrie’s love had been the only constant in his life.

  “I missed you so damn much,” he told her cautiously as he took one of the chairs in front of the fire and stretched his frozen toes toward its meager heat.

  “It’s been a long time,” she replied, sitting down across from him. Unmistakable anger filled her soft words.

  Guilt overwhelmed him. Nearly two years had passed since he’d promised to take her out of this place, out of this life. But in all the long months since, Clyde had made certain he had no money of his own, no options but to stay in the gang.

  Carrie had told him quite clearly she didn’t want to be an outlaw’s woman or a poor man’s wife. She’d chosen this life, rather than running away with him, a reminder that brought back a multitude of old hurts.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying, Carrie. I came for you as soon as I could.”

  “Not soon enough,” she said bitterly. “Not before Clyde showed up and spent three days forcing himself on me because you’d stolen his money. He thought you’d told me what you were going to do with it.”

  He expelled a furious breath and launched himself out of his chair, kneeling on the floor at her feet. “That son of a bitch,” he muttered, trying to pull her into his arms. “I’ll kill him.”

  She put her hand on his chest, holding him at arm’s length. “Don’t touch me,” she said coldly. “I don’t want you touching me.”

  He sank back on his heels, rocked to the core by the venom in her voice. “Christ, sweetheart. If you only knew how much I’ve wanted to come back for you. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted anyone to hurt you.”

  “It’s been two years,” she whispered harshly. “For two years I’ve let men use my body. Did you really think you’d ride in here on your white horse and carry me away and we’d… what? Get married? Did you really plan to marry a whore, Josh?”

  He flinched. He understood why she was so upset, but he had no idea how to make this better. “I love you. You know I always have. All I’ve ever wanted was to make you safe and happy.”

  “You love me like a sister,” she said dully. “You’ve never loved me like a woman. That’s why I chose to stay here instead of running away with you. I knew if I did, if you had to work yourself to death just to take care of me, you would grow to hate me.”

  “I could never hate you,” he assured her. “Damn it, Carrie. You’re the only one in my whole life I’ve ever given a damn about.” But the moment the words left his mouth, he knew they weren’t true. He’d loved Susannah. He’d loved baby Carrie. What he’d felt for Susannah, the sweetness and desire, had never been part of what he’d felt for Carrie.

  Something of his emotions must have shown because Carrie suddenly gentled, reaching out to tenderly brush a lock of hair from his eyes. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?” She gave him a half-smile. “My poor, brave Josh. You left behind a woman you actually loved to fulfill a promise to a broken-down whore?”

  “Don’t talk about yourself that way,” he demanded. “You know I don’t see you like that.”

  “I know,” she whispered sadly. “But it’s how I see myself. I could never enjoy making love to you, Josh. Any relationship between us now could never involve that.”

  He leaned forward, burying his face in her lap. “I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

  She gently ran her hands through his hair. “You didn’t ruin anything, Josh. It was all Clyde’s fault. All of it. You’ve been like a brother to me, when the man who raised me and the others I counted as brothers were forcing themselves on me at every opportunity. You’re the one man who never hurt me. Never disappointed me.”

  “I don’t know what to do now,” he admitted tiredly. “I’ve been focused on getting back to you for so long I don’t know what to do now that you don’t want me.”

  “Take me out of here,” she told him firmly. “Take me out of here and let’s go far away. We’ll go to California, and we’ll tell everyone I truly am your sister. We’ll start fresh. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? We can bring that girl you care so much for, and I’ll play aunt to your children in a house by the sea.”

  “I guess you can start right away,” he told her, attempting a smile. “My little girl is already named after you.”

  * * * * *

  Susannah’s heart thundered in her chest as she stared out her lone window at the visitors dismounting outside her door. Josh. And a lovely blonde woman who could only be Carrie.

  Nearly a month had passed since he’d left her. She’d have been absolutely thrilled to see him if not for the woman at his side. Why was he here? And why had he brought the woman he’d left her for?

  If he was simply here to check on her, she didn’t know how her pride would bear it.

  Feeling foolish, she checked her reflection in the mirror before hurrying to open the door. Carrie had just gone down for a nap, and she’d prefer the baby didn’t wake up during what was sure to be a heartbreaking visit.

  When she opened the door, he turned to face her, and a tentative smile lit his face.

  She smiled tremulously in return. “Hello, Josh.”

  “Hey, Susannah.” He crossed the distance between them in a few strides and pulled her into a bone-crushing embrace.

  Closing her eyes, she let herself melt into his embrace. “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you, too,” he murmured, much to her surprise. “Can we go inside and talk for a few minutes?”

  She nodded through a rush of tears, dangerous hope blossoming within her. “What about your friend?” she asked belatedly.

  “Carrie? Will you be all right out here for a few minutes?” he asked the blonde woman solicitously.

  Carrie nodded, seeming unconcerned by the fact that Josh still held her in his arms.

  Confused, Susannah allowed Josh to lead her into the house. As soon as the door shut behind them, he pressed her against the wall and kissed her possessively.

  For a small eternity, she lost herself in his arms, relearning the taste and feel of him all over again. After a long while, he finally lifted his head and gave her a rueful grin. “Sorry, d
arlin’, but you don’t know how much time I’ve spent thinking about that during the last few weeks.”

  “Probably not as often as I’ve thought of it,” she assured him happily. She didn’t know what was going on, but she sure liked the way it was starting.

  “There’s someone else I’ve been dying to see,” he murmured, pressing another kiss on her forehead and then turning toward the cradle in the corner. “There’s my girl,” he crooned softly, leaning down to caress Carrie’s cheek with the tip of his finger. “I missed you so much, princess.”

  Susannah sank into the rocking chair, feeling too weak to stand. She’d prayed for this to happen, but even in her wildest dreams it had never been this perfect. She began to cry in earnest, sobs wracking her body as she realized he’d actually returned for her.

  He returned to her side, kneeling at her feet and pulling her in his arms. “Don’t cry, darlin’. It will be all right. I promise.”

  “I thought I’d never see you again,” she whispered. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “I couldn’t stay away,” he admitted roughly.

  She pulled slightly away so she could look into his eyes, offering up a silent prayer that she wasn’t imagining what she saw there. “Are you back for good?”

  “If you’ll have me,” he whispered. “I’m yours if you want me.”

  “Of course I want you.” Tears of happiness burned her eyes until his beloved face swam before her. “But what about Carrie?”

  He frowned and glanced out the window toward the woman who waited patiently by the horses. “We were raised together, and I thought I loved her.” He cleared his throat. “I do love her. But she helped me see that my love for her was that of a brother. I never wanted her the way I want you.”

  “Why did she come here with you?” Susannah asked warily, still afraid to believe in what he seemed to be saying.

  “We’re on our way to California. We’re going to make a new life. Say you’ll come with me, Susannah.” The entreaty in his voice nearly brought her to her knees.

  “I never thought you could forgive me. When you left, you were so angry.”

  “You should have told me the truth,” he replied sternly. “But within hours of leaving you, I’d cooled down enough to realize why you’d done it. I don’t suppose I’ll ever be happy about the lies you told me, but I know you truly love me. And I need that back. I need you to love me.”

  “I never stopped loving you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  “I don’t deserve you, but I’ll love you until the day I die.” He kissed her again, scattering any remaining doubts like leaves in the wind. She couldn’t believe he still loved her, that he’d forgiven her and come back for her. If she was dreaming, she didn’t ever want to wake up.

  “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you,” she protested through her tears. “But I am selfish enough to say yes. Yes, I love you. Yes, I will go with you. I don’t care where we go, as long as we’re together.”

  He cupped her face with his hands and stared down at her, his heart in his eyes. “I’m memorizing your face,” he told her softly. “No bump on the head is ever going to make me forget this moment.”

  “You’ll never forget,” she assured him fiercely. “Because I’m always going to be there, right by your side, reminding you that you’re Josh Morgan, the man I love.”

  You can contact Diana at Diana@dianabold.com

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  Read on for a sneak peek of some of Diana’s other books

  Chapter One – Once A Pirate

  London—1810

  “You’ve got a visitor, Montgomery.”

  Deep in the bowels of Newgate Prison, Talon Montgomery looked up from the corner of his dank, windowless cell. “A visitor?” His words were little more than a hoarse rasp. He hadn’t spoken in months, not since he’d realized nothing he said would entice the guards to release him.

  He shielded his eyes from the glare of the guard’s lantern with a grimy hand, blinking and uncertain. A visitor? He’d been trapped down here for what seemed an eternity, accused of treason and branded a pirate. They claimed he’d been spying for the Americans, looting English ships for military secrets and wealth.

  He accepted the charge of piracy, even though he was technically a privateer, but he hotly denied the treason. He was an American, by choice, if not by birth. Unfortunately, his letter of marque from the American government had been ignored, and he’d been thrown in this cell to rot. He’d been sentenced to death, and he couldn’t imagine why they were dragging it out.

  The hulking guard withdrew a key and unlocked his cell for the first time since his mockery of a trial. The grinding rasp of the key brought long dead reflexes to life.

  Was he hallucinating? He had to be, because freedom lay just beyond that open door. All he had to do was get rid of the guard…

  “You wouldn’t make it two feet,” the man warned, hauling Talon off the floor with one beefy arm.

  Talon fought a wave of nausea and humiliation. The good health he’d taken for granted all his life had deserted him. He battled to find the strength to remain standing instead of wilting at the man’s feet in an ignoble heap.

  The guard grinned. “Not so high and mighty now, are we, Lord Pirate?”

  Talon shook off the man’s hands, bracing his own against the iron bars for support. “Where are you taking me?”

  “There’s a fancy gentleman waitin’ to have a word with you in the warden’s office.” Still chuckling, the guard shoved Talon toward his cell door. “I don’t imagine the bloke wants to be kept twiddlin’ his thumbs by the likes o’ you.”

  Talon let the guard prod him down the narrow corridor, unable to accept the fact that he had a visitor. Who could it be? His valiant crew had been dead these many months, and he had no one else.

  He wondered if this was a ruse, some strange new form of torture to make him confess. If so, perhaps this time they’d succeed. He could bear anything but false hope.

  Halfway to the warden’s office, the cobwebs cleared and he realized there was someone in his life with the power to arrange such a visit. Sudden fury sparked within him, burning away months of apathy and despair.

  Sutcliffe! Had he come to gloat? To see Talon broken and humbled once and for all? His anger gave him the strength to climb the endless flight of stairs.

  At last the guard shoved him into a warm, brightly lit room. “Here he is, sir. Let us know when you’re done with him.”

  Talon stood in the doorway, blinking against the light, tension coursing through him as he struggled to get a clear look at the two men who waited inside. One was a giant of a man, dressed in silver and blue livery that bore the Sutcliffe crest. Hired muscle, Talon thought in disgust, dismissing him.

  The other man stood in front of the crackling fire, warming his gloved hands. He didn’t turn around when Talon entered the room, which wasn’t surprising.

  James Sinclair, the Sixth Earl of Sutcliffe, had first turned his back on his bastard son twenty‐nine years ago, the day he’d discovered Talon’s mother carried him in her womb.

  Talon slumped against the wall, glaring. He’d swallowed his pride and sent his father an impassioned plea for help after his arrest, only to be completely ignored. If there’d been anything left in him of the boy who’d once yearned for his father’s love, Sutcliffe had killed it then.

  “Damn you,” Talon muttered. “Damn you to hell.”

  Sutcliffe laughed and turned to look at the son he’d never wanted.

  Talon drew in a sharp breath, startled. He hadn’t been face to face with the man who’d sired him since he was a lad of twelve. He’d forgotten how much he resembled
the man.

  They shared the same unusual coloring — inky black hair and icy blue eyes. Sutcliffe’s harsh, uncompromising features were more deeply lined and his ebony hair had turned gray at the temples, but there was no denying they were father and son.

  The earl assessed him with a critical gaze. “I’m glad to see five months in prison hasn’t broken your spirit.”

  Five months. Five months since he’d taken a breath of air that wasn’t fouled by the odors of death and decay. Five months since he’d felt the sun and wind on his skin or eaten a decent meal.

  It had seemed far longer.

  Talon’s fury burst through the dam that had held it, a torrent of all the injustices he’d suffered since his arrest. He pushed off the wall, hell bent on murder.

  Sutcliffe’s footman stepped forward, but Sutcliffe stayed him with an arrogant wave of his gloved hand. “Leave us, Lionel. He’s far too weak to do me any harm.”

  Lionel pinned Talon with an intimidating glance then shrugged and left the room.

  Talon burned with mortification. He hated his obvious weakness, hated that his father was right. He was in no shape to strike fear into anyone. “What are you doing here?”

  Sutcliffe gave him an arrogant smile. “Arranging your pardon, of course. You’re a free man, Montgomery. All you need to do is walk out that door.”

  Despite his hatred, Talon couldn’t contain the dizzying sense of hope his father’s words provoked. He wanted out of this place. He wanted to lift his face to the sun just one more time...

  It would be worth any price he had to pay. And the watchful look on Sutcliffe’s haughty face assured him there would be a price.

  The truth of it hit him like a fist in the gut. Sutcliffe had left him to rot for a reason. He’d wanted to make certain Talon was desperate enough to agree to whatever he was about to demand.

  “What do you want from me? You wouldn’t help me when I needed it. Why bother now?”