Fantasy Online Polynya: A LitRPG Saga

by Harmon Cooper

  “I’ll help you,” the other clothing designer, the one with the bangs and a warm smile, tells Ryuk.

  She leads him behind one of the screens, waits with her back turned away for him to change, and immediately starts adjusting the suit once it’s on.

  With a pin in her mouth, she pinches bits of the fabric where it’s too loose, marks it, and the fabric instantly tightens. She pins the front of his pants, takes a step back to see what it looks like from afar, and once she’s certain, Ryuk’s pants instantly tighten.

  Meanwhile, the other designer helps FeeTwix get dressed.

  The two come out from behind the folding screens, which Ryuk knows as byōbu, and greet each other.

  “Not bad, cuz!” FeeTwix says, giving Ryuk the thumbs up. “You dress up nice. Now it’s time to get mani-pedis with Hiccup.”

  “Just manis for you guys,” one of the stylists calls over.

  “Fine by us!”

  The two designers turn to Zaena. They lead the princess – still hard to imagine she’s a princess, Ryuk thinks – behind the folding screen and begin dressing her.

  “Ah, the good life! From cell to mani,” FeeTwix says with a sigh. “All in a day’s work. This is a perfect time to remind all of you watching that Office Hallmark Depot is having a big sale right now on all papers, office supplies, and greeting cards!”

  His mirror appears in his hand, and as the NPC goes to work on his left hand, FeeTwix offers the mirror a dashing smile.

  “The Mitherfickers are living it up now so you can stop worrying! But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t worry about your loved ones. Get them a card, hell, get them a stapler, or double hell, prank your brother by getting him a card and stapling it shut! Ha!”

  Hiccup snorts. His pink hair has been magically washed, dried, and is now in curlers.

  The male stylist works up a sweat trying to trim down his toenails. He stops, wipes his brow, and Hiccup tells him to get back to it. “Those nails aren’t going to trim themselves!”

  Ryuk sits and the female stylist starts in on his right hand. She starts with a massage, and once she’s quickly done that – everyone seems to be moving at warp speed – she trims his nails, adds a clear coat to them, and starts on the other hand just as Zaena comes out from behind the screen.

  “Wow!” FeeTwix gasps. “That’s twice you’ve impressed me in one night, babe! You look hella good!” His eyes flash blue.

  “Why did you go blue?” she asks, approaching softly, one heel in front of the other.

  “So I could have you all to myself.”

  “Fick me, that’s the lamest thing I’ve heard all day,” Hiccup comments. “It’s also sweet. You two are made for each other, just like me and Spew Gorge’s mom.”

  “But that’s your aunt,” Ryuk reminds him.

  “And? Jon Snow ficked the living shit out of his aunt and no one gave two flying ficks!”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Why is it so hard to believe I’m a relatively well-read goblin, Marbles? You see me reading all the time. It’s what security guards do. We read. And sleep. And play with our chalupas if no one is watching. How do you think I got the fickin’ job that led me to meeting you in the first place?”

  “I thought you came with the guildhall in Jatla,” FeeTwix says. “That’s what you told me.”

  “Pfft!”

  “Besides that, you were terrible at your job,” Ryuk says. “Tamana was kidnapped while you were sleeping!”

  “Alternative fact alert!” Hiccup locks eyes with Ryuk and the stare-down begins. Knowing better than to get into it with the goblin, Ryuk looks away.

  “Whatever, Hiccup.”

  “That’s what I fickin’ thought, Marbles. Hey! Careful with the pinky toes,” the goblin tells the male pedicurist. “Keep those ones long. It’s a style in Jatla.”

  Zaena sits, careful not to wrinkle her dress. Her stylist begins working on her toenails almost immediately.

  “So,” Ryuk asks, “were you ever going to tell us you were a princess?”

  “I was,” she says, “when the time was right.”

  “Well, fick, Liz, we really could have been living it up, not going to lie to you there, but you did drop the truthbomb at a pretty good time, so good job there. I was afraid Marbles was going to lose it back in that cell.”

  Ryuk rolls his eyes.

  “But seriously, seriously. Next time give us the heads up. Shit, I’d love to be living like Thulean royalty. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I knew you were a one-percenter … Hey!” Hiccup yanks his hand back. “Careful, that’s my picking finger!”

  “Picking finger?” The male stylist raises an eyebrow of disgust at the goblin.

  Hiccup demonstrates what he means by jamming his pointer finger in his nose and digging around. “I need to keep this one long too. I have allergies, sinus issues, and my brain needs scratching. We clear?”

  The man swallows hard. “Yes, we’re clear.”

  “Good. Now, chop chop! I got a feeling this next meeting is going to be one for the record books and I can’t have my nails in disarray.”

  (0)__(x)

  The Mitherfickers, looking just about as dashing as they ever have and possibly ever will, follow two of the Empress’ Knights in White Satin through a long hallway lined with tapestries and elaborate oil paintings.

  The paintings depict famous battle scenes, some of which Ryuk recognizes from Flight Feet. They’re arranged in a way that gives the viewer an overwhelming feeling of the Empress’ accomplishments, which is augmented by the fact that she’s been added to all the paintings as either the main focal point or as an overseeing influence.

  “Damn, there’s a lot of fickin’ propaganda posters in here!”

  Ryuk snorts. Hiccup gets it, he thinks as Zaena hushes him.

  “Liz, you and I have a relationship. You’re kind of like my kid sister and I’m kind of like your well-educated uncle. But just ‘cause you’re a princess doesn’t mean I’m going to start kissing anyone’s feet. I know for a fact the Empress, bless her motherly mammaries … ”

  “Watch it!” one of the guards growls.

  “Easy, big ficker, that’s a compliment in Jatla!”

  “I’ve got this,” FeeTwix says as he slows to walk beside the goblin in the potato sack. “How about this? Behave yourself and I’ll see to it that you get a fucking kiddie pool filled with Hopkins’ Healing Nostrum. How’s that sound?”

  Hiccup straightens up in a matter of seconds.

  He files in line in front of Ryuk and doesn’t comment, scheme, tease, lament, complain, or chide any of his guildmates as they continue into yet another long hallway filled with Empress Thun’s imaginary exploits. He even practices a little self-control when it comes to flatulence.

  The group finally stops at the foot of a flight of stairs and look up to a final chamber marked by two enormous sitting griffins carved from Thulean granite. As they pass them, Hiccup reaches out to touch one and whips his hand back to his side.

  Ryuk mentally makes a note to bribe the goblin with high-end potions next time it comes up.

  Messages flash on Ryuk’s iNet screen.

  Zaena: Empress protocol – get to the ground to bow. She will then place her foot on the top of your head.

  Hiccup: That’s hot!

  More guards greet them as they enter into a circular space accented with pillars and built beneath an elaborate image of the various goddesses of Tritania. Ryuk senses that the space was designed this way for a particular reason, and his intuition is rewarded when his Magic Eye skill kicks in and he notices a faint green outline spiraling up the pillars and radiating off the throne at the back of the room.

  Algomagic …

  Pressed up against a back wall, the Empress’ throne has been cut into the trunk of a tree made of gold. A lion’s face is carved above the seat, its eyes open yet its pupils missing. The roots of the golden tree spread far past the throne and down the three steps.


  A door at the far end of the room swings open and two male attendants walk out, their necks elongated by metal rings and their nude bodies covered in white paint.

  They take their places on either side of the throne, and as they do, their legs widen and they suddenly begin to shrivel and shrink. They form two cylindrical tables, and as the tables harden, their colors morph from white to gray and finally settle on a shade of Charleston green.

  Two attendants, these two female with robes that stretch several meters behind their bodies, walk out with their hands beneath lush cushions. Sitting on the cushions are two small griffins, both fast asleep.

  “Ah, how cute,” Hiccup says, breaking his silence.

  Zaena glances over her shoulder at him and he snaps his mouth shut.

  The two sleeping baby griffins are led to the cylindrical tables and are placed on top. The two attendants carrying them roll their heads back and melt into the floor, adding to the golden roots of the tree.

  As if she had been sitting there all along, Empress Thun is suddenly on her throne, in evening wear that is neither revealing nor modest. The white makeup normally on her face is gone and her hair is relaxed, pulled into a tight turban.

  She lifts a single hand.

  “Down we go, Mitherfickers.” Hiccup prostrates before her, grumbling about the pain in his back as he does so. “Yoy,” he whispers as he gets into a full blown child’s pose. “Mother of fick, this hurts! Marbles, get your ass down here!”

  “Um … ” Ryuk drops to his knees and extends his hands in front of him. FeeTwix does the same and Ryuk turns his head to see Zaena still standing. I guess this only applies to commoners and regular NPCs, he thinks as he watches the Thulean princess.

  Standing before him now, Empress Thun places the sole of her foot to the back of his head.

  As she digs her foot in, Ryuk feels an overwhelming sense of calm spread through him. This is followed by a tingling sensation, and by the time she leaves, all the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck are standing to attention.

  Level up! +10 LUCK! New skill learned!

  Having never actually met Empress Thun before, Ryuk is unaccustomed to the ritual associated with the monarch of all of Tritania. The only entity more powerful is the Sage of Gotha, and while the Thuleans in the north are allowed to have their own royal system, the Empress still holds some sway over them.

  New skill? He waits for her to move on to Hiccup before he checks the prompt.

  Skill: Knights in White Satin

  Level One: Call upon the Empress’ guard to aid you in a battle.

  Caveat: Can only be used once per day.

  Requirements: Gifted by Empress Thun.

  “Fick yeah!”

  Ryuk’s train of thought is interrupted by Hiccup, who is absolutely thrilled to have the Empress place her foot against his pink topknot. The goblin is practically thumping his leg as the Empress finishes her bizarre ritual and moves on to FeeTwix.

  Once she finishes with the Swede, her form takes shape back on her throne.

  “You may now stand,” she says firmly. “I don’t normally meet and greet after hours, but I owe Queen Renata a favor, and besides that, I am very interested to hear why you tried to kill me earlier.” She narrows her eyes at Ryuk.

  “Kill you?” He takes a step back. Is that why everyone was after us? he thinks. “It wasn’t me!”

  “It was the fickin’ one-armed man!” Hiccup adds, chortling. “Wait, that’s me!” He laughs even harder. Zaena shoots him a glare that could peel the lead paint off a Chinese action figure. He gulps, glances down at his feet, and looks to FeeTwix to see if he still gets the pool of healing potion.

  FeeTwix shakes his head, and the goblin curses under his breath.

  “I will speak for my guildmates from here on out, Your Highness,” Zaena says, stepping forward. The way she holds herself, her chest out and her shoulders broad, is something Ryuk has seen from her before, but only in fleeting glances.

  “Go on.”

  “Less than a week ago, I left for Hyperborea in search of my brother, Prince Charo Boldrom.”

  A message flashes on Ryuk’s vision pane.

  Hiccup: His name means Bloody Freedom. Fickin’ cool name if you ask me! If I ever have another kid, that’s definitely a name I’ll consider.

  Ryuk ignores him and tunes back in to the conversation.

  “I was in the Jatla Forest when I was attacked by Ryuk’s doppelganger and his sellswords. They were transporting a captive, Ryuk’s former guildmate, Tamana.”

  Ryuk swallows hard at the word former. He knows it’s over, he knows Tamana has turned. But like so many before him and so many after, the writing on the wall and its legibility are at odds.

  “So he has a lookalike?” Empress Thun nods.

  “He does, a player who masks his handle and all identifying marks.”

  Empress Thun grins. “Please, go on.”

  Zaena continues the rest of the story, how she met Ryuk and FeeTwix, their adventures thereafter, Tamana’s betrayal, their trip to Polynya, the attack by the Shinigami in Katiyana, the wolf and his owner, the catacombs, and their arrival here.

  Throughout the explanation, Empress Thun keeps the grin on her face. Once Zaena has finished, she turns to Ryuk. “I apologize for imprisoning you earlier,” she looks at the rest of them, “to all of you. But precautions had to be taken, and I wanted to be sure your group was authentic before I had the cuffs removed.”

  “Are you saying you knew all along?” Hiccup asks.

  “Some parts, yes. And this doppelgänger, as you put it, isn’t the only one who has been running around under false pretenses.” She narrows her eyes at Zaena. “You weren’t being truthful, to yourself or your guildmates. I am sure Queen Renata and the rest of your family are worried regarding your whereabouts. I know for a fact they are, as I spoke with several of them earlier today.”

  Zaena bows her head. “It was a decision I had to make.”

  “I understand, and you can explore your decision more as your guildmates adjust to the significance of your origin. But that’s not what I want to say. Ryuk.”

  “Yes?” he asks, his eyes going wide in anticipation of whatever she may say.

  “This doppelgänger, this leader of the Shinigami … that is their name, correct?”

  Ryuk nods.

  “He is your brother, Kodai Matsuzaki.”

  Chapter 26: Repetition is a Form of Change

  Kodai is anxious to get the drop on Hajime, but he knows that it will be best to attack later on in the evening, when most of the people in the condo have gone to sleep. He’s already had his thugs secretly relocate the people that live on the floor below his brother. This family, the Ogawas, will spend the night at an exclusive onsen in the hills near Saitama.

  His brother will be none the wiser.

  The serpent woman’s spies saw him get arrested by Empress Thun’s royal guard. Ryuk won’t be able to log out, providing the perfect opportunity to ambush Hajime.

  “You’re smiling.” Tesla sits across from him at his most frequented hostess bar.

  “It has been a fine day,” he says, thinking about the massage she gave him earlier.

  Tea candles in red glassware make the hostess bar feel both mysterious and shady. The mirror-colored pillar in the center of the room sparkles and shines as a waitress walks past. She stops in front of Kodai, bends just enough to give him a peek at her breasts, and places his glass of Nikko whiskey before him on a napkin.

  As soon as she’s gone, Kodai waves Yugio over. “See to it that the new waitress doesn’t flirt with me.”

  Yugio nods and turns towards the bar.

  “I’m excited,” Kodai tells Tesla after he’s taken a sip from his whiskey. He sees Sarah over at the pollute bar, flirting with a customer, and he waits for a reaction to come to him. It doesn’t. He suddenly doesn’t care if she’s flirting or if she’s under his control. As his gaze returns to Tesla, he comes to understand why this is
. “You look beautiful tonight.”

  Kodai doesn’t see the three men enter the bar with weapons drawn.

  Tesla jumps to cover him. The sound of shrieks meets Kodai’s ears as he scrambles to the floor, his ears ringing, his heart ready to explode.

  A beat of silence and then more gunfire, this time from the bar.

  Sarah! he thinks, suddenly feeling terrible, suddenly knowing all too well that she may have been caught in the crossfire.

  He swallows his terror down.

  As his employees scream, as his thugs return fire, as people scramble to get out of the hostess bar, Kodai’s feelings shift from fear to anger mixed with a notion to survive at all costs.

  Bits of wood and glass spray through the air as more shots zip around the room. Kodai curses himself for not bringing his sidearm in. He keeps low to the ground, wondering where Tesla has run off to, trying to keep it together and stay alive.

  I’m not going out this way, dammit!

  His wits come to him and he sends a message to Yugio.

  Kodai: Update me!

  No answer.

  Kodai hears the moan of a man not far off, he hears the grunt of another man who has had the wind knocked out of him. He hears sobbing, more scrambling to get away, glass shattering on the floor. A gun being reloaded. He shakes his head at his stupidity – why didn’t he just message her?

  Kodai: Tesla! What the fuck is happening?

  Tesla: Both gunmen down. I’ve kept one alive. Three hostesses have been killed. Two patrons are dead, three have flesh wounds. Yugio is dead. Yagami has also been shot and will die shortly. It’s safe to stand now. There are no additional enemy combatants outside.

  With a deep breath in, Kodai pushes the table away to get to his feet.

  He smooths his trembling hands down the front of his suit and makes sure his shirt is still tucked in out of habit. He looks left to see Sarah slouched forward on the bar; a splatter of blood on the wall near her head tells the story of her final moments.

  “They got Sarah?” he asks, his throat suddenly constricted.