by Linda Verji
THIS WAS ROMAN’S nightmare come true. With dawning horror, he listened to April perfectly recite every single word he’d told Javier. I heard you telling him how I was just trouble and only out for his money. Pretty, well-put together despite being poor? A spend thrift? Isn’t that how you described me?
As they emerged from her lips, the words sounded even more cruel, more brutal, more horrific. Now her actions over the last couple of weeks made absolute sense. Who wouldn’t pull back after hearing someone say such horrible things about them? Honestly, he was surprised that she’d taken this long to confront him because if he was in the same position, he would’ve exploded right on the spot.
“Why would you want to be with me?” she repeated, watching him with tear-clouded eyes.
Seeing those tears was enough to make his chest constrict – as if a hand was squeezing his lungs and forcing the air out of his lungs. He’d done this to her, made her cry and hurt.
He swallowed to lubricate his suddenly dry throat. “April, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry. I was just-”
“You didn’t mean it? You’re sorry? Hah!” She tried to laugh but the laugh caught in her throat and a sob emerged instead.
Instinctively, he took a step closer to her. “April, I’m sorry-”
“Stop.” She cut him off mid-sentence with a hand to keep him from moving any closer. “Don’t you dare come closer to me. Roman, I can’t believe you. I knew you weren’t into me – God knows, you told me enough time. But I thought that we were friends at least.”
“We were.” He paused to correct himself, “We are. I just didn’t want Javier-”
“Keep Javier out of this. This is between you and I.” She swiped her palm over her wet cheek and sniffed. “I never thought that you of all people would say something like that about me. Is that what you really think about me? Do you really think that I’m a gold-digger?”
“No.” He swallowed. “I-”
“You what?” She jutted her chin out. “Have I ever taken any money from you that wasn’t my salary? Or do you think that those little trinkets you bought me when we were still friends were my way of conning you out of your money. I bought you stuff too, Roman. How am I the gold-digger?”
A drop of cold sweat pooled at his nape as he started, “April, I know. I didn’t mea-”
“Do you think you’re the only rich guy in my life?” She cut him off again. The tears had now stopped but her eyes remained hard and flinty with anger. “There are plenty more where you came from, and if I wanted someone just for money I would be with them. I wouldn’t be following you around like a stupid dog.”
Frustrated at being cut off at every turn, he ran his hand over his disheveled hair. “Can you just give me a second to explain?”
“Why should I?” Her top lip curled into a sneer. “I don’t need to hear your explanations. I think you made yourself perfectly clear.”
“No… No, I haven’t.” Roman took a deep, pained breath to steady his cracking voice. “When I said those things, I was only trying to get Javier not to hit on you.”
“Well, too bad. You failed because Javier isn’t petty enough to judge someone just by how they dress and their background.” Her eyes crackled with fireworks and her lips were a thin line as she added, “You know what? I’m the fool here. I’m the one who threw myself at you like the groupie you think I am. I gave you permission to say anything you wanted about me and to treat me like a doormat.”
He grimaced. “April, that’s not true.”
She pinned him with her angry gaze. “What’s not true? That I threw myself at you or that you treat me like a doormat.”
Her question stumped Roman because technically her assertions were fact. She’d come at him first and he’d rebuffed her. However, fact wasn’t always the whole truth. The truth was much more complicated. The truth was that she’d loved him. The truth was that he’d taken that love for granted. But that was the past, and in the present things couldn’t be any more different. He wanted to fix this. No, he needed to fix this.
He took a step closer and grasped her wrist. “April, listen.” When she tried to pull her hand away, he held on tighter. He wasn’t letting her go. “Listen. I know I messed up, I know I really messed up but-”
“Stop, just stop.” She yanked her arm so hard that, afraid she might dislocate something, he let her go. Her voice was frostier than he’d ever heard it when she said, “You didn’t mess up. You were just honest about what you really thought about me. I’m glad I now know because I can finally stop bothering you with my groupie-ness.”
“April!” He sighed in exasperation
“No, no, no.” She smiled but the smile didn’t touch her cold, hard eyes. “Don’t worry, you’ll no longer have to deal with me trying to sink my gold-digging claws into you. I’m out.”
With those words, she turned on her heels. When she started walking, he followed her. “April, I’m sor-”
“No.” She swung towards him so abruptly they almost collided. Her voice was shaky as she breathed, “No more sorries. I’ve heard enough of your sorries to last me a lifetime and I don’t want to hear anymore. I’m not some dog that you can just kick when you feel like and then expect me to wag my tail when you say you’re sorry.”
“April, you’re not a d-” But before he could finish talking, she was walking again. He followed. “April, come o-”
“No. Stop.” She whirled but this time she swung her bag. If it wasn’t for his fast reflexes, it would’ve smacked him in the chest. He jumped back just as the bag whooshed in front of him. Gripping the bag threateningly, April snapped, “Leave me alone, Roman. Seriously, leave me alone.”
This time when she turned to walk away he stayed put.
Roman clasped his head in his hands as he watched her go. Frustration, guilt and remorse bit at him. They twisted at his insides until it felt he was being sliced with a knife from the inside. They shoved a lump into his throat until it felt like taking every breath was a struggle. What the hell had he done? What the hell had he done to her? What the hell had he done to them? She was never going to forgive him for this.
CHAPTER 17
It was going on four-thirty a.m. and Roman was still up and seated on the balcony of his condo. This was one of those nights when he could’ve used Greyson’s company. Yes, he knew that his cousin would probably call him all sorts of names and throw in an ‘I told you so’ or two, but still it would’ve been better to have him here rather than to be alone. Now all he had to keep him company was alcohol and his sins.
A drink in hand, Roman stared out into the night. Streetlights lit the rows upon rows of buildings that lined his neighborhood, yet he saw none of them. His vision was too crowded with April’s face and the anguish that had lined it – because of him. Even now, he could still hear her reciting every single word he’d told Javier. More than anything he wished he could take back those words. If he could turn back time, he’d insist on a redo of that conversation. He’d be honest with Javier and let him know right from the get-go that he was interested in April himself.
But there was no going back.
His only choice now was damage-control. But was it too late for that too? Had he done too much damage? His heart jumped to his throat at the thought and he stood up. No. It wasn’t too late. It couldn’t be too late.
He set his drink on the side table and reentered his living room. Those few weeks of acting like strangers had been hell, more excruciating than anything he’d ever experienced. He couldn’t go through that again. He needed April back in his life. He had to get her to forgive him. If it meant getting down on his knees and pleading like his life depended on it, then that’s what he’d do.
He didn’t bother calling her because he knew that she wouldn’t pick up his calls. Instead, he grabbed his car keys then left his condo. By the time he got to April’s place, it was almost five a.m.. From the outside of the building, he could see that a few of her neighbors were already up, but her ap
artment was still steeped in darkness. In fast strides, he climbed the stairs, and when he came to her door, he rang the doorbell.
No answer, no footsteps coming towards the door.
He rang it again. Still no response. Heaving a frustrated breath, he took out his phone and called April.
A mechanical, female voice answered in her stead, “We’re sorry, the subscriber you’re calling is not avail-”
Roman ended the call with a sigh. No doubt her phone was off because she was avoiding him. Was she in the apartment and just pretending not to hear him? If it wasn’t so early in the morning, he would’ve yelled out for her. But since he didn’t want to attract the ire of her neighbors, his only choice was to wait her out. Fortunately, she was a runner and usually went on her run at around seven in the morning.
Two hours wasn’t a long time. He could wait.
He went back downstairs to his car to wait her out. The minutes seemed to drag on longer than they usually would, like someone had deliberately slowed the world’s clock just to punish him more. Roman closed his eyes and tried to catch a few minutes of sleep, but it was impossible. His mind kept whirring with the possibility of April exiting her building while he was asleep. In the end, he spent those two hours just listening to the radio and thinking. When the clock struck seven a.m., he sat up straighter, trained his eyes more keenly on the gate. But no April came out.
Seven-fifteen. No April.
Seven-thirty. Still no April.
Seven-fifty-eight. Was she still asleep?
It was possible. Yesterday had been a tiring day. She could’ve decided to sleep off the morning. Nevertheless, today was a work day for her. He checked his watch. It was now thirteen minutes past eight. In the next hour or so, she’d emerge to head off to work and he’d catch her then. He sat back in his seat and waited.
Nine-o-five. No April
Nine-thirty-eight. Still no April.
Ten-fifteen. What the hell? Had she decided not to go to work too?
No, that wasn’t like April at all. She was one of the most conscientious workers he knew. If she wasn’t coming in to work, she would’ve at least sent him a text message. He tried calling her again, but her phone was still off.
A sudden thought struck him. What if he was in the wrong location? What if she’d spent the night at her parents? Then that meant that he’d wasted over five hours here when he should’ve been waiting for her at Tellers. Quickly, he backed his car out of the parking space then whirled towards the restaurant. He wasn’t worried about the fact that he was casually dressed in joggers and a hoodie. Sundays were his day off anyway. And if anyone was brave enough to ask what he was doing at Tellers, he’d just say that he needed to pick something from his office.
By the time he got to the restaurant, it was almost eleven. Usually, at this time, there would be obvious movement in and outside the restaurant as his staff prepped for lunch service. But today there was nothing. All was quiet. Frowning, Roman made his way to the front door and was hit smack in the face by the sign they’d hang up on Friday.
Closed until Monday the 2nd. Please make reservations.
Daft! He gave himself a mental slap. He’d been so distracted with thoughts of April that he’d forgotten that they’d given their staff the weekend off in honor of Snow and Greyson’s wedding. With a sigh, he slumped against the wall. Now what was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to go to April’s parents’ home and see if she was there?
No. Already he was bordering on stalking. Randomly popping up at her parent’s place would be a line too far. He tried calling her again just to see if she’d answer, but her phone was still off. The mechanical voice at the other end told him to leave a message.
Should he? No, he shouldn’t. Convenient as it was to apologize over voicemail, it was also cowardly. He’d already been too much of a coward. No more.
*
APRIL WAS NEVER coming out of her bed – never, ever. Life was just too damn hard. Why couldn’t she have been born with a manual to life? Even just a list of do’s and don’ts would’ve been useful. Holding the top spot on the list of don’ts would obviously be ‘Don’t love Roman Teller’. Number two on that list would be ‘And definitely don’t sleep with him’. If she’d known how complicated that man would make her life, she would’ve made sure to duck when his ball came flying in her direction that fateful day ten years ago.
Knock. Knock. Knock. April stiffened when she heard the low sound of knuckles rapping on her door. Hardly a second later, her mother barreled into the room with all the fanfare of a festival.
“Eish! It’s already past eleven and you’re still asleep?” Manuela slapped April’s butt over the covers. “Wake up.”
“Go away, Mama,” April grumbled as she pulled the duvet higher over her head and curled into a tight ball.
“Wake up, wake up,” Manuela trilled as she moved away from the bed. Moments later, the harsh zipping of the drapes being yanked open echoed in the room. Even though April had the covers over her head the brilliant mid-morning light managed to seep in and sting her over-sensitive eyes.
“Maaa,” she screeched as she squeezed her eyes shut to ward off the light.
“Wake up.” Manuela slapped her butt again. “Wake up.”
“Fine.” April angrily thrust the covers away and sat up. Squinting because of the brilliant light, she glared at her mother. “Happy?”
“Yes. Very happy.” Manuela smiled but that smile soon faded and was replaced by concern. “Why are your eyes so swollen and red? Were you crying?”
Yes, April had spent most of the night crying, but telling her mother that would only inspire questions she wasn’t ready to answer. Swinging her feet to the carpeted floor, she said, “No. They’re swollen and red because I haven’t had enough sleep.”
Disbelief flickered in Manuela’s eyes then a knowing look filtered. “Aw, you miss Snow already, don’t you?”
Actually, with everything that was going on in her own life, April hadn’t had time to spare a thought for her friend. But it was a convenient excuse to distract Manuela, so April nodded.
“Don’t worry, she’ll be back,” Manuela soothed as she settled on the edge of April’s bed. “What time did you get in?”
“Around midnight. You guys were deep asleep.” April tutted disapprovingly as she added, “If I were a thief, I would’ve emptied the house without either of you noticing.”
“Psh! If you were a thief, you’d be lucky to find anything to steal in this house.” Manuela snorted. “Go back to sleep. I’ll keep your breakfast in the microwave for you.”
“Now you’re sending me back to bed?” April eyed her mother with irritation. “You just woke me up.”
“That’s before I saw your face.” Manuela patted April’s leg before standing up. “Swollen is not a good look on you.”
April shot her mother a disapproving glare. “You’re my mother. You’re supposed to tell me that I’m beautiful no matter what.”
“Sorry. You know I can’t lie with a straight face.” Manuela laughed as she exited the room.
April tried to go to sleep after her mother left but it was a waste of time; her brain kept spinning with everything that had happened last night. She still couldn’t quite believe that Roman had said that he wanted to date her. A year ago – hell, a month ago those words would’ve been music to her ears. They would’ve sent her sailing over the moon and drawing hearts in her journal. But to hear them after everything he’d said about her was like getting stabbed in the heart all over again. It was obvious that he was toying with her. He was so good at finding the right words to weaken her. Like a bee luring her with honey then stinging her when she wasn’t looking.
But what if he really meant them? A small voice nagged at her. What if he was really interested in dating her?
No, no, no. She was kidding herself. Sure, he claimed that he wanted to date her, but how could she trust his words when he kept changing them depending on his mood? How could she be
lieve that he really wanted her as a woman when he’d done everything in the past to show her that he didn’t want her in that way? It was just too mind-boggling.
Heaving a sigh of frustration, April flipped onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Why was Roman such a complicated man? Why couldn’t she fall for a simpler man – someone who said what they meant, and meant what they said?
And to make matters even more complicated, he had to be good in bed. Why couldn’t he be a fumbler? So horrible at meeting a woman’s needs that she’d be instantly turned off? Oh no, he had to be a god at pleasing a woman.
Finally having a chance to unleash all the anger she was holding onto had been cathartic as had been seeing the remorse in his eyes. But no amount of yelling, screeching and cussing him to hell could erase how explosive sex between them had been.
It’d been amazing. Damn, it had been amazing.
Even as heavily laced with anger as it’d been, it was still the best sex she’d ever had. But that didn’t mean that there were real emotions behind it. It just meant that she was a woman and he was a horny man. Still, how was she supposed to move on from him when her body was still clinging onto the memories of how good it’d felt to finally be in his arms, to finally have him inside her? How was she supposed to forget him when her heart still remembered how tenderly he’d watched her as he’d teased her towards release?
Even though her common sense told her that he’d only said that he wanted to date her to quell her anger at the unexpected sex, and not because he really meant them, her heart wanted to believe him. Her soul wanted to hear him repeat those words. Her body wanted to be back in his arms.
Sheesh! She exhaled loudly. She was officially a nutcase.
To distract herself from her irrational thoughts, she reached for her phone from the bedside table. The moment she turned it on, several messages from her carrier buzzed in, letting her know who’d tried calling her while her phone was off. There were three messages letting her know that Vina had tried calling her thrice, and two messages letting her know that Roman had tried calling her twice. Immediately her eyes zeroed in on the messages about Roman’s calls.
