by Linda Verji
Why was he calling her? Probably to apologize again. Hadn’t she been clear enough yesterday that she wasn’t interested in his empty apologies? She was half-tempted to call him and give him another earful, but the fear that she might end up crying again stopped her. She’d already shown him enough weakness; there was no need to pile on. Instead she called Vina.
“What’s up?” she asked the moment her friend answered her phone.
“Did you get home okay yesterday?” Vina immediately launched in. “I tried calling you but your phone was off.”
“Yeah, I got home okay.” April smiled. “I didn’t know you cared so much about my safety.”
“I don’t,” Vina retorted but a moment later she commented, “You just seemed kind of off last night and I was worried. Did something happen?”
April’s instinctive thought was to lie. Then she realized that as confused as she was, Vina was the best person to confide in. So she confessed, “I slept with Roman.”
Vina’s sharp gasp echoed through the line. “Whaaat?”
Too embarrassed to repeat the words, April kept silent.
“You. Slept. With. Roman.” Vina enunciated each word clearly, shock dripping in her tone. “Last night?”
“Mm.” April nodded.
“I need a minute.” Vina paused for a long moment before exhaling loudly. “Okay. That happened. Are you okay?”
Gratified at the concern that echoed in her friend’s voice, April said, “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Good. Good.” Vina as quiet for another long moment. “Was it like a mutual thing or an accident?”
“Accident.”
“Shoot!” Vina cussed under her breath. “Tell me you at least used protection.”
Fresh mortification lanced through April, and she answered the question with silence.
“April!” Vina heaved another deep sigh. “What am I going to do with you? I thought we were done with that man?”
“We were. We are, but he caught me unawares and things – bad things happened. I don’t know what is wrong with me, V,” April grumbled as she sat up in bed. “I was doing so well without him. I was even thinking of moving on to a better man.”
“Are we talking about Javier?” Vina asked. At April’s silent acknowledgment, she laughed. “We both know that was never going to happen.”
“Why not?” April picked at the threads of her duvet as she listed, “He’s nicer, younger, more popular, he treats me better. It could’ve happened.”
“Girl, please!” Vina snorted. “You were never into that man.”
That was true. Despite weeks of hanging out with Javier, April’s platonic feelings for him hadn’t changed. He still couldn’t get her heart to jump even if he came with his own crash cart. Still, she felt guilty because she knew that his feelings for her were less innocent.
“Do you think I should tell Javier about me and Roman?” April asked.
“Why would you?” Vina asked. “Didn’t you say that you two were just friends? It’s not like you two were dating and you cheated on him.”
“Yeah, but he likes me.” April rubbed her brow. “It feels like I kind of strung him along.”
“No, he strung himself along,” Vina insisted. “You were extremely honest about your lack of interest in a relationship. He’s the one who kept hoping.”
Vina’s words were supposed to ease April’s guilt, but instead they sent a stab of pain through her because they could be applied to her and Roman’s relationship. Like Javier, she’d fallen for someone who didn’t feel the same way about her. That someone had continued to let her hang on to him in the guise of friendship while dangling the possibility that something might happen if they waited long enough. It was cruel and unusual punishment. And she’d done the same thing to Javier.
She was just as bad as Roman.
Sighing, April said, “I think I’ll tell Javier.”
“There’s nothing I can say to stop you, is there?” Vina asked softly.
“No.” April shook her head. “This is something I need to do.”
“Well, if you need to do it, then you need to do it,” Vina gave in. She paused for a long moment before asking, “What did Roman say after you did the dirty?”
“He said that he wanted to date me.” April rushed to add, “But I think he was just saying it because he felt guilty, not because he actually meant it.”
“Are you sure?” Vina’s skepticism was clear in her voice. “I think he might really want to date you.”
April snorted. “Yeah! Because according to you he’s in love with me.”
“I’m telling you, he is. He really is,” Vina insisted. “I wish you’d see how he watches you with sad eyes when you’re not looking.”
April refused to believe it. Sitting back against the headboard, she asked, “Since when did you become such a fan of Roman? I thought you were against me following him around like a desperado.”
“I’m not a fan of how he used to treat you and I hated how you just let him,” Vina said, “but I can’t say that I don’t enjoy watching him following you around like a desperado.”
April chuckled. “Enjoy it while you can, because I’m sure it won’t last for long.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because he’ll get tired.” April pulled in a deep breath before adding, “If you knew the things Roman says about me behind my back, you would know that he isn’t in love with him.”
“What things does he say?” Vina asked. April briefed her on the conversation she’d overheard between Roman and Javier. Horror lacing her voice, Vina said, “That bastard! No wonder you didn’t want anything to do with him.”
“Exactly.” Resolve in her voice, April continued, “Now you know why I can’t take anything he says seriously. Trust me. This wanting to date thing… it’s temporary. And this time I won’t be dumb enough to fall for it.”
CHAPTER 18
She was here.
The muscles in Roman’s stomach clenched as he watched April enter Tellers on Monday morning from his position at one of the corner tables. Covertly, his gaze followed her as she stopped to greet some of her coworkers. Judging by the bright smiles she showered them with, it seemed like her Sunday hadn’t been as nerve-wracking as his had been. Then again, she wasn’t the one who’d been hounded by guilt and shame.
Her eyes did a quick sweep of the restaurant and inevitably landed on Roman. His pulse rate rose a notch and his heart bumped in his ribcage when their eyes met. Immediately, the smile in her gaze died and a cold, blank look replaced it. Despite the distance between them, Roman felt the frostiness of that look right to his bones, and a thin tremor raced down his spine. April held his eyes for a few seconds longer before she turned her back on him. Almost as if she was silently rejecting him.
It was enough to shake his confidence that they could get past this bump.
Last night, he’d rehearsed what he’d say when he saw her. He’d agonized over what words would best convince her to forgive him. But seeing her today, so cold and so obviously angry, was enough to make him doubt all his plans. Maybe he should just stay back and wait for her to cool down?
No, no. He shook his head. Last time, he’d waited for her anger to cool, and instead, it’d spiraled into a big, tangled ball of resentment. He needed to apologize now – not tomorrow, not next week. Sucking in a fortifying breath, he pushed his chair back and stood. April was already on her way up the stairs, and by the time he finally reached her she was in the break-room, tucking her purse into her locker. As soon as Roman stepped into the break-room, everyone who was there turned towards him with curious looks – everyone but April.
“April.” He drew her attention.
Slowly, she turned her head to stare at him. If looks were bullets, Roman would’ve been on his way to a morgue at that very moment.
Steeling himself against her anger, he said, “Can I see you in my office?”
He saw the protest rise to her parted lips, saw how her
eyes narrowed. But then her eyes moved past him to sweep over her fellow coworkers who were watching the interaction with unrestrained interest. Their nosiness was enough to deflate her anger. Her shoulders drooped as she forced out a reluctant, “Yes, Mr. Teller. I’ll be there in a minute.”
A minute turned into five then ten then fifteen. At minute fifteen, Roman started to pace the length of his office. He was considering going to find her himself again when there was a short rap on the door. He scrambled back to his desk and sat behind it before calling out, “Come in.”
The door swung open and April walked in. “You wanted to see me, sir?”
Roman winced. The emphasis on that ‘sir’ made it obvious that they weren’t on friendly terms. He gestured towards the chair opposite his. “Close the door and have a seat.”
“I think I’ll just stand,” she retorted coldly as she closed the door behind her.
He would’ve let her stand but that meant that she could escape faster. So he pleaded, “April, please just sit.”
Her lips tightened into a thin straight line and it looked like she might refuse, but then she huffed and strode forward to take the proffered seat. Her perfectly arched eyebrows lifted. “I’m seated. What did you want?”
I want you, the response instinctively rose to his lips but he quickly suppressed it. In her current mood, April would probably bolt out of the room if he went there again. So he opted for, “I wanted to explain myself.”
She eyed him coldly. “I told you, you don’t need to explain yourself. I got your message loud and clear.”
“You got the wrong message.” When her eyebrows shot up, he rushed in with, “Through no fault of your own. It’s all on me. I said those things-”
“Those horrible things,” she corrected.
“I said those horrible things,” he agreed, “and I take full responsibility for them.”
“Good for you.” Her expression impassive, she stood up. “Can I go now?”
“No.” Frustration nipping at him, he stood up too. “Just give me a minute, April. Please.”
“A minute for what?”
“A minute to talk,” he pleaded. When her lips parted in an obvious retort, he quickly cut in. “We need to talk about what happened on Saturday. For all you know you could be pregnant-”
“If that’s what you’re worried about, then stop.” She gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I already took care of it. Now, if there’s nothing else-”
“April, wait. Can we-”
“What do you want from me, Roman?” She cut him off mid-sentence. Canting her head, she glared at him. “Are you waiting for me to say it’s okay? That I forgive you. Fine.” She flippantly tossed the words at him. “There’s your forgiveness.”
It certainly didn’t feel like she’d forgiven him. He circled his desk to come closer and stand facing her. “I was wrong, okay. I was wrong.” He raised his palms in surrender. “I won’t lie that I didn’t have any misconceptions about you. But now I know that I was just projecting my personal biases on you. You were right that I never appreciated you as much as I should have, and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. All I want is a chance to show you that I didn’t mean any of those things I said to Javier and that I certainly don’t believe them. I just want to show you how I really feel about you.”
For the first time, her impassive expression cracked. Her eyes perceptibly softened and an unidentifiable emotion crossed her features – whether it was sadness or sympathy, he couldn’t quite tell. But it disappeared just as fast. Her eyes hardened again and her lips firmed. “It’s too late, Roman.”
“It’s not too late.” Desperation driving him, he moved forward and took her soft hand in his. “It’s never too late. We’ve been friends for too long to let it end this way.”
“No, we weren’t friends. We just pretended to be friends.” She pulled her hand from his grip. “None of my friends would ever backstab me when I’m not looking.” She took a step back from him. “I’m scared of you, Roman. I’m too scared of you. You’re like a snake masquerading as a bunny. One minute you’re nice to me, but the moment I turn my back, you bite me.”
If she meant for her words to hurt him, then she was successful. They stung at him like a spear piercing his heart and he felt the pain to his very core. The worst part was that he couldn’t say anything to defend himself, because she was right to feel as she did.
“I would never say anything like that about you.” April’s eyes were now watery, but no tears fell as she continued, “Every time my friends would come at you for stringing me along, I’d defend you. Whenever they spoke badly about you, I told them off. What about you?” She pointed at him. “While I’m out there riding for you, you’re tearing me apart to anyone who’ll listen. I don’t need a friend like you. And I certainly don’t need a man like you.”
His heart sunk at her last words. “April, just give me a chance to fix this.”
“Fix it how?” Her lips lifted in a crooked smile but there was no amusement in her sad eyes as she added, “This wasn’t just a misunderstanding that we can just clear up or that I can brush away. These are things you said with your own mouth, and that I heard with my own ears. We’re not cracked. We’re broken. There’s no taping back the pieces of our relationship. We’re done.”
Even after she left, her words echoed in his office. It seemed like she’d made up her mind about their future – that there was none. Roman swept his palm over his face and sighed deeply. Was this really the end for them? Had he really ruined what could’ve been a beautiful relationship? As much as he wanted to believe the opposite, the finality in her words and expression haunted him. He couldn’t dismiss the cold, coiling snake of fear in his gut, telling him that he was too late.
CHAPTER 19
She seemed to have gotten through to Roman because he’d completely backed off. Though he continued to watch her with those soulful eyes throughout the week, he gave her her space and didn’t try to plead further for forgiveness.
Or maybe he’d just grown tired of pursuing her.
Either way, she should’ve been happy. And she told herself she was, after all this was exactly what she wanted. But there was no denying the unsettled feeling that pricked at her whenever she saw him, or the longing that plagued her dreams. As much as she wanted to be completely done with him, she obviously wasn’t.
Patience, her common sense reassured her. One didn’t just get over a ten year crush in one week. It would take a while but eventually it would happen. Or at least that’s what she hoped would happen.
On Monday evening, Javier called her. “Guess, who’s back.”
The sound of his voice was enough to send guilt spurting through April. Forcing a smile, she said, “Hi, Javier. When did you get back into town?”
“I just landed. I’m on my way from the airport,” Javier informed her. “Want me to pass by Tellers?”
“No. No. Don’t.” She rushed to stop him. “You should go home. Get some rest.”
“But I want to see you.” He paused for a long moment before adding softly, “I missed you.”
His words were enough to make her remorse balloon, until it felt like she was chocking on it. Obviously, Javier was still hopeful that their relationship could transcend into something more. She needed to stop giving him false hope.
“Is it okay if I come see you tomorrow?” she asked.
“Of course it’s okay.” Immediate excitement tinged his voice. “What time? Where?”
“Your place. Around midday,” she suggested. “Will you be free then?”
“I’ll make myself free,” he countered cheerfully.
His excitement only made her feel worse because she knew that he wouldn’t be excited when she was done with him. She was half-tempted to postpone going to his place but after considering how she’d felt when she was in his position decided that it was better to break his heart sooner rather than later. This way he could move on to someone who could love him.
At precisely midday the next day, she arrived at Javier’s place. With no partygoers milling around, the estate seemed even larger. April had always wanted to live in a big place, but now that she was here she was reconsidering that dream. What was one person supposed to do with all this space? It felt too lonely, almost like a deserted castle.
When she rang the doorbell, a middle-aged housekeeper opened the door to admit her into the mansion. With a smile, the housekeeper led her up the stairs, through the hallway and into an indoor gym. The moment she walked into the well-equipped gym, she spotted Javier. He was lying on a bench, lifting and lowering a weighted barbell.
The housekeeper drew his attention. “Mr. Consuelos, you have a guest.”
“Hmm?” With a clang, Javier set the barbell on its rack then sat up on the bench. The moment he saw April, his face lit up in a smile. “Hello, Beautiful.”
“Hi, Javier.” April crossed the room to come to a stop beside him. “Did I get here too early?”
“No, you’re right on time. The only reason I’m in here instead of downstairs is because I was waiting for you. I wanted to show you what you were missing.” He flexed his arms as he grinned. “I bet you want to date me now.”
April forced a laugh. “Hah! Funny man.”
“Have a bench,” Javier offered April before turning to his housekeeper. “Liz, set up some refreshments for us downstairs.”
“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” April protested as she settled on the bench opposite the one Javier was seated on. “I’m not staying for long.”
“You’re not?” Javier frowned. “I thought it was your day off.”
“It is.” April swallowed nervously before adding, “It’s just that I don’t think you’ll want me to stay once I say what I have to say.”
