Not Your Damn Submissive (Denial Book 1)

by Amy Valenti

  Between bouts of tears, I made notes on the most prevalent pieces of advice so I could refer back to and memorise things later. So I’d learn and grow despite my traumatic past.

  I’d been eighteen and naive, and he had taken advantage of me in the worst ways possible. Callum was nothing like him, but I’d practically accused him of being a monster.

  I shut the lid of my laptop slowly and crawled into bed, too emotionally and physically exhausted to do anything else. I had to apologise to Callum, but if I did it now I’d make a mess of it; my brain was too scrambled. That was assuming he even wanted anything to do with me now.

  Curling up around a pillow and inhaling the lingering musk of his scent, I let myself sleep.

  * * * *

  Callum

  I hadn’t slept. I was fucking up every other take and I had no assistant on the one day I could actually have used one. Today was not going well.

  Not bothering to exchange words with any of the cast or crew milling around the set, I headed to my trailer the second Darren called a wrap for the day, with no other thought than to crash out on the bed for a couple of hours. I severely doubted my ability to drive back to my hotel when I was so tired, and security was round the clock in this place, so I’d be fine to sleep for a while without risk of being locked in for the night.

  I stretched out on the bed in the tiny sleeping area of the trailer and sighed, glad to be alone. The one person I would have liked to be here with me had insinuated she thought me capable of assaulting her the night before, so in her absence I’d take solitude and be glad of it.

  Now that Kat had crossed my mind, though, I couldn’t shut off that train of thought. Fuck. I was back to the same thoughts that had whirled around my mind for hours last night, when all I wanted to do was sleep.

  I muttered a curse and punched the pillow into a new shape before laying my head back down. I couldn’t go over every minute detail of our argument again. I’d already pulled every word of it apart, trying to figure out what I should have said, what I should have done.

  The time we’d spent together before everything had fallen apart had been playing on my mind, too. She’d called me ‘Sir’ and I’d revelled in it, my arousal surging as I’d taken her fast and hard. She’d loved it, had scratched at my back and dug her fingers into my shoulders as she came, not a trace of doubt or fear within her. I hadn’t overstepped a boundary by taking her so roughly—it was one of the few things I was sure of with Kat. She’d been right there with me, and it had been fucking amazing.

  She still hadn’t called or sent a text, and I was worried about her. If she chose not to get in touch, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I’d heard other guys talking about their ‘ones who got away’—the women they’d screwed up with and lost, or never had in the first place. Maybe Kat would be the girl I’d reminisce about for years to come, regretting what might have been.

  I must have slipped into a doze, because I was dreaming. Kat slid onto the bed beside me, fully clothed, and kissed my forehead softly before turning onto her side, putting her back against my chest. I pulled her closer and inhaled deeply against her hair, the faint smell of her strawberry shampoo making me smile. With my arms around her, I fell into a deeper sleep.

  * * * *

  Kat

  Callum looked as though he hadn’t slept at all, then had done a full day’s work. I’d asked my runner friend, Brian, to text me when shooting finished for the day so I could catch Callum before he went back to his hotel. He hadn’t come out, so I’d gone to his trailer.

  I couldn’t bring myself to wake him. He’d stirred as I’d joined him on the bed, then pulled me into his arms and returned to stillness.

  I breathed in time with him, drifting on the edge of a doze myself. Was he okay? Would he shove me away when he woke up? It was probably presumptuous of me to have just assumed he’d be fine with waking up next to me.

  Maybe I should get up.

  It was so comfortable here in his embrace, though. I didn’t want to move, and it felt right that he was holding me. I decided to worry about it when he woke up, and let myself relax again.

  I wasn’t sure how much time passed before he woke, but it must have been at least an hour. When he tightened his arm around me and nuzzled the back of my neck, I rolled over to caress his face gently.

  “Kat?” he murmured without opening his eyes.

  “It’s me,” I confirmed, and he smiled a little, still half asleep.

  Then he tensed, as though remembering the circumstances we’d parted under, and opened his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

  I smoothed my finger over the slight furrow between his eyebrows. “I came to apologise. I was so wrong to say that stuff.”

  He looked as though he wasn’t quite sure he was awake—faintly puzzled and very sleepy. I’d never tell him I thought it was adorable, but it so was.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, cupping my cheek in his hand.

  I kissed him tentatively, hoping I wasn’t overstepping a line when he was still angry. His response was instant and dissolved any doubt; he took control of the kiss, nipping at my lower lip before soothing it with his tongue. With just a kiss, he lit my body on fire and I tried not to squirm, conscious that we had to talk before everything was all better between us.

  “You…” Kiss. “…have been on my mind…” Kiss. “…since the moment I first saw you.” Kiss, kiss, oh fuck, just touch me… “I’m sure as hell not gonna let you go yet, little miss, no matter how much you yell at me.”

  His cock was hard against my abdomen when he cupped my ass and pulled me closer. I moaned softly and wriggled up, bucking my hips against him shamelessly.

  “I want you…Sir. Help me?”

  Callum grabbed my hips and stilled my movements, confusing me into opening my eyes. He stared at me, his gaze searching. “Say that again, so we both know that you said it.”

  “Sir,” I whispered. “Sir, Sir, Sir.”

  “This is consent, little miss. You understand that?”

  A flutter of nervous butterflies radiated outward from my stomach, but I shoved them back, reminding myself of the research I’d done the night before. “My safewords are red and yellow, Sir. I trust you to honour them.”

  He slid his fingers up over my jawline and into my hair, his touch tender. From the softness in his expression, I knew he realised just how big a compliment I’d paid him, and that in itself was reassuring.

  “Thank you.” He kissed me again, slowly but firmly staking his claim on my lips. I sighed against his mouth, surrendering.

  He pulled away before I could really fall back into the moment, sitting up with a rueful smile. “We can continue this, but not here.”

  I looked around us at the trailer and had to concede the point, no matter how turned on I was. Even having regular sex in a trailer at our place of work would have been a push. Kinky sex? Definitely not a good idea.

  “Can we go back to my place?”

  “Way ahead of you, little miss.”

  * * * *

  In the car on the way back to my apartment, I took a deep breath. “Thanks for not hating me for flipping out on you last night. I know it was…inappropriate.”

  Callum shook his head, his eyes on the road. “Except for the part where you insulted my ethics as a Dom, it all seemed appropriate to me. You needed to let it out. I was the one who pushed you in that direction.”

  “Your turn to apologise?” I joked weakly.

  “I’m not sorry.”

  The words were so unexpected that I stared at him, covering my hurt with false outrage. “What?”

  “Don’t give me that badass bullshit again, Kat.” His stern voice sent a sexual tremor down my spine despite myself. “You needed this. I’m not sorry I had to nudge you a little to get you to it.”

  “Every time I think I know what your angle is, you change it,” I said, drawing away from him. “Why is that?”

  Callum shrugged. “Maybe it’s b
ecause I’m a Dom. Maybe it’s just ‘cause I’m me.” As I shook my head, speechless, he pulled up to a stoplight and looked at me with a new intensity in his eyes. “Who hurt you, Kat?”

  “Do I have to talk about it?” I fiddled with my seatbelt, just for something to do.

  “Now? No. Eventually, if you and I are going to do more involved scenes? Yeah. D/s is a two-way street. I need to know your triggers so I can avoid them. Your responsibility is to tell me what I need to know, so I can keep your mind and body safe during play. Right now, there’s only a very limited range of things I know I can safely do with you.”

  I swallowed hard. “You’re only here for another week. How long is ‘eventually’?”

  Someone behind us leaned on their horn, startling us. The lights had changed and we were holding up traffic.

  Callum focused on getting us moving again before replying. “If you want us to play seriously this week, then as soon as possible.”

  That didn’t tell me what I needed to know. If he was sticking around after this; if he even felt enough for me to consider it. I pushed down my insecurity. I had to take baby steps before thinking long-term, to see if I could handle this.

  “I’ll tell you in a couple of days. Is that all right?” I didn’t want to think about it, but he was right.

  “That works.” He reached out briefly to squeeze my hand. “Tonight won’t be about that. It’s about you and me. Okay?”

  “Yes, Sir,” I said, unable to stop myself from smiling.

  “I could get used to hearing that, little miss…”

  Five minutes later, we arrived back at my place. I unlocked the door and let Callum in, my nerves returning full force. What should I be doing? What did he expect?

  He cupped my jaw in his hand, raising my gaze to his. “If you can learn to trust me, I can help you.”

  Did he think it was him I was scared of?

  “I’m not afraid of you, Sir.”

  Callum brushed his lips over mine, a gentle, reassuring touch. “Good, because I’m not gonna break you. Though I may bend you a bit here and there; I won’t lie about that.”

  I gazed into his face, so familiar and yet not, and took a step onto the thin ice of trust between us. “I believe you. Sir.”

  His smile was slow and beautiful. “We go slow, Kat. Okay?”

  I nodded, a little breathless at this new territory between us. “Help me, Sir?”

  He kissed me again, harder this time, his hand sliding to the back of my neck and squeezing as though he owned me. It had made me wet when he’d done it yesterday, but with this added significance it was an almost otherworldly experience. I met his tongue with mine, encouraging him, and he nipped at my bottom lip playfully before withdrawing, leaving my skin tingling.

  “Tell me your safewords again.”

  I floundered in unfamiliar waters, unable to look at him as I admitted one of many shameful truths. “Red and yellow, Sir. I didn’t even know people used them before you mentioned them last night.”

  * * * *

  Callum

  It was a good thing Kat wasn’t looking at me, because the anger that curled through me at her words would have scared her off for good. Her previous Dom hadn’t given her safewords—well, that explained a lot. If I ever met the fucker, I’d…

  Kat. I had to focus on her, on the here and now.

  My instinct was to demand to know what he’d done to her, but I didn’t want my fears confirmed.

  “Sir.” The word was still slow to come off her tongue, lingering on her lips hesitantly, but having my dominance acknowledged was still so fucking hot that I wanted to kiss her senseless. “Are you okay?”

  Was I okay? Even the fact that she’d asked me that made me ashamed. Shutting the door on my anger completely, I nodded, realising I’d gone silent. “I’m going to give you some simple orders. If you don’t feel like you can follow any of them, use a safeword, okay? I won’t be angry or offended.”

  Anticipation altered her posture—straightened her spine, stilled her fidgeting. A classic submissive response. “I understand.”

  I guided her into the living room with a hand on the small of her back, then sat down on the couch. “Kneel on the floor for me, Kat.”

  For a moment it seemed as though she went somewhere else—a memory of the past, perhaps. I’d have to push her on that at a later date, but for now I stayed quiet. She worked her way through the emotion within a couple of seconds and slid to the floor at my feet, facing me, her ass perched on her heels.

  Fuck, there was nothing quite like this. A submissive kneeling, ready to do your bidding, was just such a gift. “Arms behind your back. Keep your head up, but your eyes towards the floor. Spread your legs apart.”

  She obeyed every command instantly, as though it came naturally to her. Even fully clothed, she was a sight to behold.

  I slid my hand into her hair and pulled slightly, tilting her head back as I leaned in to capture her lips. “You’re beautiful,” I whispered against her mouth, and kissed her.

  She swayed forward as though she wanted to be pressed against me, and I tugged at her hair to bring her back into position without breaking the kiss. She moaned into my mouth and yielded to my tongue, giving in to what I wanted without even a quiver of fear. My cock hardened to the point of pain, and I reluctantly ended the kiss and sat back, easing the pressure by adjusting my jeans.

  Kat licked her lips, her attention falling to my lap.

  “Tell me how you’re feeling, little miss.”

  A blush stole over her skin; she obviously wasn’t accustomed to expressing herself this way. “Turned on, Sir.”

  “Are your nipples as hard as they were when I first met you, when we first talked?”

  She smiled a little and nodded, her blush not fading.

  “Show me.”

  With hands that trembled slightly, she lifted her shirt up over her head and dropped it to the floor beside her. After a brief hesitation to gauge my reaction, she unclasped her bra and shrugged it off her shoulders, exposing her gorgeous breasts, the nipples just begging to be twisted and squeezed.

  Too soon?

  There was only one way to find out.

  I ran a fingertip over her left nipple, then rolled it between my finger and thumb. She drew in a shaky breath, arching her back to press into the touch.

  “I want you to give me your slow word when this gets too much.”

  A hint of trepidation in her expression, Kat nodded.

  I squeezed her nipple, increasing the pressure gradually to give her time to register that it was approaching her limit. She gasped after a second, but didn’t flinch or use her slow word until I’d pinched about as hard as I thought her upper limit might be. “Yellow,” she finally cried, wriggling a little as though craving stimulation between her legs.

  Fuck me, that’s hot. My cock grew impossibly harder, demanding attention, but I ignored it.

  I transferred my grip to her other nipple. “Again.”

  This time I had a better idea how to bring her to gasping point. Her slow word spilled shakily from her lips and I released her nipple immediately, then kissed her parted lips as I rubbed her breasts to soothe them.

  “Mmm…” She leaned against my palms and met my kiss eagerly.

  “Good girl,” I said quietly, sitting back. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

  Her genuine smile warmed me. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Any concerns?”

  “Only that I am enjoying it, Sir.” She met my eyes hesitantly.

  I beckoned for her to come and sit in my lap. “There’s no shame in it, little miss.”

  She shifted against my hard-on, her lips turning up in discovery. “Seems like I’m not the only one.”

  “You have no fucking idea.” The words were out before I could stop them.

  Kat wriggled again, setting my cock to hardening even more. I grabbed her hips, stilling her. “If you want something, little miss, you have to ask for it.”

 
; “Will you please take me, Sir?” Again, that adorable blush. I couldn’t wait to see how deep a shade of red I could make her cheeks flush—maybe both sets of cheeks at the same time, with entirely different techniques.

  “Stand up and lose the rest of your clothes. I want full access to your hot little cunt.”

  She blushed redder, if that were possible, and got up from my lap immediately to follow my instructions. Her shoes, socks, jeans and panties joined her shirt and bra on the floor, and she stood before me, beautifully naked. The lips of her cunt were glistening with arousal, and I couldn’t help but dip my fingers between them to feel how easily I’d be able to slip inside her. She sighed her pleasure and widened her stance, granting me easier access.

  “Is this from kneeling, or from when I pinched your nipples?”

  She began to speak just as I found her clit, and she immediately lost her train of thought and had to begin again as I rubbed her slick juices over the sensitive nub. “Both, Sir, but mostly from the pinching.”

  My cock was killing me, my jeans way too tight. Still, I couldn’t resist toying with her. “I think I need to feel for myself.”

  Kat moaned softly when I slid a finger into her slick cunt, then withdrew for just long enough to add a second. God, she was so wet, so tight. Finally getting to explore her fantasies safely must be arousing beyond anything she’d felt before. Watching her face, I pinched her nipple hard, this time not working up to the pressure I knew she craved.

  She cried out, her mouth dropping open as her eyes fell shut, and her internal muscles fluttered around my fingers. Laughing from the complete joy of her responsiveness, I guided her to straddle my lap, then used my teeth to stimulate her other nipple until she hissed through the pain, her fingers tightening on my shoulders even as she wet my fingers with more lubrication.

  “Sir!”