Say You Love Me

by J. S. Cooper

  “No, that sounds nice. Thank you. I think you have a cool aura yourself.” I grinned at him and he laughed.

  “So Sally, tell me about you.” He leaned forward.

  “What do you want to know?” I smiled at him, feeling really and truly happy for the first time in what seemed like forever.

  “Cats or dogs?”

  “Dogs, definitely dogs.”

  “Me too.” He grinned. “Tea or coffee.”

  “Coffee baby.” I laughed.

  “Sweet or savory?”

  “Ooh. That’s a hard one. Depends on the day, but I like both, a lot.” I laughed.

  “Cupcakes or cookies?”

  “Cupcakes, you?”

  “Cookies.” He grinned. “I’m an enigma.”

  ‘Oh?”

  “My favorite cookie is oatmeal raisin.” He laughed. “My sister says I’m a weirdo.”

  “Oatmeal raisin cookies aren’t bad.” I grinned. “My favorite cupcakes are red velvet.”

  “I love red velvet cupcakes.” He said and then he groaned. “Actually, I can’t lie. I hate them. Just give me chocolate cupcakes without the food coloring.”

  “Ha-ha,” I laughed. “Not the same.”

  “I beg to differ.” He grinned, his teeth white and shiny and slightly crooked, which gave him an even more endearing look.

  “Sure you do.” I winked at him. “Anymore questions?”

  “Favorite movie?”

  “Ooh, good one. Let me think. Uhm, I think it would have to be Casablanca.”

  “Oh wow.” He looked at me with an impressed expression. “I have to go with The Godfather. Favorite TV show?”

  “Honestly?” I laughed. “I absolutely love King of Queens, I think Kevin James is hilarious. You?”

  “Breaking Bad, all day, every day.” He grinned. “With The Walking Dead a close second.”

  “Aww, I haven’t watched those shows yet.” I said. “I need to though.”

  “Maybe we can do a Breaking Bad marathon.” He suggested. “I’d love to watch it all the way through again.”

  “Yeah, that would be cool.” I agreed. “I’ve heard good things about it.”

  “Awesome.” He broke off a piece of the muffin and continued chewing. “So there’s this art exhibit coming to town next week featuring some impressionist pieces from Monet, Manet, Degas and some others from some private collection. I was wondering if you’d be interested in going with me?”

  “Are you asking me on a second date?” I asked surprised.

  “I know. I know. I should play it cooler.” He laughed as he stared at me. “And I know you barely know me and this date has barely started, but I just wanted you to know that I’m definitely interested in seeing you again.”

  “Thank you. I think I’d like that.” I nodded and took a piece of the muffin. “Now tell me more about this movie that we’re going to see. You’ve got me all curious.”

  “I can’t tell you too much or I’ll spoil it.” He grinned. “But I can tell you that what you think is happening is not what’s really happening or what’s going to happen.”

  “Hmm, really?” I was thoughtful. “How so?”

  “I can’t tell you more.” He laughed. “You’ll just have to see.”

  “Argh. I hate surprises.” I laughed. And then froze as I heard my phone beeping. I ignored the sound and tried to quieten the thought that perhaps it was Cody texting me. I was not going to think about him. I wanted him off of my mind.

  “Is that your phone?” Luke asked me curiously. “I don’t mind if you check your messages.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m sure it’s nothing important.” I smiled at him, ignoring the slight turning in my stomach.

  “If you’re sure.” He said as he took another bite of the muffin. “Maybe your friends are texting you to make sure you’re still alive. Or maybe they’re trying to give you an out. Which I suppose is a good sign for me because you’re not answering the phone and accepting it.”

  “This is a good date. I don’t need to flee.” I grinned and frowned slightly as I heard my phone beeping again.

  “Check it.” He laughed. “Obviously whoever is trying to text you is concerned and needs an update.”

  “Ha-ha, yeah maybe.” I said, my stomach churning as I picked up my phone. I put in my password and looked at my messages. There was a message from Mila and several from Cody. I took a deep breath and opened up the messages. Sally, I’m so sorry about what happened this afternoon. Please forgive me. Have a nice date. I’m sure he’ll love you. You’re an awesome gal. Please call me when you get back from your date so I know everything is okay. I stared at the screen, my heart once again feeling low. I felt a burning pain and anger at Cody as I stared at his messages. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why did he have to torment me so? I looked up at Luke who was staring at me curiously and I gave him a weak smile. “It’s my friend Mila making sure the date is going well.” I looked back down at my phone and deleted the messages from Cody. I wasn’t going to respond. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to call him later. He could piss off. I was done with him. I wasn’t playing his games any longer. I didn’t need any more heartache and I didn’t want to waste my time anymore. “So tell me more about this movie then.” I said to Luke as I put my phone back into my bag. “What exactly did your friend work on?” I leaned forward and pushed Cody to the back of my mind. I was going on focus Luke now. He seemed nice and cute and he was interested in me, which was a great thing. I needed someone that wanted to see me and hang out with me, not someone that wanted to play games with my heart.

  Chapter 15

  Cody

  “So how was your third date with, Luke?” Mila asked Sally and I felt my stomach curdle involuntarily. I looked at Sally’s face, a grin plastered on mine, but inside I wasn’t feeling like smiling. I watched as Sally giggled nervously and as her eyes looked into mine, I could see a flush on her face. I could tell she’d had fun and that made me mad. Not that that was the only reason why I was feeling pissed. Sally hadn’t responded to any of my texts or Facebook messages since the day we’d made love and it was driving me crazy not knowing what she was thinking or doing. Or how her date with Luke had gone. Now I knew it had gone well, seeing as Mila was talking about three dates. Three dates in two weeks? What the hell? Was the guy eager or what? I could feel my stomach churning as I wondered if they’d kissed or made love. Was that why she hadn’t messaged me back? Had she already moved on? I sat there trying to pretend that I didn’t want to ask Mila to leave the room. I was lucky to even have gotten an invite to hang out, seeing as it seemed like Sally was trying to avoid me.

  “It was fun, thanks.” She said simply, her eyes on Mila. She still had barely looked at me and it was infuriating me. Was she going to continue ignoring me?

  “What did you guys do? Did he kiss you yet?” Mila asked eagerly and I wanted to tell her to shut up. I didn’t want to hear about Sally’s date. Who cared? I guessed the feeling in my stomach that told me that some part of me cared. And that made me mad. I didn’t care about the dates. I more cared that she was upset at me. Sally wasn’t what I wanted. She was a great-girl, but I didn’t love her and I didn’t want to spend my life with her. To be fair, I couldn’t see myself spending my life with anyone. I ignored the voice in me that was telling me that I was lying to myself. I just couldn’t let myself get into this situation. I wasn’t sure what I was thinking or feeling anymore. I just knew that I was starting to feel like I was going crazy and that I couldn’t get Sally out of my mind and I just wasn’t sure why. I should be happy that she was dating someone she liked. I should be happy that she was finding love because I sure as her couldn’t give her that. We just weren’t compatible in that regard. And to pretend otherwise just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to her and Mila would kill me if I continued to push things knowing that. I could ignore the small pangs of annoyance and pain that befell me when Sally talked about men. I would just have to get over it. I mean she deserv
ed a good guy. Deserved a man that wanted what she wanted. The truth was I was still attracted to other women, even though I was attracted to Sally.

  Even though there were times I looked at Sally and my heart skipped not one but two beats. Sometimes, I didn’t want to walk away from her, sometimes I could just drown in her eyes. Sometimes, I just wanted to reach out and touch her cheek or brush a hair away from her face. Sometimes I just wanted to hold her hand. When her face looked sad or when I heard uncertainty in her voice. I just wanted to tell her that she could talk to me. I wanted to tell her that there was nothing she couldn’t share with me. And more recently, I hadn’t been able to sleep without thinking of her and checking her Facebook page to see if I could find out what she was doing. I checked my phone umpteen times a day to see if she’d texted me back. I wanted to know what she was thinking. If she was mad. I had knots in my stomach. And I hated it. I hated this feeling of uncertainty. I hated not knowing why I felt this way. I hated thinking about her with Luke.

  I wanted to be here with her. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted us to laugh together. I wanted everything to be normal again. If I was honest, I certainly didn’t want to hear about Luke. I didn’t want to hear about her laughing, thinking, feeling, touching another guy. I didn’t analyze why I didn’t want to hear about it. It didn’t matter. It was most probably a gut reaction, some sort of alpha chemical bullshit that made me feel things I didn’t really feel. I just had to keep reminding myself of that fact. I did not love Sally. I did not want to date Sally. We were not compatible. A relationship between the two of us would never work. It would never be anything more than sex for me and she was ultimately worth more than that. She was a good person. She deserved the best. She deserved a real love. She deserved to have the best part of someone. And I couldn’t allow my temporary jealousy to ruin that for her. I had to not be selfish. I had to be a good friend. I had to show her I could be a good friend. I needed her to forgive me. I needed to be back in her life. I needed her to give me that smile that only she gave me. That feeling that warmed me inside. She’d make a good girlfriend. I knew that. She needed someone who could give her back that same devotion.

  Sometimes I wished I could be that man, to give her that. Sometimes I thought that perhaps I could be that man. On good days when the sun was shining and everything was right in my world, I thought I could be the knight in shining armor. I thought perhaps maybe I should ignore the inner voice and just go with my feelings, but then I thought to myself, what would I say? What would I do? What did I really feel? I knew that I didn’t really appreciate the feelings she made me feel inside. They made me uncomfortable. And I wasn’t sure if the feelings she made me feel inside were due to her ignoring me. What if everything went back to normal and I didn’t care so much anymore? Everything about this situation made me uncomfortable and while sometimes I appreciated being taken out of my comfort zone, for the most part I didn’t. I didn’t like the way she made me feel. I didn’t like the up’s and down’s of being around her. I liked to be even keeled. I liked just feeling good and she didn’t always make me feel good. I couldn’t explain it. I’d never had someone make me feel so happy from just laughing at my jokes. It was a weird experience, to feel. To be so influenced by someone else’s reactions to me. I didn’t know why I cared. It was just Sally. And yet, here I sat, wondering what she was thinking and feeling and when she’d look at me and give me that smile that let me know everything between us was okay again.

  “So what do you think Cody?” Mila asked me and I looked up in confusion.

  “Think about what?” I blinked. I could see Sally’s eyes on me, a weird expression on her face as they both gazed at me.

  “What Luke said to Sally.” Mila sighed in exacerbation. “Do you think that means he’s into her or do you think that he’s just playing with her? I mean I think it’s fairly obvious that he’s into her.”

  “Sorry what?” I blinked, annoyed that the Luke conversation was still going on, even though I had obviously spaced out. Why couldn’t girls talk about anything other than guys?

  “Do you think Luke likes Sally?” Mila asked again spacing out her words slowly, annunciating each syllable annoyingly.

  “How the fuck am I supposed to know?” I said, letting my frustrations out as I replied. I could see Sally’s eyes widening as Mila glared at me.

  “You’re such an asshole, Cody, If you’d been listening to what I’d just been saying instead of daydreaming about heaven knows what.”

  “Shut up, Mila.” I glared at her. Then I looked over at Sally. “Look, if he asks you out again, that’s a pretty good indication that he likes you.” I paused and cleared my throat. “Unless of course you have already had sex with him.” I stared her down, trying to see if I could tell from her reaction if she’d slept with him. My body felt tense as I tried to figure it out.

  “Cody!” Mila shouted at me. “What are you trying to say?”

  “I’m just saying that if Sally already gave the milk away for free, he may not be interested in buying the cow.”

  “You’re such an asshole.” Mila looked at me with such a venomous glare that I almost burst out laughing.

  “What? You wanted a guy’s perspective, right?” I glared back at her. “Isn’t that why I’m here and TJ was smart enough to have alternate plans?” I raised an eyebrow at the two women, not even caring that I was being deliberately offensive and annoying. Had she slept with him or not?

  “TJ had to work, something you rarely do.” Mila responded. “And you didn’t come to dish out any guy advice, you came for free food, so stop acting like you’re some sort of god or hero or advice uncle because we asked you one question. You didn’t even listen to what we were saying, so you officially suck in that role anyway.”

  “Fine!” I put my hands up and sighed. “I’m listening. Tell me the story. What the fuck did Frank say to Sally that has her knickers in a twist?” I didn’t even hide my annoyance.

  “His name is Luke.” Mila rolled her eyes.

  “And my knickers aren’t in a twist. Sally responded, her face looking slightly bewildered, though I don’t know why she was confused, she’s been around Mila and I arguing for years. This was nothing new. Unless of course, she had a reason to believe that she knew why I was so agitated. Something in me froze as I thought about her realizing that perhaps there was more going on here. Was she realizing that perhaps I had feelings for her? I shook my head slightly at the thought, how could she know? I didn’t even know what sort of feelings I had for her. And if anything, she was bewildered by the fact that I was even sitting here, listening to their girl talk in the first place.

  “Just tell me the story again.” I rolled my eyes impatiently. “What did Frank, I mean Luke say that has you wondering if he’s a good guy or not?”

  “I don’t know if I should bother repeating the story now.” Mila said with a glare.

  “Why are you telling the story?” I gave her a look. “Isn’t this something happening in Sally’s life?” Shouldn’t she be the one asking me?”

  “Are you saying that that is the reason why you weren’t listening in the first place?” Mila rolled her eyes. “Because I was telling the story as opposed to Sally?”

  “That’s exactly why.” I nodded sternly. “Who can take you seriously Mila?” I looked over at Sally. “I’m listening feel free to go ahead.”

  “Uhm, it’s okay.” Sally looked at me awkwardly and I just wanted to take her into my arms and kiss her and tell her to forget Luke.

  “Sally just tell me. After all this I really want to know.” I muttered, feeling frustrated.

  “So sincere, Cody.” Mila rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’m going to get another bottle of wine. Does anyone want anything?”

  “Some chips and dip.” I hollered. “And some beers. I don’t want wine.”

  “How am I supposed to carry wine, beer, chips and dip?” Mila looked at me. “Do you see a third and fourth arm connected to my body?”

&
nbsp; “I wouldn’t be shocked you are deformed looking.” I laughed at Mila’s glare. “But no, you can do what all regular humans do in these situations.”

  “What’s that?” she had such a curious expression on her face that I had to stop myself from calling her a dumbass. What did she think I was going to say? How many different solutions did she see to this problem?

  “What’s it worth to you?” I asked her with a grin.

  “Cody! It’s not worth anything.” She glared. “Just tell me.”

  “Okay, well…” I paused for dramatic effect and laughed at the anticipatory looks on Mila and Sally’s faces.

  “Just say it,” Mila groaned and I put my hands in the air.

  “Well the secret to carrying it all back…” I said pausing some again before continuing. “Is to take two trips.”

  “Two trips.” Mila repeated after me dumfounded, as if not fully comprehending what I’d said. “You’re an asshole Cody.” She shook her head and I laughed and gave Sally a look. Sally was trying not to laugh and I gave her a small wink as our eyes met. She started laughing then and a small rush of warmth spread through me at her laughter. My heart expanded for a few seconds as I looked at her and I wondered momentarily if this was what love felt like. What would it be like to feel this light-hearted happiness on a daily basis? Was that even possible?

  “I guess you can start telling him the story as I go and work as the scullery maid.” Mila said as she left the room.

  “So…?” I looked at Sally with a soft smile, trying to ignore the bitter feelings that were starting to emerge as I waited for her to tell me about the dick she was dating.

  “I don’t have to say anything.” She shook her head and I could see that she was embarrassed. “It’s really not much.”

  “Look, I don’t mind.” I said too roughly, so made a big scene of clearing my throat so that she would think that the reason I sounded annoyed was more related to being sick as opposed to being extremely annoyed.