Say You Love Me

by J. S. Cooper

  “You’re hanging out with me and we’re having a fun relaxing time.” I said and leaned back and pulled her into my arms. “Is there anything wrong with that?”

  “No, yes, I don’t know.” She settled her head on my shoulder and sighed. “Why is this so hard?”

  “I don’t know why I’m hard.” I joked. “Maybe because you’re here with me.”

  “Cody!” She looked at my angry face for a few seconds and I froze wondering if I’d gone too far. Had I pushed my luck? Why had I let myself get too comfortable around her again so easily? I wasn’t sure why I always felt the need to touch her and have my hands on her, but I just needed to feel that connection with her. My body craved hers and not just in a sexual way. It just wanted to be close to her. I just wanted to be close to her. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I was going to be really pissed with myself if I’d ruined the moment already.

  “Sorry?” I gave her my most innocent sweet boy face and she laughed.

  “You’re not sorry.” She gave me a beguiling look, her face radiating happiness and I laughed along with her, everything suddenly right in my world again. “And I don’t know if I want you to be sorry.”

  “You enjoy my kisses.” I teased her and she blushed. “Don’t worry, I enjoy your kisses as well.”

  “You’re the most confusing man, I’ve ever met in my life, Cody.” She shook her head. “You drive me crazy.”

  “In a good way I hope.”

  “I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Is there a good kind of crazy?”

  “It depends.”

  “On what?” She asked with a curious smile and I let my fingers play with her hair.

  “How good the sex is.” I started chuckling. “If the girl can rock my world, then she can be a little crazy. If she’s not saying much, she better be sane as hell.”

  “Cody, that’s horrible.” She shook her head and twisted her body around to look at me. She folded her legs up onto the chair and poked me in the chest. “You’re really really a bad guy, you know that right?”

  “Nah, I’m not.” I said and grabbed her fingers and held them. “I’m really not.”

  “You are.” She smiled at me. “You really are.”

  “I like to think I’m just honest.”

  “We all like to think we’re honest. That doesn’t mean we can say whatever crap we want to and think we’re not going to offend anyone.”

  “I’m not trying to offend anyone.” I said, and then I looked at her for a few seconds. “Is that why you ignored me for the last couple of weeks? Did I offend you?”

  “Cody.” She rolled her eyes at me. “I already told you I wasn’t ignoring you.”

  “Liar.” I said to her, my eyes boring into hers with a challenge. “You were totally ignoring me.”

  “I wasn’t. Would I be here if I was?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe you couldn’t resist me after seeing me at Mila’s today.” I joked, but I could see something in her expression changing. I felt warning bells in my ears and I knew I needed to change the subject again swiftly before I brought the mood down. “So what have you been doing with yourself since I last saw you.”

  “Not much.” She shrugged. “Working. Dating.”

  “Ugh, I don’t need to hear about loser Luke again.”

  “He’s not a loser.” She shook her head at me and smiled slightly. I wanted to tell her that yes he was a loser, or at least the loser. He was a loser because she was here with me right now, letting me kiss her and touch her and he was somewhere in his bedroom or bathroom wondering where he went wrong.

  “Anyways, next. What else? Any good gossip?”

  “What good gossip would I have?” She giggled. “Nothing much is going on with me.”

  “Aww.” I gave her a rueful look, but inside I was happy. Nothing much going on meant that she wasn’t doing much, which meant that maybe she’d been thinking about me too, at least a little bit.

  “Aww, nothing.” She laughed. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

  “Oh, not that much. A few dates.” I almost groaned out loud as the words slipped out of my mouth. SHUT IT, Cody, I screamed inside.

  “Just a few?” Sally teased me, though I couldn’t tell if she was masking her hurt. I’d spoken to TJ a few days before and he’d called me a fool for talking to Sally about other women. Even if I thought of her as just a friend, or a friend with benefits, or a special friend with benefits. He said he knew I wasn’t looking to get married, but that it was insensitive of me to think I could be with Sally and talk to her about other girls; especially because we’d been intimate now. I’d been annoyed at his words, but I knew he was correct. We were past the ‘just friends’ stage now. And even though I’d gone on a few dates, all I’d been able to think about was Sally.

  “Ha-ha, they weren’t really dates.” I lied, trying to backtrack.

  “What were they then?” She looked at me curiously and I could see that her eyes were more intense than normal.

  “Nothing.” I said softly, not knowing what to say, how to get her to understand that I was in an awkward space. I was feeling things I didn’t really comprehend or want to comprehend. She was making me feel things and I didn’t know how to define what we had. I didn’t want to define it. I didn’t want anything to change between us; yet, I didn’t want to let her go.

  “Nothing?” Her expression looked sad suddenly and I pulled her onto my lap.

  “I like you.” I whispered in her ear. “I like you and I just want to focus on that, if that’s okay?” My hand slid down her body and to the sweet spot between her legs and rubbed gently. She moaned slightly and looked me directly in the eyes. I could see a million thoughts crossing through her mind as she stared at me and I couldn’t read a one of them. I waited for her to respond with bated breath. What was she thinking? What was going through her head? I just wanted to know. I wanted to know how she felt. What she wanted. Yet, I didn’t want to know. Not really. Knowing could ruin everything and I couldn’t stand for her to be out of my life again.

  “I want to make love to you, Sally. Slowly. Quickly. Deeply. Forcefully. Teasingly.” I leaned forward and nibbled on her earlobe as I continued to rub her. She shifted on my lap back and forth and I knew she was getting as excited as I was. “I want to make you mine. In all ways possible. I want to take you on the couch. In my bed. In the shower. On the kitchen counter. On the rug. On the balcony. I want you on your knees. On your back. Riding Me. On my face. I want all of you. I want you. I want to drive you as crazy as you’ve made me. What do you say?” I paused then and waited. Waited for the answer that could either make or break this moment.

  Chapter 16

  Sally

  That moment. That moment when time seems to stand still. That moment when all you can think about is him. That moment when all he can think about is you. That moment when he touches you. That moment when you touch him back. That moment when you cross the line. That moment when he is the only thing stopping you from losing control. That moment. That's the moment. That's the moment when you both go crazy. That’s the moment where you lose yourself in everything you knew you should stay away from. This was the moment. This was the moment that shouldn’t be happening. Not again, but I couldn’t say no. I couldn’t walk away.

  “I didn’t realize you were such a dirty talker.” I said finally as Cody continued to rub me between the legs, turning me on and making my mind become mush. Why could I not focus on all the reasons why this was a bad idea? Was I that easy? Did I have no self-control? I thought about Luke for a second and about how I’d thought he was a nice guy until our last date when he’d just left. Maybe Cody was right. Maybe all Luke wanted was sex and he’d just been pretending to be a nice guy that was into me. I didn’t know what Cody wanted from me, but at least now I knew he really was attracted to me and I knew he’d been jealous, or at least kind of jealous. And that, well that made me feel amazing. It was pitiful and sad and I knew I was playing with fire,
but I didn’t even care.

  “Do you like the dirty talk?” Cody asked as he leaned forward and kissed me. “Do you want me to tell you how I want to be inside of you right now.” He mumbled against my lips. “Do you want to know how badly I want to rip your jeans off and your panties and feel your wetness on my fingers, my tongue, my lips, how I want my cock to make you come as soon as I penetrate you.” He paused and then groaned as he grabbed my hand. “You can feel it now. He’s throbbing, waiting for you to respond.” He placed my hand on his member and it felt hard beneath my touch. I swallowed and gazed into his eyes. They were full of desire and lust and I knew that I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to say no.

  “Take your jeans off.” I said and before I knew what I was doing I was standing up and kneeling before him on the couch. I reached up to his zipper and button and undid the button before unzipping his jeans and pulling them down. He looked at me with a steady face and then started grinning as I reached up and pulled his briefs down as well, exposing his hardness to the air.

  “You don’t have to...” He started as his voice drifted off as I bent down and took him into my mouth. I loved the salty warm taste of him as I felt him growing every time I moved my head up and down. He grabbed the top of my head and I could feel his body moving back and forth as I pleasured him, the guttural noises from his chest turning me on even more. “Sally,” He grunted as he pulled my arms and stopped me. “It’s my turn.” He grinned as I looked up at him.

  “But...” I started to talk, but he shook his head. I stared at him in confusion, as I knew he’d been about to come soon.

  “I want to pleasure you first.” He lifted my arms up and pulled my top off quickly before undoing my bra. He then pulled his own top off and I undid my pants and slipped them off, so that I was just standing there in my panties. “You are so sexy.” He muttered as he gazed at my breasts and leaned forward. “I want to slide your panties off and fuck you hard.” He groaned as he hands reached over and played with my nipples.

  “So why don’t you?” I said softly, wanting to feel him inside of me once again.

  “Because I’m already close to coming.” His eyes were starry as he looked at me. “I want to take my time and pleasure you first. I need to wind down a bit before I enter you.”

  “I see.” I grinned at him. “I guess I have that effect on you.”

  “The I can’t think straight when I’m inside of you effect?” He grinned. “Why yes you do.”

  “Good to know.” I laughed, feeling heady and high. “What should I do with my power?”

  “I don’t know.” He said as his fingers pinched my nipples a little harder and I cried out in pleasure and pain. “What should you do?” He leaned forward and took my right nipple into his mouth, nibbling and tugging with his teeth, so that all of my body was on fire and I could feel my panties growing wet.

  “Cody.” I moaned as I felt his fingers slipping into my panties and rubbing me again, only this time the feeling of his skin on mine was driving me even crazier.

  “Yes, Sally.” His voice was deep and rough.

  “I think I want you inside of me, right now.” I moaned, not able to stop myself.

  “Tell me again.” He grunted, his hands moving faster.

  “Cody.” I let out a gasp as he pulled down my panties and fell back onto the couch, straddling me on his legs, so that I could feel his hardness right against my sweet spot.

  “Take it, if you want it.” He challenged me, with a small smirk as his hands moved to my ass and grabbed my asscheeks, moving me up and down on his hardness, so that I was grinding against him.

  “Cody, please.” I leaned forward and kissed the top of his chest and then bit down into his skin. He froze for a second at my bite and then started moving me even faster on him. I smiled as I felt him reach down and readjust himself against me. He was going to enter me and I was ready. Only, I didn’t feel him thrusting inside of me. Instead, I felt the tip of him rubbing against me and I groaned.

  “If you want it, come and get it.” He whispered in my ear and I looked up at him with a small smile, before reaching down and slowly moving my body on top of him. I sat on his hardness then, easing him inside of me and we both gasped with pleasure as I started moving back and forth, allowing and encouraging all of him deeper inside of me. I moved slowly at first, wanting to enjoy the feel of every inch of him, but Cody wasn’t having that. I felt his hands on my hips as he bounced me up and down on him and my breasts bounced back and forth against his chest as I rode him. I felt myself about to come when he suddenly stilled.

  “Hold on.” He groaned into my hair as he ran his hands down my back and then he moved me back and forth again quickly, groaning into my ear as I came against him, my body convulsing. “Oh shit.” He grunted as he lifted me off of him and pushed me back onto the couch. I felt his hardness on my stomach as he withdrew and the warm liquid of his pleasure sputtered onto me.

  “Sorry.” He said as he grabbed his t-shirt from the ground and cleaned me up. “I thought that was better than inside of you.”

  “It was.” I nodded and pulled him down on top of me. “But maybe we should remember protection next time.”

  “Maybe we should get you on birth control.” He said with a small smile as he kissed me hard. “That way I can come inside of you and we don’t have to worry about it.”

  “Well you can come inside of me in a condom as well.” I said, kissing him back, not believing we were having this conversation.

  “That’s not really inside of you. That’s inside plastic.” He whispered against my lips. “I want to be inside of you.”

  “Cody.” I groaned as I felt his fingers rubbing me again. “You cannot be ready to go again? Can you?”

  “That’s a silly question.” He laughed against my lips. “I told you I want to fuck you until you can’t think about anything or anyone else and that’s what I’m going to do.” He nibbled on my earlobe and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I could feel my body responding to him again, eager to be taken, but there was a voice inside of me that wasn’t completely happy. There was a voice inside of me that was telling me that maybe I’d made a mistake. I’d come back to Cody’s place because I’d thought he been jealous. And because he’d said he liked me. And he’d missed me. And I thought that perhaps his wanting to sleep with me meant something more. But what if all it was, was sex? What if that was all he really cared about? How many times was he going to tell me he wanted to fuck me? Was he ever going to be able to see past that? I could feel a piece of my heart aching as I felt him growing hard against me again. I loved being with him. Loved how he made me feel. Loved making love to him, but I wanted and needed more than this. Only a few weeks ago, I’d vowed to myself that I was going to move on from Cody. I’d vowed I wasn’t going to succumb to his smiles and sweet talk. I’d vowed that I needed to get over him, but here I was, under him. Once again, I’d fallen victim to his spell and I wasn’t sure if I’d made a huge mistake or not.

  I lay in Cody's bed feeling slightly sleepy, slightly empowered and totally confused. I wasn't sure what to think or feel and I also knew that now wasn't the time to try and have a conversation with Cody about what was going on between us. I closed my eyes and sighed to myself. I was in both the best and worst position of my life. I was finally close to Cody in an intimate way and yet; I was also far away from the actual relationship I wanted with him. I didn't even understand why he wasn't interested in a real relationship. It didn't really make sense to me, but I didn't really want to ask.

  I closed my eyes and pulled the sheets up to my face and just lay there, enjoying my time alone in his bed, not thinking about what he was doing for once in my life. I knew what he was doing. He was downstairs watching football in his living room, allowing me to sleep because he'd worn me out. I sighed to myself as I realized that I'd rather he'd have stayed upstairs and cuddled me and talked about where our relationship was going, but I knew that was way too much to ask.


  I grabbed my handbag and pulled my phone out and was surprised to see that I had ten missed messages from Luke. I immediately felt guilty at seeing his name on the screen. Not that I had any real reason to feel guilty. We weren't dating. I wasn't cheating on him. In fact, he'd been the one to leave me feeling confused. I opened the messages and read them quickly. My heart started pounding as I read them and I put my phone down on the bed quickly before reading them again.

  Hey Sally, I want to apologize for the other night and leaving so abruptly. I know you might be confused and I know I still owe you ice cream. I want to explain myself and I don't want you to think I'm crazy. I really like you; yes I know this is early to say this. I really feel a strong connection to you and the other night I had an overwhelming urge to kiss you and touch you. I left because I didn't want you to think I was all about sex. I didn't want to be that guy that can't keep his hands off of you. And I didn't know bow to explain that without seeming like a weirdo. I'd really like to see where this goes. I know this is a really long text and I'd love to be able to see you and talk it all out in person, if you have time and still want to see me. Let me know!

  I stared at my phone screen and I could feel my stomach churning. I bit down on my lower lip as I read his text yet another time. I was confused at the happy thoughts going through my head. I was happy that Luke had text me and at what he'd said. A part of me was really happy, really excited. He had said all the words I'd wanted to hear from a guy. He valued and liked me. And he respected me to not just be all about my body. Unlike Cody flashed through my mind. Cody was all about the sex. He didn't seem to care that it was making a complicated situation even more complicated. He didn't care that we had this weird connection that we weren't really getting to the bottom to. Yeah, he'd said he liked me, but that was like the weakest thing he could have said in the situation. What did him liking me really mean? It was almost as if he'd said it just to get me into bed. Once I'd said yes, all over talk had been off the table. I wanted to bang my head against a wall. I was so confused and frustrated with myself. And now I was even starting to doubt my feelings for Cody. If I loved him so much, how could I be so happy at Luke's text? How could I be feeling that maybe I should give Luke another chance? How could I be wondering if sleeping with Cody again had been the biggest mistake in my life? I knew that l loved him. I loved him so much that my heart hurt just thinking about not being with him, but I also knew that I liked Luke. Like really liked him. I was attracted to him. He made me laugh. He made me smile. When I was with him, I rarely thought of Cody. A part of me knew that I could be happy with him. A part of me wondered if I could even love him if I let go of Cody and that scared the shit out of the other part of me. I'd always lived my life with the philosophy that people had one true love, but if Cody wasn't the one, then maybe that wasn't true. I also knew that if I wanted to move on with Luke, I'd have to cut Cody off completely. I'd have to have him out of my life. I couldn't move on from him if I saw him and talked to him every day. I couldn't let go of him if I still had him in my soul. And the thought of never seeing him, not talking to him. Never touching again scared the shit out of me. It made me feel like I wanted to die. But the possibility of losing him but gaining the opportunity to fly always beckoned too brightly.