by C. M. Carpi
She sat in her armchair and crossed her legs while holding my shoulders.
“You were dreaming.” — She whispered.
I sat slowly and put my head over my hands. My head was heavy, my body was aching, and I felt a little dizzy. I might still be drunk. She caressed my back without saying a word. I looked at the aisle and noticed the lights were off and most of the passengers slept.
“What time is it?” — I asked and looked at her. She seemed worried, her hair was a little messy, but she was definitely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known.
“In Italy, it’s about ten.” — She checked her cell phone. Damn! I blanked for almost five hours. — “Are you ok?”
“I think so” — I lay again, covering my face.
“Daniel?” — She called me, pulling my arm up to make me look at her. — “You scared me.”
“I know, love. Sorry” — I noticed her eyes were teary and after she nodded, she lay beside me. We faced each other for some time without saying a thing. She was the one to finally break the silence.
“You know, for a moment I thought you were a psycho who lied to me all this time.” — She had a playful smile on her lips, and that made me laugh. She knew how to break the tension and had an incredible sense of humor. Although I was so rude before she would still care about me.
“Elena” — She looked into my eyes and I wanted to kiss her again, but I took a deep breath and controlled my impulse. — “I promise I won’t hurt you again. ”— I said, even though I knew I couldn’t keep that promise. She kissed my hand gently.
“I know” — She moved her finger over my eyebrows, and when she held my hand she asked. — “Who called you?” — I should have known she’d ask me that. I could lie, but I knew that only the truth would justify my behavior. If I were really willing to make her continue her trip alone, I’d better tell the truth.
“It was Anna” — She looked at me with a question mark on her face and then I realized I had never said her name. — “She’s the one I was going to marry.”
“Ah” — She let go of my hand but continued moving her finger over my hand, making circles.
She was looking down, and a big hole opened in my chest. I remember Isabella’s words and the things Owen joked about. I remember how good it was when she held my hand while sleeping and the night at the bar. I couldn’t let her go. What should I do?
“Elena…” — She had her eyes fixed on our hands.
I put my elbow on the armrest and held her chin delicately, forcing her to look at me. Two small tears rolled down her face. I wiped them with my thumbs and she smiled, but in a sad way. She asked almost in a whisper.
“Do you still love her?”
“Yes, but not that way.”
It was true. Anna had always been very important in my life, since… I tried to remember it, but I couldn’t. Our mothers were great friends who grew up together, went to the same college, got married and had babies at the same time. She was my first friend.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Daniel” — She lowered her voice, but this time she looked at me with her beautiful green eyes. — “I’ve told you everything about me because I felt that…” — She stopped and looked down, took a deep breath and looked at me again. — “I told you everything because I felt I could trust you.” — Another tear came down her face, but she was the one to wipe it. – “You don’t have to feel the same”
Damn! She doesn’t have any clue how I feel about her.
“Elena, I’ll tell you everything...” — But she interrupted me.
“When we get to San Francisco I’ll go to Jess’s house.” — She made up her mind, she would leave me. I knew it wasn’t right, but I couldn’t accept that, not yet.
“No!” — I said a little louder and an attendant looked at us in disapproval. – “I booked a room at…”
“Daniel” — She put her hand over my chest. — “This isn’t working.” — I didn’t understand what she meant. — “Us” — She smiled and looked away.
“Elena, look at me, please.” — But she just stared at the window until she could look at me again.
“I fell in love with you.” — I felt the air escaping my lungs. I knew that, but listening to her with tears in her eyes made me anguish. I was in love with her too and I didn’t know what to do now. I just thought about what I had promised to Anna before traveling. — “I’m tired, Daniel” — She said before lying again.
I couldn’t sleep again, thinking about everything that happened to me during this trip, the way she had changed me. I observed her shoulders moving along with her breath. The unbearable desire of kissing her neck, it tortured me. I rubbed my eyes and turned to the other side. Although I didn’t want to accept it, she’d better go.
Elena
We landed at the International Airport of San Francisco at 7p.m. and I was completely confused with the time zone. I believe it was already morning.
He walked by my side in silence, keeping his head down, and one hand on his pocket while carrying his luggage.
I felt like I had a time-bomb inside me and it was about to explode. If I opened my mouth now I’d cry, no matter what I said.
It was over. What was over, Elena? Damn! I felt a knot in my throat and when I thought about it I needed to take a deep breath and calm down. He realized what was happening but didn’t say anything.
I got a message from Jess with her address in the very moment we crossed the hall. That was it. I made a gesture for a taxi to stop before I had the chance to give up.
“Elena, you don’t have to do this.” — He seemed tense.
“It’s for the best” — He nodded and rubbed his chin. — I loved this trip, you…
My voice cracked and when Daniel tried to touch me I moved back. If he touched me I wouldn’t be able of going on. I wiped my tears, took a deep breath and opened the door, but he held my arm. He stared at me with sad eyes, but didn’t say anything. What was his problem? Why didn’t he kiss me now and said he loved me? He didn’t.
“Goodbye, Daniel” — I got in the taxi in a hurry. He stayed in the sidewalk looking at me sadly while the taxi left.
A hiccup escaped from my mouth and the taxi driver looked at me through the rearview in curiosity. I looked back and Daniel continued in the same place, the luggage on the floor and head down, rubbing his eyes. It wasn’t possible! I closed my eyes and tried to control myself.
You still can go back, Elena!
No, I can’t!
Can I?
“I must be mad.”
“Did you say anything?” — The driver looked back.
“Stop the car!”
“What?”
“Stop the car! STOP!” — He braked roughly, I grabbed my bag and jumped out.
Daniel was about to get in a taxi and stopped when he saw me. I shrugged timidly and walked in his direction.
“I hope you don’t make me regret it.” — I said delivering my bag to the taxi driver and getting in. He didn’t say anything, just got in and sat beside me. He seemed satisfied with my decision, and although I didn’t really understand what I was doing I felt the same.
He reserved a room in a five-star hotel, of course. I wasn’t surprised by this anymore, though the grandiosity of the Hilton scared me a little. It was already evening and it was completely illuminated, very different from the European hotels.
“Has your family arrived?” — I asked while we crossed the wealthy decorated hall.
“Tomorrow morning.”
We didn’t go out that night. We ordered food in the room and stayed up late. He talked about his family and how I’d love to meet his sister, but we didn’t talk about what happened on the plane.
“I’m glad you didn’t leave” — He said while leav
ing my room, standing on the doorframe with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
“So am I.” — I tried to look calm and he smiled, but only I knew how I felt.
We said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek and I observed while he got in the room in front of mine. When I closed the door, I sat on the floor and cried. 3a.m.. I texted Jess telling her where I was. I tried to check the numbers, but I wasn’t sure what time it was in North Carolina, but I really needed to speak with someone, her, exactly.
“Elena?” — She seemed a little scared. — “It’s early. Are you in trouble, honey?”
“Hi, grandma.No, I’m ok.” — I suddenly started to cry. — “I really need to talk to you.”
“I’m listening, sweetheart.” — Her voice was so gentle and kind that made me forget what happened.
I don’t know how long we talked before I fell asleep on the soft carpet.
* * *
His Family was perfect. All of them. No exception. Sophie, his sister, was as tall as Daniel and her straight black hair went down her back. They were very similar, but her eyes were deep and black. Daniel told me she was a fashion designer. That explains her beautiful clothes and why she’d wear high heels at 9a.m.
Owen, his big brother, was blond and his haircut was perfect, very different from Daniel, who had his hair always messed. He had blue eyes too, but not as lighten as his brother’s. The three of them looked like they’d just jumped out of a portrait. Caroline, Owen’s girlfriend, was the first to hug me.
“Elena, dear, I’m very happy to see you came with Daniel!” — She was tall and thin. Her blond hair fell in perfectly shaped waves all over her shoulders and her blue eyes seemed to smile by themselves. – “I’m Caroline”
“Nice to meet you, Caroline.”
“You can call me Carol!” — She hugged me again. Something about her hug told me she’d be a good friend.
“Nice to meet you! I’m Lucy and this is my husband, Thomas.” — She hugged me as well.
They were a beautiful couple. Lucy was Daniel’s cousin, not as tall as the rest of the family, she had delicate features, black and expressive eyes, and her brown hair was pulled in a messy bun on the top of her head. Thomas was extremely kind, smiling all the time.
“I finally met the girl who made Daniel cancel a meeting!” — He gave a soft punch on Daniel’s shoulder and hugged me. They seem to be very affectionate for each other.
Thomas was the tallest person here. Lucy’s high stopped on his chest. His hair was ginger and spiked, I’d say rebel. His eyes were light brown, I had never seen this color before, and his smile made me want to smile too.
Scott, Lucy’s brother, was extremely polite and handsome. He had dark blue eyes and wore a Power Rangers cap. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a shy smile.
“Hi, Elena” — He said in a low voice and took his cell phone again.
They were beautiful. I felt completely displaced. I heard I was beautiful on the last few days, but I wasn’t so sure now. I’ve never had self-esteem problems, but I never thought I was the most beautiful girl at school. I wasn’t used to this kind of compliments, and I think Adam never told me that, perhaps on our first date? I can’t recall. Despite my green eyes, I had nothing to grab about. I wasn’t very tall, my hair has always been messy and I’ve always felt very skinny, but Jess always said I had the ideal body and many girls wanted to be like me, even her. I never believed, especially because she was the one to call attention with her curly and long blond hair and perfect body.
“I’m Sophie, but I believe you know that.” — She blinked and hugged me. — “She’s really beautiful, Daniel” — She said that in a confession. I turned to look at him and noticed he nodded, almost shy. That’s when I realized he talked about me. But why?
Owen was the last one to hug me. He seemed quieter, kept his hands on his pockets and smiled while people gestured since we’ve met.
“I’m glad to meet you. Owen.”
After so many hugs on the hall, we went to the Hotel’s restaurant to have breakfast.
The conversation continued, Caroline and Sophie talked nonstop. Lucy and Scott spoke with me the whole time; they were surgeons, like their mother. They really loved their profession. For a moment I remembered how my father used to talk about his patients, the care he had for each of them, even when they couldn’t afford. I felt my heart aching when the memories of my childhood in his office came to my mind, and as he could feel what was inside of it, Daniel let go of his cup of coffee and pressed my knee with one hand. I looked at him surprised and he smiled discreetly and comforted me, then he came back to his brother, but kept his hand on my knee. That seemed normal and confusing at the same time.
“It’s been a long time since I saw Daniel so happy.” — Lucy said in a whisper, perhaps she didn’t want him to hear. Something happened to him. Something he wouldn’t tell me about.
“Well, sometimes he has a terrible humor.” — I stared at him, but he seemed to be too evolved by the conversation about business to hear me.
“Oh, we know!” — She laughed.
“I heard that.” — He didn’t look at me, but a little smile came to his lips.
“I know.” — I answered and he looked at me.
There, the smile I liked the most appeared on his face. His fingers draw circles on my knees and it gave me chills on my thighs. He seemed aware of where his hand was and simply didn’t care, because he wanted it as much as I did.
Well, let’s go to what matters. Shopping!” — Sophie was very excited when she said that. — “Let’s go, Elena, the subject is getting boring.”
Shopping? That’s something I don’t like at all. I’m not patient. I’d rather read a book or visit museums the whole afternoon.
“Scott, will you stay here and pay attention to this business you know nothing about or will you come with us?” — She looked at him with a playful smile.
“Spend the afternoon shopping with you? I’m not crazy enough to do this.” — Everybody laughed but her. — “I’m kidding Sophie, I’ll meet some friends. — “She smiled and looked at me.
“Don’t keep this expression, Elena! Let’s go!”
“You’d better go. She’s very insistent when she wants something.”— Daniel whispered in my ear. I felt a chill when his warm breath touched my skin. Oh, what’s happening between us? I couldn’t stop thinking about it since... I can’t remember. I think since I met him.
“See you later.” — He kissed my cheek and I needed to hold my breath. I just nodded and got up to follow Carol and Lucy. Sophie was already outside the restaurant looking at us. When I looked inside the glass, he still had his eyes fixed on me.
Elena
We walked during all the afternoon. Anything was good enough for Sophie. We stepped into every store, shoe stores, clothes and even cosmetics and decoration. We were obligated to buy the products she chose, and for me they were red shoes and a pink shirt I might never use. I hate pink.
In every childhood photograph I’m wearing pink. My room was pink, and even my doll’s house was pink. I believe this was my mother’s favorite color, maybe not. Perhaps she hated pink and that’s why she made me wear it all the time. I never asked her that. The fact is that after her death I painted my room green and never wore anything pink again. This was just one of the many traumas my mother gave me. Perhaps one day I’ll use this shirt, because I need to follow my therapist’s advice and move on. Maybe.
I bought something for myself as well, Light Blue from Dolce and Gabbana. Sophie told me Daniel loves this cologne and they all seemed so entertained with their own stuff that I had enough time to put it in my basket and pay unobtrusively. Why? Why did you buy Daniel’s favorite cologne, Elena?
We set up a date with the boys in the hotel restaurant and it was already 8p.m. when the Urban T
avern began to crowd.
They were all there except for Daniel. That gave me a chill. Owen said he left to solve some problems from the meeting, but he didn’t seem true. He seemed upset with something, but I’d better not ask it for now.
As soon as we left the last store I had called him, I think I’m already used to his presence and we didn’t leave each other for three weeks. But he didn’t answer.
We chose a round table in the back of the restaurant and everybody started ordering. Suddenly I wasn’t hungry anymore, but I forced myself to have at least a salad with grilled asparagus. Something bad was happening here. Sophie wouldn’t turn off her cell phone, and so did Owen. I hate this feeling that something is wrong, but it’s usually correct. Although they were visibly disturbed and anxiously looking at the door every time it opened, dinner was pleasant.
They were easy talking to. It was half past ten when my cell phone rang. I looked anxiously to the screen, but it wasn’t Daniel. It was Jess.
“Elenaaaaaaaa!” — Her voice was shrilling. — “Please tell me you’re coming to help me tomorrow!”
“Hi, Jess.”
“Tomorrow at eight in my place. We’re going to have the biggest party this city has ever seen!” — I forgot to say she’s extremely exaggerated. Always.Not mentioning that her parties from high school and college were the best, making students fight for an invitation.
“You’ve got to help me!”
“Count me in.” — She’d never look at me again if I didn’t help her organizing her birthday party.
“I knew I could count on you.”
“Forever, Jess. See you tomorrow.” — I hang up the phone and noticed Sophie whispering something in Owen’s ear. I couldn’t really hear it, but it seemed she reprehended him for telling Daniel something he shouldn’t. When they realized I was looking, they dissembled.
