by C. M. Carpi
“I’m going back to my room.” — I said getting up and grabbing my bags. — “Good night.” — When I was about to cross the front door, Owen approached and called my name. He wanted to tell me something, but he didn’t know how to start it. Sophie came right after him. Before they started telling lies I asked.
“What’s happening? And don’t tell me he is working because I know you’re lying.”
“You just need to be more patient with him.” — She seemed sad.
“You’re not telling me where he is, are you?” — They looked at each other and Owen was the one to speak when they finally looked at me.
“We don’t know where he is, Elena.” — He seemed sadder than his sister.
I shrugged and left the restaurant. What was happening? He looked strange since we arrived in Milan, but things got a lot worse after his ex-fiancée called him before we arrived here. This morning he was more caring than usual. And now he just disappears? Out of the blue? I’m here because of him! I should have gone to Paris, but I listened to that stupid and desperate voice inside my head.
I got my card in the reception and noticed that Daniel’s key was there. I tried to call his cell phone while I waited for the elevator, but he didn’t answer. Should I really worry? His family seems at least concerned.
I took a long and relaxing shower and just when I lay in my bed I remembered why I hated shopping: it’s exhausting! My legs hurt and my feet begged for a massage. I stayed in bed with the remote control in my hand, changing channels all the time, and once in a while I’d check my cell phone just to make sure he hadn’t called me. I opened the door sometimes to see if he’d arrived, but the hallway was empty and silent.
I called him again. Maybe he left the cell phone somewhere else, or maybe he really didn’t want to talk to me. I waited for him to look for me, but that didn’t happen. Why would he disappear like that? I thought about looking for Owen or Sophie and ask if they had any news, but I’d better wait. I slept while holding my cell phone.
* * *
I woke up nervous and still holding the cell phone. Damn! It was already 9:35a.m! Jess will kill me! While I put on the first clothes I saw, I checked my phone just to see there was nothing new. No missed calls and no text messages from Daniel. I threw some clothes inside my backpack and opened the door while pulling my hair up. That’s when my heart stopped.
What the hell?
He was standing by his bedroom door, his hair was a real mess and he just wore shorts while telling goodbye to a blond woman who kissed him on the cheek. I just looked at both of them but I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I wanted to get back inside, to hide, get away, anything, but my legs didn’t move. He looked terrible, pale and with big dark circles under his eyes. When he saw me he moved away instantly. He was totally scared and desperate.
The blond woman was tall and wore a very short red dress with a generous cleavage. Her face was gentle and she had very expressive blue eyes. She was completely gorgeous. I have no idea how I noticed all that in so short time, but when I get nervous everything goes in slow motion.
She passed by with a smile on her lips, and it was like a punch on my stomach. I was breathless. How did he do that to me?
“Elena.” — He moved toward me, but I made a gesture for him to stop. I closed the door and started walking to the elevator. He called me again, but I kept walking and didn’t look back, grabbing my backpack and trying to stay on my feet. I needed to get out. I had a lump in my throat and tears rolling down my face.
“Elena, wait!” — He said a little louder and anguished while taking my arm and turning me. I don’t know what happened to me but I just couldn’t think.
Incapable of thinking about my actions I slapped him so strong that my hand ached. He was still holding me with eyes wide opened. Astonished.Shit! What was I thinking? I opened my mouth to say I was sorry, but I closed it right after. He was the one to apologize.
I ran away before I startedcrying in front of him.
Daniel
“What slap, hum?” — Owen was standing before his bedroom door with arms crossed and an ironic smile. — “What did you do to deserve that?”
“Not now, Owen.” — I came back inside trying to avoid talking, but he went in right after.
“Hold on! That’s because of that blond girl?”
How did he know? I looked at him and before I could answer he went on.
“Oh, please, Daniel! The entire hall saw you arriving, at least heard it.” — He wasn’t smiling now. — “What were you thinking?”
“I don’t know!” — I never knew what to do, and running away was always easier. That’s what I did yesterday. I went to a bar, drank a lot and ended up in bed with a woman whose name I can’t remember. Once again I chose to hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. I deserved a lot worse than that.
“Dress it.” — He threw me a shirt that was on the bed. — “You need a coffee.”
“No, I need to talk to her.” — I put on the shirt while heading to the door, but Owen interrupted me.
“You are not going to talk to her. You did something really stupid yesterday. Now you’re going to let her think.”
“Daniel, where were you?” — My sister came talking and gesturing. I ignored her presence thinking that would stop her, but it was impossible. — “Elena just came across like a hurricane. What happened?”
“Nothing.” — I answered, but Owen was there, and ready to tell her everything.
“Your dear brother spent the night with a blond woman; Elena saw him and slapped him.”
“You brought a woman to your room last night? Are you out of your mind?” — Now the speech about bad behavior would start.
“Can we stop talking about it?” — I left them behind and the room, heading to the elevator.
They followed me and didn’t say a word, and that was good. Silence was good. My hangover was killing me and I felt like I was still drunk. But I didn’t have much peace. As soon as the doors opened, it was like someone turned on a button inside Sophie’s head and she started again.
“How could you bring a woman to your room?” — She wouldn’t stop and I was still ignoring. — “DANIEL!”
“What do you want to know, Sophie? Yes, I had sex with a stranger last night. I lost my mind. Satisfied?” — I answered harshly and didn’t look at her. We entered the restaurant and got a table in the back, I just had black coffee.
“My God, you’re never going to change, are you?”
“Sophie, that’s enough, please.”
“No! You need to grow up, Daniel! Every time something goes out of control you do that. You drink until you can’t take it anymore and do some shit like that. Can’t you realize it’s not helping? ” — She stopped for a moment, but just to take a deep breath. — “I called you a thousand times yesterday.”
“I know, little sis. I saw you calling and the messages, but I didn’t want to talk.”
“Elena called too.” — She raised her eyebrows. She called me twice, I guess, but I was too drunk to care. — “Daniel, you have to get over it.”
“I know!” — I noticed the change in my voice. — “I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“You never want to talk about it, Daniel! You don’t…”
“Sophie, that’s enough!” — I really didn’t want to talk.
“Stop blaming yourself. You’re not responsible for what happened that night and for what’s happening to Anna now. You need to…”
“ENOUGH!” — I punched the table and spilled the coffee on the white towel.
Everyone looked at us. I made a gesture apologizing and started talking again, trying to keep calm.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Sophie. You know I don’t talk about it…” — I rubbed my eyes before continuing. — “It’
s too… hard.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” — She held my hand.
“Daniel.” — Owen called me. — “How long are you two traveling together?”
“I don’t know. A couple of weeks, I guess.”
“Nothing happened between you? Not even a kiss?”
“No… we almost kissed, but then…”
“Don’t you realize what’s happening?” — He interrupted. — “You went out with all girls from school, slept with half from college, and never had problems leaving anywhere with a woman by your side. You’re practically sleeping with Elena all this time and nothing happened? No girl ever messed with you like that.”
“Do you really think I don’t know what’s happening? I can’t think of anything else since I met her.”
“Then why don’t you tell her that? Why do you keep running?”
“I can’t do that…”
“Do what?”
“She’ll get hurt, Owen. When I go back home and make up with Anna, she’ll get hurt. I can’t do that.”
Sophie raised her hands to stop me.
“Wait. All this drama and problems are about Anna?”
I nodded, and that button was pressed again.
“You need to stop thinking you’re responsible for her! It’ll never work, your relationship started the wrong way and there’s nothing you can do to change what happened.”
“Sophie…”
“No! I won’t let you do that. Can´t you see all this thing you have with Elena is special? The way you look at each other, the way you touch, the tension between you is almost touchable.” — She held my hand again and continued. — “Anna is not your problem anymore. You need to forget about that night and move on.”
“You say it in a way that´s so easy.”
“I was there, remember?” — Her eyes were teary.
Sometimes I forgot that. I knew how much I hurt my family after that night, especially Sophie. She had always been closer to me. It was my bed she’d run to after having nightmares. I was the one she would always tell everything. I covered her up when she was a teenager and she cried on my lap when something bothered her. She was the one to support me when I lost control. She had always defended me, and tried to make me get back to normal until she couldn’t try it anymore.
“You need to tell Elena how you feel.”
I already knew that. It was all I wanted since I arrived in Italy. The one and only. I wished I could kiss her pink lips, touch her soft skin, but I was afraid. I didn’t know how much in love she was, and even before I heard her saying that I realized, because I was in love with her too. I never thought I could feel like this, and that’s why I didn’t let it happen. I didn’t let her know about my feelings. I could stand living without her. I’d hide what I feel in a dark and forgotten place of my heart, but I couldn’t see her suffering.
I got up and walked to the door when Sophie’s troubled voice reached me.
“Daniel, where are you going?”
“It’s ok, love.” — I came back and kissed her forehead.” — I just need to think.
“I love you. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do. I love you too.” — I looked at Owen and continued. — “Both of you” — Owen just nodded. — “Thanks.”
I called Elena twice, but she wouldn’t answer me and the last time I tried it, I listened to her voice mail. I tried to speak with her the whole day, but I had no success.
She didn’t want to talk to me. I couldn’t blame her.
Elena
I took the first bus that stopped by the hotel and sat beside the window. My heart was broken and I didn’t know where to go. I put on my headphones and listened to the first song on the list, it was All I need. Seriously? I put off the headphones and threw it inside my backpack after starting a war with the zipper and finally opening it. I closed my eyes and the only picture that came to my mind was Daniel saying goodbye to that perfect blond girl in the morning. I started to cry, it was impossible to control this sadness taking control of me now
“Are you ok, honey?” — A gentle lady asked, touching my arm. I missed my grandma instantly, because if she were here she’d know what to say to comfort me.
No, I wasn’t ok! How stupid I was. All this time I thought he was... I wiped the tears and nodded, apologizing to her and then turned back to the window. My cell phone rang and his name appeared on the screen. I turned down the volume and let it ring, on the third time I turned off the cell phone. I wouldn’t talk to him.
After making a tour through San Francisco in the wrong bus I made it to Jess’s house. Her house was in a calm neighborhood, so big and…yellow. My God! Why doesn’t she paint it? Then I remembered this house belongs to Jess, the most flamboyant person in the world. She must have painted it.
I was in front of her house when she opened the door and came out screaming and jumping over me.
“Where were you? What happened to your cell phone!”
I couldn’t answer. I started cryingimmediately .
“Elena! Come here.” — She pulled me inside and closed the door. — “What’s happening?” — I was trying to answer, but every time I opened my mouth I started to sob again. She held my hand patiently.
I don’t know how long I did that until I realized it was her birthday.
“Oh, God, Jess!” — I said with a choked voice. — “It’s your birthday and I’m crying like crazy.” — I jumped and put my arms around her neck. — “I’m sorry, happy birthday!”
“Thanks Elena. You don’t have to apologize, that’s what friends are for. ‘Forever’, remember? — I nodded and hug her again.
I knew Jess since kindergarten and we became inseparable on the first day. She was by my side in my dad’s funeral and when my mother killed herself, she packed her things and stayed at my grandma’s for two months. “She’s my best friend in the whole world. “Grace, she’s suffering and I need to be by her side”. That´s what she said to my grandma as soon as she opened the door and saw her pink luggage. She supported me when I gave up my wedding and when I decided to travel with no destination. No one knew more about my life than she did. I was her confident too. My grandma had always said it was the meeting of two souls.
“Was it the Italian boy who did that to you?”
“He’s not Italian”
“I know, I’m just kidding.” — She said when a smile escaped from my lips, and holding my hand, she asked again. — “What did he do?”
“Oh, Jess! He’s so confusing… all this time I thought he… I thought he could be in love with me, but no, he…” — I started to cry again and she was patient until I calmed down.
“Did you have sex with him?” — She broke the silence.
“What?” — I looked at her startled and she shrugged and laughed. — “No!” — My voice was choking again. — “He didn’t even kiss me, Jess.”
“I was thinking you were the nuts.” — I quickly smiled. — “C’mon!” — She crossed her legs. — “Tell me what happened. ”
I told her everything that did and didn’t happen since we left Milan, the terrible trip, his family and the blond girl this morning. She listened to me without questioning.
“And you didn’t speak with him again? Didn’t ask what happened?”
“No. After I saw them saying goodbye I didn’t know what to do. And I know exactly what happened inside that room, I don’t need him to explain.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
I didn’t understand her.
“He’s a man, Elena. That’s the main reason he’s not reliable. Honestly, after all you told me I think you’re right to guess he’s in love with you.”
“Then why didn’t he tell me?” — I complained. — “I opened my heart to him, I sa
id everything I felt in one day and in the next he goes to bed with another woman! Can you imagine how I hated him when he kissed that perfect woman? I almost begged him to kiss me and he said he couldn’t!”
“I can imagine how you hate him and you’re right, but you still need to talk to him.”
“No!”
“You need to know why he didn’t kiss you. There might be a good explanation for that.”
“I won’t talk to him.”
“Of course you will!”
“No! Tomorrow I’ll get my things at the hotel and go back home.”
“What? Go back to North Carolina?”
I nodded, but she interrupted before I could say anything.
“You’re not going home. There’s a whole world for you to meet. Now that’s enough of tears, we have a party to prepare.”
“Hum-hum.” — I mumbled wiping the tears and blowing my nose with the back of my hand.
“And if you need it, I’ll go in person to that hotel and kick his ass.”
She held my hand and dragged me to the garden in the back.
“Ah! Turn on that cell phone. If I know you well it’s probably off.”
The party was amazing, as every party organized by her. People from all styles dancing and talking around the pool, swimming during the night among golden balloons and drinks. I didn’t know Jess had so many friends, but I had the impression she didn’t know half of the people there. That was common for her and she seemed truly happy.
I sneaked out the party at 5a.m. and slept without turning my cell phoneon.
* * *
I had to go back to the hotel, at least to get my things and then disappear. It was already evening when Jess practically kicked me off her house.
While I walked the streets I wondered why he did that. What had happened? I remembered how strange he was during the flight after his ex-fiancée called, and the way he talked to me. He wasn’t normal, he was tense, worried, although he tried to disguise it. Maybe he’s a bipolar.
