Arrested by Love
Page 14
Gordon’s mention of sexual hang-ups replayed through his head.
Fine. If she wanted him for sex therapy, he was more than willing. But damn if he was going to do anything without having all the facts.
Jenna nodded and Noah released a breath of relief.
“Be good, Noah,” Kate said, a spark of amusement in her expression, her double entendre not lost on Noah. Then, once more turning serious, she said to Jenna, “Call me if you need me. Until then, I’ll stay with a friend.” She shut the bedroom door behind her, an audible click resonating. Faintly, he heard the sound of the front door closing.
Noah crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall, shooting for a casual demeanor even though every muscle in his body was twitching with the alternating need to pepper her for answers and to kiss, lick, and suck her from head to toe. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what’s going on, Jenna.”
And to his great surprise, she did.
“Last year, a man assaulted me.”
He’d suspected as much, and sympathy and rage washed through him. Sympathy for what she’d gone through, rage that he hadn’t been there to protect her and kill the man who’d hurt her. “Who was he?”
“A—a burglar,” she whispered. Once again, her skin had paled to an alarming degree. She closed her eyes, obviously reliving the horror, which was the last thing she needed or wanted. But he had to know.
“He broke into your house?”
“Yes. I’d move, but the house belonged to my parents. I don’t want to be forced out of my home and he’s already taken so much.”
“Did he—” She hadn’t said the word, so he didn’t either. But her nod made him feel sick inside. She hadn’t just been assaulted, she’d been raped. No wonder she thought she needed sexual therapy.
“Did they catch him?”
She nodded again. “He’s in prison.”
And likely getting raped himself, if there was any justice in the world. “Good.”
He wanted to go to her. To take her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. But he wasn’t sure it was true. He couldn’t help picturing the rape victims he’d encountered over the years. Young and old. Sexually experienced and not. Some rapists took care not to inflict serious physical damage to their victims, while others got off on every moment of pain. He forced himself to ask, “How badly did he hurt you?”
“Physically, I was fine. He hit me a couple of times and held me down, but …” She shrugged, the dismissive gesture making his heart ache.
“Are you in therapy? I mean, real therapy?”
“I was. Sometimes I can go days not thinking about it anymore. Except—”
“Except when a guy grabs you in a bar,” he gritted out.
She nodded. “Or when I try to let someone get close to me. Only I can’t.”
That’s why she wanted to get close to Noah. The fact that she’d even consider it after what she’d been through told him that she really did trust him. In addition, an odd possessiveness filled him—recognition that if any man was going to help her enjoy her body again, it would be him. Only, it didn’t have to be like this. Didn’t have to be now,
no matter what she was telling herself. “That’s normal, Jenna. You just need to wait until you’re ready, physically and emotionally. You’ll learn to enjoy sex again.”
She laughed harshly. “Yeah, well, considering I never enjoyed it, I’m not so sure about that.”
He frowned. “You mean—”
“Yeah, I do. Even before last year, I was kind of—kind of frigid.”
He couldn’t help himself. Now it was he who laughed. She actually sounded like she believed what she was saying. She stared at him with serious eyes, so he forced himself to take her words just as seriously. “Who fed you that line of bullshit? And why the hell did you believe him?”
“It’s not bullshit. I’ve always known it. And several men have agreed with me. I simply don’t like sex.”
“Then your partners didn’t work hard enough to make sure you did like it. And they passed the buck to you. That’s all.”
She looked dubious. “You can’t know that.”
He decided to take a chance. He straightened then walked toward her. He slowly laid his hands on her shoulders, watching her carefully for any sign of fear. Although she took a quick breath, she didn’t pull away from him. Gently, he turned her until they faced the mirror on the dressing bureau. “Of course I can. Hell, all I have to do is look at you.”
She trembled slightly beneath him and he rubbed her shoulders with light circles. The softness of her sweater felt good, but he knew her skin would feel even better. He took a shallow breath, telling himself to take it easy. Not to frighten her.
Her pretty mouth twisted. “Looks are deceiving. I might have posed for Playboy magazine when I was younger, but it doesn’t mean I’m a sexual person. I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are,” he insisted. “Looks can be deceiving, but I’m not relying on only your looks to form an opinion.”
“Really? Then what are you relying on?”
With one hand, he gently tucked a loose strand of her silky hair behind her ear, letting the tips of his fingers linger just long enough on her delicate skin to see her eyes flicker with desire. She was so incredible. Even now, trying to negotiate a coldly calculated sexual encounter, she couldn’t help her natural passion from surfacing. “I’ve seen you with Kate. When your defenses are down. You’re a toucher, like she is. You savor your food. A good margarita makes you flush and chatter. You laugh deep down in your gut. And the look on your face when you smile … let me tell you, it defines sensuality.”
She made a skeptical sound. “Those things don’t mean I’m sexual.”
“Trust me, honey. I think I have more expertise in this arena than you do.”
“Well, that’s what I’m hoping,” she blurted out. “But we don’t have to …”
Like hell they didn’t have to. Now that he knew what was behind her sudden interest, there wasn’t a chance in hell he was going to turn down what she was offering. Especially since he sensed how serious she was about getting over her fears. If it wasn’t him, it would be someone else.
It would be him.
“You’re sure this is what you want?” he asked quietly. “That I’m who you want?” Once again, he held his breath, anxious for her answer.
“I’m sure. Whether anything happens is up to you.”
“If it was up to me, we would have been naked five minutes ago. But given the circumstances, I think we need to approach this night a little differently. You game?”
“Depends on what the game is.”
He stepped away from her and she turned to face him.
“Tonight’s game is a crash course in getting to know each other. That way, by the time I touch you”—by the time I get inside you, he thought—“you’ll be more than ready for it.”
“But by getting to know each other, you mean physically, right? Because that’s what I want.”
Her implicit “That’s all I want” hung in the air, but he ignored it for now.
“We’ll get there, sweetness. And you’ll be glad you put your trust in me, I promise. But first, answer one more question for me. Why are you doing this?”
“You already know why. So I can be with a man again without freaking out.”
“But why now? What happened to you was horrible, but you’re a strong woman. You’ll heal, given patience and time. What’s driving you to speed up the process this way?” What’s driving you to consider doing this with me? he thought.
“There’s someone I want.”
Her words weren’t completely unexpected but they still hurt. Which was ridiculous. He barely knew her. But even the past few moments of conversation, the bravery she was showing, the trust she was putting in him, made him want to get to know her better physically and emotionally, not picture her with another man.
“Is—is that okay with you?” she asked softly.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I have my reasons. I don’t have to explain them to you. If that’s a deal breaker, then fine, but—”
“Shhh. It’s okay. It’s not a deal breaker.” In fact, it pleased him. If she didn’t trust this guy enough to tell him what she’d told Noah or to let him help her through her fears, that meant there was still hope.
If he was honest with himself, he was going to sleep with her whether there was hope or not—he wasn’t an idiot—but the possibility of having more than just one night with her was also its own motivator.
Lately, even before he’d ever met Jenna, he’d started to yearn for something besides random sexual acts with women who knew the score and would move on the same way he did. Seeing his friend Luke with his new wife, Sarah, made him jealous for the intimacy they shared, not sexual intimacy but the intimacy that comes with living with someone day in and day out, seeing both their worst flaws as well as their best attributes. He wanted to know this woman’s flaws and he knew somehow they’d just make him want her more.
That’s what told him this was about more than sex. At least, it would be for him. But he’d give her the sex she needed, the sex she was asking for, and he’d make sure it was damn good for her. Maybe it would even be good enough that she’d forget all about this other man.
“So, how do you want to do this? Should I—should I take off my clothes?” The way she wrung her hands together evidenced her distress at that idea.
As much as he wanted to see her naked, Noah shook his head. “Nope. But I’ll take off mine if you’re okay with it.”
That obviously surprised her. “Why—why not the both of us? Don’t you—”
He snorted. “Please. If I wanted you any more, I’d embarrass myself. But I also want to give you the help you’ve asked me for. Crash course in getting to know each other physically, remember? And I think it might help you relax some if you get to know me first. If you see me vulnerable before you feel any more so. Am I right?”
She stared at him in amazement.
“What? Why are you looking at me that way?”
“It’s just, I must be dreaming. We’re being so civilized, talking about sleeping together when we barely know anything about each other.”
“That’s not so unusual. Haven’t you ever had a one night stand?”
“Once. A few years ago. It wasn’t pleasant.”
“Well, that’s not going to be the case with us. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you. If this is what you need from me, I’m happy to help out. In fact, I guarantee it will be a pleasurable experience for both of us.”
She smiled slightly, and the expression, freely given, was enough to make his knees tremble. “You guarantee it, huh?”
“Absolutely.”
Her expression grew solemn again. “Just so you know, I’m not looking for pleasure. I—I’m not sure I’m even capable of … you know.”
Yeah, he was pretty sure he did. The idea that she’d never climaxed during sex was mind-boggling information. “That’s a damn shame. But fair warning, whether you’re looking for it or not, I’m going to give it to you anyway.” He cocked a brow. “So should I undress?”
She hesitated. Took several breaths. Then nodded. “Okay. That would be … nice.”
She didn’t sound like she believed that, but she was putting on such a brave front. Suppressing a smile, Noah stripped slowly but deliberately. He wanted to ask more questions. Wanted to know her better on a personal level, despite the boundaries she’d set. But first he needed to get her to see him as a man, and not one that was a means to an end, but one she desired. One who was able to control himself but still able to give her everything she wanted and needed. Soon, he stood naked before her. Without shame. And he got his first clue that everything just might end up working out between them.
Because while he could see the hint of fear in her eyes, it was the normal fear of a woman about to take a new lover. She didn’t look scared that he’d hurt her. In fact, she looked fascinated, entranced by his body, which made him want to preen and flex his muscles.
Casually, he reached down and handled his dick, making her suck in a swift breath, her eyes riveted to the sight of his hand stroking himself. “Does this scare you?”
“A—a little. You’re—you’re big.”
Noah swallowed hard, beginning to feel like he was drowning in those luminous blue eyes of hers. “But you don’t have to be scared. I would never use my strength to hurt you or to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Do you believe that?”
She nodded.
“Good.” Still gripping himself, he walked over to the bed and stretched out. He allowed himself several more strokes as she watched, her fascination making his own touch feel brand new and electric. Finally, he released himself, deliberately placed both palms behind his head, and closed his eyes.
The sounds of their combined breaths filled the air. After several minutes of silence, she said, “Noah?”
It was the first time she’d called him by his name and pleasure rippled through his entire body. Holy hell. Her eyes on him, her voice saying his name—it was enough to drive him bat-shit crazy with lust. How was he going to handle her actually putting her hands on him? He cracked his eyes open. “Yes, Jenna?”
“What—what do you want me to do?”
Everything. “What do you want to do?”
“I—I don’t know.”
Yeah, you do, he thought. He could see the desire in her eyes. “Well, when you figure it out, I’m right here. I’m at your disposal, Jenna. Whatever you want from me, or whatever you want to do to me, I’m here for you.” With that, he closed his eyes again and waited.
“Can’t you just—I don’t know, take the lead?”
She sounded so frustrated he almost smiled. “I can, if that’s what you really want. But I figured this way would be better. I don’t want to inadvertently scare you. I want you to know that whatever we do, you have total control over me. Do you understand that?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
Another long pause and she still hadn’t moved closer. Without opening his eyes, he said mildly, “Do you want me to make some suggestions? Because I have plenty of those.” He took her silence as agreement and opened his eyes. “Come over and kiss me.”
“On the mouth or on—” Her gaze jumped to his dick, which was happily pointing its way up his body.
“Why don’t we start with on the mouth and see where things take us from there?”
CHAPTER FOUR
Jenna could hardly believe what she was seeing. What she was feeling.
Noah James was buck-ass naked on her bed, his hands behind his head, every inch of his bronzed skin exposed to her. He was lean and of average height, but nothing else about him was average. His body was ripped with muscles that bulged and flexed. Even his cock seemed muscular as it thrust out from between his legs, long and thick. She stared at it, practically feeling it inside her, everywhere.
She felt the shimmer of desire she always felt around him explode into something hot and intense. She imagined him taking her, with her hips pulled high and his palm curved around the back of her neck, holding her down as he pounded into her. The visual made her moan, but then she remembered the last man who’d taken her that way, and the heat swiftly snuffed out, leaving her cold and doubtful again.
God, she was never going to be able to do this. And if she couldn’t do it with Noah, who was spread out on the bed like a virgin sacrifice, she wasn’t going to be able to do it with anyone.
Shaking her head, she turned away, then hugged her arms to her chest. She was pathetic. She’d thought she was ready for this. To move on, but—
“What happened?” he asked quietl
y. “You were into it. Into me. What did you remember?”
“This isn’t going to work,” she said.
He paused for a couple of seconds, then said, “A little early to give up, don’t you think? Because I know you’re stronger than that.”
She whirled around and pointed at him. “That’s the problem. You don’t know me at all.”
“You’re wrong. I know you’re beautiful. Brave. A good friend. I know someone hurt you in one of the worst ways a man can hurt a woman, but you haven’t let him destroy you. You’re not giving in to it. You want to live again. Fuck again. Maybe even love again. You said yourself there’s a man you want, and you aren’t letting your fear of sex stop you from going after him.”
Lord, he was talking about Stavish, but he had it all wrong. She ran her hands through her hair. “This is crazy. Why are you even wasting your time with me?”
“My dick isn’t this hard because it thinks you’re crazy, Jenna. I want you. I want in you. The question is, are you going to let me get there?”
He still hadn’t moved. Despite the intensity of his gaze, his body was relaxed. He was so beautiful. All over. She stared at his face and those amber eyes that glowed with passion and goodness, but her gaze was continually drawn back to two things: his hands and his penis. They could hurt her—he could hurt her—
“He took me anally,” she confessed. “I—I don’t want that. Not ever again …”
Understanding swept over his expression. “You’re getting ahead of yourself, sweetness. We’re starting with a kiss, remember?”
“But you heard me, right? You won’t try to … you know.” She waved her hand in an all-inclusive gesture.
“I swear to you, Jenna, we won’t do anything unless you want it to happen.”
His voice was adamant. Firm. She believed he meant what he said. But it was so hard to trust. Once a man’s control snapped, he was capable of doing things even he thought he’d never do. She’d trusted before, only to be betrayed. How could she ever open herself up to a man again?
“Just a kiss, querida. Please. I’m dying to feel your mouth on mine.”