In the Far Pashmina Mountains

by Janet MacLeod Trotter

  Alice’s insides clenched. As far as she knew, John was still in Kabul trying to keep the peace and prevent his Kazilbashi friends from being attacked by either hostile chiefs or overzealous British troops. Word had it that Fateh Jung’s brother, Shahpoor, was going to be placed on the throne with British backing, as the young prince had moderately more support in Kabul than his elder brother.

  The following afternoon Alice heard the explosion. She was allowed to leave the tent to witness the destruction of the city’s famous bazaar. As a column of black smoke spiralled into the autumnal blue sky and settled over the citadel like a storm cloud, she thought back to her visit there with the Aytons and kind Captain Jamieson. How very long ago that seemed now; there had been so much devastation and heartbreak since.

  Vernon left with a party of horsemen to join in the spectacle. Alice thought in despair how her future with John was now further out of her grasp than ever.

  Abruptly, the very next day, the order was given for the British withdrawal from Afghanistan. Nott’s troops were to march at the same time as Pollock’s. Alice heard the disgruntled remarks of some of the soldiers; they weren’t to be trusted to be left a moment longer after the main army decamped. The stories of pillage and burnings from troops under Nott’s command were now becoming well-aired.

  Alice was amazed at how quickly the camp was dismantled and the baggage trains loaded. There was none of the chaos and fear that had marked the retreat of the previous winter. Yet she watched in horror as the camp-followers (many of them refugees from a burning Kabul) were driven out of the camp.

  ‘What are they doing to those people?’ Alice asked in distress.

  ‘We can’t be expected to take them with us,’ said Vernon. ‘Look what happened the last time – the bloody natives put all our lives at risk.’

  ‘But where are they expected to go?’ Alice demanded.

  Vernon shrugged and went off to issue more orders.

  Two days later, Alice and Lotty were bundled into a camel pannier in a heavily guarded section of the train as the march got underway. Pollock’s camp, along with her friends, were far ahead in the vanguard of the column.

  Passing Kabul, they could hear the roar of cannon from the Balla Hissar saluting the newly installed amir. Alice craned for a view. Was John still on duty in the city or had he left along with Pollock’s men? Perhaps they would have a chance to meet up on the march to Jalalabad. But to what purpose?

  Alice dreaded the moment that John and Vernon would come face-to-face. She feared John might do something foolish should Vernon goad him. She had murderous dreams of revenge in which her husband died in a duel, yet that would bring only further heartbreak. She would not allow John to go to the gallows on her behalf, however much she longed to be free of Vernon.

  At night Lotty was tearful and wet herself. Alice knew how the memories of last year’s horrors and abduction were being rekindled in her daughter’s young mind the further they progressed through the high mountain passes. Even the piles of bleached bones of Elphinstone’s slaughtered army could still be seen at the side of the dusty tracks. Alice retched at the sight.

  There were a few nightly skirmishes on the baggage train in the rear but no organised resistance. The army marched quickly and if animals went lame they were shot and their loads set on fire so as to lessen the opportunity for plunder.

  By the time they reached Jalalabad, Pollock’s army had already left ahead of them for the Khyber Pass and Peshawar. Alice’s hopes of meeting up with the Aytons and the Sales were dashed. They halted long enough for the retreating British to destroy the defences of their former garrison and then, as November came, press on after the advance guard.

  The tribes of the Khyber gave greater harassment as the army travelled through the desolate pass but again the attacks were at night and their sole purpose appeared to be plundering of the cattle train, as no guns were ever taken. The merciless, organised resistance to the British that the combined tribes had shown less than a year ago had crumbled.

  Perhaps they were just glad to see the British go, Alice thought, her nerves still on edge as they finally left Afghanistan and came within sight of Peshawar. She had expected to feel euphoric at their long-yearned-for escape – but she felt anything but free.

  The burden of being shackled to Vernon weighed on her spirit. Did she still have the will inside to fight him? She could feel the energy to be rebellious leeching out of her as they were jostled and harried out of the fierce mountainous kingdom. All she could concentrate on was keeping Lotty with her. Ever since they had been back under Vernon’s rule, the girl had grown increasingly timid and babyish. She had reverted to sucking her thumb, wetting herself and bursting into tears at any sudden noise or shouting. She clung to Alice most of the time – and to her battered rag doll that her ayah had managed to hold onto all this time. Vernon was easily irritated by Lotty’s crying and tantrums and blamed Alice for mollycoddling the girl.

  Alice did all she could to comfort and reassure her daughter, even though her own spirits were battered and her vision of their future together seemed so bleak. Somehow, she had to rally her defiance of Vernon. She would not allow him to extinguish the flame of her daughter’s spirit too. She wanted Lotty to grow up as a happy and independent-minded girl with a thirst for life, just as she herself had on Black Harbour Island.

  Alice knew it would be a battle of wills with Vernon, and one she would have to fight alone and without depending on John. This was her daughter’s future that she had to protect and the thought gave her renewed determination to stand up to Vernon. As they drew near to Peshawar and the Punjab, Alice vowed that she would not allow herself and Lotty to be so cut off again from their friends.

  Yet Vernon seemed intent on thwarting her attempts to link up with the Aytons. In the chaos of the desert garrison town of Peshawar, swelled by thousands of extra troops, Vernon found them temporary accommodation away from the camps and her friends. In the city caravanserai, he rented a couple of rooms that could be securely guarded. He was in high spirits. Word had come through from Simla and the new Governor General, Ellenborough, of a slew of awards and promotions for the veterans of the Afghan war.

  It was as if the foolhardy invasion and disastrous first retreat had never been. Sale, Pollock and Nott were to be made Knights Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath. Alice thought fondly of her friend Florentia and how pleased she would be for her husband. Impatience rekindled in her to see the Sales and the Aytons again. If they were to be in Peshawar for a few days, she would seek them out no matter what Vernon said. How she yearned for news of John too.

  ‘I’m to be promoted to lieutenant colonel,’ crowed Vernon, ‘and about damn time. I’ve killed enough of the barbarians to warrant a knighthood but I suppose that will have to wait. I’d like to see the look on the old man’s face when he hears of my heroics.’

  But he lost no time in telling her that John was to receive no glory.

  ‘Ellenborough thinks nothing to the political officers,’ Vernon sneered. ‘He quite rightly says they’re the ones to blame for the mess – throwing good money after bad and cosying up to the Afghans. What Sinclair did was tantamount to going over to the enemy – he and Akbar were thick as thieves. They say the likes of he and Pottinger might go before courts martial.’

  ‘That would be most unfair!’ Alice cried. ‘If it hadn’t been for them, we prisoners would be dead by now. You owe them your life as much as anyone.’

  Vernon snapped, ‘That’s nonsense! Good plain soldiering and courage kept me alive.’ He gave her a malicious look. ‘But you needn’t worry on Sinclair’s behalf. I’ve heard he’s resigning his commission – probably his way of avoiding the disgrace of a public humiliation. Running away. He’s always been good at that, hasn’t he, my dear?’

  Alice had to leave the room before she betrayed her anger and hurt at his words. John would surely know by now that she had returned to Vernon. She had resigned herself that when it came to choosing b
etween John and Lotty, she had chosen Lotty. But if John was leaving the Company for good, she might never have the chance of seeing him again, never be able to explain her decision. The thought left her desolate.

  Two days went by but, to Alice’s frustration, Vernon kept her confined to their quarters, saying the town was too full of thieves and murderers and that Lotty wouldn’t be safe. He, on the other hand, was in buoyant mood. He boasted about his new promotion leading to an invitation to a celebratory banquet. General Avitabile, a French mercenary with the Sikhs and known for his generous entertainment, was hosting a feast in his comfortable palace for some of the officers.

  While Gita bathed Lotty in the enclosed courtyard, Alice watched Vernon making ready to go out. Now was the time to take advantage of his high spirits.

  ‘I’d like to arrange to see Emily,’ Alice said, steeling herself for Vernon’s displeasure. ‘Lotty is missing Alexander and it would cheer her up no end. I thought we could spend the evening together while you men are out.’

  ‘You’re not going anywhere,’ said Vernon. ‘It’s not the sort of dinner and entertainment that Ayton is likely to be at. But, if he is, I’ll send a message on your behalf.’

  Alice didn’t trust him. She was sure that he had been withholding messages from her friends. Vernon had denied it but Alice could not believe that Emily would not have tried to communicate during these past weeks of separation.

  ‘We can send Bali with a message to see if Sandy is staying at home,’ suggested Alice. ‘Then Lotty and I will be well protected.’ She tried to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

  Vernon gave her a look of irritation.

  ‘What is the point? Charlotte is going to have to get used to not having Alexander as a playmate.’

  ‘Why?’ Alice asked, tensing. ‘We’ll all be going back to Simla or Calcutta sooner or later – once all the planned victory parades and showing off in front of the Governor General in Ferozepur are over.’

  Vernon paused in brushing his hair. The scented oil he used to slick his hair into place was making her nauseous. From the look of disdain on his face she could tell that her flippancy over the proposed triumphal homecoming angered him.

  ‘I wasn’t going to say anything until we were back in Calcutta but you might as well know. I’ve decided to send Charlotte back to England.’

  Alice looked at him stunned. ‘Back to England?’

  ‘Yes, so my parents can make sure she is brought up like an English gentlewoman. She’s been subject to too many bad influences out here – she’s even picked up the language. God knows what the little blighter is saying half the time.’

  Alice was completely taken aback. ‘Do I have no say in what happens to our daughter?’ she said indignantly.

  ‘I’ve decided, my dear, that my mama and papa will make a far better job of raising Charlotte than you can – you lack the necessary breeding – but we’ll take her back together.’ Vernon carried on grooming his hair. ‘I’ll be due some leave after the victory festivities. Once we’re back at Buckley Hall we’ll see whether you are to be trusted to stay with my daughter or return with me to India.’ He turned and gave her a warning look.

  ‘Trusted?’ Alice spluttered.

  ‘Yes,’ said Vernon. ‘If you prove yourself a biddable wife for once and don’t cause me any further embarrassment like you have over Sinclair, I will let you remain at Buckley Hall and stay with Charlotte.’

  Alice felt her anger ignite. After all she had been through and the way he had forced her to be subservient to him, he would still threaten her with separation from Lotty!

  ‘I refuse to let you bully me like this,’ Alice protested. ‘You have no right to take my daughter from me and give her away to your parents. You’ve never had one good word to say about your mother and father and yet you’d gladly hand over your own daughter to them so she can be frightened and chastised like you were?’

  ‘How dare you speak about my parents like that!’ Vernon slammed down his brushes. ‘They were disciplinarians – and I was a better man for it.’

  ‘Well, I won’t let them frighten my daughter,’ Alice retorted. ‘I grew up in a loving household, no matter how lowly, and that’s what I want for Lotty. You don’t care what happens to her, do you? Six weeks living with her again and you can’t bear to have her near you. You’re sending her away to England just so you don’t have to bother being a father to her!’

  Vernon lunged at Alice and gripped her hair. She froze in shock at the contact. He had hardly touched her since coercing her back to live with him.

  ‘No, I don’t care about the girl!’ he snarled. ‘It’s a boy I want. Give me a son and I’ll let you be! It’s my right as your husband.’

  Alice saw the hatred in his contorted features but she would not be cowed. She had taken his threats and cowardly bullying for long enough.

  ‘You can keep me locked up like a slave,’ she hissed, ‘but I will never be yours! If you force yourself on me, Vernon, the child won’t be yours either – it’ll be John’s. I’m already carrying his baby.’

  His eyes widened in disbelief. ‘Liar!’ he shouted.

  ‘It’s the truth,’ Alice said in defiance. ‘So what are you going to do now? Beat me till I’m senseless? There’s nothing you can do to me that you haven’t already done – and I still won’t be yours. And if you harm a hair on Lotty’s head, I swear I will stick a knife in you myself!’

  For a moment, Vernon seemed so shocked by her outburst that he lessened his grip.

  ‘You whore!’ he bellowed. With all his force, he shoved her violently away.

  Alice lost her balance and fell against the side of his clothing chest, banging her hip. As the pain shot through her, she braced herself for the next blow. But at that moment, Gita’s eldest son Adeep, appeared in the doorway.

  ‘Buckley Sahib, your doolie is ready.’

  Vernon hesitated. Alice could see how he itched to punish her. Instead, he gave her a furious look.

  ‘I’ll deal with you later,’ he threatened. ‘You’ll not stop my enjoyment tonight. Avitabile is laying on the best dancing girls in the province. I’ll take my pleasure where I can be guaranteed a willing woman. I can’t imagine what Sinclair sees in you – or what I ever did.’

  With that, he stalked from the room, leaving Alice shaking with relief. She knew that Adeep had intervened to save her from a hiding and she felt a wave of gratitude to the brave young servant. She struggled to her feet, her hip throbbing.

  What had induced her to tell Vernon that she was pregnant? She had only just suspected it herself. It had been a wisp of a thought floating in her mind for the past couple of weeks but she knew that the growing sensitivity to smell and the metallic taste in her mouth meant only one thing. John and she had conceived a child on one of those few passionate and loving nights under the stars and mulberry trees in the remote Bamian courtyard. The thought thrilled her but made her fearful for the baby that quickened inside her.

  As Alice limped out to the courtyard to find Lotty, she wondered if Adeep or Bali would be brave enough to take a message for her and try to find John. Whatever his plans, he had a right to know about their child.

  Gita gave her a concerned look; her eyes were so full of compassion that Alice felt suddenly close to tears. She knew Gita must have heard the argument with Vernon.

  ‘I’m all right,’ Alice said with a trembling smile, sitting down on a stool. Lotty scrambled into her lap. She held onto the girl, burying her face in Lotty’s soft hair and gulping back tears.

  It struck Alice how she had been wrong to think that staying with Vernon was the only way to keep her daughter protected and the two of them together. She saw now how neither of them would ever feel safe while they remained under Vernon’s control.

  She would not wait in fear for Vernon to return. That’s what he wanted – to paralyse her with terrible thoughts of what he might do to her. She would go now to find the Aytons and throw herself at their mercy to take in h
er and Lotty – and Gita and the boys. From there, they would know how to get a message to John.

  With renewed courage, she said to Gita, ‘Please can you fetch Bali. I have an errand for him.’

  The ayah gave her a steady look and shook her head. ‘Sorry, Memsahib; the boy is already taking a message.’

  Alice felt a wave of panic rising inside. She must act tonight. ‘When he comes back, will you send him in to me at once? Or Adeep, if he returns sooner.’

  Gita nodded. Alice shivered as the chill of the early November evening descended and hurried inside with Lotty.

  CHAPTER 43

  Alice had thought sleep would be impossible but she must have dozed off. Suddenly she was being roused by a commotion at the gate. A man was shouting and the sepoy guards were protesting. Alice sat up at once, her stomach lurching to think a drunken Vernon might be returning. Then she realised the voices were arguing in Hindustani, a language that Vernon had never properly grasped.

  Alice scrambled to her feet and, leaving a sleeping Lotty on the mattress next to her, hurried barefoot to the door.

  A tall turbaned Afghan was pushing his way past the guards. Then, under his cloak, she saw a flash of red uniform.

  ‘John?’ she gasped.

  He strode across the courtyard towards her. Alice felt her knees buckle at the sight of his concerned face. He caught her and held her firm.

  ‘Alice! I’ve just arrived from Jalalabad. Emily told me Vernon’s been keeping you locked up. Why didn’t you send for me?’

  Alice began to shake with distress and relief. ‘I c-couldn’t. He wouldn’t let me send messages.’

  She saw his jaw clench. ‘That bastard!’

  ‘He made me choose,’ Alice said tearfully. ‘Said I would never see Lotty again if I ran off with you. I couldn’t let him do that.’

  John pulled her into his arms. ‘Of course you couldn’t. And he’s not going to threaten you anymore. I’m taking you and Lotty away from here and Buckley is not going to stop me.’