Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set)
Page 80
I look down from the balcony. This is not a house. It is a castle. Owned by Jeremy, no doubt?
But doubt it I do. I cannot count on anything. Not anymore.
Out of the blue, I think of my father. He’d called Jeremy Dr. Telfair. That’s why the name seemed so familiar!
Jesus! How far does the deception run? How much of what I know about Jeremy is actually true? Could it all be lies?
Why was I injected with that drug? What was it? What was I being kept from?
Jeremy told me recently that I might be in danger. That he blocked Fey’s calls as a way of keeping me safe.
Could this be an indication of that danger?
I feel lost—more lost than I’ve ever been before. I was so sure of myself when I pushed Fey and Robin away.
That confidence is gone. In its place is the uncanny sensation that I have inadvertently placed myself in Stonehart’s darkest snare.
Stonehart’s! Not Jeremy’s. Waking up like this definitely conjures up associations with Stonehart.
But there is no collar. That is one good thing. Maybe things are not quite so bleak as they appear.
I descend the eerily quiet staircase to the first floor. The layout reminds me of Jeremy’s California home. It’s like one was modeled after the other. But with a modern twist.
I reach the great doors. They tower over me like a castle keep. Moonlight floods the tall windows, allowing me to see my surroundings. There are no lamps or candles.
Candles?
What an odd thought. But candles would seem very fitting in a place like this.
I take a deep breath and push the doors open.
Wilderness greets me. My thin nightgown is small protection against the grip of a cold winter blizzard. Snowflakes swirl around me like malevolent little faeries.
The castle—mansion, home, whatever—is situated at the top of a great hill. From the doorway, I can see the entire countryside. The land and the bare tree branches are blanketed in a thick, white snow. I don’t see sign of civilization anywhere.
Cold fear—colder even than the storm raging outside—grips me. I’m alone in some God-forsaken location. The doors are open and there is no collar. But I have no way of knowing how far I am from society.
Fighting the strong gale, I shove the doors closed. The howl of the wind is still audible. I wasn’t aware of it before. Now I can’t get it out of my mind.
It sings a song of isolation and loneliness.
Okay, I tell myself, trying to control my thoughts. Okay, Lilly, just think. You’ve always been able to rely on yourself. Remember?
Yes, when I wasn’t locked away in some fucking castle! The voice of reason counters.
I feel despair building. I don’t know where I am or why I’m here. I don’t even know how I got here. I get shades of my initial venture into Jeremy’s world. Waking up in the dark. Waking up by that pillar.
Have we returned to that?
Out of nowhere, I hear footsteps. Not just footsteps, running footsteps. Pounding somewhere on the floor above me.
Before alarm can give way to fear, I hear my name being called.
“Lilly! Lilly, where are you? Lilly!”
My heart swells. It’s Jeremy. He’s looking for me. And he sounds absolutely distraught.
“Here!” I call. “I’m down here!”
A second later, he comes crashing into the balcony. Wildly, he looks down, searching for me.
I take a step forward. His eyes catch the movement and he focuses on me. It’s hard to tell, in the dark, but I think I see relief washing over his face.
“Lilly!” he exclaims. “Thank God. How’d you get out of bed?”
“I woke up, and rose,” I tell him, feeling all my fears and apprehensions about this place wash away. This man is Jeremy, not Stonehart. The certainty of that knowledge grants me all the comfort in the world.
“Smart ass,” he mutters. His voice carries through the chamber. “Do you know how worried I was when I found you missing?”
“Well, where’d you think I would go?” I ask, turning toward him.
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I thought…I worried…. It doesn’t matter.”
He turns away from the railing and quickly comes to me. My legs seem to work on their own accord as I run to meet him halfway. He embraces me. I melt into him.
“Oh, Jeremy,” I say. All sorts of emotions are coming to life inside me, all of them center around him.
“Sh, sh,” he croons, running his hand through my hair. “It’s all right. You’re safe. I’m here. Don’t worry.”
I realize I’ve started to cry.
Dammit! That is not the reaction I want to have in front of him!
I push off his chest and peer up into his eyes. His magnificent, wonderful, caring eyes. There is not a shred of Stonehart in them. It is all Jeremy. All compassion, all sympathy, all warmth and kindness, and love. It is Jeremy, as the boy he once was, as the person he had to hide in order to become the man who could dominate the world.
“You don’t pretend around me. Do you?” I murmur. “You don’t hold back. You mean the things you say.” I blink through the wetness in my eyes. “You really do love me.”
“Yes,” he says. And he swoops down to kiss me.
Our lips lock together in soft yet urgent passion. I’ve been away from him for too long. We’ve been apart for too long. It feels like years have passed since he last kissed me like this.
The moonlight makes it even more magical.
He breaks away. And leans his forehead into mine.
“Yes,” he repeats. “I really do. I can’t control it, Lilly. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to. I don’t need to. I’m ready to lose myself in you…” His hand comes up and brushes my cheek, “…if you’ll only let me.”
“Yes,” I say softly. “Yes, Jeremy, I will. And I…” I take a deep, shuddery breath. “I think I love you, too.”
Jeremy’s eyes widen. It is the biggest look of surprise I have ever seen him give.
“You…what?” he whispers.
“I think I love you, Jeremy.” The words feel wonderful to say. They’re almost cathartic. In a sense, I am letting go of the final battle of doubt and uncertainty that holds Jeremy and me apart.
They are the six most important words I have ever said in my life.
He smiles. It’s a gentle, compassionate smile. His thumb comes up to touch the corner of my lips.
“I know you do,” he says. He looks at me with the smug satisfaction of someone who’s just won a bet. “I’m glad you’re finally able to admit it to yourself.”
I recoil. That is what he has to say to my declaration? The presumptive, arrogant asshole!
Suddenly, all those doubts and uncertainties come back. I am crushed under a mountain of old suspicions and fears. They tear at my defences, at my built-up fantasy world, like great waves ripping at a grounded ship.
I pull free from his grip. A chill comes up the back of my nightgown from a crack in the door. I wrap my arms around myself and turn away.
“Lilly?” he says.
“No!” I stab a finger at him. “Don’t you dare ‘Lilly’ me.” Anger surges through me at my own stupidity…and my naivety.
I told him too early. I told him too soon. I didn’t make him work hard enough to hear me say those words.
My anger has a lightning rod. I can direct it at him.
He takes a step toward me. A flicker of confusion runs across his face. “What?” he begins.
I stop him with my voice. “Don’t come any closer, Jeremy,” I warn.
He stops dead in his tracks. I see determination, firmness, coming over him. I watch him slipping away, see the vulnerability and sensitivity disappear, to be replaced by…
Indifference.
“You’re still sick,” he informs me.
I glare at him. “What?” I hiss. “What do you mean ‘I’m still sick,’ Jeremy? You’re sick, Jeremy! When someone opens up her heart
to you, you don’t respond with a self-assured, pompous ‘I know’! You value it and take it kindly. You do not spit in the other person’s face!”
“Is that what you think I did?” he asks. His eyes are darkening. His voice is taking on its usual assertive and authoritative tone.
He is becoming, in short, the public image of the man who leads Stonehart Industries.
“You think I spat in your face?”
“And what would you call it?” I counter. “Look around you, Jeremy. Look where we are. You’ve locked me away in some god-forsaken castle, like Sleeping Beauty. This is something that would happen in Medieval times! There’s no one around that I know of, just me and you, and we’re God knows how far away from society. This is almost as bad as being left in the dark, Jeremy, when I had no one to rely on but you!
“And now, when I tell you what you’ve been so eager to hear, when I tell you what you claimed you would fight tooth and nail for, what do I get in return? Not softness. Not compassion. Not even appreciation! I get the most dismissive, arrogant smirk imaginable. If that’s how you treat me,” I say, turning away from him and starting up the stairs, “then I take it all back.”
His voice follows me, smooth yet cutting like the sharpest blade. “You can’t take it back, Lilly. Especially since I know that’s how you really feel.”
I stop midstride, one hand on the railing. I shoot him a hateful glare. “You never learn, do you? You can’t treat me like that and expect understanding in return.”
He shakes his head. “Understanding is not what I want, Lilly. I want truth. Truth and honesty. When you tell me that you feel the way I know you do, that’s a step forward.
“For me,” he turns on his heel to face me fully, “it is mere affirmation of what I already believe. So forgive me for seeming ‘presumptuous’.” A cruel sneer mars his handsome face. “But it is who I am.”
“And who you are is despicable.” I spit, turning away and marching all the way up the stairs.
I’m angry. At myself, even more than at him. I laid it all on the line for Jeremy and he didn’t show the least bit of sympathy. Not even warmth! He became, in that instant, a mixture of Jeremy and Stonehart. Cold, and in control. Calculating. Yet not physically or verbally abusive.
At least… not yet.
I feel naked and exposed. I’ve given up my greatest bargaining chip on a stupid, emotional whim. I didn’t make him work for it. Not nearly enough. It’s been only a few weeks since he first said the words. I should have made him sweat. I should have made him wait for months. I should have…
Dammit!
I should have been more patient. I could have had Jeremy wrapped around my finger, waiting with bated breath to hear me admit my feelings instead of giving it away so soon, so…meaninglessly.
Because that’s what he made it appear. That is the crux of all my frustration, anger, and resentment. When he said, “I know!”…he made my words seem meaningless.
And that’s what hurts the most. It wounds me deeply. I hate to admit it. That is why I’m covering it up with anger.
My whole life I’ve prided myself on being independent. I never relied on anybody or anyone but myself. I was able to control my emotional state based on how I feel, not on the actions of other people. I existed, for better or for worse, on an island where—no matter what anybody did—they would not be able to influence my mental state.
Now, that type of buffer is completely gone. It’s been annihilated. I am reliant on Jeremy for more than physical things. More than clothes, money, shelter and warmth. More than the bare minimum creature comforts.
I am reliant on him for something that is much more precious to me. I am reliant on him for the fulfillment of my mind.
Holy shit.
I stop short. My heart is racing. My thoughts are in overdrive.
That is exactly what Jeremy wants, isn’t it? That is exactly what he had always wanted.
When he told me, the first time we met, in the elevator, the he was after my mind… I had no idea what the implications of that would be.
He doesn’t want me to love him. He never did. Sure, it might be a nice thing for him to have. But that was never his ultimate goal.
His initial goal, before the shift—before he became Jeremy—was to be in full and utter control of my mind.
My stomach drops. With my most recent declaration, I’ve served it up to him on a silver platter.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
There is no deception anymore. I cannot claim to be hiding things—anything!—from him. Not when he knows the way I feel. Not when he got the precise thing that he was after when he was still Stonehart.
Jeremy…Jeremy Stonehart…does not make empty promises—least of all to himself. He set his sights on me, and got me.
But that was just the physical. The only way I survived his abuse in the dark was by disassociating myself mentally. I told myself that—no matter what he did—he could never have my mind.
Now, I’ve given it up.
Utter terror. That is what I feel. I turn around slowly, angling my body toward his.
Jeremy has not moved from his spot. He simply stands there, watching me. With the cold, calculating eyes of a vulture.
“Are you Jeremy?” I find myself asking. I can hardly believe the words coming from my mouth. “Or are you…Stonehart?”
He smiles, coyly. It’s a smile full of understanding. “I was not aware there was a difference,” he tells me.
I know he’s mocking me, now.
It takes every bit of strength I have to make myself start down the stairs. Not to turn away and run and hide, but to face the monster head on.
“Maybe there’s not,” I say. My composure has returned—outwardly, at least. I’m ready to tackle whatever comes next. “But that would be a great loss for you.”
“Would it?” he muses.
“Oh yes,” I say. I walk purposely toward him. I start to circle him, as if I’m the hunter, and he’s the prey.
“When you’re Stonehart, I hate you. I despise you. You could say…” I smile at him. “…that I want you dead.”
He does not blink.
“But,” I continue, “when you’re Jeremy…” I trail a finger up the back of his arm, to his shoulder, and across his neck, “…sometimes, when you’re Jeremy…I think I love you. No,” I stop my finger and go up on both toes to whisper in his ear, “I do love you, Jeremy. But as the man you are in those moments. Not as the man you are always.”
I laugh and turn away. “It’s quite fucked up. Isn’t it? This thing we have between us? But that is what makes it so special. That is what makes it so…” I face him and fix him with a sultry glare, “…erotic.”
“Lilly,” he growls. I’ve had my effect on him. He already sounds lustful and aroused.
“Nuh uh,” I waggle my finger. “I know how much you want me, Jeremy. I can see it in your eyes. But unlike before, I’m not going to just let you reach out and have me. You’re going to have to work for it. You’re going to have to prove your worth.”
Next comes my biggest gamble.
“Of course,” I continue, “you could just force yourself on me. You could take me against my will. Everybody around the world knows how big and powerful you are. How easy it would be for you to overpower someone like me. Small. Fragile. And, in your own words…precious.”
“Lilly,” he says. “You don’t know what you’re doing. I’m warning you right now to stop. Or so help me, I won’t be able to restrain myself.”
“Won’t you?” I wonder. “What happened to that spectacular self-control? Hmm? Surely you don’t want to become the monster you lamented being before, to the woman you claim has stolen your heart. Do you?”
“It’s not a claim,” he growls, tendrils of anger thrumming through in his voice. “It is the undeniable truth.”
“Is that ‘truth’ with a capital ‘T,’ Jeremy?” I ask. “Or is it out of your made up self-delusions?”
“I never�
�” He steps toward me. “…delude myself.”
Caught! I think.
I let him walk himself right to his own noose.
“In that case,” I tell him, standing tall even as he approaches, even as he looks me over and grabs both my arms. “If you force yourself on me without my permission again, you will be doing irreparable damage to everything we’ve accomplished between us. You will be annihilating your one chance of redemption. You will be destroying your one chance at…” I look him right in his storming eyes. “…love.”
“God dammit, Lilly!” he hisses. “I hate it when you talk sense.”
With that, his mouth crashes into mine.
Given all that I’ve said, you’d think the impulse would be to fight. It is not. I’ve riled myself up talking to Jeremy. All that fire needs an outlet.
It is this.
I kiss him back with unabashed passion. Jeremy might think he is taking control—he is not. I am the one in the lead.
I devour his mouth and claw my hands over his back, through his hair. I pull him toward me, needing to feel his every breath, his every heartbeat. Passion such as this lets me know I’m still alive. It reassures me that I still exert the ultimate control over Jeremy’s body.
It is I who has the ultimate effect on him. I who evokes such animal ferocity.
And I who chooses to give it back.
His hands run down my body. He grabs my ass. He tugs me toward him, keeping me plastered there tight and hard. His erection against my stomach fills me with the most ravenous sort of need. I haven’t had him inside me for so long. My body is starved for the feeling his cock brings me.
I jump up and wrap both my legs around him. He staggers back a step, then surges forward and crashes me into a wall.
And still we’re kissing, devouring, clashing.
He thrusts his hips into me. I give a small, shocked gasp. With me plastered against the wall like that, all I can think of is how good it is to have my body taken like this. How good it is when it is exactly what I want.
How good it is when it is precisely what I need.
“Lilly,” he grunts. “I can’t help it. I’m not going to stop.”
“I’m not going to ask you to,” I say, and pull his head back to mine.