No Money Down

by Julie Moffett

  “Optimum,” Elvis breathed.

  I blushed. “You guys are legendary, brilliant. Everyone in the know has heard of you.”

  Then realizing I sounded like a lame fan girl, I hid my face again. “Oh, jeez, this just keeps getting worse. I depantsed a legend.”

  “Hey, there could be more boring ways to meet, I guess.” Elvis tugged at the towel, pulling it away from my face. “Don’t worry about it. The ways of the universe are irregular.”

  Reluctantly, I let him take the towel. “I guess that’s true. Perhaps this one act of randomness was just part of the predisposed nature of the universe.”

  He shrugged. “Stranger things could happen. Although, given this particular case, maybe not so much.”

  Xavier stared at Basia, his mouth agape. “And who are you?”

  Jeez, I guess their social skills were about par with mine.

  Basia shook her wet hair back, water droplets sliding down her body and making her look like a sexy girl from a Bond movie. “I’m Basia Kowalski, Lexi’s best friend. Nice to meet you.”

  She held out a hand to Xavier and his eyes widened as he took it. “I’m…ah…ah…”

  “Xavier. We know.”

  “Uh, yeah. Xavier.” He shook Basia’s hand vigorously for several seconds until she pulled it away.

  Basia looked back and forth between the twins. “Well, if you two ever change places, I’m not going to know who is who. Identical twins down to the last detail.”

  I shook my head. “Not true. Xavier has a scar over his right eyebrow.”

  Basia leaned forward and peered at his face. “God, you’re right.”

  Xavier blushed at her closeness but didn’t seem to mind. “Good catch, Lexi. Elvis clocked me with a keyboard when we were arguing over the answer to a monoalphabetic code.”

  Elvis shrugged. “I needed to get your attention. I was right and you weren’t listening.”

  “I was too listening. You weren’t right.”

  “I most certainly was.”

  Basia held up a hand. “Peace. How long ago was this?”

  Elvis thought for a moment. “We were four at the time.”

  Basia’s eyes widened and then she gave me a pointed look. “Well, if you’re feeling okay, Lexi…”

  Clearly it was time to make an exit while I still had a modicum of dignity left. “Right. Well, I’ve got to go.”

  I jumped up and smashed into the umbrella. The entire thing came down on us.

  After we’d all extracted ourselves and crawled out, I stood, brushing the sand off my knees. I plastered a big, fake smile on my face to hide my embarrassment. Better to pretend that all was well and I wasn’t the biggest idiot in the universe, the randomness of it be damned.

  “Um, well, Elvis. Yes. It was cool to meet you guys. Ah, maybe I’ll run into you at work.”

  I gave myself a mental head slap. What the heck was I thinking? I’d never run into them at work since they worked in the secret-most part of the NSA as lead architects of the president’s network security. You had to provide like twenty-three palm prints, six retinal scans, and pass a colon examination to even get close to that section.

  “Ah, sure, Lexi. If I’m ever in the InfoSec section, I’ll look you up.”

  My cheeks heated. I was such a dork. “Okay, great.”

  It didn’t escape my notice that Elvis kept one hand on his hip, his fingers holding the waistband of his pants. Just in case I fell again, I suppose. I think my face turned a darker shade of red.

  Elvis shifted on his feet. “Well, maybe Xavier and I will see you around the beach again. We’re here for the week, staying at the Hilton.” He pointed to the looming hi-rise hotel behind us.

  “Nice. We’re over at the Crazy Parrot Hotel. Not nearly as nice, but it has a nifty beach bar.”

  “Cool. Well, see you around then.”

  “See you around.” I turned to go when he spoke again.

  “Ah, Lexi?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you by any chance play Quake?”

  “Quake? Absolutely. Expert level.”

  He smiled. “Ace. You, ah, want to play sometime? I’m also at the expert level.”

  “Here?”

  “Well, not exactly in this spot on the beach, but while we’re in Ocean City, yeah.”

  “I’d kill for it. But I don’t have my laptop.” I glanced over my shoulder where Xavier had pulled Basia aside and was speaking animatedly to her. “I’m on the wagon. Tech-free holiday per orders of said best friend.”

  “That’s tough. But what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I’ve got a couple of extras with me.”

  My heart leaped at just the thought of touching a keyboard. “Really? You mean it?”

  “Meet me at seven o’clock tonight in the bar at the Hilton. Quake is on the agenda.”

  “Deal.” Giddy, I turned to see Basia saying goodbye to Xavier and waving me toward her. I caught up and she linked arms with me.

  “Well, that was exciting.”

  “Way too much excitement for me.”

  “At least you met a man. Next time can you rip the pants off a guy who is a little less skinny?”

  “Hey, he’s a legend at the NSA. Do you have any idea who the Zimmerman twins are?”

  “Geeks, first-class?”

  “Hey, I resemble that statement.” I rolled my eyes. “No, Basia, they are not just geeks. They are the Kings of Geeks. Worthy of our admiration and respect.”

  “Is there some kind of geek magnet thingy I should know about? Because somehow you guys seem to gravitate toward each other.”

  “I’m telling you, they are amazing. Brilliant beyond words.”

  “Given my observation, they are as white as you. And that doesn’t even count Elvis’s backside, which is on a totally different level of whiteness.”

  I winced. “Do you have to keep reminding me of that? Besides, in the grand scheme of the universe, appearance is relative.”

  “Wrong. Appearance is important when you look like Casper the Ghost. Your body requires occasional fresh air and sunshine to survive. Remember, life is real, not virtual.”

  “Virtual is a lot safer and doesn’t involve drowning, seaweed or guys with no pants.”

  “I think I’ve made my point.”

  We reached our blanket and Basia plopped down, opening the cooler and taking out a bottle of water. “They were kind of cute, though, in a nerdy, harmless kind of way.”

  I snatched my own bottle of water. “I’m not going to be offended by that.”

  “Of course you aren’t. So when are you meeting with Elvis?”

  I choked on my water. “What?”

  She sighed. “He said something to you and your face lit up like a Christmas tree. There is only one thing that makes you go all gooey like that. My guess is he invited you to come over and look at his laptop. In the old days, it used to be etchings.”

  “Huh?”

  “Never mind. The point is that I know you’re planning to see him.”

  “I can hide nothing from you.”

  She smiled and took a sip of her water. “Remember that.”

  “So, it’s okay with you?”

  “Only because at the bare minimum you are actually in the presence of a guy in sort of a social situation.”

  “You’re a good friend.”

  She stretched back on the blanket and closed her eyes. “I’m your only friend. But someday I’m going to remind you that you said it.”

  Chapter Two

  The Hilton Hotel had a piano bar that overlooked a lovely indoor pool and hot tub area. Trees grew inside, and shrubs and flowering bushes had been artfully placed among the tables and chairs. The guy playing the piano h
ad seen better days. A tuxedo couldn’t soften the steely gray hair, weathered face and gnarly hands that flew across the keys. It didn’t matter because he played like an angel, the music soft, magical and beautiful. I found a table near one of the bushes and sat, placing my hands in my lap. I’d come a half hour early, seeing as how I had nothing better to do once Basia left to go to her spa treatment. I owed Elvis, at the very least for getting me out of that torture.

  A waiter stopped by and asked if I wanted to drink anything. I passed, telling him I was waiting on a friend. It seemed dishonest to call Elvis a friend when I hardly even knew him, but I didn’t feel like getting into the semantics of it with the waiter. Two tables over a man worked on a laptop, occasionally stopping to take a sip of a caramel-colored drink. After a few minutes of furious typing and consulting some papers, he smashed his fists against the keyboard and swore at the computer. Finally he put his head on his keyboard and began to cry in big, honking sobs.

  Horrified, I looked around for someone to help him. Other than the piano man, the waiter and me, there was no one else. For a while, I tried pretending I didn’t notice and stared at the people splashing in the pool. The man continued to cry. Jeez, I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and walked over to him.

  “Um, excuse me.” God, this was beyond awkward. “Are you, ah, having computer trouble? Because I’m pretty good at fixing them.”

  He looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes. I judged him to be anywhere from forty to fifty years old, with a receding hairline and a nervous twitch in his cheek. A pair of bifocal glasses lay on the papers next to the laptop.

  “Who are you?”

  “My name is Lexi. I…um…saw you were having a bit of trouble. If it’s a computer problem, maybe I can help.” Actually, I prayed it was a computer problem. That I could deal with. Anything else and I was in serious trouble.

  He stared at me, perhaps measuring my sincerity, before scooting his chair over and waving a hand over the laptop. “Please. I’d be grateful.”

  I pulled a chair closer and took a look. The screen had frozen. “Did you try restarting?”

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t. It froze.”

  “Okay. Are you running Windows?”

  “Yes.”

  It took me exactly two minutes to fix his computer and, to my embarrassment, he threw his arms around me. “You are a godsend. Thank you so much.”

  I stood. “Ah, no problem.”

  “Can I buy you a drink?”

  “No, thank you.”

  “Then let me pay you. I insist.”

  I stepped back, alarmed. “No, no. Really, it wasn’t a problem.”

  Regardless, he fumbled in his pocket for his wallet, and in the process his elbow hit the upper corner of the monitor. As if in slow motion, the laptop teetered and started to fall from the table. We both lunged for it at the same time. I came out the winner, catching it half open as I fell sideways. Unable to stop his momentum, the guy landed on top of me. When we hit the floor with a hard thud, the force of the fall caused my hands to snap the laptop shut.

  “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!”

  The piano man stopped playing, the waiter watched with his mouth open, and I sat up, realizing in horror the guy’s fingers were smashed inside the laptop. I started to hyperventilate as I opened the laptop, freeing his fingers. “Oh, jeez.”

  “Ouch, ouch, ouch.”

  Both the piano man and the waiter rushed over.

  The waiter knelt beside us. “Are you okay, sir? Ma’am?”

  The guy cradled his fingers to his stomach, moaning. “I think they’re broken.”

  I sat on the floor, my shoulder aching. The laptop remained safe and unbroken on the floor beside us.

  The waiter looked back and forth between us. “Shall I call an ambulance?”

  The guy shook his head. “No. I’ll manage.”

  I rotated my sore shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry about that.”

  “No, no, it was me. I hit it with my elbow. Entirely my fault.”

  I couldn’t argue with that, but it didn’t mean I didn’t feel guilty.

  Piano Guy offered me a hand and helped me up. “Hey, buddy, are you sure you don’t want me to call you a cab to go to the hospital?”

  “No, no. I can take care of it. Thank you.” He staggered to his feet with help from the waiter. Tucking the laptop under his arm and still cradling his fingers against his chest, he walked out of the bar, just as Elvis walked in, dressed in jean cutoff shorts, a black T-shirt and black socks. Puzzled, Elvis looked at the guy departing and then me standing between the waiter and the piano guy.

  “Hey, Lexi. What’s up?”

  I rubbed my shoulder again. “You don’t want to know.”

  “It doesn’t involve his pants, does it?”

  “Jeez, no.”

  “Good to hear. Come on, let’s go.”

  I said goodbye to the waiter and piano man, and Elvis led me to the elevator, which we took all the way to the top. Elvis keyed in and we entered a fabulous suite. The balcony was open and the sounds of the ocean filled the room.

  “Sweet.”

  He shrugged. “It’s got a good view of the ocean.”

  “No, I mean this.” I walked over to a table where he had several laptops running. “You’ve got a cluster here.”

  “It’s the vacation equipment.”

  “It’s amazing.” I sat down and ran my fingers over one of the keyboards. “Nice.”

  He sat down at the laptop beside me. “Ready for a bit of gaming?”

  “Am I ever.”

  Xavier walked into the room dressed exactly like Elvis. “Hey, Lexi. What’s up?”

  “Not much. Just looking forward to a little gaming action.”

  “Quake?”

  “Yep.”

  He looked around the suite. “Where’s Basia?”

  “Probably rolling around in the mud.”

  “Huh?” Both twins looked at me.

  “Some spa treatment. I don’t know.”

  “Oh.” For some reason Xavier looked disappointed. “Does she know you’re going to be here awhile? Does she play Quake?”

  “Yes, she knows I’m here. No, she doesn’t play Quake. She said she wanted to watch some old movies tonight. Maybe next time.”

  “Okay.” He sat at another of the computers. “Can I join in?”

  “At your own risk.”

  Elvis flexed his fingers. “I like a girl who’s confident in her gaming abilities.”

  “Then you’re talking to the right girl.”

  We played for seven hours straight, maybe longer. We stopped only briefly for pizza, which had been delivered and contained the works, including anchovies, a personal favorite of mine. A couple times Elvis handed me a beer, but the two guys stayed nonalcoholic, drinking at least a dozen cans of Mountain Dew between them.

  At some point, Xavier surrendered, leaving just Elvis and me in the game.

  Elvis helped himself to a piece of cold pizza and returned to the laptop. “You’re ruthless, Lexi.”

  “I don’t like to lose.”

  Elvis grinned. “Neither do I.”

  Around three o’clock we both acquiesced. I’d begun to get my butt kicked a little, so it was a good time to log off. But I felt confident I’d given Elvis a run for his money. Xavier had long gone to bed, so we were alone. I stretched and walked out on the balcony. A nice breeze blew my hair and the ocean looked pretty in the moonlight.

  “This may just be the best vacation ever.”

  Elvis handed me a beer. “You’re pretty good at Quake.”

  “You’re not so bad yourself. I’m sort of glad I crashed into you today.”

  “I’m sort of glad you did too. Although I could have done with
out the pants-around-the-ankles thing.”

  “Yeah, sorry again about that.”

  “It is what it is.”

  “Exactly.”

  We just kind of stood there and didn’t talk, which was great because I’m not much of a talker. I sensed Elvis was the same. So, we just stood there in companionable silence, drinking our beers. After I finished, I set the bottle down on the table.

  “I’d better go. Thanks for the gaming.”

  “Sure. Want me to walk you to your room?”

  “Okay.”

  He walked me to my hotel and for an awkward moment we shuffled our feet around while I searched my pockets for the keycard. After I found it, he offered me a fist bump, which I accepted, and went into the room.

  A perfect end to a perfect night.

  Basia was already sound asleep, so I quickly changed into my pj’s, washed my face and brushed my teeth and crawled into bed. The sky had already started to brighten, but I fell asleep with a smile on my face, knowing that on vacation, I could sleep in if I wanted.

  And I wanted.

  Chapter Three

  “Lexi, wake up.”

  I swatted at something and rolled over, pulling the covers onto my head. “Go away.”

  “Come on. It’s already five-thirty.”

  I lifted my head. “I slept the entire day?”

  “What time did you get in?”

  “I don’t know. About four o’clock.”

  “Oh, my God. Did you have sex?”

  I opened an eye. “Huh? Sex?”

  “Okay, that answered my question.” She threw a pillow at me. “You gamed all night, didn’t you? Never mind. Go back to sleep. It’s five-thirty in the morning. Apparently you’ve only been asleep an hour and a half.”

  I groaned and fell back on the bed. I squeezed my eyes shut, but knew it would be of no use. I sat up again. “It’s not going to work.”

  “What’s not going to work?”

  “I can’t go back to sleep now that you woke me up.”