Vampires Don't Cry: The Collection

by Ian Hall

  “Um…well…I’m not for sure…”

  Pablo started the car and backed away from the restaurant, “No worries…I know a good place.”

  We drove another hour and Pablo pulled into a sleazy-eight-type motel.

  “We’ll kick it here for the night - what do you say?”

  His hand roved up my knee and he leaned over to my seat. He smelled like sweat and salsa.

  “No, thank you,” I said as nice as possible with his stinking breath in my face. “That’s really not what I had in mind…”

  “C’mon…I drive you all the way up here, I take you to nice dinner and you can’t do nothing for me? That’s not right…you gotta pay the taxi driver for the ride, amiga.”

  Okay. I started to think Pablo wasn’t as nice as I’d first thought. I swatted his hand like a bug.

  “Listen…friend…I appreciate the ride but I’m not paying you…THAT way.”

  Pablo’s far hand reached under the driver’s seat. Five seconds later, he had a switchblade at my throat.

  Big mistake.

  New Car, No Hope

  At the dinner that night, I got toasted so many times, I lost count. Mary-Christine sat at my side, and I felt on top of the world.

  Later, from our high seventeenth floor hotel room, I looked over the lights of Atlanta. “How many vampires out there tonight, Mary-Christine? How many killings in the name of human blood?”

  Mary-Christine came up behind me and pressed herself into my back. She had gotten ready for bed. I felt her breasts on my back. Her hands came around to my chest.

  Oh boy. That took my mind off vampires.

  I turned, still inside her arms, and we kissed. Tender at first, then wild and passionate.

  “Hey, you two!” Dave’s voice cut across the room. “Easy there.”

  We grinned sheepishly, and Mary-Christine broke from me and slipped into bed.

  I changed into my PJ’s in the bathroom, then turned out the lights and slipped under the comforter. From the light coming in the open curtain, I could see Mary-Christine’s face, still grinning.

  The flight home on Sunday afternoon wasn’t boring, but it did feel like a bit of an anticlimax. Then we had to drive to Unicorps in Gregor to get me a car. I mean, we had to keep up the story for my parents.

  It was almost dark again when we got into the low, underground garage.

  “Take your pick.”

  Shocked and exuberant, I grinned from ear to ear. “I get to choose?”

  “Yup.”

  “Oh, no you don’t.” Mary-Christine pulled me by the hand. “I get to choose!”

  “Yeah, right.”

  Well, in the end, neither of us chose.

  We both stood in front of a small maroon SUV, the car choosing us.

  “Gregor Academy colors!” we shouted. “Go Hawks!”

  I could even see us painting a hawk on the hood.

  We all walked around it for a while while Dave got the keys, then Mary-Christine and I got inside.

  “We have to go show mom and dad,” I said out the window to Dave and Roni.

  “Ok, on you go.” Dave raised a hand in farewell.

  “Don’t you forget you have school in the morning, young lady!” Roni called after us as I drove away.

  We were high as kites when we pulled up into the drive. With keys in hand I ran to the door, and burst inside. “Mom! Dad!”

  I stopped in my tracks.

  Mom and dad were tied to two wooden chairs and gagged. They looked terrified.

  I turned in the direction of their stares.

  ‘The Five’ were standing there, all had guns, all looked as malevolent as I could have imagined them.

  “Evening, Red,” Billy Tankard sneered enough to bare his teeth. “Evening, Red’s girl.”

  He pointed the gun at mom’s head.

  “Welcome to your worst nightmare.”

  After having my second meal of Mexican food for the evening, I arranged Pablo’s body on the seat of his car, leaning back, like he was sleeping.

  I slowly got out and looked around.

  It’d been so long since I’d been home, that the town didn’t even feel the same anymore. I mean - yeah, in reality it’d only been a handful of weeks but it felt like a whole other lifetime.

  The streets were dark when I got to the house, and a chill in the air, so thankfully nobody hanging around outside. That made it easier to listen for any approaching vampires. But, none showed up. I hoped that meant Alan’s gang had given up on ever tracking me and probably never assumed I’d have the balls to show my face in Everton again.

  As I walked up to Jackson’s door, I could hear his guitar bleeding out from the inside. I could almost feel my heart pounding just to know he hadn’t fled town; and better yet - the Blanche vampires hadn’t killed him.

  Only problem - I had no idea if Jackson had any desire to ever see me again.

  “There’s only one way to find out,” I told myself, all out loud.

  Following the music, I stood under his bedroom window. I’d never really taken the time to just listen before; that time, I did.

  He played so well it seemed like his soul came out in the notes. Filled with pain, real blues. As I listened, I wept. For the first time in all of what I’d been through since meeting Alan McCartney, I realized I wasn’t the only one who’d lost everything. And I wasn’t the only one who needed a family.

  With that thought giving me courage, I shimmied up the side of the house. Just like always, Jackson was bent over the guitar and totally lost in playing. I tapped. He didn’t even look up. So, I tapped again, harder.

  Jackson’s fingers stop strumming long enough for him to put out the middle one at me. I probably deserved that but it didn’t stop me from tapping again. Or more like pounding.

  That time he got up and stormed over to the window, throwing it open so hard that the glass shattered and rained down on my head.

  “What the fuck do you want?”

  I just lost it. Bawling while hanging outside a second-story window with broken glass in my hair. Not quite how I’d planned my reunion with Jackson.

  “I’m so sorry,” seemed all I could say. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  Jackson pulled me in through the opening and caught me up in a big, kinda painful hug. He cried too, but tried not to show it.

  “I know it wasn’t your fault.”

  “Yes, it was my fault! They killed your parents to teach me a lesson!”

  Jackson pulled me at arm’s length. “You did the right thing resisting them, Mandy. Just like I told you from the beginning - there’s another way.”

  I hit him then. “If you don’t blame me for what happened to them - why’d you flip me off, you asshole?”

  “That was for running away,” he half smiled. “I mean - I’ve been hanging round Everton all this time, trying to pretend all is normal and just waiting for you to show back up. I’ve been worried sick about your ass!”

  He shoved me back. That’s when we both started laughing.

  “Well. At least you’re back now.”

  “I’m not really back-back,” I told him. “I just wanted to come get you and then we leave together. I need you, Jackson - you’re all I got.” Then I started sniveling. “I hate being a lone vampire…I don’t want to do it anymore.”

  Jackson got all smug. “Told you.”

  “Yeah, you did. So, can we go now? I don’t care where…well, just not Mexico.”

  “Soon. But, not yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “Something’s going on here, Mandy, something big. I’ve played nice with Alan and his lackeys for a long time now; long enough that they didn’t really think of me as a threat. So, I heard things. And I know what’s happening here, so can piece things together.”

  “Okay,” I said. “What’s going on?”

  He opened a Coke and passed it to me.

  “Started a month ago. One of the vamps at Gregor Academy got hit.” He drank from his can,
and put his guitar away in its case. “Well, her whole family, mom, dad, too. The story spread around us vamps that they just ‘vanished’, but I know better. I watched the removal truck. Whole bunch of jocks from the high school cleared the house. That family didn’t move, they were hit.”

  “You make it sound like assassins.”

  “Pretty much so. Then Jim Creary - one of Alan’s most loyal - went missing. No mess, no loose ends. He just vanished, and the rest of Alan’s old crowd are real antsy. From what it sounds like, there’s at least one person out there hunting vampires down…and doing it successfully.”

  I got to my feet. “That’s an even better reason for us to get out of town. NOW.”

  “Don’t be so chicken-shit. I mean - think about it. Getting rid of the Blanche vampires has just as much interest for us as for any human; I mean, as long as they exist, they’ll continue to recruit and eventually wipe all non-Blanche vamps out. So, maybe we can be of assistance to this vampire hunter, Mandy.”

  “Do you really think they’d want help from us? I mean - we kind of are vampires. They might not like us too well.”

  “If that’s the case, then we say ‘fuck it’ and head on up to Canada.”

  I thought about it for a couple minutes. The idea of those Blanche vampires getting hunted down and taken out felt a little too good to resist. I figured it was worth a shot.

  “But, where do we start?” I asked. “We don’t even know who the vampire hunters are.”

  Jackson smiled; something he didn’t do a whole lot. He looked really cute when he did.

  “Thanks to Alan, I think I might have an idea.”

  “How’s that?”

  “Like I said…Alan trusted me for a long time, thought of me as one of his pals. A couple years ago, he told a few of us that if anything ever happened to him that we should check out this dude he knows from school; gave name and address. He goes to Gregor. And he’s a Helsing.”

  I saw the guns leveled at mom and dad.

  From euphoria a mile above sea level, I fell like a stone.

  “What’s up, Billy?” I asked, just trying to buy myself some time.

  “Nothing much, Red. Where you been that was so important, you left your mom and dad with us?”

  “Getting myself a new car.” I had to tell the truth, in case they had questioned mom or dad.

  “Nice. Pity you won’t be driving it.”

  My heart leapt into my mouth. I had no guns, no escape, and no time to play with. They meant to kill us, and by the way it looked like shaping up, in true super-villain style, I would be last to go.

  Sharon looked at her watch. “We’ve got to go, Billy.”

  “Go.”

  Sharon and Jeff looked at each other, then they vanished.

  “You caught us with our pants down last week, Red. You did Jim Creary good and proper. You’re not doing it again. Jim won’t have died in vain.”

  I could see mom and dad staring at us all, wide-eyed.

  “Don’t know what you’re talking about, Billy. Sorry.”

  “Red, you old mongrel.” His smile faded quickly. “Last week, we had no alibi. You beat us. Tonight, we’re all attending a dinner across town. Plenty of witnesses. Even the mayor. We’ll all show our faces from time to time. We’ll create a good alibi, then we’ll top you guys one by one.”

  While Billy held court, Jahred and Elizabeth grabbed Mary-Christine, and made her sit in one of the wooden dining room chairs. With duct tape and rope, they soon had her secure.

  I was next. I tried to flex my legs against the tape, but it didn’t give a fraction. The doubling of tape and ropes on my wrists bit deep. I was going nowhere quick.

  They pushed the dining room table into the corner of the room, and positioned the chairs in a large circle.

  “So, who’s going to be first?” Billy asked, his grin never leaving his face. “I’m hungry, but I don’t know what’s best right now.” He walked around the circle of the five chairs. “I could turn Mama and Dada here, into vampires. Maybe let them take bites out of little Red.” He stopped mid-step, as if considering the move. “Nah, that would take too long, and I wouldn’t get to see the look on poor little Red’s face.”

  He walked into the kitchen and brought a strange-looking spear back with him.

  The spear had a sharp point, but there was a contraption near the tip. It was difficult to see what it could be for.

  “This is a Jasperine.” He walked between Mary-Christine and me and thrust it towards mom, who flinched and screamed behind her gag. Billy held it near her stomach, then flipped a switch near the base.

  Chink!

  Six blades, about three inches long, suddenly jutted out from the point, perpendicular to the shaft. I instantly recognized the lethal use of such a weapon. He flicked the switch again.

  Chink!

  The blades shot back, lost against the shaft. Impressive.

  “Okay, I’ve made my decision; dad first.” Billy motioned Elizabeth forward. “Oh, and Red? One sound from you or Tinkerbell here,” he pointed the spear at Mary-Christine’s belly, “And she gets it, right there.” He thrust forward at her belly.

  Chink! The blades shot out. I imagined the internal damage it could do.

  Chink! Closed.

  Such a cold, ruthlessly mechanical noise.

  With no idea of her purpose, I watched Elizabeth approach dad. She ran her fingers over his hair, then bent down and kissed his ear, then his forehead, then snuggled his cheek for a moment.

  I must have looked disconcerted.

  “I see you’re not all that well informed, Red, young vampire-killer.” He walked behind Elizabeth, and slid his hand round to cup her breast. “We vampires don’t just kill for food, we enjoy the pleasure, too.” He nodded to Elizabeth, who undid dad’s gag.

  When she bent down to kiss him again, he looked up into her eyes. For a moment, he looked bewildered, then his eyes clouded over and he surged to meet her lips, kissing her savagely, forcing himself up in the wooden chair as far as he could reach.

  If I was flabbergasted, mom was shocked beyond belief. Her eyes were wide open, staring at her husband of twenty-two years, locked in a lip fest with an eighteen-year-old.

  When Elizabeth lifted her head, breaking the kiss, they were both gasping for air. Dad’s mouth bled badly though, dripping down over his chin. I don’t think he had much of his tongue left.

  With a flash of her hand, Elizabeth ripped his shirt to shreds, and pounced on his neck. With a toothy snarl, she chomped down, obviously ripping his neck as she did so. Dad threw his head back with an expression of both pain and absolute pleasure.

  Still suckling at his neck, Elizabeth ran her hand down his chest, and opened his trouser zipper. It took her many minutes to drink his blood, but somehow dad kept an erection ‘til the very last breath. With a sudden gasp, he threw his head forward and died, his chin still against his chest.

  “Oh my, wasn’t that a wonderful experience for us all,” Billy said, clapping his hands together. “Just think, Lyman, dear friend. Sharon, who will be back soon, will have the pleasure of your last breath. You’ll like Sharon; she gives great head.” He gave Mary-Christine a horribly lewd look. “I get to have Twinkle Toes here all to myself.”

  We took Mona’s corvette. Apparently nobody knew Jackson’s parents were even dead. They were “out of state on extended business.” I wondered how many vampire teens had used that excuse when they found themselves between foster homes.

  On our way, I had Jackson explain to me what the heck a Helsing was. “Not exactly a term you hear every day, c’mon.”

  “A vampire hunter.”

  “And Alan told you this guy...Lyman…is one?” That name totally rang a bell in my head but I couldn’t figure out why. It really bugged me. “How would Alan even know that? It’s not like someone would walk up to a vampire and say, ‘Hey, I’m a vampire hunter, I’m going to kill you.’”

  “He could smell it on him,” Jackson said, not a
mused at my vampire hunter impersonation. “Helsings have this really pungent odor about them. Like…”

  “Vinegar?” I said, the bell really clanging away now. I would eat my own ear if I didn’t remember soon.

  “Yeah! Just like vinegar. Except I hear that if a vampire drinks Helsing blood it’s not just a bit sour. It’s deadly.”

  “Are you serious? Like poisonous?”

  “Drinking Helsing blood is real bad news. It’ll kill ya dead, Mandy. So, I don’t care how hungry you get…”

  “Oh, please. The smell would be enough to kill my appetite. I mean - what’s in their blood that makes them deadly anyway?”

  Jackson looked really pleased with himself. “Don’t know. But, just goes to show you the Lord works in mysterious ways. The devil brought vampires into the world and God brought a mortal man designed to be the perfect weapon against them.”

  I’d forgotten how religious Jackson was. It’s not like he ever talked about it that much. And he swore a lot. But, every once in a while he’d throw something out there that reminded me of the calling he never got a chance to answer.

  Of course, I didn’t like the fact that he’d said that we were both of the devil and this Helsing dude was all above us and saintly.

  “Well. If we’re going over there to help this vampire hunter in his little quest, then I think that makes us good guys, too.”

  Jackson just shook his head. I could tell this meant a big deal to him.

  “Nah. We’re just two unfortunate souls who got snagged by the snares of wickedness, Mandy. This Lyman - he’s the real deal; a man sent by God to expunge this world of one of its most evil predators. We’re nothing compared to him.”

  “Vampires don’t cry.”

  “What the heck does that mean?”

  “I’m not sure, maybe we’ll find out.”

  Jackson’s face had gotten so bright and filled with life I’d almost have thought he stood in the sun. I freaking wanted to hit him. He was being such a zealot. For all either of us knew, Lyman, the vinegar-blooded vampire hunter, could be a total douche. Maybe he just liked killing things. Today it was vampires; next week, it could be ballerinas.